FILM SACK
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Film Sack 717: John Carter
🕑 Added 2025-09-14 17:08:41 +0000 UTC
On this week's Film Sack Podcast, a war-weary former army captain is inexplicably transported to Mars and reluctantly becomes embroiled in a conflict of epic proportions. Maybe this is ok after-all?
RANDY POEM
JOHN CARTER
Upon the screen he leaps, a brooding guy,
Yet no one cares whether he live or die.
He mopes on Mars, a desert red and bare,
But still we yawn and shift within our chair.
Our hero jumps, he soars a hundred feet,
But plot and script collapse beneath his feet.
The aliens speak nonsense, long and dry,
We pray these two hours quickly pass us by.
IBBOT LYRICS
Physics...never was my strong suit
Didn't teach it much on Barsoom
But it seems you know just what to do
Catch me...I'll be screaming like a banshee
Taking dives right off the high beam
You've got the timing like a NASA moonshot plotter
Oh baby
Then put me down, yes put me down
Two miles from where we were before
But you need a floor
You need a floor, floor, floor
Then jump
on Barsoom
But first
Check your head room
Jump, if you want to stop my wedding to Matai Shang then
Jump (jump) on Barsoom
When you fell from the sky
Oh, I felt alive
Come to my beehive
You fly llike a kite
But when you run it doesnt look quite right
Jump
Jump in
If you want to stop my wedding to Matai Sheng, then
Jump, jump, jump
Their baby food can help you translate
They've got four arms to feel you up
If you want to stop my wedding to Matai Sheng, then
Jump, jump for Barsoom
Comments
Doug Wild
“The Madness of King George”? Not Mad King?
Doug Wild
Loved this movie and glad it was made, but really suffers from “it made sense if you had read the book”. And I had read it a few times as a teen.
