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CONTESSA DOESN’T UNDERSTAND KARAOKE
🕑 Added 2025-03-30 13:40:12 +0000 UTCThe neon glow of the bar cast shifting colors over the crowd as Maggie took a slow sip of her drink. On the small stage in the corner, a man in a leather jacket was currently butchering Livin’ on a Prayer, but the audience cheered him on anyway, half from enthusiasm and mild amusement, half from shared intoxication.
Dennis, already a couple of drinks in, nudged Contessa with a grin. “Alright, it’s time.”
Contessa, as composed as ever, arched a brow. “Time for what?”
“Karaoke,” he declared, gesturing to the stage. “Go up there. Pick a song. Sing your heart out.”
She glanced at the stage, then back at him. “What is the purpose?”
Maggie shrugged. “Fun. Entertainment. Watching people embarrass themselves in public.”
Dennis smirked. “Unless you’re me, in which case it’s a gift to the masses.”
Maggie rolled her eyes. “Debatable.”
Contessa considered this for a moment. “It is a test of skill?”
Dennis waggled his hand. “Ehh… sure. Something like that.”
Without another word, Contessa stood and made her way toward the stage.
Maggie blinked. “Wait, really?”
Dennis choked on his drink. “Oh, this is gonna be fantastic.”
Contessa scanned the song list before selecting one.
The music started.
The screen lit up with lyrics.
And then, in a voice so eerily on pitch it sounded like a high-end AI simulation, she began to sing.
“Never gonna give you up…”
Maggie groaned. “You did not.”
Dennis, howling with laughter, banged his fist on the table. “She did! She actually did!”
Contessa continued, unbothered, hitting every note perfectly but delivering it with all the warmth of a mission briefing. No inflection, no energy—just pure, deadpan execution.
By the second verse, the crowd had gone from confused to rapt attention. Phones were out. People were recording. The entire bar was now witness to the most emotionless yet technically flawless Rickroll in history.
Dennis wiped a tear from his eye. “I have never been prouder.”
Maggie buried her face in her hands as Contessa finished the song, set the mic down with quiet finality, and returned to their table.
“It is done.”
Dennis clapped her on the back. “Legendary.”
Maggie shook her head. “That was so weird.”
Contessa picked up her drink. “I completed the task.”
Dennis grinned. “Yeah, but you missed the point.”
Contessa took a sip of her drink before setting her glass down and regarding him with cool certainty.
“…Did I?”
