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(Draft v1) Demesne Chapter 34(incomplete)
🕑 Added 2023-05-16 13:49:39 +0000 UTCIt's done! The editing of the 132 regular chapters of Demesne is officially done! Hopefully I caught all the typos on this pass now, because if not...
...
Moving on!
So, I changed the ending of the first volume slightly. The original that I posted here ended like this:
Mikon reached over and patted Riz on the shoulder, instantly making the woman turn to look at her warily. "Don't worry," Mikon said, smiling cheerfully, unreadably. "I'll help you."
The woman still looked wary. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you offering to help me? For that matter, why did you kiss me that time?"
Mikon's expression didn't change as she tilted her head. "Don't you need help?"
Riz scowled. "That doesn't explain anything."
"Haven't you heard? I'm generous with my time. But if you don't want my help, just say so." Mikon stood up. "Dinner is ready," she said. "I'll go get it while you continue speaking to her Bindership, shall I?" Not waiting for a reply, she walked away. Riz continued to stare after her, her expression conflicted and bemused.
When Mikon returned, she came with three bowls of food, three cups and a pitcher. "I don't think Umu will be joining us," she said as she placed them on the table. "She's eating with her family."
Riz grunted. "So?"
Mikon merely sighed.
Lori regarded the three bowls, then chose one and pulled it towards herself.
The three of them ate quietly as the dining hall buzzed around them.
However, my master copy of the story had an ending you didn't see that I didn't feel confident in using at the time, but... well, I do now. So, I present to you... a change for the final version. Probably the only one I'll actually show on this thread.
Mikon reached over and patted Riz on the shoulder, instantly making the woman turn to look at her warily. "Don't worry," Mikon said, smiling cheerfully, unreadably. "I'll help you."
The woman still looked wary. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you offering to help me? For that matter, why did you kiss me that time?"
Mikon's expression didn't change as she tilted her head. "Don't you need help?"
Riz scowled. "That doesn't explain anything."
"Haven't you heard? I'm generous with my time. But if you don't want my help, just say so." Mikon stood up. "Dinner is ready," she said. "I'll go get it while you continue speaking to her Bindership, shall I?" Not waiting for a reply, she walked away. Riz continued to stare after her, her expression conflicted and bemused.
"You and Rian are very alike," Lori eventually said.
Riz jerked, turning back towards Lori. "I'm sorry, Great Binder? Why are we alike?"
Lori regarded her. Eventually, she said, "If you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you."
Her temporary Rian stared at her, confused.
When Mikon returned, she came with three bowls of food, three cups and a pitcher. "I don't think Umu will be joining us," she said as she placed them on the table. "She's eating with her family."
Riz grunted. "So?"
Mikon merely sighed.
Lori regarded the three bowls, then chose one and pulled it towards herself.
The three of them ate quietly as the dining hall buzzed around them.
The work still isn't finished. I have more scenes to write, character designs to make that someone better than me can hopefully turn into good illustrations, I need to choose more scenes to make internal art of...
But not right now. Tomorrow is Maria Day! I'm thinking of doing a KatarinaBattles interlude...
P.S. Yes, I grouped the original 132 chapters into 34.
Comments
SCM2814
I’ll see after I get it published. I’ll need to do research, and see how popular it is.
Nord
Any plans on making an audio book of it?
