AbyssalRoadTrip
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Abyssal Road Trip - 175 - Regret
🕑 Added 2022-03-15 14:16:50 +0000 UTCAmdirlain’s PoV - Limbo - Monastery of Will’s Hand
Cyrus left the other Masters tending to the Novices and, following Liranë closed the door. “Your Chaos Shaping certainly makes cleaning up after a massacre easier. How did the bodies appear in the first place?”
“Know Chaos Shaping formed them along with the spikes Amdirlain grew, but those needed her to remove them,” explained Tenzin and looked at Amdirlain again. “Know you didn’t answer: should I wake Master Elliyna?”
“You still don’t look yourself at present,” noted Cyrus.
“I’m all healed,” insisted Amdirlain, forcing herself to grip her robe’s edge.
“Physically, perhaps,” refuted Cyrus. “Might we know what occurred?”
“I tried to change an element in my Mind Palace, and it had some side effects,” offered Amdirlain, hoping to avoid the details.
Tenzin stopped Amdirlain’s pacing with a hand on her shoulder. “Know I need details on what occurred to determine if the Novices are at risk.”
“I unleashed a past life memory that caught me by surprise. I was-, it-,” Amdirlain turned away and paced, trying to get control of the surging guilt that she could recognise wasn’t even her own.
“Such memories can be complex, and often those that surface first are among the most emotional,” offered Cyrus.
“Know that doesn’t explain why the training hall ended up littered with the remains of furred six-limbed bipeds,” replied Tenzin and gently tried to get Amdirlain to face her.
“I created their bodies here?” asked Amdirlain, finally catching up with Tenzin’s earlier explanation.
“Know that there were bodies from infant-size to chest-height on me; all mutilated,” stated Liranë and glanced over at Cyrus. “Know when we arrived, Sarith had already summoned Tenzin, and I shifted her to the infirmary.”
“What did I do to her?”
Liranë gave a nod of confirmation. “Know it’s simple shock from the state of the room and yourself as the spines growing from you horrified her. Know that I’ve asked the Healer to ensure she has no lingering nightmares.”
“She was busy finding what she ate for dinner last week when we arrived. Liranë teleported her to the infirmary,” offered Cyrus.
“Know if it had been flames or other effects you’d created instead of bodies, you might well have killed someone,” chided Tenzin.
At Amdirlain’s sudden blanch, Tenzin gave a grim nod and continued. “Know I will see to it they prepare a separate room for your evening training; for now, stick with physical training. Know since it caught you by surprise, I want you to avoid working on your Mind Palace until it is available.”
“I can teach you the meditation techniques used by new Immortals in the Jade Court to deal with their returning memories,” offered Cyrus and smiled at Amdirlain’s suspicious expression. “You don’t need to share any secrets with me—I’ll simply walk you through the process. It allows one to review the memory in stages rather than being overwhelmed.”
“Know I would prefer those exercises to wait until after we organise a separate location,” objected Tenzin.
Glancing between them, unsure who to address first, Amdirlain took the middle road. “I’ll be guided by the advice of you both in that case, Masters. I’ll let you know when the area is ready, Master Cyrus.”
The stern look he gave her the moment Amdirlain added the title earned a flicker of a smile.
“Know that I’ll leave you to your training matches,” stated Tenzin and clasped Amdirlain’s shoulder gently before she left the hall and shooed the Novices back to their rooms.
Cyrus looked her over but without the painful pressure of his third eye. “I don’t like the way you look still. Take the time to meditate on your Ki Movement’s web while I bully Liranë for a while.”
“Know that I hadn’t hoped for such honour a second time,” demurred Liranë.
“We’re both here, and Amdirlain looks like goat’s dung,” countered Cyrus. “A touch for you to win the match.”
A suddenly smiling Liranë moved to the training hall’s mid-point, and Amdirlain moved out of the way. Within the first few techniques, Amdirlain could already see improvement in the conciseness of motion within Liranë’s fighting style.
Cyrus shot a chiding glance in Amdirlain’s direction even while swaying away from an explosive punch, prompting Amdirlain to focus on her Ki Movement’s web. Although Amdirlain was motionless in standing meditation, the web still slowly flexed and swayed across her form as she set about examining it for anchor points. The web’s sections varied in size, the smallest of them barely a knuckle joint, and the largest a pinkie length across.
Master Âdaka arrived to find Cyrus and Liranë still sparring, though Liranë had taken breaks to meditate and drink occasionally.
Cyrus paused by the doorway and looked over Amdirlain’s meditating pose before he spoke. “How many key points have you found so far?”
“Only six so far. Some sections only have tiny and irregular instabilities, so it takes a while to check them,” replied Amdirlain, not taking her attention from a nexus of lines within.
“Six already?! That formation of yours does aid you. Very well, but you’ll need to keep looking; there is never an even number,” Cyrus said before bowing to the three of them as he moved to the door. “Maybe you’ll even match the highest recorded at eleven. I’ll leave you to figure out how to sense the structure across your back. Ensure you check down to your toes and fingertips. I’ll check with you in a few days’ time to see how you’ve progressed.“
Amdirlain refocused her efforts and didn’t take time to work out how the web could anchor adequately with most of its points across her shoulders and neck. Even when Liranë and Cyrus departed she kept at it to distract herself from the lingering unease of the memory.
* * *
“What happened, Amdirlain?” asked Lezekus after breakfast had been served, and the conversation at the other tables stilled.
“While Master Duurth touched on Mind Palaces in class the other week, we didn’t go into details. It might seem strange but I’ve had access to mine for some time, and in it are memories of past lives.”
Zenya fixed her with a confused look before setting her spoon down. “How is that possible, to have past lives? Know our lore says the Gods create our Souls and send us forth. Know it’s said our Souls dwell in the Domains of those who we worshiped in life.”
“I’m not arguing with that, as that is certainly the case for many. Some Souls will return to the wheel of life though if their deeds or nature don’t earn them a greater state after resting in those Domains. Those that find enlightenment within the Ki—or via other means—attract the memories from past lives back to them yet still need to work to attune to them. I recovered a past-life memory. It was horrible: I had no control, just a prisoner inside her emotions, unable to stop them from drowning me. Master Tenzin said I created the bodies and the wounds I inflicted on myself with Chaos Shaping, but I don’t even remember doing it.”
“You’re enlightened like Master Cyrus?” asked Nomein, digging her spoon around in her food but making no move to eat.
“I’m the ‘other means’ option,” laughed Amdirlain, and Lezekus smoothed a giggle.
Gemiya tilted her head in confusion. “But is it your memory? Why do you refer to it that way?”
“Her view of things was very different to my own,” explained Amdirlain. “I could tell that just from the fragment I picked up. She was very much a different person. I’m not sure I would have made the same choices,” replied Amdirlain. “I’m not going into details, but the memory was unpleasant, and she took vengeance on those responsible for their deaths.”
Especially about not worrying about the Royal pride and mandates when it left innocents at the mercy of merciless sociopaths.
“Know if you keep talking, you’ll not have time to digest breakfast before physical training. Know that anyone who throws up during training, will wipe it up before scrubbing everything,” Tenzin stated in a firm tone that silenced the room’s chatter.
* * *
That evening, the walk to Elliyna’s gave her a moment’s respite to reflect on a hectic day. While the Novices had endured physical training under the auspicious of Rinji and Chessa she’d been taken off to the training yard by Liranë. The only explanation had been to avoid distracting the others, yet their presence in the training yard had certainly provided a distraction to those using it. Liranë had her defending herself in place amid a furious free-form exchange of strikes and kicks that had forced Silent Storm to progress.
The afternoon classes had both overrun, leading to an abbreviated Affinity session before the evening meal. Caught up in the busy day’s energy, everyone had inhaled the evening meal before rushing to their evening class, leaving Amdirlain alone.
Elliyna’s door opened after the first tap, and Amdirlain entered without sighting Sarith. Motioning her to sit, Elliyna set her cup on the table beside her and looked Amdirlain over.
“Know that I’m glad you’re no longer the blood-drenched monster, nor still spouting painful-looking thorns.”
“Sarith?”
“Know her distressed descriptions were most graphic. Know also that Arith erased the scars left by an adolescent mind witnessing such horrors, so she’ll suffer no longer-term effects beyond nightmares that will eventually fade. How did the bodies and thorns come to be?”
“I didn’t actually get to notice the bodies before Tenzin had cleared them away. From Liranë’s description, I recreated victims of a massacre in a past life. She avenged them and prevented more of the peoples that lived on that planet from dying to their killers, but that didn’t do the dead much good. Her grief held onto me even when the memory released me.”
Her explanation was greeted with silence, but rather than disbelief it was obvious Elliyna was giving it due consideration. “What led to you get getting access to the memory?”
“The spire had turned into a crystalline needle filled with demonic-looking ichor. When I broke it open, the memory washed over me.”
“You broke it open?!” asked Elliyna in exasperation, and waved Amdirlain’s attempt to answer away. “What was the damage like under the spire’s location?”
“I’ve not been back in my Mind Palace since the memory hit me. Master Tenzin insists I wait until after they create a separate space for my evening meditations and training.”
“Know that’s the least they can do considering the scores of Wizards gaining Affinities I’ve been hearing about regularly,” huffed Elliyna. “Know those that have spoken to me have been truly delighted by the revelations they felt in your sessions. How often do you hold them?”
“Each day before the evening meal,” replied Amdirlain, and gave her a grin. “I’m working on getting all the Wizards the first three Tiers, and a few I’ve helped with a Tier 4 or 5.”
“You would just give such a priceless gift away? Would you explain why a constant among those I’ve spoken to afterwards is they find their meditative states have deepened?”
“I’m surprised no one has asked me sooner. Didn’t they use a psi-crystal to check their gains?” enquired Amdirlain, her grin not having faded.
“Know those psi-crystals are strained by every use and normally only used to assess those approaching graduation. What will they find?”
After a moment of consideration, Amdirlain restricted herself to part of the truth. “A new Power called Harmony will have absorbed whatever Skill they previously used for meditating.”
An incredulous expression flittered across Elliyna’s features before she simply sighed. “Does anything remain untouched by the changes you bring? No! Know that don’t want an answer to that question. Know you should enter your Mind Palace and tell me what you see within.”
An unneeded breath settled Amdirlain into the moment and she held her own nerves at bay. Her arrival point was still high in the air, but it was now a transparent crystalline disc that let her see down into a crusted wound beneath her. Gusts that once would have issued from the figure’s mouth now made a whistling noise directly from the figure’s airway and shoved the maggots chewing on gangrenous flesh.
“Know that maggots only eat dead flesh, so perhaps they represent your own mental resilience dealing with your traumas. Know I would suggest in your evening meditations you explore the lake, since it stretches out further than you can see.”
“I’m not allowed to work on my Mind Palace until the space is ready,” stated Amdirlain.
“Would it not be best to find if there are any other spires large or small in order to clear them? Know I doubt you’d be ready to do so quickly given the excavation work required to get at the afflicted forms,” offered Elliyna, and considered her thoughtfully. “Know I would suggest first meditating on the sickened flesh and see if you can determine the cause, since its face resembles the life you remember.”
Re-entering the Mind Palace Amdirlain moved carefully down to the wound, keeping clear both of the gales caused by the figure’s breathing and the maggots. The bitter stench of decaying flesh churned regrets and what-if’s around inside her, and she realised the poisoned gangrenous flesh had been of her own making.
The wince that crossed her face when she released it just had Elliyna raise her eyebrows. “What is it we need to talk about?”
“Not holding myself responsible for the decisions of a cheating fiancé and someone I had considered a genuine friend. It seems I’ve still got regrets poisoning me.”
“Shall we start with your biggest regrets?”
Amdirlain groaned and tilted her head back to consider the fascinating blankness of the ceiling. “Do I got to?
“Know that is up to you. Would you like to let your memory rot you from the inside?”
“I was fifteen when I started paying attention to him, but he’d been in the same school year for a couple of years… He gave some guys who were pressuring me ‘what for’—guess I was easy to impress.”
* * *
When she spied Sarith waiting morosely outside her room, Amdirlain considered just slipping into the training hall despite knowing neither Cyrus nor Liranë would be along that night. Amdirlain pushed aside the momentary pettiness and strode ahead, allowing her movements to echo down the corridor.
I’ve got enough messes to clean up, but that doesn’t excuse me from helping someone clean up their own, especially when I contributed.
“Are you alright, Sarith?”
At her question, Sarith’s gaze snapped upwards, and the conflicted expression vanished. “Know that was the question I had intended to ask you. Know that Master Elliyna wouldn’t tell me much, but she said that wasn’t even the worst sight you’d described to her.”
Amdirlain gave a curt nod, and the now often repeated explanation ran from her lips. “For years I just blocked things out, but that just let the memories and emotions fester. It had left me with quite a mental mess which is why I came here for healing.” At Sarith’s flinch though, she added a question. “Is there something I can help you with?”
“Know that I’m not sure I’ll ever like you, but I shouldn’t have objected to you seeking healing. Know Master Elliyna says a Healer’s most difficult patients are those they like or dislike, and I need to look at facts, not react with emotions,” replied Sarith.
The silence weighed the gulf between them, but Amdirlain didn’t respond, rather let it press upon Sarith until she found the resolve to continue.
“Know I don’t expect you to accept, but you have my apologies for any interference I caused to your healing, no matter how small.”
“Do you believe your words of apology sufficient?” asked Amdirlain gently.
Sarith’s pained expression was enough of an answer even before she shook her head. “Know I do not, but they are all I can offer you.”
“That’s not correct, and I’ve a request that you can consider or reject, but that choice is yours.”
“What is the request?”
“After you become a qualified Healer, help members of other species, not just the Githzerai,” replied Amdirlain, and restrained a smile at Sarith’s disbelieving expression.
“Why would you ask something like that? How do you benefit?”
It’s more I need nothing from you, but this might make you feel you’ve made amends and learn from it.
“There are those that believe it’s best to ask for repayment to be paid forward, and that it’ll help you in unexpected ways. Though to truly help, you’ll need to understand their cultures first,” answered Amdirlain. “Genuine understanding comes when you can set all preconceptions aside, and there are lots of people that need help.”
“Know I hadn’t heard of that previously; our laws have regulations regarding the proper repayment of debts,” muttered Sarith, fighting her reflex suspicions.
“Well, as you’ve pointed out, I’m not Githzerai,” replied Amdirlain, and a smile took the sting from her words. “I don’t expect an answer, but you’ll know if you’ve made amends or not. Rest well, Sarith.”
“Know I’d say the same, but I know you don’t sleep,” replied Sarith, and with that she bowed to Amdirlain and headed on her way.
Settled on her pallet Amdirlain re-entered her Mind Palace and, picking a direction, set out to find the lake’s far shore.
* * *
Amdirlain stepped out in the morning to attend morning meditations, only to find Master Jarithä waiting and looking quite smug. The corridor near had ended at a blank wall, but now stairs led down from the sleeping level and ended in a vault-like door. At his prompting, when Amdirlain opened the first, she found there wasn’t one door but two, and she shot Jarithä a surprised look.
“Know after the second the corridor loops back and there is a third to open, in case of explosions,” explained Jarithä.
“You expanded the dormitory into the bedrock to cater for my meditations?”
“Know that isn’t what we did,” refuted Jarithä and the smugness in his gaze strengthened. “Know it was an interesting mental exercise to raise the dormitory and add this as the ground floor overnight.”
“Thank you for your efforts, Master Jarithä,” replied Amdirlain and closed the first door. “I’ll make sure I only seek to alter my Mind Palace in the chamber.”
“Know it is large enough to for yourself and Masters Cyrus and Liranë to conduct training matches as well.”
“Is there something going on?” asked Amdirlain and continued when Jarithä only tilted his head at her question. “I caught some odd glances between Masters Rinji and Chessa our first lesson,”
Jarithä’s sigh carried a mix of frustration and odd amusement. “Know it is a matter of politics and philosophical differences. Know that while we had come to enough of an agreement for them to send a delegation to teach, there are still some details that are being determined.”
“I’ll just focus on my studies then and keep out of it. Thank you again, Master Jarithä,” said Amdirlain, before heading towards the training hall—the corridor quickly vacant behind her.
Kneeling before the others arrived Amdirlain continued with her explorations of Ki Movement’s web, unsure what she was doing wrong. Along with the six key points she found yesterday, she added another twenty during breaks from exploring her Mind Palace overnight.
Whether it was politics or other matters, Liranë intercepted her after breakfast to ensure she stayed away from the Novices’ physical training session again that day. Their own training was another session of her holding position against Liranë’s assaults, but this time with others tossing objects her way. Though they threw none of them hard enough to injure, the purpose was to catch them with Telekinesis while she fought Liranë, they were distraction enough.
Lezekus gave her a shoulder bump before she took her seat for the second meal. “Know I believe that Masters Rinji and Chessa were disappointed you weren’t at the lesson again today. Know I’m curious to know what they’re after as they asked questions about the Affinities you possess, but I don’t think that is their main interest in you.”
“Do they know of the Affinity sessions?” asked Amdirlain.
“Know they didn’t state it outright, but there were some subtle questions. Know they feel like some of my father’s customers haggling for a deal.”
“What did you tell them?”
“Know we told them exactly what Master Tenzin instructed us to: the monastery hosted a Wizard with a gift for teaching for a time,” reported Zenya, and slumped into her seat. “Know that I’m exhausted after that class, normally the baths make me feel more alive.”
Amdirlain frowned at the truthful vagueness of the reply that no one had instructed her to use. “When did she tell you all that?”
“Know it was prior to the Mana Theory class after the delegation arrived,” answered Lezekus, only just beating Nomein in replying.
“I’ll remember to use that line as well.”
“Do you believe it better than telling Cyrus to his face that you don’t trust him with your secrets?” enquired Lezekus cheekily.
“It’s a touch more diplomatic,” admitted Amdirlain to the others’ laughter.
“Do you think Master Duurth will make us train with the stone cylinders again today?” Nomein asked.
“When has Master Duurth ever not made you repeat exercise until you had the basics right?”
“It is what it is, “ consoled Amdirlain. “At least you’re not either launching it towards the ceiling or just rocking them in place.”
Gemiya gritted her teeth for a moment and, before even sitting, her words rushed out like she was afraid of the answer. “Did Sarith speak to you last night?”
With her focus on Amdirlain it was clear the question wasn’t intended for anyone else. “Yes, she apologised for her behaviour and adding to the burden of my healing.”
Tension drained from Gemiya and she sat down quickly swallowing back tears of relief.
“Is that why you were tense yesterday and this morning? You were worried about what your sister had done?”
“Before she found you, we’d had an argument she hasn’t spoken to me since. I saw her waiting in the corridor, but she just ignored me; when she moved away all I got was a sense of resolve.”
“I accepted her apology and gave her a choice as to something she could do to make amends I’ve no idea if she’ll follow through on it.”
“Everyone’s choices are their own?” asked Lezekus.
“Absolutely, and like everyone else I’m quite capable of making a mess.”
“Know that we saw!” Gemiya asserted amid the grim nods, and winces from the rest.
The mention of the gruesome sight didn’t stop them eating, eager to recover before the mental training of the afternoon.
