lovesickva
patreon
an explanation
🕑 Added 2024-01-19 06:23:58 +0000 UTChello yall!
i dont really know how to start this message so if its rambl-y i apologize, none of this is easy to write...
so firstly- happy new year! im sorry i havent been very interactive on here or on discord. i havent streamed since before the new year either...
its all for a reason, well a few. ive been struggling really badly with my mental health for the past 3/4 months. i havent been coping well.
ive been trying really hard not to let it show. i think that a lot of people turn to my content as a way to relax and let go of their reality. i dont think that me burdening my listeners about my issues and struggles is something that is pleasurable. it just gotten to a point where i couldnt hide it anymore, and im worrying more people by not talking than by talking. so that is why i am writing this.
it was really rough. its been really rough. and its not like BECAUSE of anything. my family is okay. no one is sick. no one is dying. things are really good. i just.. havent been. i would love to be able to blame it on something like "stress at work" but that wouldnt be true because its just not that. it wasent caused by anything, it just started. and then everything just got worse. festered.
i tried all the right things, going to a therapist, talking about it with friends, going out more. diet. exercise. and nothing was working, so i gave up. i stopped trying and i started getting as far away as i could from myself as possible. i didnt want to be me anymore. i tried as hard as i could to get as far into the influence as possible every night. to be in as far as an altered state as possible. to get as far away from myself as i could. and i did that for a long LONG while.
last night was the first sober night in over 2 months.
ive been feeling better for the last week and a half. and im trying to put everything back together. im working, catching up. i am better now.
im sorry to everyone i worried. im sorry for the inactivity. im sorry for not being the kind of content creator you all deserve.
i want you to know that i really appreciate all of you. i want you to know that im trying to be the kind of content creator you deserve. and i will work towards it every day, with every breath <3
Comments
Ryder Fonseca
*hugs*
Morturem
"im sorry to everyone i worried. im sorry for the inactivity. im sorry for not being the kind of content creator you all deserve." dumbass. focus on yourself first before anything else. We support you no matter whats going to happen okay?
Seneca
One thing I know is that one of the bummers about depression is that even though it can be triggered by events, it can also onset for no discernable reason. Beyond that, I'm a software engineer and "have you tried turning your emotions off then back on again" isn't particularly helpful troubleshooting.
BenimusPrime
We are glad to hear from you, and I hope you continue to improve π. Just remember, we like you even in those times you don't.
Esteed
I know this feeling a little more than I'd like to. I'm glad you're doing better, and I'm echoing what others have said about taking the time you need. We'll be here when you're ready.
dale garrett
Mental health comes in waves. Some days you'll be feeling good, other days you're not so good, sometimes it's a day, sometimes it's a month. Or longer, you'll get there, there's no timeline for feeling yourself again. β€οΈ
Infamous Nightraid
I'm glad you're getting there. No worries, everyone here will be beside you!
GreenForest ASMR
I'm sorry to hear your not doing well dude. I hope things get better for you.
CPU_EASY
Congrats on finally being sober. Now you need to keep that up. Life is too short to waste under influence. Even if itβs painful, itβs a unique experience.
Jordan Curry
No rush just take your time,I'm sure all of us are wishing you the best
Almasexia
I totally know the feeling - you deserve to focus on yourself and take all the time you need to heal! Sometimes mental health issues just nail you, or they wait awhile after something has happened to spring up.
Professor O
As much as we love your audios as a form of escapism, itβs nice knowing the person behind them is doing great. Inactivity or no, Iβm confident weβre all supportive of you no matter what!
Diabolical D3vil
Lovesick, no need to apologize. We're glad to hear you are doing better. It's very important to address anything going on with your mental health and well-being. Sometimes there is no real reason. Put your wellness first. I hope things continue to get better.
