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CONTESSA DOESN’T UNDERSTAND RIDING A BIKE
🕑 Added 2025-03-26 10:16:46 +0000 UTCThe bicycle wobbled.
Contessa remained as composed as ever, but there was the slightest, almost imperceptible tension in her posture—the kind of tension that suggested this was not going to end well.
Maggie, standing off to the side, crossed her arms and frowned. “You’re sure you’ve never done this before?”
“Yes.”
Dennis squinted at her. “Really? Not even once?”
“No.”
He exchanged a glance with Maggie. “That’s kinda weird, right?”
Maggie gave a noncommittal shrug. “I mean, a little? You’re freakishly good at everything else.”
Contessa adjusted her grip on the handlebars. “I do not see how this is relevant.”
Dennis smirked. “It’s relevant because watching you struggle at something is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I’m savoring it.”
Contessa ignored him. She pushed off, pedaled once, and immediately lost her balance. The bike tipped, and she had to plant her foot down hard to avoid toppling over entirely.
Dennis whistled. “Flawless execution.”
Maggie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Okay, look, you need to keep your weight centered. Stop trying to control every little movement. Just… go with it.”
Contessa considered this.
Then she tried again.
This time, she made it about ten feet before the bike veered wildly to the side, sending her straight into a bush.
Dennis doubled over, wheezing. “I take it back—this is the best day of my life.”
Maggie winced. “You okay?”
A long pause. Then, from the depths of the bush: “I am reevaluating my approach.”
Dennis wiped a tear from his eye. “Take your time.”
With perfect calm, Contessa emerged from the foliage, brushing a leaf off her shoulder. She walked the bike back to them. “This method is inefficient.”
Maggie gave her a look. “It’s literally how everyone learns.”
“There must be a better way.”
Dennis snickered. “What, you gonna invent a whole new technique for riding a bike?”
Contessa said nothing.
Maggie groaned. “Oh my god, don’t actually do that. Just practice.”
Contessa exhaled through her nose, staring down at the bicycle as if it had personally wronged her. Then, with the same quiet determination that had carried her through a thousand impossible scenarios before, she got back on the bike.
This was going to be a long day.
