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~The Arcana: Julian Devorak X Listener SFW: Loneliness~
🕑 Added 2021-12-25 20:01:01 +0000 UTC
The best times to have deep meaningful conversations is while snuggled up under a blanket together, right?
Contains: Comfort, Advice, Snuggling, Spoilers for Julian's Romance Route
This is a couple of suggestions from Twitter all kind of rolled into one: Julian being cold and dramatic, making cookies, and talking about Loneliness. I thought that was a good subject for Julian, since a lot of his arc in the game has to do with loneliness and also conquering his need to shoulder everything for himself, almost past the point of altruistic and more into the masochistic sort of way. I think it's a good conversation to have, and has some advice I wish I'd had earlier in life woven into it. I hope you all enjoy and you have Happy Holidays if you choose to celebrate!
~Audio Transcript Below~
Julian: I do have to admit, even though it's so blasted cold here in the winter that I will never understand why people willingly stay here.....having someone to cuddle for warmth is entirely worth the cold toes.......
*pause*
Oh, I'm sure that you can rattle off a list of other things that make the cold worth it, but having someone to cuddle with is absolutely the best reason......
Which is why I'm wondering why you're still over there, while I'm here alone under the blanket currently freezing to death........
*chuckles* If you hadn't caught my hint already........
*pause*
The cookies will be in the oven for quite some time yet, my dear, you don't need to fret.......besides.....there are worse things in the world than burnt cookies.....for instance.....being alone under a blanket......
*pause*
*chuckles* my powers of persuasion know no bounds.....now please?
*hums happily*
I am dramatic.....but I am also cold......so I believe it's warranted........
*shuffling*
*sighs* There we are.......my little personal fireplace.........
You are always warm to me......
*semi-dramatically* Oh, I was so lonely without you, my Love........
*chuckles into a soft kiss*
*long pause*
That is......certainly a question........
How did I deal with being alone for so long?
I assume you mean with my......self imposed exile and well......fugitive status?
*pause*
And......knowing that you had forgotten me.......
To be fair, Love.......I forgot you as well.........
There was a sense of longing.....that I had for you.....that did not make sense.....because how could it? I hardly knew you? How could I long for a sense of.....friendship and love for someone who I clearly didn't know that well?
But something kept nagging at me......and that feeling of longing would not go away......in fact......it only grew.......
After a while........I knew there must have been something more…..some history between us……what else could explain the ease with which we existed together? The calm I felt around you?…….but……there were no memories other than the ones that we had created recently since stumbling upon you while looking for Asra……..so how could that possibly be true?
I didn’t understand……until we were in the hangman’s realm what the longing I felt for you was.......
Then everything.....everything we had together came back like a whiplash.......and finally everything came into focus for me........
I cannot even begin to describe the combination of loss and relief that overtook me when I finally found out who you were.....and that.....you weren't dead........I grieved and rejoiced so quickly......like a flash of lightning.......we were given a second chance..........
They took us away from each other.......but I wasn't going to let it happen again...........
*pause*
But we were talking about loneliness.....of course......
I did feel lonely, for some time........and while some of it derived from our memories being taken from us.......making us strangers to one another.......
I believe more came from......my own self........
Portia used to make jokes that I’m always shouldering someone else's burdens while lamenting how heavy the load is......but I didn't understand that until I started.....letting others in.....
Not just.....trying to keep them at arm's length with this.....persona that I had created........
I had a fear that I was going to hurt you if I let you see the real me.......but.......as I am often finding these days.....I was wrong......
*pause*
How does this relate to loneliness?
Well......
You don't realize how lonely you are when you try to shoulder everything on your own.....when you isolate because you don't want to burden others.......
When you believe that you can handle absolutely everything yourself......
That sort of self imposed isolation is the most chilling of all.......
Finally learning to accept help.......even your help....even though I was terrified that it was either going to lead to you being taken away from me again......or lead to you hating me or....some other disastrous fate where you didn't want anything to do with me........helped me the most with my loneliness......and I didn't even know it......
Allowing myself to be vulnerable to the people who matter most in my life showed me that trying to be the strongest and the most dependable......can be incredibly lonely.........
It took me.....a long time to stop feeling quite so lonely.......and there are times when I still feel it......but I think that is just a part of the human experience......loneliness is an emotion just as happiness and sadness are.....if not a little more complicated.......maybe--*chuckles*--maybe even a little less in some lights........
I think we are allowed to be lonely......we're allowed to feel negative emotions just as we feel positive ones......because that's the depth of being human.....it lets us know that there's something that we need.....
Fulfilling that need however......can be a more difficult task......
Which brings me back to allowing others to help you......
Allowing others to see your weakness.....having someone who is outside yourself giving advice......or......'helping' is so vague but the word encompasses so much that could occur, and......honestly it's the best thing I can come up with......
Loneliness isn't weakness.....asking for help isn't weakness.......it's taken me.....quite some time to figure that out.......
I may not have all the answers as to how to s help loneliness.......just as my friends don't.......but I believe that I am less lonely if I ask for help.....than if I were to suffer in silence.....if that makes sense?
*pause*
Human emotions are complicated, and there's no one 'right' way to go about things.....and there will probably be mistakes in the interim.....trying to help.......
But that is as much the human condition as having those emotions are. Trying things.....making mistakes.....learning from those mistakes......growing......it's all part of it......
*pause*
Don't let my dramatics fool you......I am quite smart.....*chuckles* at least sometimes.......
*pause*
Did that.....satisfy your curiosity, Love?
*pause*
....Thank you......it has been.....a long time since someone has said that.....they're proud of me.......
*soft kiss*
I'm proud of you too, you know......for everything......
*pause*
Ah! The cookies!
*chuckles* Quick! Before they burn!
*shuffling*
Ah....good.....they didn't burn!
*pause*
*huffs a laugh* You're right, Love........you're right.....
Everything did work out.....in the end........
Comments
Fujioka Aika
that was for sure a Christmas miracle ;w; <3
Fujioka Aika
that was for sure a Christmas miracle ;w; <3
Basil
This was very cute, I really got immersed!! I love your Julian voice!
mosscorpse
it is mind blowing what you can create with just a little prompt. this was so tender and so cute, and Jules hit real close to home with the talk of deliberate isolation. i really felt like i was hanging out with him, and your voice for him is *chefs kiss*. wonderful stuff as always, K!
Aspen Wicce
You have great range, but this is easily my favorite character you voice. I hope the holidays are merry for you and prep for your upcoming procedure goes well! Happy Holidays ❤
