Zevti
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I may have cursed a doctor's office
🕑 Added 2023-10-13 23:27:32 +0000 UTCToday was the first day this week that I was able to keep a plate down.
The pain in my stomach has gone away, and everything else is just trying swing back into place.
I've lost 14 lbs since my first doctor's appointment last month.
And today I was scheduled to see the Gastroenterologist to figure out what was wrong with me... but based on my insurance the earliest they would be able to look me over would be December 4th.
When we were told the news, I was standing next to my mother and it felt as if we were in an elevator that entered free fall.
My mother... she's a religious woman. And she's always had the power to make certain things happen. Her, my grandmother, and my sister all seem to have this ability. It doesn't have a name, but its protective. It tends to punish persons that would cause our family harm. Though having been born a man, I've never had that ability.
Me... I'm evil. I try to be a good person, but you've seen my true nature. Or rather my split nature.
For the longest time, one of my abilities I've called Pay-Per-View or TV-Guide, its clairvoyance although not the most useful thing yet... I tend to predict a piece of media that will be experienced later in the day. An obscure song you haven't heard in 10 years? It'll pop into my head and be played somewhere later that evening. A scene from a movie you like? It'll randomly show up in your feed to enjoy. Its fun, though I've never been have to hone it into anything sharper...
It awakened on the date of a pet's passing when I was elementary school. Because I knew what had happened when I was still on the bus riding home... yet I knew exactly how everything happened. ...Definitely softened the blow at least.
But you see, I have a different ability. A more impactful ability called "My Wake".
I'm not sure when exactly this ability awakened and who or what was affected by it first, but My Wake is a curse placed on locations I leave and never return to. It can't happen to places I frequent regularly, or places that don't leave a lasting impression. No it has to be in places that have deeply shaped me. Places that that host core memories.
Because once I leave a place to never return, My Wake activates.
From 2012 to 2015 I worked for an indie game studio in Ellicott City, Maryland. It was the halcyon days of my 20's. A time to make mistakes. A time to see the world.
I was working alongside people who I thought we'd be friends for the rest of our lives. The summer of the World of Warcraft movie... Mad Max: Fury Road... Pokémon Go. I remember being so happy.
Or maybe I was just in denial...
Because it was an ugly breakup...
After 4 years of mismanagement, the studio was dissolved and our game was never released. So I went back home to live with my parents.
Then exactly one year to the day on July 30, 2016, Ellicott city suffered a historic flood. One that had not been seen for almost 100 years. And I got to watch news footage of the very streets I'd been walking down each day submerged in mud and rubble. Cars were washed away. Historic buildings were destroyed. Entire livelihoods were lost to the river. Or rather... I'd left destruction in My Wake.
Since then I've always had those thoughts in the back of my head. I don't know if My Wake is only destructive, or if I've ever left some good behind. But when a trace back to all of those other places that I've left (past jobs, past schools, past relationships) the pattern is clear. Once I'm out of the blast radius, it pulls the pin.
Well its been quite some time since then. I've gone through more trauma's and have changed as a person. Though one thing I failed to take into account is that my abilities may have changed too.
TV Guide and Pay-Per-View are still with me. And my wake hasn't had any opportunities to activate because the Pandemic kept me from traveling.
Until today.
I didn't take my muscle relaxer this morning because I had to drive into town to meet my mother. From there she'd drive me to the Gastroenterologist, who's offices were in a part of town that I'd never been before.
I'm 32 years old, and somehow I'd never been to this part of the city.
Extremely weak and with my stomach in great pain, we presented our paperwork at noon and fifteen minutes later I was being interrogated by a doctor who didn't believe I was sick.
Now granted this week I've have multiple blood tests, x-rays, and a CT scan. And I'm happy but also confused to say that I'm apparently have a perfect bill of health. My blood pressure is perfect. My white blood cell count is perfect. My blood oxygen is perfect. My Lipase is perfect. I have no diabetes, no cancer. I have no active infections to speak of. I don't even have back or knee pain. So based on my charts and on my other appointments there as actually no reason for me to be sick.
This could have just meant that after so much time recovering I was just on the cusp of feeling better but... it wasn't incredulity, it was badgering a patient.
We walked into a side office where a faceless person gave us the rundown of how long it would take before we could get a proper exam. And the absurdity of being told that I'd have to wait until December just figure out what is this ailment that's kept me from work and friends... that's kept me bedridden, emaciated, and malnourished. And then the banality of forced to listen to this person read me medical legalese as if I wouldn't be dead before anything they were talking about could take place...
… I don't know if it was because my mother was there but after that moment of free fall, I dropped it.
They wouldn't hear it, they wouldn't see it, but maybe some of them felt it. Because as we gathered ourselves and left the building I noticed something that shocked me...
my pain was gone.
Before we'd even gotten to the car, me and my mother resolved that I would get better without any doctor's help, and we'd just be able to cancel and appointments past this point since they'd be useless to us anyway. And this was when I started having that sick feeling of déjà vu, as if I'd left something behind in a place I'd never return to...
It's been several hours, and my appetite has started to come back.
I'm probably going have some pretty nasty shits until my the probiotics hold. But still as I write this, the core pain is gone.
Now I'm desperately scared that it'll come back. But so far this is the best I've felt maybe 2 weeks? Which is certainly something to type when this morning I would have told you that I was dying.
Comments
Baz Yat
Feel better soon Z
