AgathaHart
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Grayscale Ch6
🕑 Added 2016-10-19 02:15:50 +0000 UTC I'm sorry I'm being so unreliable on updates right now, I'd promise to do better but I don't think I can guarantee anything with my schedule the way it is. Physical therapy is ongoing, as are classes. I've also gotten a good start on Theseus and the Beast! But for now, here's a fic update:***
Koz checked his rearview mirror for what felt like the thousandth time. He’d confirmed long ago that no one was following them, but he couldn’t help but keep looking. His hands had stopped shaking shortly after he’d started grilling Jack about his conversation with Jamie. The answers he’d received were short and quiet. Eventually, Koz let it drop.
Now they sat in silence. The interior of the car was dark. Occasionally they’d pass under a streetlamp and yellow light would flash over the dashboard and across their still forms. They coasted to a stop at a red light and Koz’s eyes left the empty road stretching out before his headlights and glanced towards Jack.
The young man was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, staring down at the car floor. The red glare of the stoplight cast a stark contrast so Koz could hardly see his eyes beneath his bangs. Pale fingers fiddled with the laces of his shoes and he noticed that the boy’s hands hadn’t stopped shaking.
Koz turned right and started along the winding road that led to the Claussen forest park entrance. The only light to be seen now sat over a security box. An orange sign sat in the box’s window that read ‘Park Closed’. Koz drove past the turn in and kept going until he reached a different security box. This one had a sign in the window that read ‘Park Personnel Only’.
Koz parked at the gate and dug through his wallet to find the fake security pass he and the others used when they needed to do late-night hunting. He flashed the badge to an ID reader, the gate lifted, and he pulled through.
He tried to distract himself from Jack’s distress and what had happened at the circus by thinking through the logistics of getting to the cabin. It would be rough riding once he got off-road – especially in this clunker of a minivan. They might end up having to park the car in one of the personnel lots and walk the rest of the way. He knew that there was a public lake nearby, and from there they could get to the druid circle. It’d have to do.
“What’s that?” Jack said so suddenly that Koz started. The young man ignored him and pointed into the distance. Koz followed his line of vision and spotted a small speck of light shining in the pitch black between the trees.
“Probably a camp fire,” he said.
“Definitely not troupe members from the circus from Hell, right?” The scent of anxiety wafted through the air, growing stronger as they moved closer to the light.
It was definitely the light of a fire. Koz could tell by the flickering, orange quality of the light. He squinted. From as far away as they were, he could only make out subtle shapes – triangles and moving squiggles: tents and people.
“No,” he said. “Looks like campers.”
“You can see that from here?” Jack looked at him in disbelief for a moment before realization hit. “Right, werewolf.”
Koz peered into the distance. Jack’s vision must not have started improving yet, or he would have seen what was becoming more and more clear to Koz: a bunch of teenagers gathered around a campfire, most likely getting drunk.
Koz glanced sidelong at his companion. “I think it’s that fellow who gave you his number.”
Jack visibly relaxed and the oppressive scent of anxiety lessoned, though it lingered in the cramped space.
Koz frowned. The car park he’d hoped to use might be full at this rate, and they’d have to go past all those people. He glanced towards Jack as an idea came to him. Not a pleasant idea, but better than going straight to the druid circle. “Did you still want to go?”
In the gloom, his night-vision (another werewolf perk) allowed him to see the incredulous look Jack shot him before his expression turned thoughtful. “I don’t know,” he said eventually. “You don’t really want to go anyway.”
“No, not particularly,” Koz said. “But it’s looking like we’ll be spending the evening at the druid circle, and that’s not much better.” If they went back to the circle now, Koz would spend the entire night thinking over the evening’s events, mind too busy with paranoia and stress to sleep - and if he did nod off, he’d have nightmares. After seeing those red eyes on him once more, he wouldn’t be able to avoid them. “You were right when you said we needed a break,” he said. “And I wouldn’t mind a nightcap.”
“So you’re going to be my Designated Drinker?” Jack asked ruefully.
“Well…” Koz sighed. “You are a missing person so I’m sure if we get caught up in some police raid, I’ll end up in jail either way. And you have been having what some might consider a rough couple of weeks… so I suppose I will allow you a few drinks.”
“Marry me,” Jack said.
“Just a few!” Koz backtracked quickly, feeling his cheeks warm slightly. “Werewolf healing factor or no, you’re still recovering from nearly starving to death and I’d rather you not get sick again.”
“Any other ground rules?”
Koz frowned. “Well… since we’re are both missing persons, we should probably use fake names.”
*
Koz had wanted to invent a cover story together when they came up to the party, but Jack insisted it would be far more fun to let him take control. Their attempt at fun had already been ruined this evening, so Koz granted him the small opportunity. Jack introduced himself to Phone Number Guy as ‘Sam’ and Koz as ‘Dean’ and Koz thought nothing of it until a tipsy twenty-something standing nearby twirled around and squealed. “Like Supernatural?!”
Jack laughed. “Yeah, we get that all the time!”
Koz had a feeling he might end up regretting letting Jack take the lead.
Almost immediately Jack got pulled into a surprisingly un-awkward conversation explaining his and Koz’s relationship (apparently, Koz was Jack’s T.A. last semester in Gender Studies – as if Koz could pass for being less than thirty). Thankfully he’d already pressed a beer into Koz’s hand by that time, so at least Koz had something to hold awkwardly while he pretended he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb.
Koz looked around himself with a scowl. There were young people everywhere. One group sat around a fire in a semi-circle, chatting and roasting marshmallows, while the kids on the other side were engaged in some sort of drinking game.
On the opposite side of the camp was a small group of couples sitting or lying on the beach, either talking sweet nothings to one another or making out in the sand.
Jack extricated himself from Phone Number Guy’s group just to laugh at him. “What? Were you one of those bookworm types who never went to any college parties?”
Koz took a sulky sip of his drink. “I met my wife when I slopped a pint of beer down her front at a pub in uni.”
Jack’s eyebrows rose as he let out a bark of a laugh. “And she just thought ‘this is it: this is my future husband.’”
Koz found himself warming to the sound of Jack’s laughter, enough to let out a small chuckle himself. “Apparently,” he said, “she told me I had to buy her dinner to make up for it.”
Jack’s eyes sparkled – from the firelight or his own entertainment, Koz didn’t know. “Wow, she sounds smooth,” he said in an impressed tone.
“Like silk.” Koz swirled the contents of his drink. It’d been a long time since he’d talked to someone about Jo other than discussing the manner of her death. It felt nice.
“So how about you?” He asked, “big party go-er? You don’t seem like a homebody to me.”
Jack shrugged. “Not a homebody - but I wasn’t in this kind of crowd. I was trying to get a track scholarship so I didn’t mess around.” He tapped his fingers along his bottle. “I was also a little worried if I drank any form of alcohol I’d like… Animorph into my dad.” He shrugged.
“Ani-what?” Koz shook his head. “Never mind, sorry. Continue.”
Jack flushed, pleased or embarrassed to have Koz’s attention. “When I got done with all my physical therapy all my friends had started college and they wanted to throw me a party. They were drinking and I already felt like the odd one out because I hadn’t graduated on time ‘cause of the accident, so… Yeah, I totally got peer pressured into it.” He shrugged again. “Nothing bad happened. I played beer pong.” He took a sip of his drink.
Koz didn’t know what to say to that, so instead he took another sip of his drink and asked: “So what is ‘Animorph’?”
Jack slowly lowered his glass, a smile forming on his lips. “My God,” he said. “Let me tell you about Animorphs.”
*
An hour and several drinks later, Koz had been briefed on the entire plot of Animorphs, then Avatar (blue people, not the Last Airbender (whatever that meant)), then the Star Trek reboot films. They’d also discovered a mutual love of the original series and a mutual concession that Chris Pine was damn fine.
Koz decided to cut himself off when he started to think he’d give Animorphs a read.
He watched quietly as someone set up a cordless boom box and loud music started playing. He glanced nervously at Jack, worried he might have a sensory attack and mentally prepping lies to excuse themselves in the event that he did, but Jack seemed perfectly fine. He was tapping his foot to the beat actually, watching as some of the others broke off to start dancing.
The boy turned to him, mischievous smile already in place.
“No,” Koz said.
Jack’s jaw dropped in mock dismay. “I haven’t even said anything!”
“You were going to ask me to dance. The answer is no.”
Jack put on an exaggerated pout. “Who said I was gonna ask you to dance? Maybe I was going to say I wanted to go dance alone.” He stuck out his tongue and Koz sneered at how childish it was.
Like magic, Phone Number Guy materialized at Jack’s side. “You wanna dance?” He asked, face flush with embarrassment and alcohol.
Jack turned to him, his smile near blinding. “I’d love to!”
The boy took Jack’s hand and led him into the throng. Jack looked at Koz over his shoulder and waggled his eyebrows. Koz rolled his eyes and went to go find a place to sit.
Unfortunately, most of the good sitting spots were occupied by groups chatting or couples making out. He ended up standing awkwardly off to the side, reminded suddenly of how little he belonged here without Jack next to him. He watched as Jack and his new friend swayed to some noisy, throbbing music, not quite aware of how deeply he was frowning.
Jack moved gently, still holding his drink in one hand. Koz watched the delicate movements of his wrist as he kept the drink from spilling, contrasting sharply to the slow, tipsy thrust of his hips as he swayed which was just—
Koz looked away, flushing. It was very sexual. Koz would’ve sworn dancing wasn’t like that when he was Jack’s age. But then, the first time he’d ever danced with Jo had probably been at their wedding, and there were several centuries between the waltz and whatever it was Jack was doing with hips - and Koz was staring again, but he was finding it hard to look away and was just drunk enough that he couldn’t convince himself not to.
He’d had a hand on those hips once. God, why had they decided that was a bad idea? He watched the way Jack casually rolled his hips and imagined putting his hands on that narrow frame, how lovely it would feel to have him rock back against his pelvis and then—
And then Phone Number Guy did just that! He was grinding on Jack! That’s what Koz wanted to do! Something restless moved under Koz’s skin. His whole body tensed and he clenched his jaw so tightly his teeth ached. He could feel the beast pacing within him him; a territorial rage bubbled beneath his skin, urging him to maim his rival and claim what was his.
It was all he could do to simply walk over, grab Jack’s wrist, and pull him away and not rip Phone Number Guy a new one for touching his Jack.
He stopped. He’d towed Jack to the edge of the camp, just by their car. It was quieter, easier to think and – oh, God, he’d just thought of Jack as his. He flushed. It felt as though the wolf in him was snickering at his distress.
‘This is your fault,’ Koz thought to that part of himself ‘you bring out the worst in me’. He turned to Jack to apologize and realized he was still holding the boy’s hand. He tried to pull his hand away, but Jack didn’t let go and he ended up tugging the younger man towards him.
Jack stumbled right into him and before Koz could react, the younger man had grabbed a hold of his jacket lapel and was tugging him down and kissing him. For an instant Koz thought about pushing him away, but then Jack’s tongue flicked out and over his lower lip.
What had he been thinking of? He couldn’t remember. Jack started doing some ungodly thing with his tongue and he was doing it to Koz’s tongue and it was wonderful, but Koz couldn’t really think straight.
And he smelled good! Good God, did he smell like Heaven!
Koz cupped the back of the young man’s neck and changed the angle of the kiss, deepening it and earning a soft moan from Jack as his reward.
Jack’s hands traveled lower on his chest, his palms rubbing the fabric of Koz’s shirt against his skin, the friction making each stroke more sensitive that the last – but still leaving him aching for more. Then Jack’s hand slipped under his shirt and the distant heat of him was laid bare, naked electricity sparking from each gentle fingertip as he trailed one hand up Koz’s front while the other slipped around his waist and traced long circles across the small of his back.
Koz groaned softly, reaching his left hand down from its place at Jack’s lower back and placing it firmly on his ass. Gripping him firmly, he ground against him.
Jack pulled away from his kiss to draw in a sharp breath of air and Koz nipped along his jaw, pleased to draw such a reaction. The hand resting on the small of his back reached up, the sensation dulled by Koz’s jacket. Jack trailed his hand along the back of Koz’s neck to cup the curve of his skull and grab a fist-full of hair.
Koz hissed against Jack’s jaw and then let out a low, needy keen when Jack reached forward suddenly and bit into the soft skin of his neck. The younger man’s hand reached up and took one of Koz’s nipples between pale fingers, squeezing insistently.
Koz growled and ground their hips together once more. The angle was such that Koz could feel Jack’s erection digging into the soft space between his legs and he ground against him again.
Jack sucked on the patch of skin he’d bitten, fingers rolling and pinching Koz’s nipple and Koz found himself enjoying the other’s boldness. He almost felt as though he wouldn’t mind it if they hopped in the back of the van and Jack fucked him senseless. That sounded amazing actually.
Jack pulled away from his neck and sucked kisses along his jaw, nosing his way across his cheek. Koz angled his head to the side to allow him more room. Jack paused and moved back to look Koz in the eyes.
For a moment their eyes met and they stood there, panting and aroused. Koz wanted to kiss him again. The scent of Jack’s arousal was consuming his senses – it was all-encompassing like a sensory attack, but where there had been pain there was only pleasure now. He could hardly think straight beyond his desire to fuck or be fucked by this incredible, gorgeous, delicious young man before him.
He tightened his grip on the back of Jack’s neck and pulled him in, hungry for another kiss.
The hand on his nipple pressed flat against his chest. His lips ghosted against Jack’s for a second and then Jack spoke. “Wait!”
The hand at his chest pushed against him as Jack retreated.
Koz’s hand trailed up from Jack’s ass to his waist, trying to hold onto him while he pulled away – his hand leaving the back of Koz’s neck so his shirt slid down his torso like a falling curtain and that – that was what broke the spell.
Koz yanked his hands away from Jack and took several steps back. “We just did that—”
“For the second time.”
“—again!”
Jack let out a bark of a laugh and shifted his weight and Koz knew it was because of the erection straining against his pants and making him uncomfortable - he was having the same problem. He ran both hands through his hair and looked up at the forest canopy, blush just barely visible in the dim light. “Do you think we might be attracted to each other?” His tone half uncomfortable humor, half desperate sarcasm.
“I think we can safely say there’s a distinct possibility.” Koz replied, letting the sarcasm fall between them like a shield against embarrassment. He shifted his weight and winced as his engorged dick pressed against the inside of his zipper.
“Sorry,” Jack said, “this time was my fault, I totally—”
“Well it was my fault too,” Koz cut in, “I should’ve stopped it.”
“And I’m a little drunk—”
“I’m also drunk, it’s fine, we just—” Koz held up a hand as if to scold himself. “We should not do that again. It’s a bad idea.” He drew in an exaggerated breath and then let it out again in a deep sigh. His head felt a little clearer and the heat thrumming under his skin died down to a muted warmth. “We should go. The druid circle isn’t too far from here.”
Jack nodded jerkily and followed along quietly as Koz led the way through the trees.
They moved parallel to the bright, noisy beach. The light and noise followed them, enticing, but like the warmth that had coiled under Koz’s skin, it faded as they moved further into the trees. They came to a stream, just barely lit by the crescent moon. Koz lead the way, following the water deeper into the forest.
Jack stumbled behind him and he remembered that the younger man hadn’t yet developed his night vision. He paused and reached back to take Jack’s hand in his. The heat in him flickered to life again and he tried to ignore it. It was just the alcohol – trying to convince him to do something he knew he shouldn’t.
“Why is it a bad idea, again?” Jack asked suddenly and quickly, like he was trying to get it all out at once.
Koz could smell his anxiety and he well understood its cause. This was a thing they were previously not talking about and with just that question, they were now talking about it – and what they were talking about might very well change what lay between them.
“Well,” Koz sought for one of the many reasons he was certain existed and tried to ignore how warm Jack’s hand felt in his. “I’m fifteen years older than you for one thing. I was losing my virginity when you were learning to crawl.”
“I don’t really think of it that way.” Jack said, “I think it’s more like – you’ve been training all my life on how to please me sexually.”
Koz sputtered, but he was far more amused than indignant.
Jack let out a stifled laugh. “I feel like that excuse is crossed off the list, what’s the next one?”
“Besides the age gap?” Koz sobered somewhat as he thought. “Well, you’re in a vulnerable position right now – more so than I am – and I’d hate to take advantage of that.”
Jack thought on that. “Considering how you’re the reluctant one here, I‘d say you’re pretty free of guilt right now.” He shrugged. “But I suppose it’s also unfair of me to pester you into anything.” There was a long pause and Koz thought he should speak, but Jack continued. “You think I’m vulnerable but you’re vulnerable too. I don’t want to pressure you into making any decisions on my account. I mean, do whatever makes you comfortable.”
Koz fell silent. Jack’s hand was warm in his but in the darkness beneath the trees he also felt a million miles away.
Something in Koz was a little disappointed that Jack was backing down so easily. He supposed his disappointment was proof enough that he wanted more with Jack. It’d been a long time since he’d pursued someone romantically. Well… he wasn’t sure if he wanted Jack romantically. He liked Jack, certainly, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to build something from that. He hadn’t tried to actually build a relationship since Jo.
He was definitely interested in a sexual relationship with Jack, but a purely sexual relationship was out of the question. If for no other reason than his own conscience: he’d really feel like a dirty old man if he pursued Jack only for sex.
He supposed he could maybe have a romantic relationship with him. He liked Jack on a personal level and certainly wasn’t against the notion of trying to deepen that sentiment – especially if it meant guilt-free make-out sessions. And now he was back to feeling like a dirty old man.
“I think,” he said, “we should hold off on any sort of relationship or relationship discussion until we’re… settled. Things are complicated enough right now – for the both of us. We should probably get ourselves more organized before we do anything that might complicate things further.”
Jack’s shoulders slumped slightly. “That’s very mature and intelligent,” he said. “I hate it, naturally. But you do have a point. We are what some might refer to as ‘a mess’.”
Koz snorted.
“So… rain check?”
Koz nodded. “Rain check.”
There was a moment of quiet between them as they walked. The frogs, crickets, and night animals filled up the silence between them with their noise. Smooth river stones clacked against one another as they stepped over them. The creak babbled softly next to their feet, soaking the edges of Koz’s shoes.
“Well!” Jack’s voice cut through the quiet suddenly. “On a related topic – but obviously switching subjects in a totally not awkward way – I am curious bout fifteen year-old Koz getting his cherry popped! Care to elaborate?”
Koz let out a helpless laugh. He supposed that would be a good way to diffuse some tension. “Alright,” he said, “I shall tell you of my awful and wonderful sexual début with my astonishingly sexy classmate, Henry.”
“Oh!” Jack grinned. “I can already tell I’ll like this.”
*
Gradually the two weary travelers grew quiet. By the time they reached the druid circle they were both too sleepy to do anything but drop to the dewy grass. They curled together for warmth – and they were not quite spooning because Koz was tired but he was also fairly sober by now – but they were also kind of spooning because Koz was sleepy and Jack was warm and soft and smelled nice.
Koz closed his eyes, feeling pleasantly numb – too tired for concerns about the pack to take hold in his mind. He breathed in deeply and let the smells of damp earth, dewy grass, and Jack sleepy beside him lull him to sleep.
*
He woke suddenly, with no idea of what had woken him but a deep, rising sense of dread.
It was nighttime still, but the forest was eerily quiet. Koz could distantly hear the familiar chirp of crickets, the croak of frogs, and the various rustles, shrieks, and groans of night animals and their prey – but that was far off. Nearby, there was nothing.
Jack’s eyes opened next to him and he sat bolt upright, eyes wide and fear coiling off of him in an instant. “Koz?” He whispered, his voice layered with unease.
The hair was rising up along the back of Koz’s neck as he sat up as well. “I feel it too,” he said in a quiet, even voice.
The underbrush rustled in the distance and Koz stood slowly. Jack jerked to stand beside him. The frightened boy glanced from Koz to the brush and back again.
The rustling drew nearer and Koz pulled one of his guns from its holster. He held the weapon downward in both hands, ready to raise it and fire if need be.
A pack of wolves was coming towards them. Koz couldn’t quite see them yet, but he could smell them, and he could tell they were fresh from a kill; the scent of blood was sharp on the breeze. He hadn’t yet had enough experience to distinguish between different bloods – but he could tell it wasn’t from other werewolves and the thought made his stomach turn. Had they killed an animal for the thrill of it or had they maimed some poor human?
Koz was surprised when the first creature to appear was a man. He recognized him as the man from the circus – the White Wolf – and his hackles rose. The White Wolf-man was naked, lean and pale as the moon, followed by the rest of the pack.
For an instant, he seemed strange; a naked man standing amongst a crowd of enormous wolves – but this feeling vanished quickly. The man was just as beautiful and dangerous as the beasts around him, his nudity made him seem all the more fae-like – a monster in human skin, at home amongst the beasts and the wild. This did little to assuage Koz as he felt the wolf in him practically squirming to get free and crush the alpha’s throat between his jaws.
Jack stepped closer to Koz’s side and for a moment, the scent of his fear distracted Koz from his murderous intent.
“Don’t worry,” Koz said, partly to reassure Jack, partly to reassure himself. “They can’t enter the circle if they mean us harm, and if they enter, then they don’t mean to hurt us.”
Jack looked around, his eyes not quite finding the gathering pack. “How many are there?”
Koz watched as the last of the wolves gathered around, then a handful of werewolves in human form followed after – some clothed, some not, ranging from teenagers to an old man.
“Several,” he said finally.
Leading the parade, the White Wolf-man stopped just before the druid circle – not quite close enough for it to exert any magical resistance.
He was looking at Jack in this strange, half-pitying, half-loving way, like he was his own helpless child who had wondered far from home. It made Koz’s blood boil. He took a step forward and slightly in front of Jack, forcing the White Wolf to move his eyes to him and God, that wasn’t where Koz wanted to be because those eyes were the same as thirteen years ago when he’d killed Jo – when he’d – he’d—
Koz grit his teeth, yanking his thoughts away and forcing himself into the cool, black and white thought process of a hunter. He wasn’t going to appear weak in front of these animals.
“Evening,” he said, trying to gain some semblance of control over the situation.
“Morning!” The White Wolf replied. His voice was soft and pleasant – he even looked pleasant! Pale hair swooped back in soft curls, curving around his head to be cut short. A few locks had slipped free of his kept-back look and hung from his temple and forehead in a way that was… pleasant. It pissed Koz off all the more.
“To what do we owe the pleasure?” Koz asked.
The White Wolf smiled and it was upsetting because he was handsome and he shouldn’t be! Koz wanted him to be as ugly on the outside as he was inside! “I spotted you at the circus, but we didn’t get a chance to introduce ourselves. Luckily, we have a common friend – Jamie.” He gestured toward the wolves sitting around him and Koz spotted Jamie next to his sister. She was glaring at Koz, but Jamie was looking away, eyes distant. Koz got the impression that he wasn’t entirely there at the moment. He probably would be too… they both had blood on their muzzles.
“Jamie reminded me of the poor impression I must have left the other night, so I wanted to come smooth things over.” The White Wolf did a shallow bow. “I am Manfred, but you can call me Manny. Now, Jamie told me about his little friend, the white pup – Jack, is it? I’m glad you survived my bite.” He said it so sincerely - so unapologetically. Koz’s stomach turned. “You—” Now Manny pointed to Koz. “—I do not know. But you seem to be a hunter.”
“That’s right.”
Several of the wolves at Manny’s feet bristled. Jack edged closer to Koz as dozens of pairs of glowing eyes glared at him, some frightened, some angry.
Manny hardly blinked. “I didn’t turn you.” Manny shifted his weight and put his hand on his hip, gesturing casually. “You know how it is – sometimes you bite people and you don’t remember it the morning after! But I take care to only approach hunters when I’m sure to remember it and I don’t remember you.”
“I was bitten by a rogue,” Koz said through grit teeth.
“A rogue!” Manny clucked his tongue. “They’re troublesome for our kind as well. For example – you are a rogue and you killed two initiates, a lieutenant, and left another lieutenant so damaged, I had to abandon him.”
“The one that got shot in the head?” Jack breathed, then flinched as he realized he’d spoken out loud.
“Yes, him, Jack!” Manny said. “I’m a firm believer in the law of nature: survival of the fittest and all that – and, well… he wasn’t fit anymore. Not like you two!” He smiled. “You two have proven you’re very capable! I’ll admit I had more intent than just coming to say hello this early in the morning – I also wanted to ask if you had any interest in joining my lovely troupe.”
Koz couldn’t stay quiet any longer. “You ruin lives and kill people! You-you’re a monster! We don’t want anything to do with you!”
Jamie seemed to shrink beside his sister. A few of the human-shaped werewolves at the edge of the crowd shifted uncomfortably.
Manny sighed with mock dismay. “Hunters always say such things about our kind – but isn’t the same true of humans? Let me tell you a story. You’re a hunter, aren’t you? Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: A camping trip gone awry. A child wanders unknowingly into a wolf’s home and is bitten. It doesn’t really matter what happens to the rest of the campers, maybe they all lived and maybe they were all torn to shreds! But most importantly, the child survives.
“He heals with supernatural speed and his parents are too thrilled at the miracle to wonder how and why. Then comes the night of the full moon and their bouncing baby turns into a tiny terror. What to do? They’re too precious to kill but too dangerous to let free. So the parents lock the child away.
“Maybe at first they look after the child, always tender, always caring, always driven by guilt, but eventually that guilt begins to fade. People can get used to anything, even their own child’s tears.
“Their child doesn’t know why he’s been locked away, he can only wallow in loneliness until the day something happens. His chain breaks lose – or maybe his parents die or something. Either way, he’s free and he’s angry. He hurts some people – the people he feels deserve it the most – and then a hunter arrives.
“They know the whole story and they pity the child, but the child isn’t a good victim – he’s broken victim-rules by lashing out against his oppressors and he must be punished for it! So the hunter kills him. Sound familiar?”
Koz stared at Manny’s pleasantly smiling face. He grit his teeth. “Yes.”
“Of course, in my case, the hunter wasn’t successful in killing me,” Manny said sweetly. “I was lucky though, and I know it. That’s why I’ve brought together my family. We’re going to stop this persecution. We’ll make it so every child will be able to run freely. If they kill, it is only because they were meant to – it is what we are and I intend for all wolves to be able to embrace it.”
“You aren’t just killing hunters though,” Koz growled. “You’re killing innocent people!” He gestured to Jack. “He was a bystander!”
“And now he’s family.” Manny smirked and Jack pressed against Koz’s side.
“You killed my wife,” Koz spat, trying to keep the despair from his voice. “What did she do to you?”
Manny cocked his head to the side – a doggish gesture. “Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. I’ve killed too many humans to keep track of who they were.”
Koz snarled. “You mistook her for a hunter’s assistant!”
“Oooooh,” Manny said, his reaction as nonchalant as if he’d received a bit of trivia for a film he didn’t care much about. “Well, that was just business then. I kill my enemies, and hunters are my enemies. I’d say sorry for making the mistake, but I don’t care for humans that much. I suppose I’m sorry I didn’t turn her instead, then she could have turned you and we’d be family.”
Koz sagged, feeling as though he’d been punched in the gut but worse. So much worse. It was too much. Too much that Manny was handsome and awful and evil and surrounded by allies and tragic and totally unapologetic and especially too much that he didn’t even remember Jo - when memories of her mangled body had haunted Koz for years. “If it was just… just ‘business’ then why did you… did you have to…”
“Eat her?”
Koz swallowed bile.
“I’d already taken the trouble of killing her. It would have been a waste of food to just walk away.”
Koz’s ears were ringing. He felt too numb to do anything more than dimly notice the wolves glancing at their leader uncertainly.
Jack bristled beside him. “Humans aren’t food!” He said in a strangled tone.
Manny laughed lightly. “Of course they are!”
Koz flinched, but Jack seemed only taken aback. “Didn’t you used to be human?”
“I was. But then I was given a gift – a gift I have graciously bestowed on you as well. We’ve all been given a chance to step up the food chain. There’s no point pitying the ones left behind. If you need any of your human friends or family with you to be happy, you can turn them as well. The more the merrier I always say.” Manny smiled at the crowd of followers around him. The uncertainty any of them might have shown melted away as they looked up at him adoringly.
Koz snapped. He snarled, stepping forward as he began to change. Jack grabbed hold of his arm. “Koz,” he said warningly.
“It’s quite alright, Jack. I understand why your companion is so frustrated. He can only see me as an enemy. I did kill his mate and he’s been honing an instinctive hatred for us ever since. Why, I’m sure he would’ve even killed you when you turned if he could’ve.”
Koz’s eyes widened as he turned cold all over. Manny was bluffing. He couldn’t know what Koz had almost done to Jack. But those red eyes were widening – Manny could smell is fear. All the wolves could smell his fear. They all knew, except for Jack.
“Obviously, you don’t understand him at all,” Jack said with a cool confidence that hit Koz like a punch to the gut. “Neither of us want to join you so I think you should leave. Please.”
Manny smirked at Koz before his eyes rolled over to Jack. He smiled warmly enough. “It’s no skin off my nose if you two don’t join me.” He said, “I just thought I’d be neighborly.” He nodded towards his entourage and they all began to slink away, the foliage rustling at they passed. “My offer is open standing with no time-limits, Jack. Feel free to join up whenever you need.” There was a dark gleam in Manny’s red eyes. “I hope to hear from you soon.”
There was a moment of heavy silence between the two as the last of the pack vanished into the dark woods. The both stood frozen, some instinct making even Jack stay quiet and still until the wolves were far away and gone. Throughout it all Koz could smell Jack’s anxiety; he was sure he was still giving off some himself.
“Holy shit,” Jack said at last, gasping like he was coming up for air.
Not the most eloquent of responses, but Koz couldn’t help but agree. Jack ran his hands through his hair, mussing it up. He stepped back, as if he could remove himself from all that had transpired. He opened his mouth to speak, closed it, swallowed, and finally said. “I feel like I need a shower now.”
Koz let out a breath of air. “Yes,” he said, “me too.” He kept hearing Manny’s words in his ears: ‘I’d already taken the trouble of killing her. It would have been a waste of food to just walk away.’ The memory of her mangled body flashed before his eyes, sharper and fuller than it had been in many years.
He squatted down, swallowing bile and forcing himself to breathe. ‘Just breathe,’ he urged himself. ‘In for four. Hold ‘til six. Out for seven.’
“Koz?” Jack was by his side in a moment. “Koz?!” Jack hesitated, hand hovering over Koz’s shoulder before he put his palm down and started rubbing soothing circles across his back.
Koz pressed a hand over his eyes and bit back a groan. He was supposed to be taking care of Jack, not the other way around!
“It’s okay,” Jack said. “It’s going to be okay.”
His placations did little to help Koz. It was not okay; it was never going to be okay. Maybe he should have killed them both when he had the chance.
A lance of guilt pierced through him. It was just as Manny had said.
“I’m not better than him,” he said, stomach turning. “He was right, I would have killed you...”
“No,” Jack said, still rubbing soft circles over his back. “You never hurt me as a wolf – you saved me!”
Koz shook his head and swallowed down the last of his nausea. “I saved you as a wolf, but he was still right.”
Koz lifted his head and looked Jack in the eye. Jack hid nothing in his expression, he was confused, but mostly he was concerned. About Koz. It was a struggle not to look away from such shameless honesty.
“When I woke the next morning as a human and saw you’d been bitten, I would’ve killed you – and myself – but I didn’t have any bullets.”
Jack’s hand had stopped moving on his back. An agonizing moment passed and then, as if in slow motion, he pulled it away. Koz missed its warmth immediately. He watched, his insides crumbling, as the concern in Jacks expression faded and turned into outraged disbelief. The scent of fear met Koz’s senses.
“I decided you were right,” Koz said quickly, hoping to dissuade the boy’s mounting alarm. “You kept trying to convince me I was a good person and I deserved a second chance and I’m not and I probably don’t, but you Jack, are good and you deserve to live.”
“Thank you for deciding that!” Jack said, his voice rising an octave as he stood, taking several steps back. “Good to know I passed your standards and now get to live! What? If I’d been just a little shittier you would’ve just murdered me earlier today?” He stepped back, fear coiling off him like snakes. “That’s why you were acting so weird when you got your gun! You were still thinking about it!”
“I was thinking about myself.” Koz stood and Jack took a few more steps back. Koz could see in his every movement the urge to fight or run and it made him sick. He slouched and stepped back. “I was still deciding if I deserved a second chance.”
Jack wasn’t listening, his face was drawn, his eyes red and wet. “I-I came to find you-I got bitten when I went back for you and you… ” He was trembling, tears shaking out of the corner of his eyes. “You were just going to… ” He gasped for breath.
Koz reached for him and he knew that was a mistake as soon as he made it.
Jack stumbled back. “Don’t touch me!” He ran his hands through his hair. “God… I kissed you! You were thinking of killing me and I was thinking of-ugh!” He made a face of utter disgust.
Koz took a hesitant step toward him, feeling anger flare for the first time since he’d confessed. “I was not thinking about killing you by then. I swear—”
“Certainly helped you make up your mind, didn’t I?”
“What? No!” Koz took a step forward and Jack took three steps back. “It was nothing like that.” He took another step forward and Jack snarled.
Koz froze. He could smell how close Jack was to changing. The boy’s eyes shone supernaturally bright, his teeth curved into fangs. “Stay back!” He roared. Koz could see him trembling, but wasn’t sure if it was out of fear or fighting the desire to change.
“I’m not going to hurt you.” Koz said, lowering his voice. He looked away. Inspiration struck and he took the few steps needed to leave the druid circle.
He held out his hands. “See, I’m outside the circle while you’re still inside.” He stepped back in, making sure Jack was watching good and hard. “See? I’m not going to hurt you.”
Jack shrank, visibly deflating as the wolf in him took a begrudging step back. Still, he watched Koz with a wariness that cut deeply.
Koz didn’t like it. After all Jack had been through it was amazing he could trust anyone and he’d still put his faith in Koz. If only Koz were a good enough person to be worth such faith.
“I want to leave,” Jack said, his voice shaky. “I just… I can’t be around you right now.”
Koz winced. He didn’t want Jack to go. “The pack might still be out there,” he warned.
“What are they going to do?” Jack said, his voice evening out. “Turn me?” He glared at Koz pointedly, the ferocity in his eyes only fueled by the unshed tears still lingering there. “Try to kill me?”
Koz looked away.
Jack didn’t say anything more, just walked out of the circle without a second glance, head bowed.
Koz let him. There was something broken between them now and he knew it. He also knew that time and distance were probably the only thing that could fix it. So he let Jack go, watching him until he couldn’t make out the boy’s snowy hair through the gloom.
The frogs and crickets resumed their noise. Occasionally he caught the whine as a mosquito flew overhead, followed sometimes by a swift-winged bat.
Koz sat with his knees drawn up to his chest, head resting on his arms. He felt raw, like he did after a therapy session – but at least after he talked to Tooth he usually felt better, lighter. Now his heart felt twisted, emotions tangled like heavy knots.
Memories of Manny’s words and his wife’s death chased their way around his head, followed by the vivid image of Jack’s eyes as the hope and trust in them bled out.
He watched the place he’d last seen Jack’s snowy white hair. His eyes itched for sleep, but his mind wouldn’t stop going. He rested his head on his arms and waited for Jack’s return.
