Azazyel
patreon
The Longest Short Bus. Chapter 58
🕑 Added 2025-03-13 09:30:12 +0000 UTCCorvus Corax was one of the more enigmatic and... Intense of the Primarchs as he was by and large a predator at his core.
I sagged in place at not having my gut's ripped out or likewise cut in half by the Corax's power claws uncaring of the five Custodian's watching my reaction.
But after a moment... And Corvus Corax, god knows where. Hiding somewhere on my ship? Hiding in the very Warp itself, I had literally no idea.
The male Custodian's voice I was more used to spoke out. "Wake up from your thoughts. You have your mission."
I took a deep breath and grumbled aloud. "And this mission is going to be interesting for sure." I grumbled before taking a breath and mentally reactivating the helmet for my Crysis Suit so as I made my way back to the bridge, I was connected to the ship and directed it directly for the target.
Said target was the swirling Eye of Terror and exactly where I needed to go in order to reach the planet Sicarius, which was the main staging ground of the Word Bearer's and other Chaos Undivided factions.
However, as I made my way back to the bridge the ships sensors picked up a heavy warp presence back in the temple and even as I kept walking, I pulled up a small screen of the room only to see the back of Corvus Corax's head as he in his 'human' form stared up at the emperor statue.
And I couldn't help an internal shudder as I saw the fucking statue blink with it's fiery, fire filled eye's being closed with eye lids of masterfully sculpted stone before they re-opened and his eye's filled with more light as the God Emperor's essence in the statue stared at his son.
'Nope... Don't fucking think about weeping angel Space Marines. That way leads down a path of horror.' I thought with some horror before taking a breath as I realized to myself that if I was going to be fucking about with the Word Bearer's I needed to create some world killers.
'Hmm, I could just go the easy path of just slapping a massive laser emitter on my miles long ship. Or, should I go for more solid deployable planet killers?' I mused to myself as I reviewed the 'Vanilla' planet killers of 40k
In cyclonic torpedo's that would destroy the core of the world, virus bombs that would likewise destroy a planet's biosphere very quickly.... There was a large variety of native methods honestly.
But in the end, I came to a simple realization. There was no single 'good' method. No to destroy the planet Sicarius, and hopefully wipe out a Demon Primach and a Chaos Champion I needed to use ALL the fucking methods I could.
'Ok so let's a make laundry list of shit I am going to throw at them. Nova Bombs to implode the local star in the system, Wave Motion Gun added to the ship via the nano machines filling the ship, and of course... All the local equivalent of world killers.' I mused to myself as I made my way onto the bridge and then promptly sat in my throne/captain's seat.
Then as several of the enhanced guardsmen who now had some naval experience began speaking about the local reading's and sending me reports on the materials we had collected at the shrine world.
I paid them half a mind as I began entering the schematics for such weapons to the fabricators before I switched around to begin controlling the swarm of nano machines and my sanctified virtual intelligence controlled machines to begin the process of adding a Wave Motion Gun onto the ship itself.
And as I was having it done, I realized something rather funny as the Wave Motion Gun would make my ship just as dangerous as the Warmaster Abbadon's own flagship. 'Hell, I bet he will be jealous.' I mused to myself before I came back to awareness as Bhargest came onto the bridge and said loudly.
"Boss man! The new Sister's are being weird and trying to make statues of you out of their issued soap bars!"
The guardsmen on the bridge were silent for a moment before someone muttered. "Wait... They want to use a depiction of the Commander to wash and rub themselves with?"
I looked over at the man who looked partly jealous but obviously somewhat creeped out... Just as I was. But still!
"Jeffery, go peel some potatoes," I ordered and the man got up and I could see the confusion in his eye's as I was obviously punishing him for speaking out of turn.
But my face under my helmet twitched as he spoke respectfully. "Sir, I am aware we have been eating food from Terra, the homeland and cradle of humanity... But I am unaware of what a raw potato is, my lord!"
I was silent for a moment before sighing and saying tiredly. "Alright, everyone, we are going to the kitchen... We are all having fucking mashed potatoes and gravy. Anyone who asks another question gets thrown out of an airlock!"
I was a bit stressed alright. It was one thing for fucking Corvus Corax to be on my ship and being his spooky invisible self. But it was a whole other damned thing for the Primarch to be seeing those crazy Sister's of Battle making soap effigies of myself and properly doing terribly lewd things with them.
But hell, after the Mashed Potatoes and Gravy, it was time for me to introduce these poor bastards to a real hamburger made out of genetically fabricated meat that was a carbon and genetic copy of beef.
'Fuck it, might as well have some Ice Cream as well... There is no way my Guardsmen will fall to Chaos if they know I hold the secret that is a root beer float after.' I thought with a slight giggle at the stupid thought.
But either way, I was going to treat my men well, and it's not like we didn't have a week in the void to look forward to as we made our way into the Eye of Terror.
Comments
MasBoss
Sweets are the holy food to purify the soul.
The_Fake_Bee
TYFTC
Hmm is it time
Thanks for the chapter looking forward to more.
Graham Moore
Imagine they get to planet and Jake whips out a Ultimate Nullifier completely defeating the point of calling a Primarch for help and behanding the various Warp Spawn that attempt to "save" the planet from the unstoppable beam
Rauko the varment
TFTC!
Rauko the varment
Because of how spoiled his soldiers will be, I doubt anyone will break their loyalty~
DarkthShadow
This is hilarious, but even more so because I can technically see it working, even more so if the phrase gets passed around
Azazyel
LOL That actually made me laugh at the thought
Wilson
TFTC! Jake better make sure Barghest guard his room at night, les' he'll suffocate from a tide of Sorottidies. It's hillarious imagining Corax just awkwardly having a conversation with a fragment of Big E. It's truly not a ohase with how he goes all in on the bird thing. With how good the ration is, Jake probably have the most loyal guardsmen of the Imperium (outside of zealots). The only correct answer to the question "Which flavour of Exterminatus will we use on the Word Bearer?" Is YES!
GluttonousAngel
Root beer is terrible. Try good old German beer
Bishop7053
I don't know, some might fall to slannesh with a denial fetish once they have ice cream and just so they cant have it later
Loghead101
Everyone starts slowly losing their minds when being exposed to the warp. But here comes Jake going “You’re not you when you’re hungry!” And just shoves a snickers bar into all his guardsmen’s mouths.
ZeroLink21
That's right Jake you know the best way to hold back the forces of chaos is in fact through some good old home cooked food and ice cream for floats lol tftc
