ravasheen
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I'm home & back!
🕑 Added 2022-05-01 03:48:23 +0000 UTCFriends & simmies!
The past six weeks have been both the hardest and most beautiful time of my recent life. You all have been such a source of strength and shown me more love and support than I ever expected. When I decided to end my relationship, I thought I would be able to continue working at my normal pace as a distraction but that wasn't the case. Between living in my mom's basement, Berkeley getting hurt, having my car engine blow up, moving back into my house, getting it ready for a roommate, going through 5 years of memories, and mending a broken heart/poor mental state I didn't have the capacity to be here for you all. I can't thank you enough for giving me this time to get my life back together. The healing space you all gave me is a luxury that not many of us have and that will never be lost on me.
Today I am so happy to be writing you from my office in my home. It was a long path back here. When I first made the decision to end my relationship, it was quickly decided that I would be moving out and he would stay. As I had done for a large part of our relationship, I gave him what he wanted without a second thought to my needs or what would be best for myself. After reading all of your messages and responses to my original post about the breakup, it empowered me to stand up for myself and I told him I would be the one staying. I gave him a month to move out and during that time I stayed in my mom's basement.
The first week at my mom's was when Berkeley got hurt and I had to put my focus on figuring out a way to afford her surgery. Again, thank you to you all for being so kind and understanding by allowing me to spend time working on her GoFundMe set instead of Patreon sets.
I was finally able to move back into my old/new home last week, but he left it in a pretty awful state. I have spent almost every waking moment since then moving back in and getting my house ready for my new roommate. I was luckily able to find a wonderful roommate that was also going through a difficult breakup. We are so similar and both looking to focus on loving and working on ourselves! She just moved in yesterday and today is the first day I feel like I have been able to take a breath and start the next chapter of my life.
While I am still very much healing, I can tell you that everyday has felt better. So many of my friends and family have told me that they thought the spark in me had died in the past few years. Now that some time has passed and it is clear to me that they were right. I was still always me, but there are so many small things that I stopped doing because I was putting so much of my energy into a person that was never going to reciprocate that. A (now) glaringly obvious example was my home. I have always loved is interior design and when we were together I always made concessions to make a home HE was happy in. I essentially had to cram my home decor style into the one room I had control over which was my office. I took up every square inch of my office trying to make a space that I loved.
As I was moving back into my home, I wanted to retake the space and make it mine. While I am far from being completely moved in, just making changes like rearranging my room and getting bedding I like has made it feel like a home that is mine and a space that I am able to express myself the way I used to.
It may seem small, but it is things like this that are making that fire inside me growing brighter everyday. My love for interior design was one of the reasons I started making CC in the first place! So I am really excited to show you the full transformation when I am fully moved back in. For now, even though my office is barley put together it makes me so happy that I am here, in my own space, with Berkeley at my feet, and writing to you!
Speaking of Berkeley, her surgery has been almost fully funded! Again, I am just so blown away by the support from all of you and the simming community. She is my world and at my lowest point I didn't think there was any way I could afford to get her the operation she needed. Berkeley had her initial consultation appointment with the surgeon this past week and will have the operation mid-May. The full recovery process is about 2-3 months, but if all goes well she should be able to live life to the fullest.
I had so many sets that were almost completed when all of this started including Filthy Fabulous Part 2, the kiosk, Hoarders Simnonymous update, OMSP+, and more. I cannot tell you how bad I have wanted to get my hands back on these and releasing content for you all! Now that I am finally settled, I will be back and better than ever! I plan to take the time this week and thoughtfully respond to each one of your comments that I didn't have the emotional capacity to address at the time. I hope to squeeze in a livestream tomorrow, but if not I will be back on schedule for next week.
Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love and compassion you have given me. It means more than you could ever know.
💗 rava
