SmexyMarshmallow
patreon
Life Update, Hiatus, Coming Out and Apologies
🕑 Added 2023-03-23 16:49:31 +0000 UTCHey everyone! Hi Darlings!
I'm writing you this as the person behind the projects Crimson Idol, NecessaryEvilProductions, Smexy Marshmallow (Yes) and Windowlicker99.
Take a few minutes to read what follows.
Things aren't going well at the moment in my life as a creator and as a person.
Sadly, there are a lot of reasons for me to go in hiatus and i will try to be brief.
First of all, there's family and personal health reasons. Last year i lost two of the dearest members of my family. It impacted so much on my mental health, i wanted to take a break at that time already and i haven't recovered yet. Still, things are not improving, with all of the anxiety it may happen again and all the IRL problems and duties it may involve. I told you in multiple times i suffer from mygraine. I can't animate more than 2 hours per day without feeling dizzy and having an headache that could last entire days and nights.
Also, Animating with SFM is just taking SO much time unlike before. To make a single clip or a few seconds it would take at least 2 hours and even more time to render (My PC became really slow lately) and it's practically impossible for me not to get frustrated and burned out with a new video without even being halfway complete.
Summarized: it takes hundreds of hours for me to have one single animation done. This includes all the process of making it, render it, making sounds and exporting with Premiere. It's also very hard for me to be happy with any of the stuff i'm currently working on at times. This is my current situation with the Animation side.
Luckily, running different projects doesn't contribute that much to the burnouts and unlike some of you may think, it helps me to stay productive and always with a fresh mindset, letting in new ideas everytime and keeping it exciting.
Second reason (And probably the least impacting) is leaking. Sadly, there's no way to prevent it and it's part of the game if you choose to be a creator or an artist whatsoever. It's not really damaging per se and i'm still thankful to all the honest supporters here and elsewhere. However, if i upload a video and i see it reuploaded in the next day (And it happened so many times) on various websites, you need to understand that it's certainly not the best feeling, especially if you wasted countless hours on that single animation. When i see that, i can't help but wanting to be lesser productive and taking a lot more time between one video and another.
Third reason is what i think of online communities and artistic freedom. Some people could be really toxic and, NGL, i've become intoxicated too lately. In times like these, you're always cancelled and censored for doing your thing. There's a line between the contents and the people making them and you can't release anything without worrying of being defamed, reported and being called this or that, simply because some random guy hates something you created that he deliberately decided to search and see, despite of any given context and filter. I don't care if my content is loved or hated. It's just Lifeless pixels on screen farting, taking dumps and being as gross as ever. That's it, nothing more, nothing less. It's just a parody, keep it that way. If you take seriously any of that, finding it morally offensive or damaging, trying to bypass the both stated and visual context i always give it's YOUR problem, NOT MINE.
Last, but not least, it's economical. When in my country you reach a certain amount of money per year, you will need to start and run some sort of LLC. I will need to pay taxes and everything that concerns that and unavoidably, lose a percentage of my income (That isn't enough already to sustain my living) and get more stressed. At the moment, there's not enough stability in my life for me to do this step whenever that amount with be reached and i will need to consult an expert in order to keep it working fine. Also, i will need to double my work and it will surely look rushed, uninspired and there won't be room or time for improvement and i think none of you would want any of that from me. I know me pretty well. I can barely release 1 proper animation within 1-2 months and doing that would be simply unsustainable for me. I'm just a random guy wanting to do a few videos every now and then with his limits and taking the right amouth of time he needs to make them look decent enough. I'm not a company and i'm not selling a physical product. I hate burocracy and i want to keep it out of things such as farting 3d models. I know i can't make this for all of my living and eventually i will need to stop.
I'm finally revealing my biggest secret fo far: I'm The Crimson Idol and NecessaryEvilProd. Yes, I made every single video for that project. Some of you may already knew, but i always kept it in secrecy for i don't know what reason. Maybe it's because the content is completely different from Crimson Idol and you can definetly tell that. At that time, i wanted so bad to animate MLP stuff and i thought that if i animated any of that under the Crimson Idol project, people wouldn't like the shift of content. I always look for variety, but i'm all for integrity when it comes to artistic content. That's why i decided to have and run all these projects (With all the pros and cons) and that's why it was my secret project and was never revealed. Luckily now i feel more confident with myself starting and announcing new things. At the time, i simply wasn't. I just felt too ensecure. With Smexy It all started as a game and i thought i may quit after a few videos. Who would have thought it would become probably my most appreciated project so far. It really opened new perspectives, made me chat with my favourite artists and i love every single animation i made so far. And i'll always be thankful to you for that, by keeping it solid and lasting in time. Maybe, i can tell you more about it in the future. I'm deeply sorry if lied to you. I always want to be 100% clear with my audience and i hope you won't hate me that.
What will happen to the Patreon pages of each project?
Well, NecessaryEvilProd. and Crimson Idol will be active until the 5th of April. SmexyMarshmallow's page will be paused starting from now, active patrons won't be charged for the next months and the "Fun In The Barn" video will be given for free to them via DMs when it gets finished.
This is not a goodbye. My love for animation has not changed despite all these issues i'm dealing with and i hope we can't meet again when the time is right. I have so much more content in the works that i can't wait to show you and i think this pause could really give me a lot of benefits mentally and creatively speaking. I think really need it after 4 years of non-stop content and drastically changing and growing as a person. Unfortunately and luckily, there's so much more in life that awaits me and i don't want to be confined in these same 4 walls. I'm sorry if it may let you down, but it is what it is and i confide on your patience and understanding.
Thanks to every single one of you for the neverending support during these years, despite all of my flaws, being pretentious and bad at organizing my work schedule.
See you soon and Eternally yours, Crimson Idol, Smexy Marshmallow, NecessaryEvilProd. and Windowlicker99.
Comments
CJ
No problem. Life is first. Hope things get better for you:)
