animaechan
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Schedule update/livestream changes (Dec update tomorrow)
🕑 Added 2020-11-30 23:23:38 +0000 UTChello hello hello 👋
The December update will be posted tomorrow (or tonight, depending on your time zone). Below will be something more personal, so no need to read it, at the very bottom, I'll put a summary so you can also just scroll down to that.
Now...
I'm sorry, I don't like changing things, but sometimes it's necessary. I know many people think my job is super easy, and that all I do is watch to anime :) which sounds very simple and undemanding. And it probably could be a lot simpler, but haha I make things more difficult for myself than it needs to be.
I could just record and post reactions, ignore the comments, DMs and to be honest, I could lie about how I feel about everything or at least be LESS honest when I don't like things XD at least I would get less heat from people who don't like that aspect of my reactions.
I could stop making notes or just do brief reviews (which I'm sure the majority of people would prefer), I could stop streaming entirely to be honest and just pre-record... Which is probably the most difficult thing for me (streaming), because (as a person who wears her heart on her sleeve) having people judge and criticise your most raw emotions is not the easiest thing ^^'
In streams, I feel nervous, because anything I say or do cannot be edited out, I don't have time to process feelings before people start chipping in their own opinion or picking apart my thoughts or feelings. I also feel pressure to entertain people and yet still be focused on the anime and make sure that's the focus and I still give meaningful reviews that's more my own opinion than just reading, deciphering or responding to the thoughts of others.
OOF. See? I told you I make it so much more difficult for myself than it needs to be. I know that. But also, I believe that's what makes me different from other reactions. Everyone's way of doing things have value, but the most valuable things (in my opinion) is authentic work. And this is how I keep things authentic.
I had to put down my cat this month, and I only took one day off for that. We had family over consistently for the last few weeks too, so I have rarely had the house to myself and as an introvert, I need my personal space to recharge. I've been streaming 5 times a week, recording on the other days still, rewatching AOT and making extensive notes, because I'm super excited for the final season and I want to be on top of things. Also, I had some pretty rough hxh streams recently (the last 3 at least) and had some pretty nasty things said to me as a result.
So tonight, mid stream, I kind of just gave up, lol. I was making a theory about something (while watching the episode), and was told that my theory isn't possible. As usual, I asked the chat not to confirm/deny my theories, or at least wait until the end of the reaction before we start picking apart my experience. Whether or not I missed something, I think the least the live chat could do was be courteous enough to let my reaction play out naturally and let me make my theory, even if I'm wrong, and in the end we could talk about it. E.g. if I missed as scene, they could ask me to go back and rewatch a certain part and see where that leads my thoughts. As my friend said, "You only screw yourself over by taking away the chance for the reactor to realize it on their own". Although I was a little annoyed at first, because I've asked so many times for that, I was being polite/calm when explaining why I don't want people confirming or denying my theories, even if I'm wrong. Someone told me I was over reacting and I think that's what made me turn off the stream and decide that I just don't want to stream for a while.
As much as I've loved streaming up to now, at this point in time, I am really tired of people chipping in every 5 seconds to tell me my reaction is wrong, my theories are wrong, I'm not understanding this the way I "should" be, I missed that, I am thinking too much about this, "What are you reacting to next?", blah blah blah blah....
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE what I do!! I love streaming and talking to you guys about anime, or manga, or games, or just life in general. But I just need space from all those voices chipping in all the time, just for a little bit... 🙈 tomorrow is OP day, so no streaming. And I did schedule a day off for myself to relax on Wednesday. So who knows! Maybe I'll feel better on Thursday and I can watch Naruto live with you guys XD
I just felt the need to vent a bit, but also explain from my perspective why I just up and left tonight's stream. It's not professional, and I apologise for that. I want to be better for you guys. Streams (or my videos in general) should be fun/entertaining/interesting to you guys. It should NOT be filled with any drama.
So I hope you can just give me a couple of days to refresh and refocus, and I'll come back (to streams) as soon as possible so that we can all enjoy our time together. Videos will continue as scheduled (for the most part), no worries there. I might just need to move Bleach up a bit.
If you read all of this, wow! Thank you so much for taking the time to do that. I appreciate everyone's love and support, and I will do my best to manage my time and mental space better so y'all have the best experience with me/my videos!! I mean, you might still not always like what I have to say XD
but as long as you can discuss it with me respectfully, without spoilers/hints, and give me a little time to process my immediate emotions (taking into account it'll be my first reaction to something you've probably seen a lot and already had time to formulate an opinion on), then there will be no problems :) today, I got back to a DM on Discord that was sent to me one month ago. I felt so bad! But I DID get back to it, even though it took me a long time <3 I care about what you guys have to say, so I do my best to get to each message and give it enough thought and consideration before replying.
SUMMARY:
- I only watched one episode of Bleach tonight, I'll be rescheduling it, I'm sorry about that.
- all other videos will be recorded and posted as usual (4 episodes of OP tomorrow), I just might not livestream for a while. But we'll see how I feel.
- HAPPY DECEMBER!! (it's 1:22 am now). I will post the December update tonight which will include links to the NEW full reactions doc and updated schedule.
Comments
Animaechan
Thanks so much! <3 do you have discord? I can DM you my address on there
Schmul Sjifris
Never been a fan of livestream reactions. I think it hurts the experience with increased selfawareness, having your focus split in multiple directions, feeling the need to entertain, and being exposed to others opinions actively and or responsing to them will break the immersion. I feel it's not a good format for someone who wants to be properly invested or immersed in something or pay attention properly. So I'm all for it! Not that I watch them myself personally anyway, so you can do you. But as a concept I'm not a fan, especially not since it might hurt ones first watching or experience of a show. Oh yeah, without moderators the likelihood of being exposed to spoilers would skyrocket yes or in an active chat even if they are present.
m dunt
you should single people out and call them out, i've seen other streams picking out individuels who fuck with them out of the crowd to reveal they are a single human being and that the crowd can't hide them. It seems to begin to deter all others. However i still think its a bit much to be handling too, if its dragging you down it will effect other things, i bump into way to many arguments on your vids lately lol (i am a skipper so it doesn't bother me ) i hang to listen your thoughts and such tho i loved all the pauses when you was trying to figure out 3d(X) 2y. :D i was like " come on your so close its on the tip of your tongue ... damn " everytime lol. Moral of the story : Fuck em you do you
ChosoOnii
It's really sad that there are people like that, People who just can't stop ruining things like your experience and Reaction with all those amazing Anime stories. I understand that it is not easy, i hope you can get a bit of Rest now (you should take some more days off if you need them). I will always support you because i love your reactions so much! <3 Watching them is one of my daily hobby now, i can't wait to see your next reactions (especially One Piece <3)! I love you and your cats and wish you the best! ~nya PS.: If i want to send you something to your place sometime, where could i find your adress? :)
Mecca
Yea reading the Twitch-Chat can be sometimes realy exhausting. Sometimes I have the feeling they are just bored and the only thing what they want is beeing toxic or make you angry. I'm not talking about your chat... just Twitch-Chat in general. And the HxH-Fanbase are they own Anime-race... if you say something wrong... death threat
Animaechan
NGE is actually the one I've had the most fun watching live, bc of the conversations we've had after. But I do understand where you're coming from, and I'll probably start closing the live chat until after I finish the episode from now on (whenever I get back to streaming at least).
AFluffyRedPanda
Ur amazing and just fuck the haters there just there to bring u down but don’t let them remember for every one hater u got 100 people that love what u do and the way u do it can’t wait for more ❤️
ChosoOnii
It's really sad that there are people like that, People who just can't stop ruining things like your experience and Reaction with all those amazing Anime stories. I understand that it is not easy, i hope you can get a bit of Rest now (you should take some more days off if you need them). I will always support you because i love your reactions so much! <3 Watching them is one of my daily hobby now, i can't wait to see your next reactions (especially One Piece <3)! I love you and your cats and wish you the best! ~nya PS.: If i want to send you something to your place sometime, where could i find your adress? :)
jacboy
I would also prefer pre recording, Not Just One Piece. I feel like the live streaming especially the Chat takes the atmosphere and your focus on the Show away. When you watch one piece, you Are 100% focused on the Story and it shows. I would love to see this kind of energy in other shows like NGE. It is still entertaining, but you often glimpse at the livechat and it’s just not the same like when you‘re by yourself watching the show. At least the atmospheric animes i would love to see you pre-recording, but it’s Just my opinion :) cheers
Beefz
There are loads of other anime reactors on patreon, but I subscribed to you for you. You bring that extra spice to it that makes it special compared to the "competition", so to speak. I'm so sorry about your interactions with...certain fandoms...but nothing has changed in my perception of you and your reactions. I won't tell you to ignore or pretend that these types of comments doesn't exists, because they do and you see them and despite what people say or think, words do have an effect. Take whatever time you need to relax and recharge, physical and mental health will always be more important. I just hope you feel most of us support you for you :)
nickp3065 .
I know that this is not what you want to hear right now but I think you should think about it sometime when you feel better. I really think that what happened on Monday was more about the built up anger you had going on from your interaction with the HxH fan base. Sunday was the first stream I watched and I could see that there was unresolved conflict from previous streams. In those episodes you did not make predict or theorize that there will be no consequences you WANTED there to be no consequences just for them to be wrong about anything(you must have been through some really rough HxH streams) and it carried over on Mondays stream (especially with that PM you got). I think it would help if you could find a way to drive away your anger after these situations because it will haunt you for a long time otherwise. I hope that one day we will argue about everything that I disagree with you cause there is a lot but that will make it more fun. Sorry if this is all confusing or badly written I am really bad at writing it took me more than 10 hours to write this and I scrapped 5 more pages I had written. I don't bad a intention writing this, I have I have been in countless arguments about my opinion this year (mostly about Bleach) I know what effect it can have on you, I hope you feel better soon. Will be there tonight for another great OP day as it always finds a way to cheer you up.
Liu Antonio
Streams seem so stressful. I don't really watch them because like, bro that's alot of reading and it just keeps coming. It would be difficult.
Cayseron
feels like all the juicy shit on stream happens when i am not there. i dont know why i keep put up with this shit. whenever i manage to get in time on stream everyone is nice and to the best of their behavior, but moment i am otherwise occupied and cant be present on the stream all hell lets loose and i miss it :( ( and for idiots reading this and actually considering that i am attempting to make this about me........ learn how to take a joke or "fuck off" :D )
A21
Hello hello hello. Kayla right? Sorry I know you as Animaechan jaja. I don't usually write but I think it's a good time to do it. I wanted to tell you (with the best English I got) that I'm very sorry about the things that happened to you, and I hope you can rest and gain strength to move on. It's been like 1-2 years (I don't remember, feels like forever) since one day I found your YouTube channel and shortly afterwards your Patreon. And with your reactions (mostly One Piece for me) you have entertained me, but above all you have cheered me up in the rough days, specially now, because of that I wanted to thank you and tell you that you have someone from the other side of the world (Chile) who supports you.
Mathias
You definitly have your Heart on the Right Spot. Thats why i follow you for 2 years already i think, here on Patreon. Sadly in todays Society People Love to trample over the Feelings of Good People like you. Im Not really someone who watches or follow Streams, but i can understand that its tiring. So in my eyes its Not a Problem. Your Health has Top Priority so stopping the Stream and taking a Breather now is understandable, so dont be sorry about it.
Animaechan
yeee One Piece! I can't wait <3
Animaechan
massaaaage!! Yes... I need to go!! but xmas shopping will take precedence hahaha that can be therapeutic in its own way
Animaechan
Yeah I don't know how the bigger youtubers/creators do it really 😳 but I'm going to keep doing my best! just one day off a week to refresh my mind and approach will change a lot but I might only be able to do that consistently from next year. I'll just take it day by day for now though, doing pre-recordings will already help a lot
Animaechan
Tariq 😽 thank you so much for understanding xoxo
Animaechan
I'm very glad we've been getting to chat more during streams, so I hope to continue that soon <3 love and hugs!!
Animaechan
😭 thank you so much William! for everything <3 you're an awesome person and I'm so happy we are friends.
Animaechan
it's just nice to hear people understand that :) like, I get that "watching anime" isn't difficult, but the amount of people saying stuff "at" you... it gets more and more difficult to have actual/meaningful conversations. They'e still there, ofc. And I love those discussions... but sometimes dealing with certain people can just make you wanna go "reee I give up!" lol
William
Hey Kayla. So, your streams were what allowed me to get through some rough times. Your work and dedication weren't just doing you good, they were also doing me good. However, the streams are YOUR streams, meaning no matter what they should make you feel good first and foremost. If you aren't feeling good, then don't do it. Life is rough and we gotta hold on to the small, precious gems that we pick up along the way. Hopefully this time away will allow some people to come to cherish you more as most of us do.
Cherry
Since I didn't watch those two shows I didn't stay for the stream, but I can only imagine how exhausting it must be for you, since people nitpick your opinions/feelings/thoughts, when you don't have the time to gather them! Thank you for pulling through until now, please take your well-deserved breather from all this <3 I just want to say that I really enjoy your reactions, even more your well-done reviews and lately also chatting with you on twitch! I hope One Piece cheers you up tomorrow, take care queen <3
Unholy
Yeah I can definitely understand all that. If I was going to do reactions myself, I don't think I could do comments, live reacting etc. Just too many people saying stuff and it would totally ruin the reactions and anime for me. Take as much time as you need to get yourself better and where you need to be <333
HunterTariq
we are with you with everything u decide and dont be sorry for anything u did cuz we know what happend in last few weeks we love u all
Darkshadow
I know that last few weeks have been very rough so take as much time as you need to get back to a happy and comfortable place. Whether you end up streaming again or not at all or anything in between, we will still support you. Please don't feel like you ever have to act in a certain way just to "entertain" us. When I first found you there were no livestreams, it was just you reacting and sharing your honest thoughts, but it was that person that made me want to keep watching more! We all love you just the way you are, you never have to pretend to be anything else 💖
Master Zed
The fact that you took the time to write all of this shows that you care and that you love what you do. Sometimes being honest can annoy some people and get them angry at you just because it's not the same thing they expect/want to hear (i have seen these people everywhere with other content creators and not just reactors and it's really sad..) Having one day off a week might be a good idea, but of course you do what's better for yourself. Love the content and wish you the best 😊
Animaechan
thank you so much queen! I realise there are tons of creators that deal with even more people, and maybe they deal better with things. But I think not taking at least one day a week off is my mistake... I need that day to "reset". That will be my goal next year (take one day a week off to reset/refresh) so I can deliver better content throughout the other 6 days.
Fernando
I'm glad you don't force yourself to stream if you don't want to, your health comes first, you work 7 days a week and over time mental fatigue accumulates. Taking a few days for yourself is the best thing now. And I know that you love to stream but 6 hours 5 days a week I think it's too much, I think the best thing would be to reduce the number or the time you stream at least. Enjoy your wednesday and go for a massage 😽
Animaechan
luckily there is a summary right at the bottom (as I mention in the first paragraph) :) so no one needs to read the whole thing xoxo thank you though!
Benjamín Lerner
Too bad what happened! Take your time you need and whatever you decide I'll be supporting you, kt. I hope tomorrow One Piece makes you feel better (In my time zone will be tomorrow).
Ivette Palma
I think I've told you so many times, but you're amazing. Not only because you are a person dedicated to your work, but because of what an awesome person you are. It's okay to take your time, I can only imagine your mental and emotional exhaustion from having to deal with so many people. But even so, you always keep moving forward, and doing everything with quality and care. Remember that when you need to talk, or whatever you need, I am for you. Love you, KT!!! ❤️
Javier Enrique
To be honest I wasn't on sunday or today's stream but I watched the HxH videos and its completely understandable your desition. Take a couple of days .. I was thinking the same thing while I was watching the reaction videos . She doesn't seem to be enjoying to be there right now .. so.. it's ok to take a few steps back ... so you can come back stronger ( that's sound like a shonen MC line 😄 ) anywhoooo... hugs and kisses kayla .. keep doing your best ... and dont worry we all need to recharge sometimes
MishkaTho
Take a breather, yo. We’ll do with what you give us because we’re here for that, not to argue with you. 😘
AnwarKG
We will support you no matter what. Take your time to rest and also to enjoy the people around you. 😊
sotossss-nya
You don't have to apologise for anything I'm always at your Stream and I'm 100% sure everyone who is always there it is because you are and incredible crazy person who give us the most amazing and fun time ever!!!
IamRayvell
too long, but read it anyway, whatever you wanna do and how you wanna do it is a decision that is yours to make. Im sure we will be with you all the way.
