AgathaHart
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Grayscale Ch3
🕑 Added 2016-10-08 23:10:52 +0000 UTC Double update because I keep not having the chance to post on a regular schedule!***
Koz felt badly for leaving Jack alone the day before, so while he was a little wary of taking him off the island when he was still so vulnerable to the change, he decided to allow a day-trip ashore. If nothing else, they needed to get some more clothes for Jack – his transformation the night before had destroyed one set of clothes already. Luckily, during his camp raid Koz had happened to grab a backpack with plenty of clothing it in, so the boy wouldn’t have to go without. However, at the current rate, those clothes wouldn’t last him very long.
Koz swam Jack from the island to the mainland. As soon as Koz moved to stand in the shallows, Jack turned around in the water and darted up onto the beach, sending water sloshing everywhere. He flopped onto the ground while Koz trudged after him. “Land!” He cried happily.
Just as Koz stepped out of the water, Jack sprang up from the ground. He stretched, flexing his arms and twisting his torso – every inch of him screaming excited energy.
“You’re making me tired just looking at you,” Koz panted. Bending at the waist, he put his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. The morning was cool enough that each sharp inhale brought with it a chilled burn. His toes tingled, hovering on the edge of numbness, buried as they were in the cold, wet mud just beneath the water line.
“I can’t help it!” Jack said, shivering and bouncing on his heels. “I feel like Rapunzel when she leaves her tower - I could run a mile!”
Koz was glad Jack seemed to have somewhat recovered from his brush with starvation. He’d eaten a whole pack of applesauce cups that morning and kept it down and now he was acting as lively as a spring-hare. You’d never have known how bad off he was just days ago if it weren’t for how deathly thin he still looked.
“Why don’t you run ahead then?” Koz suggested, straightening.
“You sure?” Jack asked. “What if I decide to run off?”
Koz smiled humorlessly. “We had a deal didn’t we? Until you have things under control, right?” He shrugged. “Besides, you transformed last night, odds are good you’ll transform tonight as well and it’d be much better for everyone if you were on the island.”
Jack rolled his eyes. “You and your logic.”
“Go on,” Koz said, his humor returning, “stay on the beach so I don’t lose you.”
“Alright, alright.” Jack waved him off. For a moment, Koz was reminded so much of Seraphina he felt like he’d been gut-punched. Then Jack was gone, jogging down the sand bar and leaving a trail of footprints in his wake.
His surprise at the feeling of nostalgia distracted him from the full effect. He watched, startled and numb as Jack ran down the shoreline.
Koz knew nothing about track, but he’d bet money that Jack had good form. He certainly looked good – graceful and smooth. And he was fast, although that may have been because he was now less than human.
Koz started to walk after the younger man, following his footprints through the damp sand. He vaguely remembered having fluctuations with his stamina when he first changed. Perhaps Jack was suffering from those? But Koz had had far more problems with a lack of energy than too much. Jack seemed to be suffering the opposite effect. Maybe it was their difference in age. Or personalities. Or maybe Jack really was just that excited to be off the island.
But now he’d started thinking on it, Jack was due to suffer more symptoms of the change. He thought back, trying to recall exactly when he’d had certain symptoms. They’d all started to blend together after a while. He hadn’t foreseen the need to keep track of them at the time, and so hadn’t even tried.
After the fever he’d been weak and hungry. He would have random spurts or lags in energy – which eventually became more focused into a lack of control over his strength and speed. But before that, what had he felt?
He started as he realized he’d lost Jack’s movements from his peripheral vision.
Jack was standing frozen on the beach, shoulders hunched and hands pressed over his ears. He was looking around cautiously. Even from afar, he seemed shaky and confused. When he turned to look towards Koz his face was pale.
For a moment Koz feared the pack had returned, but then Jack’s body jerked suddenly, crumpling in on itself. He fell to the ground, letting out a strangled yelp that was promptly cut off.
Koz bolted across the beach, sand kicking up at his heels as he dashed to the boy’s side. Jack’s knuckles were white over his ears. He remembered immediately – curling up into a ball as all the noise in the world seemed to try and force its way inside his skull, overwhelming his every thought. He remembered this.
“Jack?” He knelt at the boy’s side, keeping his voice as low as he could. His hand hovering over his shoulder, afraid his touch might cause more harm than good. “You’re having a sensory attack – your senses are amplifying as you develop and you don’t yet have the control to adjust them.”
A bird took to the air some ten feet from them and to Koz it was a blip – recognized and gone – but Jack flinched away, curling over further until his forehead was pressed into his knees, gasping in pain. Koz remembered how it felt – like someone was driving a blunt nail through your skull, sounds multiplying and growing in intensity until it was an all-out assault – but unlike with conventional pain where endorphins were rushing in to take the edge off, there was nowhere for the endorphins to go, not unless his eardrums burst from the strain – which was entirely possible.
“You have to distract yourself,” Koz said, watching as tears squeezed their way between Jack’s pale lashes. “Focus on your other senses – you’re being pulled too far one way, you need to even out.” He knew his talking wasn’t helping. Jack might not even be able to understand him right now, but on the off chance he could, Koz might as well try. Jack gasped for breath, his breathing broken by hiccups and pained sobs.
“Open your eyes,” he instructed. “Look around, focus on something else. Jack?”
After what seemed like a long time, Jack opened his eyes and slowly lifted his head. His wet lashes fluttered as he struggled to keep his eyes open.
“Good.” Koz put his hand on the Jack’s back and rubbed soft circles. Almost instantly Jack’s breathing improved. “That’s it, Jack, perfect. Just focus on me.”
He continued rubbing circles across the boy’s back, hoping that if he could force some tactile awareness on the younger man, it might pull his overloaded senses away from his hearing and pull him out of the attack.
Jack’s breathing slowly evened out. His hands loosened their death grip over his ears until he finally removed them entirely. He was shaking and pale, looking around himself fretfully as if to confirm he really was still on the beach next to Koz and not on some foreign planet. Koz remembered the feeling. Magnified to extremes, familiar sounds became terrifying and completely alien.
“Are you alright?” He asked, keeping his voice low.
Jack licked his lips and looked around fearfully. He made no motion to get up from his position on his knees, his body curled in on itself. “No,” he said at length, his voice small. “What—” he wet his lips again. “What did you say that was?”
“A sensory attack,” Koz said, voice equally soft. “Sort of like sensory overload, but different. Your senses are amplifying slowly as you change, but sometimes they can be triggered and take a big jump forward. Eventually your senses will develop so that those amplified levels are your new normal and you’ll be able to adjust what you experience
Jack was quiet a moment, breathing deeply and very, very slowly starting to relax. He licked his lips. “So there’ll be more?” His voice nearly cracked, emotion straining as he tried to keep his voice low.
Koz frowned. “Yes,” he said, “you’ll get them every now and then for the next few weeks. While you adjust.”
“Shit,” Jack hissed. He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his palms over them, letting out a long breath. He pulled his hands away suddenly and looked at the dampness in surprise. “Shit,” he said in a more regular tone.
He wiped the moisture from his eyes with the back of his hands. “Sorry,” he said. “Didn’t mean to get all weepy on you.”
Koz’s eyebrows rose. “I’d be more concerned if you didn’t get ‘weepy’ on occasion, given what you’re going through.” And what he’d already been through. Jack’s rough upbringing might have had something to do with the fact that he responded to Koz’s comment with a smile that was almost convincing.
“I’m fine now, sorry about that.” He stood up and there was the briefest pause as if he were afraid another attacked would come on and then it was gone and his smile was in place once more.
“Do you want to go back to the island?” Koz asked.
“No!” Jack waved him off. “I want to get some food.”
Koz hesitated.
“C’mon,” Jack urged, taking a few steps ahead of him.
Koz bit his lip. He didn’t want Jack to brush this off – but he also didn’t want to lose the daylight. They still needed food. Besides, it wasn’t as if Jack was at less risk for attacks there than here.
“Alright,” he said at length, “but if you have another attack, we’re going back, alright?”
Jack’s smile was so dazzling it was hard to believe it was fake. “Deal!”
***
In all honesty, Jack was still feeling shaky after the attack, but he didn’t want to spend the day alone on the island again. Thankfully, it wasn’t thirty minutes before his shakes disappeared and his energy returned in full. This worked out well, since it wasn’t long after that that they found the campgrounds.
It soon became apparent that Jack wasn’t as good at thievery as Koz. The older man was quick and nearly silent, moving in between tents and lawn chairs with the stealth and caution of a wild animal. He went through the campers’ belongings quickly and carefully, putting everything back the way he’d found it. The exception to this was of course, the few items he took – and he only ever took a few things from one camp. “This way,” he explained to Jack, “the campers are more likely to think they’ve simply misplaced something than they are to realize they’ve been robbed.”
Jack was not a stealthy thief. In fact, he was quickly banned from stealing things after the third time Koz caught him playing with toys or snorting over a barely hidden box of condoms. He couldn’t help it, his sense of humor went into overdrive when he was nervous or hyper and at that moment he was suffering a double-whammy. (“Plus, who goes camping and plans on fucking?” He’d asked. “What if you got ticks on your—” “Please don’t finish that sentence, Jack.”)
He was still hopped up on adrenaline when Koz left him alone outside the newest camp they’d come to plunder. He was supposed to sit with their trash bag of stolen goods and wait out of sight, but… well, Jack was not one to obey perfectly reasonable restrictions on normal basis let alone when he was feeling so energetic.
He left their belongings where Koz would expect them to be and wandered a few yards away. He was only hoping to burn off some energy and stretch his legs, but then, quite suddenly he realized that the murmur in the distance that he’d been hearing for some time now was not the bird chatter and rustling leaves he’d come to expect from the forest.
He could hear people. There were people nearby. He turned his head this way and that, trying to catch the sound’s source. There! He locked his gaze on a distant break in the tree line. All he could see was a very bright patch of sunlight, but the voices were definitely coming from that direction.
As if in a trance, he made his way towards the sounds of humanity. The closer he got, the more easily he could hear them, the faster his pace became. There were children laughing and shrieking, the murmur of many adults speaking at once, the soft tinkle of human laughter. He nearly ran into a tree branch and grazed his ear. He stumbled over a rock half buried in the dirt. He didn’t care – he was nearly running now. There were people up ahead!
He broke through the tree line. Sunlight seemed to ram into him and he was left blind and winded and surrounded by people. He blinked the spots from his vision and found he was standing on a beach overlooking another lake. There were children digging in the sand, running around, and generally making a huge ruckus. Teenagers lay tanning or else horsing around in the water while parents napped or read in the shade of brightly colored beach umbrellas.
He knew he should ask someone to borrow their phone so he could call his mother, but he couldn’t. There probably weren’t more than thirty people there and yet Jack felt completely overwhelmed. There were so many of them!
He backed away from the beach. They were so noisy – too noisy! Even as he turned and started walking away he could hear them getting louder and louder –throbbing-beating-pulsing- and he started running because holy shit he was going to have another sensory attack and he couldn’t be near all those people when it happened!
“Jack!” Koz roared in his ear and he gasped in fear, instinctively ducking away. Only his father every shouted into his face like that and the memory had his heart pounding in a way that had nothing to do with the explosion of noise building around him.
“Jack!” He looked up, terrified and was startled to see Koz wasn’t next to him – but some twenty feet away, brows pinched in concern as he jogged towards Jack.
Jack put his hands over his ears and crouched down, bracing his whole body as sound swarmed around him like a hive of angry – noisy – bees.
He forced himself to keep his eyes open. It’d helped a little bit last time when his eyes were open – but it was so hard to focus on what his eyes perceived when his eardrums were demanding so much attention.
He could see Koz was speaking to him, but all he heard were snatches of scratchy, incomprehensible wails that rose and fell in random pitch.
Something pressed on his back. It was probably Koz’s hand again. He tried to focus on it as he had before, forcing his mind to concentrate on the sensation: the heat, pressure, size of his hand, and the way it moved over his shoulder blades, firm then soft – but the feeling slipped away. Panic mounted as everything slipped away. He couldn’t feel Koz’s hand or the grass under his knees or the sun through the trees shining on his back.
He couldn’t tell if his eyes were opened or closed – couldn’t feel it, couldn’t see it – he was getting swept away by sound and then PAIN—
The world snapped back into focus.
“Ow!” He yelped and yanked his hand to his chest, pain bursting along his little finger.
He blinked rapidly, clearing tears from his eyes and gasping as he looked down at his hand. His pinky was bent at an awkward angle and rapidly turning a nasty shade of red.
“I’m sorry,” Koz said, moving into Jack’s space. “That was the only other way I knew to break you out of it. Did it work? How do you feel?”
Jack grit his teeth and tried and failed to get his breathing back under control. “Well, my finger feels pretty fucking broken.”
“I’m sorry,” Koz said again, sounding sincere. “It’s not broken, just dislocated. And now I’m sorry again, I’ve got to pop it back in place.”
Jack reluctantly let him take his injured hand between his own.
He gasped sharply as Koz popped the joint back in place – another burst of agony and then throbbing soreness. Koz let go and Jack pulled his hand back to his chest. He let out a long breath and forced himself to hold it in for a moment before letting it out again.
“It’ll hurt for a little while,” Koz said, “but you’ve got a healing factor now, so it won’t bother you for long.” He watched Jack cradle his hand with concern on his face. “I’m sorry.”
Jack shook his head, distracted as he tried to calm his breathing. “You don’t have to keep apologizing,” he said.
Koz’s frown deepened. “Yes, I do. I intentionally hurt you so I’m apologizing.”
Jack wondered if Koz’s words held a hidden barb towards his father. He supposed he should have been angrier with Koz for purposefully hurting him – hadn’t he just been frightened because he’d accidentally reminded Jack of his father? But hurting his hand had worked so tremendously well that after the initial shock faded, he could only feel grateful. The soreness in his hand was nothing compared to the terrifying, painful disorientation of the sensory attack.
Jack took another deep breath and lay his hands on his knees as he exhaled slowly. “You’re forgiven,” he said.
Koz seemed a little satisfied by this. “I’m afraid we had a deal on this one,” he said. “That was your second attack, I want to take you back to the island now.”
Jack didn’t want to go back, but he also didn’t feel comfortable here. At least on the island it would be just him and Koz; familiar territory with no potential for overwhelming crowds of noisy people. He sighed glumly, “Okay.”
*
It was turning out to be quite an awful day. Shortly after they set out for the island, Jack’s boundless energy disappeared. He could hardly stand, let alone walk. Koz made him take a break – even though they were making awful time – and Jack was too tired to do much more than nibble on the blueberries Koz had stolen from a campsite cooler.
Several times Koz offered to carry him and each time he refused. He didn’t mind being carried, but he was starting to get angry with himself. This was just like physical therapy after he broke his leg. He couldn’t do the things that he should have - by all rights - been perfectly capable of doing. Maybe he was showing Koz an unattractive stubborn streak, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t ready to admit that these werewolf ‘growing pains’ were a debilitating problem.
That would mean admitting that maybe, maybe Koz was right and he wouldn’t be able to pick up his old life again. Which was unacceptable.
So Jack did what he always did: he pretended that nothing was wrong.
The closer they got to the lake, the darker the sky became. Koz kept glancing back at Jack more and more. His offers to carry him increased right up until the sun was just beginning to dip beneath the horizon. Then he just seemed amazed to find Jack still conscious. His staring was a little creepy, but Jack ignored him. They kept walking with Jack occasionally pausing to rest at a tree, taking small breaks and looking westward towards the lowering sun.
He didn’t think he’d seen the sun set since before the bite - and then it was always with the knowledge that the setting sun meant the monsters would be out soon.
It was cool, growing cooler. The sun’s light seemed to defy the chill in the air, casting off the clouds in brilliant burst of warm pinks and oranges while peeps of periwinkle sky showed through the other side. It was beautiful and for the first time in a long while Jack allowed himself to simply appreciate nature.
Slowly, Jack began to shiver – so subtle at first he didn’t even think on it and when he finally did he dismissed it as a result of the cooling weather. Then he realized the darker the sky got, the worse the shaking became. He didn’t even feel cold.
Koz kept looking back at him, sometimes stopping to wait for Jack to catch up and staring unabashedly in a way that made Jack feel like he was being sized up. "Are you going to make it?" Koz asked.
"I’ll be fine,” Jack said. “I just can't stop shaking."
Koz frowned – and not one of his ‘I don’t know how to express myself other than frowning’ frowns, no, this was a frown of genuine unease. "How does your neck feel?"
"Sore? Kinda itchy? I’m probably sunburned. What's my neck got to do with it?"
"It's part of the change." Koz reached forward and pulled down the back of Jack's shirt slightly. Instantly Jack felt a strange, itchy, prickling sensation roll down his nape. "You're going to change soon."
“Oh.” Jack had never felt the change come on this way. He’d always just blacked out and woke up sans clothing. “We should hurry?"
"We should."
Koz started walking, moving quickly before he realized Jack couldn’t keep up. He backtracked and took Jack’s arm, half helping, half pulling him along. The sky turned nearly purple overhead as the last sliver of sun peered over the horizon and Jack's shaking turned into full-body jerks. His legs shook out from under him and he fell to the ground with a yelp.
His whole body spasmed. He couldn’t control his neck and ended up banging his head against the ground several times, adding another pleasant layer of disorientation to the ordeal. He looked around frantically, breathing hard. "What's happening?" He cried as his body jack-knifed, flipping him over as Koz tried to grab onto his flailing body.
"You're changing," Koz grunted as he managed to get hold of Jack's squirming limbs. "You're just conscious this time."
"I don't like this!" Jack cried as Koz began running with him, heading towards the lake. He elbowed Koz square in the chin and tried to apologize, but his jaw clenched shut. He couldn't move his tongue and he gagged.
"Don't panic," Koz ground out. "Panic makes it worse."
They broke the line of trees with Jack struggling to calm himself, but his fear only grew the more he tried to stamp it down. His neck was burning so badly, the water was almost a welcome relief except that it was so so cold.
Koz grabbed him tightly around the middle with one arm, their bag of stolen goods clenched tightly in his fist as he used his other arm for a weak backstroke. Jack was completely unaware of this. His jaws unlocked and he choked in a sharp gasp before the pain finally hit. Stabbing pins and needles threaded through his muscles, knotting into little clusters of agony at his joints.
Adrenaline rushed in, forcing the pain away only so it could resurface somewhere new. Jack gasped and choked on water as Koz struggled to pull his shifting body to the island. He couldn't stay still though, he had no control over his body. He could barely control his mind!
Everything seemed fuzzy, spinning, dizzy, agony, water, gasping, pain. Koz, Koz, help me. Help me! He tried to speak but nothing came out, his lips weren't working. His jaw hurt - his teeth hurt. Bursts of fiery agony flaring through his skull like explosions, blowing away all conscious thought—
And then it was over. Jack floated, Koz's arm trying to keep hold of his middle as he dragged him towards the island.
Jack stared up at the moon overhead, puzzled. What just happened?
Koz flipped over to walk the last few feet to the island and Jack followed suite. Instantly, his head went below the water. Before he could panic, Koz grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and hauled him up onto the island’s short beach.
Jack tried to voice his unhappiness at this tough treatment, but the words wouldn't come to him. What were words? Ha! He was almost giddy - what even were words?
Jack tottered on land on all fours. Weird. Weird? Weird.
He whined. The world seemed intense and bright and strange and fast, so very fast and Jack's thoughts were
so
slow.
He whined again and looked to Koz, who only looked back at him, eyebrows raised.
Was Jack supposed to say something? He couldn't remember. Couldn't focus. Couldn't think.
He whimpered. Something brushed against his leg and he jumped. He whirled around to look.
He wasn't wearing pants and his legs were furry, that seemed odd but he couldn't remember why. That was strange though, that thing. What was that thing?
He tried to grab it but his hand didn't work right and the thing moved. He circled around and the thing followed him - he did not like that!
He ran, trying to get it but he couldn't move right, he couldn't stand and his hands didn't work and all he accomplished was making himself very dizzy. Finally he tripped over his own limbs and fell in a pile.
Koz laughed. He actually laughed!
"I'm sorry,” he said, still chuckling, “I shouldn't laugh.” He snickered. “I hope I'm not this ridiculous when I change," he said. Jack didn't understand what he meant, although he knew he should have.
'There's a thing behind me,' Jack wanted to say, 'and I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to be there!' But all that came out was a long whine.
"The tail takes some getting used to, but it's nothing to get distressed over," Koz said. He walked up the bank, setting down their bag full of stolen items. He sat down beneath the tree with a groan and looked at Jack.
Jack glanced around, confused and concerned. He knew Koz was good though, Koz was comfort. So he crept forward, moving unsteadily and annoyed every step by the feeling of that foreign tail clinging to his leg. He whined.
“No use crying about it,” Koz said, “you’ll just have to get used to walking that way.” Jack didn't understand, but he knew Koz was speaking to him soothingly and he appreciated it.
Koz reached out as Jack came to stand beside him. His hand was gentle and warm running along the fur on Jack’s cheek. It felt nice. Safe. Jack walked forward and, with a little maneuvering, managed to lie down beside him.
Koz seemed a little surprised, but quickly recovered. He let out a sigh and gently stroked Jack’s head.
The tail, Jack resentfully noticed, began to wag.
"I'm sorry," Koz said.
The words were blurry, sticky, nonsensical in Jack's ears. He knew he should understand and that he didn’t was distressing, but not nearly as the tone of sadness in Koz's voice.
Jack's ears folded back and his tail stopped its wagging. 'Don't be sad,' he thought.
He wriggled and rolled over, forcing his head against Koz's chest and sending him flat on his back with an indignant ‘oof!’. Koz looked up in disbelief at Jack's head laying upside down on his chest. See Koz, don't be sad. He flicked his tongue out and licked the bottom of Koz’s chin.
Koz stared at him a moment. He snorted suddenly and then, as if he were caught off guard by the sound, he laughed outright. Jack’s tail wagged hard enough to make his whole body squirm, enjoying the way Koz’s laughter shook reverberated through his whole chest.
Koz moved to sit up, still snickering and Jack politely rolled off of him and repositioned himself against his companion. He licked Koz's hand, then curled up against his body, resting his head in his lap.
Koz snorted. “And you said I was cuddly.” He brushed a hand over Jack’s head and that traitorous tail started wagging, but Jack didn’t mind too much because Koz was petting him and it felt so nice! He closed his eyes and in a moment, drifted off to sleep.
***
Koz made the executive decision to stay with Jack on the island the next day. Much as he’d tried to keep his thievery to a minimum, it was very possible the authorities had been notified after so many items had gone missing from campsites. He reasoned it would be a good idea to wait and let any investigations die down a bit before they resumed their thievery.
To be honest, he also wanted to stay with Jack. The boy’s talkative nature and eagerness for activities was a welcome distraction from his own thoughts, even when Jack was being a pest, as he was doing so now.
“Please, Koz?”
“No.”
“Pleeeeeeease?”
“We are not going anywhere.”
“Come on, Koz, it’s so boring here! We compromised on my staying here until I get the wolf-thing under control – I’m not going to run off or anything.” Jack lay sprawled on the beach as Koz huddled under the tree’s shade.
“You don’t need to wander off,” Koz said, “you just need to be out late enough that you can’t get back to the island before you change. Last night was too close a call.”
Jack gathered a handful of sand and watched the grains fall between his fingers. “But with a worry-wort like you to help me out I definitely won’t stay out too late a second time.”
“No.” Koz crossed his arms and gave Jack his sternest, fatherly-est frown. Usually the Koz Father Glare was strong enough to send Seraphina storming off to her room to pout – but Jack was immune. He rolled over on to his back, crossed his arms, and scrunched up his face in an exaggerated scowl.
“Mocking me won’t get you what you want,” Koz said, amused despite himself.
“Maybe not but it makes me feel better,” Jack said in an absolutely abysmal British accent.
“Good God,” Koz sputtered, “I will do anything if you promise never to attempt that accent again.”
“Anything?”
“No.”
“But you said—” Jack spoke in the accent and Koz groaned.
“Tomorrow!” He said. “I’ll need to get more supplies anyway, you can come with me!”
“Promise?”
“If you promise no more accents.”
Jack frowned. “All accents? I might need to think on that one.”
“Just—“ Koz realized he was almost smiling and stopped that immediately. “Just no British accents.”
Jack narrowed his eyes in thought. “Deal.” He rolled over suddenly and hopped to his feet. “Do you think when we go out tomorrow we could look for a payphone?”
Koz’s eyebrows rose. “Payphone?”
Jack rolled his eyes. “I’m assuming asking to borrow someone’s cell phone would count as ‘drawing unwanted attention’.”
“Why?”
Jack folded his arms across his chest and bit his lip. “To call my mom.”
Koz sighed as his heart sank. “Jack—“
“She doesn’t know what happened to me,” Jack said quickly, throwing his arms out. “I know things aren’t always great at home, but my mom still worries, you know? She probably…” Jack licked his lips. “She probably thinks I’m dead.”
Koz’s insides twisted. He suddenly pictured Seraphina curled up on North’s couch, those silly elves of his all jingling and bumbling around her while she tried and failed to pretend to be invested in a game on her phone and not actively waiting for it to ring. Koz swallowed as he imagined North out looking for him on the full moon while Bunny holed up with Sera – all of them pretending like they thought him showing up would be a bad thing because even if he did turn up and tried to kill them, at least that meant he was alive and well and home again. He remembered how it felt to bring Seraphina home to a house without Jo – a house where Jo would never return to – and how he was putting his own daughter through that pain.
He opened eyes he didn’t remember closing and focused on Jack standing before him, still biting his lip and watching Koz carefully.
“I’m sorry,” Jack said. “I know you’re resolved to not going home, but I… I’m not that strong. I’m not as strong as you.”
Koz took a deep breath. “I’m not that strong,” he admitted. “I just know that what I’m doing is what needs to be done. It’s more… stubbornness.”
A silence fell between them in which Koz tried and failed not to get swept away in his guilt and worry over Seraphina and Jack stared at his feet, anxiety coiling off of him like smoke.
“Let’s switch tracks,” Jack said suddenly. “We don’t have to worry about that until tomorrow so let’s just focus on today. Let’s do something - let’s have some fun!”
Koz raised his eyebrows. “What do you have in mind?” He asked.
“I don’t know!” Jack grinned, his smile still strained slightly. “Help me think of something.”
Koz could sense a ploy to cheer him up and he appreciated it, but also felt guilty. He was the adult here. Granted, Jack was legally an adult, but Koz was older. Jack should be relying on him, not the other way around.
He grasped for an activity besides fishing.
“Come on old-timer,” Jack said, his tone teasing. “What did you used to do for fun before electricity?”
Koz offered a wry smile. “Well, we’re awful at fishing and you can’t swim so that basically leaves… charades and tick-tack toe.”
Jack huffed suddenly and Koz looked at him in confusion. What had he said? Jack looked like he’d swallowed something unsavory.
“I could learn to swim,” he said.
“I’m sure you could—”
“I mean, you could teach me to swim.” Jack blanched. “It wouldn’t be particularly fun, but it would be something to do and…” He let out another huff. “And whether I go home or not it’ll be useful if I can keep this place as an option on my list of safe-zones for when I go all wolfy. I figure it’s a good idea if I can get here on my own.”
Koz nodded. “Yes, it would be a good idea.”
Jack frowned at the water, then turned to Koz, forcing a smile. “Plus, I know from experience, if anything goes wrong, you do know mouth-to-mouth.”
Koz smirked and stood up. “Alright,” he said, pulling off his shirt.
He pulled the garment over his head in time to catch Jack looking away. He caught a whiff of some strange smell in the air that vanished before he could fully catch it. It wasn’t fear, but it did fizzle a little like the scent of fear did. Before he could ask Jack if he was alright, the young man was hurriedly, pulling off his own shirt. Koz dismissed it – he’d figure out what the scent was later.
They both stripped down to their boxers (or rather, boxers Koz had stolen from some unknowing campers), then Koz led the way into the water.
He debated how to start teaching someone how to swim. He couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t know how to swim. He’d taken Seraphina to lessons when she was young, but he’d spent most of that time thinking how cute she looked, praying she wouldn’t drown, and mentally chiding her for not paying attention. Still, he tried to remember all that he’d subconsciously picked up from watching her learn and went from there.
Any qualms Koz may have had about using techniques meant to help four-year olds learn to swim were negated when the simple act of getting Jack to put his head under the water proved surprisingly difficult.
“You know you don’t need to be afraid.” Koz said, clinging to patience. “You can stand up here, you won’t drown.”
“I know,” Jack said through grit teeth. “I just… have a thing about water.”
“I noticed.” Koz said. “Bad experience?”
“I left my little sister alone in the tub when she was a baby. She was fine but then my dad got um… creative with the punishment?” Jack let out a slightly hysterical laugh. “Please don’t ask about it.”
Koz pursed his lips. A child should never have been responsible for the wellbeing of a baby, he thought disgustedly. Why hadn’t Jack’s father been the one to look after her? But he pushed his anger aside. Jack had honored him by willingly revealing such a personal thing, he could respect his wishes and not pry further.
He squeezed Jack’s hands – they always held hands with the children at Seraphina’s swim class – maybe comfort was part of the reason why. “Try again. I’ll even let you cheat and hold your nose if you like.”
Jack let out a shaky breath and a half-hearted attempt at a pandering laugh – then quickly dunked his head under the water.
He came up almost immediately, but Koz was willing to take any small victory.
“Well done,” he said. “Let’s try floating.”
*
By evening Jack and Koz had passed through the eye of hell and were apparently emerging unscathed.
They’d first been driven by optimism, then stubbornness, then frustrated rage, and now finally, a sense of triumph. Jack held one of Koz’s hands as he performed a one-armed doggy paddle, his would-be swimming instructor walked along by his side. It was graceless and a far cry from being able to swim to and from the shore, but they were damn proud of themselves.
Koz loosened his grip on Jack’s hand and Jack let him until he’d let go entirely. Koz drifted ahead, smiling like an idiot while Jack swam along behind him. They circled the island one last time before Koz slowed to a stop.
Jack reached out for him as he stopped as well. Koz took his hands and let himself get sucked into the light of Jack’s grin.
They were both sunburned and hungry, but in that moment, Koz found he was actually happy. The setting sun cast pink and orange light across the water. Jack’s sun-kissed skin made his white hair stand out like a halo and Koz could see for the first time, an array of freckles splashed across Jack’s cheeks and wow, his face was really close to Jack’s – like close enough to see the swirls and fractals in Jack’s stunningly blue eyes – and then Jack’s pale lashes slid closed and their lips brushed.
Jack’s lips were soft and warm and it had been so long since Koz had kissed someone like this that he didn’t even think how he shouldn’t, he just let his eyes slide shut and pressed his lips against Jack’s. He lost himself in the feeling as Jack’s hands gently came to rest on his chest.
Koz breathed deeply through the nose and let out a small gasp of surprise. Jack smelled amazing. It was the same scent he’d caught briefly when they were stripping earlier, but now it was far, far more intense: a deliciously pungent, spicy-sweet, musky smell that seemed to fizzle its way through Koz’s body before bursting like fireworks beneath his stomach.
Jack’s tongue slipped coyly against his bottom lip and Koz nearly purred with approval, tilting his head to give Jack better access as he slipped his tongue. Jack tangled his hands in Koz’s hair, his fingernails scraping pleasantly along Koz’s scalp.
Koz wrapped his arms around Jack’s lower back, palms sliding over warm skin and grasping tight to his hips. Jack’s tongue slid against his and for a moment Koz imagined skimming his hands down onto Jack’s ass, grasping him by his thighs, hooking his legs around his waist, carrying him back to the island - fucking him senseless on the beach.
Each inhale brought that same scent searing through him, urging him on – yes! Yes!
Koz could feel how heavily Jack was breathing as their bare chests pressed together. Their hips ground together and Koz moaned. Wet boxers, it turned out, felt like nothing. He could feel Jack half-hard against his own erection.
Jack pulled away with a groan. “Fuck.”
Koz pulled him in again immediately, claiming his mouth in a sudden biting movement before slipping his tongue in through plush, unresisting lips. Jack tugged on his hair and he growled before he realized the pinpricks of pain were traveling lower, forming a familiar ache on the back of his neck.
“Shit.” Koz pulled away, wide eyes meeting Jack’s.
Just an arm’s length of distance removed Koz enough from Jack’s amazing smell that his surprise at almost transforming managed to jump-start his common sense.
“Oh, shit.” He let go of Jack’s hips and Jack’s arms slipped from his shoulders, his sunburned face turning even redder.
“Oh,” Jack said, his expression of mortification identical to Koz’s.
“I’m sorry!” Koz could feel himself blushing up to his ears. “I shouldn’t have—”
“It’s fine. I reciprocated. I even… hoooooooo—” Jack ran both hands through his hair and looked away.
“Still, I’m the older one here. That was inappropriate of me. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again—”
“—oooooooooh-boy.”
“Not that it was bad, I don’t want you to feel badly. I just—“
“We probably shouldn’t!”
“Exactly!”
“So—”
Silence hung between them as they both grappled with what to say next.
“Why don’t I go for a swim and you go get dressed?” Koz said, his voice embarrassingly high and absurdly chipper.
“Perfect!” Jack said with much enthusiasm. “Just what I was thinking. Hey! Don’t be surprised if I’m asleep when you get done with your swim ‘cause I’m super tired!” Jack hurried towards the shore, moving clumsily through the waist-high water.
“Yep, me too!” Koz said, wishing he could sink to the bottom of the lake. “Super tired!”
“Good night!” Jack said, his tone nearly hysterical.
“Good night!” Koz said back, voice equally shrill before he turned and around and dunked his head under the water, praying for a spontaneous freshwater shark attack to end his mortification.
