lavandyra
patreon
Important announcement
🕑 Added 2024-05-18 20:12:05 +0000 UTChey there.
i'm sorry for this post. i'm going through a very hard period right now, and i just want to vent a bit here. you can just ignore this post, but i really have to let some things out.
i started this project out of passion back in 2021, three years ago. it started out as a simple experiment, i wanted to see if there is any chance i could become a good artist, and i've enjoyed this a lot. learning all of the things i know was very pleasant, and to see myself evolve was making me happy.
more than that, i began to have some very loyal people supporting me which i could make happy, and i am very grateful for that. i am grateful for everyone supporting me either morally or financially, or even both. but mostly, i am very grateful for the people who were so loyal to me, even if they didn't even have to. i will never be able to thank you enough, i love you.
now... as time passed, numbers increased, and i've began to take this very seriously. and that just because i love what i am doing. everything was working out perfectly, i was continuously growing and evolving. to create the art i love and also earn some decent income on it was the dream for me.
however, this came with many problems. when things got serious, it became a lot harder to manage my content and my community.
one of the problems was that i would feel pressured to post frequently, which caused some of my work to be rushed. this might've caused some disappointment in the quality of my content. i would have a lot on my schedule, both commissions and posts for subscribers at the same time, and i felt overwhelmed and sad that i had to always delay my content. also, i feel like recently i've been stuck, no more evolving, and content is kind of bland. i'm sorry for that, i really am. i am sorry if i disappointed you.
then... more serious problems appeared as time went on. back in november i opened a boosty account so that people who couldn't use patreon could also enjoy my work there. well, everything nice and good, until my account got banned, because apparently NSFW content is not allowed. after long talks with the support, i managed to get unblocked, but since then, I couldn't post pictures of my works, just links to download the content. well, this caused a mass unsubscribing from everyone, and made me lose a lot of motivation. to be honest, i was lucky, because sadly some creators were permanently banned, without recovery.
at the same time, a lot of my PRIVATE content has been shared without my permission on different platforms. this is one of the biggest problems, and it made me very demoralized and made very sad, because all of my art which is meant only for subscribers was now shared publicly, just like that. and i knew at some point it would happen, because after all most artists have this problem, but it came right when i was already going through a hard period. i know the problem comes from boosty most likely, not from here. i managed to delete most of them, but ... it's hard.
and even more, there is a lot of insults to me on these groups. people laughing that "i'm getting destroyed", people laughing at how bad my work is and why someone would ever pay for it, people calling me disgusting slurs!!!!
not only that they steal my PRIVATE content, but they publish it without watermark, while simultaneously insulting me so much, and telling people that i don't deserve to be promoted. i've seen some screenshots from these groups and i can not believe what people are saying, i'm literally just creating art, i don't understand why all those insults, really. i know i am not the greatest artist out there, i know some of my work is bad, cringe, but i don't feel like i deserve this type of hate.
also, in case it wasn't clear, i don't do this for money. it's just that, i work so hard, and people really don't know how much soul, passion and hours i put into my artworks and animations. people only see the final result and not how many tries, how many reworks, how many remodels ... and to have this happen to me, to be treated like i'm just a trash, to be called such bad words really hurts me and makes me want to give up. i really don't want to quit, this project made me so happy during these years, but it seems like the "fancy" period ended and i've entered a continuous hell which i can't escape.
i'm trying my best to remain on my feet, because i really love what i'm doing, and i'm also doing it for the people who are supporting me, which again, i love a lot! and thank you so much again for everything that you guys have done for me.
all i can say is, future is uncertain. it's not the end yet, and i hopefully can come back from this mentally, but the recent events really hurt me, after all i am a person as well, and i have a heart, it's hard for me to endure all of that.
anyway, if anyone made it until here, sorry for this long wall of text. i hope some people can understand me. no, i'm not quitting just yet. it's just that... it feels like it's near... and that makes me very sad.
Comments
lavandyra
everything you wrote is very true. i agree maybe i am hated because i'm working so hard and trying to be a great artist. of course i shouldn't let hate get to me, maybe i care too much. the problem is, it's not just hate, it came combined with the stealing of my content and also boosty problems which made me lose a lot of subscribers really hurt me a lot. π« however, i'm trying to solve these problems and trying to get back on my feet and listen more to my community other than haters...
lavandyra
i'm working with someone on trying to find out where the problem comes from. all i can say is, i know who is responsible for all the boosty bans of all my friends. i'm not sure if i should speak out, i don't want to give them clout. but it's someone that very recently started "creating" art in this community. with that said, thank you so much for your continuous support and for your message, i want to keep going for people like you. welcome back, by the way! π
Dawid
That's unfortunately how most communities around the Internet look like - full of hate and injustice. Not only in the nsfw arts community, but everywhere - the anonimity allows people to do and say whatever they want. The same is when playing Dota - if you play at your skill level and win/lose 50% of your games for random reasons, then in the 50% losing ones people will often flame you and wish cancer to you, just because you had a bad game, even though you perhaps didn't do anything wrong and the ones who flame are the actual reason of the loss. And then if you get better and rise above this level, you will receive the same at a higher MMR. Actually I think that the better you get, the more hate and injustice you receive. Just look how the top football players are mocked in the Internet. We may not like it, but that's how it is. People just want to let go of their negative feelings by mocking someone in the Internet in order to feel better. You need to accept that fact and keep going.
Made OfGold
As far as i know, most artists are confronted with unauthorised posts. I also saw that a lot of people lost a lot of subs due to boosty thing. On another telegram channel (moviestudio) idk how someone did it but they found who was spreading everything. Haters gonna hate. Don't give in to the hate and Don't let it affect you, that's what they want. Keep on going, sometimes things are rough but they are gonna get better.
