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Patreon Exclusive— MULTIVERSE BREACH DETECTED Chapter 1- Bite My Shiny Bat, Bender!
🕑 Added 2025-04-30 14:20:44 +0000 UTCSun? Out.
Birds? Chirping.
Mineta? Crying over rejection number one-hundred-and-screw-you.
Perfect day to break the universe.
Aizawa sighed like hope was a currency he couldn’t afford. “Midoriya. You’re up.”
I twirled my bat. “How reinforced is this dummy again?”
“Reinforced enough,” he said, eye twitching. “Probably.”
My System pinged:
[Side Quest: Violate Newtonian Law]
Break the dummy. Break physics. Break expectations.
REWARD: +25 XP
FAILURE: You embarrass me.
“Let’s dance,” I muttered.
Iida braced like he was about to get drafted. Bakugo muttered “explode already.”
I swung.
Not gently. Not scientifically. Not with poise or restraint.
I swung with enough force to make a black hole blush.
Contact.
Reality hiccupped.
The air shattered—like someone smashed a mirror made of Wi-Fi. A gash tore through space itself. The System blinked. So did God, probably.
[SYSTEM ERROR: MULTIVERSE BREACH DETECTED]
We are so very screwed.
Then something dropped from the glitch in reality.
A metal cylinder. Smoking. Buzzing. Angry.
Direct hit: Mineta’s spine.
THWOMP.
“MY EVERYTHING,” he shrieked, voice cracking in four languages. The metal object unfolded like a drunk Transformer and burped.
Enter: Bender Bending Rodríguez.
Stainless steel. Beer gut. Cigarette lit with middle-finger fire.
He blinked at us. “This... is not Vegas.”
Then looked down.
“Oh. I landed on something.”
“You landed on a mistake,” I said.
“Good. Had no time to wipe my shiny ass.”
He scanned me. Green hair. Bat. General menace energy.
He nodded, solemn. “You. I like you.”
Mineta wheezed. “Please… off…”
“Eh,” Bender grunted, standing up. Mineta flopped over like expired sushi.
The class stared.
“Is that a robot?” Kaminari asked.
“Why is it… anatomically correct?” Uraraka squeaked.
Bender cracked his knuckles. His arm opened. Out rolled a beer, a cigar, and a warrant from four different galaxies.
“Name’s Bender. Who summoned me?”
“Technically me,” I said. “Technically not on purpose.”
“Good enough.” He lit the cigar on his thumb. “You got beer?”
“You’re in Japan. We got vending machines that sell alcohol, nicotine, and probably sin itself.”
His eyes lit up like a nuke in a nightclub.
“I love this dimension already. Got robot hookers?”
“No, find some car.”
“Even better.”
[SYSTEM WARNING: UNAUTHORIZED ENTITY DETECTED. PLEASE RETURN THE WALKING HR VIOLATION TO ITS OWN TIMELINE.]
“No,” I said aloud. “He’s mine now.”
Aizawa walked up, dead inside. Looked at Bender. Then me.
He blinked. Once.
“I don’t care,” he said, and walked away like a man who'd already buried his dreams.
Bender tilted his head. “That your boss?”
“Technically my teacher. Emotionally? A deeply disappointed crow.”
“I like him. He looks like he drinks bleach.”
“He does. But only because of me.”
We got Bender onto a dolly, covered him with a blanket, and I rolled him toward the dorms like a war crime in motion. Aizawa’s threat about no unapproved guests? Ignored. As always.
“You’re sure this place won’t dissect me?”
“Oh they will,” I said. “But only after we win their trust.”
Jiro stepped into the elevator. Saw the blanket. Saw me. Saw the glowing red eyes under it.
“...Ryuu?”
“Hi.”
Bender popped his head out. “Hey baby. Wanna check my exhaust calibration?”
BONK.
“Told you to be respectful to girls around,” I muttered, lowering my bat.
Jiro raised a brow. “You kidnapped a robot.”
“He kidnapped himself. I’m just enabling.”
“Fair.”
The elevator dinged. We rolled into the common room like chaos on wheels.
Kaminari: “What the hell?”
Mina: “Dibs on oil pong.”
Iida: “THIS IS A VIOLATION OF—”
Ryuu: “Democracy, I know. Shut up.”
Bender stood on the couch.
“WHO WANTS TO GET DRUNK AND BUILD ILLEGAL SHIT?”
Mina threw confetti. “ME.”
Iida fainted.
Half an hour later, Bender had:
Melted our rice cooker into a distillery.
Branded Kaminari with “BENDER > ALL MIGHT” in crude solder.
Taught Todoroki how to smuggle fireworks.
And was currently arm-wrestling Bakugo while calling him “Detonating Furry.”
“You look like Sonic the Hedgehog if Sonic hated his dad,” Bender sneered.
Bakugo snarled. “I will blow your head off!”
“Only thing you’re blowing is your own credibility, powderpuff.”
I leaned back with tea. “This is the best day of my life.”
[SYSTEM STATUS: PANIC. WHO GAVE HIM ACCESS TO THE MICROWAVE?]
Momo, watching Bender strap knives to Roombas:
“I should stop this.”
“You should.”
“...But I won’t.”
“Exactly.”
Later, rooftop. Stars out. Bender tossed me a can.
“To hookers. To blackjack. To bat-wielding delinquents who swing so hard they tear space open.”
I cracked mine. “To robot war crimes and the science teacher’s eventual breakdown.”
He grinned. “We’re gonna burn this place down.”
“I’ll bring the matches.”
We toasted.
The sky didn’t fall. But it probably wanted to.
[NEW QUEST: Survive Bender.]
REWARD: Chaos, fire, possible interdimensional bounty.
FAILURE: You wake up in Vegas with a tattoo of yourself on your face.
Let the dorm war begin.
And may God have mercy on absolutely no one.
Comments
TheFanficGOD
Blackjack and hookers!
hector lyng
holy shit that's infinite chaos
