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Patreon Exclusive— MULTIVERSE BREACH DETECTED Chapter 2- Dorm Wars: Rise of the Morons
🕑 Added 2025-05-23 16:48:40 +0000 UTCWhen I introduced Bender to the Class 1-A dorm as my “Support Pet,” I thought, maybe, just maybe, everyone would accept it with a shred of maturity.
But no. Within five minutes, someone was already yelling “Chug! Chug! Chug!” while Bender tried to beer-funnel through his chest hatch.
“I am not responsible for what happens next,” I told the System.
[NEW QUEST: CONTAIN THE ROBOT JACKASS.]
REWARD: Dignity. Maybe.
“Too late,” I muttered, as Bender climbed onto the dining table and screamed, “TIME FOR BEER PONG OF DEATH, BABY!”
Momo sighed in the corner, clutching a beaker. “This is not a game suitable for our dormitory.”
Bender pointed at her like he was naming a new god. “You. Lab coat. You’re the ref. Brew me something horrifying for the losers.”
Momo blinked. “Horrifying?”
“Yeah. Like, something that tastes like it has consequences.”
Two minutes later, she handed over a flask with green bubbles and a skull on the label. It glowed. It hissed. It shouldn’t exist in our dimension.
Bender downed a shot, burped fire, and declared it “slightly fizzy.”
The game began.
We cleared out the common room, shoved the couches back, and set up a long table. Solo cups. Ping pong balls. Battle lines drawn.
Mina screamed, “I VOLUNTEER!” before anyone could ask.
“I was going to-” Kaminari started, but Mina tackled him out of the way.
Match one: Mina vs. Bender.
“Prepare to die,” Bender growled, already tossing a ball with robotic accuracy.
Mina caught it midair, dropkicked it back, and somehow landed a cup. “Drink, chrome cheeks.”
Bender stared at her. “You are my new favorite human.”
Three matches in, Sero was on the floor, sweating motor oil. Not his, obviously... Bender’s system had leaked mid-round and shorted out the rice cooker. Again.
Kirishima laughed, trying to help Kaminari to his feet. “Bro, I didn’t know electrolytes could fight back.”
“I think it bit my tongue,” Kaminari moaned.
Momo looked over her concoction thoughtfully. “Hmm. Maybe I went too heavy on the calcium nitrate.”
Tsuyu sat on the armrest beside me, arms crossed, watching the chaos.
“Ribbit. This timeline is cursed.”
“You say that like we are not responsible,” I replied.
“Ribbit. We are the curse.”
Fair.
Mineta peeked around the kitchen island, clearly plotting something. That was my first warning sign.
“Hey, Bender,” Mina grinned, already catching on. “Wanna see something fun?”
“Only if it involves explosives, revenge, or jelly.”
“It involves Mineta.”
“Close enough.”
Ten minutes later, Mineta was stuck to the ceiling. In his ridiculous hero costume. Screaming.
“I DIDN’T CONSENT TO THIS!”
Mina held up the industrial-strength glue gun from Hatsume’s workshop. “Neither did we.”
Bender high-fived her with a mechanical clang. “Finally, someone understands the value of interior decoration.”
I looked up at Mineta. “Honestly? Aesthetic improvement.”
He started crying.
Jiro walked in, took one look at the room, red solo cups everywhere, Kaminari drooling on the floor, Momo casually pouring glowing slime into a decanter, and narrowed her eyes.
She turned to Bender. “You. What are you?”
Bender puffed smoke from his mouth grille. “I’m a sexy, god of chaos with a 40-ounce beer belly and a titanium ass. Wanna dance?”
She flicked her earjacks. “I could destroy your circuits.”
He waggled his metal brows. “Kinky.”
I stepped between them before Jiro vaporized the floor. “Whoa, whoa! Truce! He is too drunk to process rejection.”
“No, I am not,” Bender said. “I process rejection hourly.”
“Ribbit,” Tsuyu added. “Please let her fry him just a little.”
And then, of course, things got worse.
Nejire floated in through the ceiling window, all sunshine and sparkles.
“Wooooow! Is this a dorm party or a robot uprising?” she asked, grinning ear to ear. “Can it be both?”
Behind her, Mirio phased through the wall like this was just another Tuesday. “Hey, is that robot naked?”
Bender saluted. “Only where it counts.”
Mirio squinted. “Does that count as indecent exposure?”
Tamaki arrived too. Kind of. He stood frozen behind the curtains, staring at the floor and whispering to a bean sprout.
“I regret everything,” he murmured.
“Then you’re in the right place,” I said.
Class 1-B showed up like they got a memo no one sent.
Monoma strutted in first, arms wide, ego larger than my patience. “I see Class 1-A has resorted to robotic pets to stay interesting.”
Bender looked him up and down. “And I see you resorted to punching mirrors and losing arguments to them.”
Monoma blinked. “Excuse me?”
Bender shoved a mic stand into his hands. “QUIZ TIME. WELCOME TO BENDER’S ULTIMATE MORALITY TEST.”
Bakugo looked up from his seat in the corner, eyes burning. “If this ends with explosions, I will allow it.”
Bender spun a wheel labeled "Ethics, Probably." It landed on Scenario 4:
“You are in space. You find an orphan planet full of puppies. There is a button. If you press it, they all get jetpacks. But they learn shame. What do you do?”
Monoma sputtered. “What kind of question-”
“WRONG!” Bender screamed. “THE CORRECT ANSWER IS: GIVE THE PLANET TO ZOIDBERG.”
“Who the hell is Zoidberg?” Monoma shouted.
“That is what you think!” Bender tossed a beer at him. It exploded.
Monoma cried.
Somewhere behind me, the System wept.
[CRITICAL WARNING: THIS IS NO LONGER A DORM. THIS IS A WAR CRIME.]
“Relax,” I said aloud. “Bender is harmless.”
Bender set a table on fire and danced on it. “I AM THE FLAME OF FREEDOM.”
“Mostly harmless,” I corrected.
Tsuyu sighed.
Mina tossed glitter.
Midnight peeked in through the hallway door, saw the mess, and walked away laughing.
And somewhere under it all, Mineta was still stuck to the ceiling, mumbling, “This school… was supposed to be safe…”
Too bad, kid.
Because Bender was here.
And he wasn’t going anywhere.
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