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Gotham's Dead End Bar Ch.16
🕑 Added 2024-01-27 03:06:07 +0000 UTCThe Dead End was empty. It was closing time, about 5:30 in the morning. The sun would be coming up in an hour or so. What passed for sunshine in Gotham, at least. I kept the bar open late — or early, more accurately — to cater to my prime clientele but even that had limits. Mostly because Harley and Ivy still needed sleep and rest.
I didn’t need to sleep, per se, but I did still enjoy the activity. Didi was in the same boat nowadays. I brought her around by showing her how much better it was to sleep with someone else at your side. Plus, with Delirium’s visit, I was starting to think Didi used our time asleep to visit her brother Dream.
Still, the Dead End and Ivy’s Ivy were open from dusk til dawn — and not the other way around. It was about what people expected from a drinking establishment. And it worked well with the schedules the villains and heroes usually kept.
I didn’t know why exactly, but hardly any crimes took place during the day in Gotham. Certainly no villain-based crimes. It was like an unwritten rule. Perhaps literally, knowing Gotham. There could very well be a spell or curse that relegated the darker activities in the city to the dark of night.
Whatever the reason, it contributed to how popular the Dead End was. And how effective this place was when it came to keeping people off the streets. I didn’t intend it to turn out this way, but the Dead End and I were almost as instrumental in the fight against crime in Gotham as the Bat Family was.
At closing time though, the Dead End was, well… dead. The normal customers had gone home long before this point. Usually staying a bit longer, the villains were on their way back to their lairs, hideouts, or even, their apartments. The mooks and goons stumbled on home too, somewhere between the exodus of ‘normals’ and the villains.
One of the things I’d been quick to implement in the rules of the Dead End’s domain was a safeguard against the usual troubles alcohol brought with itself. A quick ‘Death of Blackouts’ here. ‘Death of Drunk Driving’ there. And especially, a handy little ‘Death of Addiction ’ as the cherry on top.
It wouldn’t work outside the Dead End’s walls. But here, I had no trouble with anyone drinking too much and endangering themselves and others. They could still get drunk. But they quite literally COULDN’T overdo it in my domain.
My customers could still develop dependencies and addictions if they drank regularly. But the drinks I served in the Dead End wouldn’t count toward that. They weren’t even technically bad for your body anymore. As always, conceptual Death was bullshit.
With the villains usually being the last to leave, the Dead End was left with only the heroes for the final sprint toward actually closing. The Bat Family routinely ‘worked’ longer hours than their criminals and villains. They didn’t rest until the sun was fully up. And since those were usually the quietest hours of their nights, I consistently hosted one or two of them before I closed.
“Man, I haven’t smiled this much in literal years,” Red Hood said, his head very obviously tracking the Joker’s pitiful reflection in the mirror prison.
Since business returned to normal for the Dead End, he came around about as often as Batgirl, Black Bat, and Robin. Sometimes, he taunted his killer. More often than not, he simply sat down and watched the Joker in silence. Those times, I left him to work through whatever he needed to work through.
“Hard to tell through that mask of yours,” I snarked.
He just laughed, “For what you’ve done, I’d be more than happy to reveal my face to you. But I’m pretty sure B-Man would get all on my case about it.”
Batgirl smirked, “He might even tell Alfred and Talia you’re endangering yourself with something so completely stupid. Like always.”
A visceral shudder ran up Red Hood’s spine, “Yeah… Sorry, Mr. Barkeep, but the mask stays on. No way am I pissing off Mom 1 and Mom 2.”
I rolled my eyes, “Barbara’s messing with you, Jason. I already know who all of you are and I’ve made sure secret identities are absolutely safe in the Dead End.”
“Oh…” Jason paused for a moment before looking at her to check.
Barbara nodded, still smirking, and Jason slowly considered the situation. I could practically see the gears turning in his head. On one hand, he was trained and very much accustomed to keeping his secret identity, well, secret. On the other, he did say he would show me. Even if I was more than willing to let the issue lie, Jason wasn’t someone who let his debts go unpaid.
Another nod — more of a ‘go ahead’ signal — from her convinced him to take off his mask, baring his real face before me, “I guess there’s no one else here anyway. Just, uh, Didi’s sister?”
“Well, we were just about to close before you showed up,” I deadpanned, not showing my inner thoughts on his appearance. “Delirium is family. She’s allowed to keep bothering us after hours. You and Babs here are really pushing your luck.”
Jason looked about as I expected him to. No, he looked younger than I thought he would. I knew he was younger than Dick and Barbara. He should have been about 19 or 20. But if it wasn’t for a scar that ran from his forehead through the corner of his eye to end on his upper lip, I would have described him as ‘baby-faced’.
Handsome still, with a strong jaw and pale blue eyes. But he looked like one of those people who would still look barely 18 even when they were approaching 30. Maybe it had something to do with his return from death.
I was pretty sure the white streak in the center of his bangs was due to that. It looked like he had tried to dye it to get rid of the color but it kept coming back anyway. Some quirky magical interaction between him and the Lazarus Pit, most likely.
Barbara stuck out her tongue at me, “Don’t even pretend you don’t love having me around, Sean.”
“Ehh, I could take you or leave you.”
“You better take me,” Barbara growled.
“Careful, Babs,” Jason smirked, getting a bit of teasing revenge already. “Your feisty side is showing.”
“I’m all feist, all the time!” Barbara snapped back at him.
Jason shook his head and tutted, “You say that like it’s a good thing. Some guys don’t like to flirt by fighting.”
While Barbara glared at him, I added fuel to the fire, “Not me. I’ll never say no to more passion in my life.”
Barbara barely reacted to my comment. Just a tiny twitch. But to Jason and I, she might as well have blushed crimson. One of us knew her way too well to be fooled and the other had enough experience with the opposite sex to last for literal lifetimes.
Still, Barbara recovered surprisingly quickly. She turned to me with a sweet and innocent smile on her face, “Sean? Would you like to spar sometime?”
Jason cackled like a fool, “Just throw your panties at him next time, Babs!”
Her sweet smile didn’t waver an inch as she lashed out and nailed him in the gut with her elbow. Jason doubled over as the air was forced out of his lungs. Even then he was trying his best to laugh, a task made much more difficult by his spasming diaphram. I just watched the exchange with an amused smirk.
“So, Sean, how about that spar?” Barbara asked again as if nothing had happened.
Chuckling, I agreed, “That sounds lovely, Barbara. When the Colosseum of Crime is finished, maybe?”
“It’s a d-date,” She nodded firmly, only stuttering the barest bit on the last word.
In the background, I heard Delirium talking to Didi, “Didi, your mortals are ~SOOOOOO~ cute~!”
Didi giggled, “They aren’t mine, Del. Not any more than anyone else is.”
Delirium cocked her head, “Not even your Sean~?”
“Well… Sean’s different,” I could hear the blush in Didi’s voice. “But I’d hardly consider him mortal.”
“He’s nice~,” Delirium said dreamily as if she had her head in the clouds. “I like what he’s done for you. You’re much happier now.”
I glanced over at them, meeting Didi’s gaze and seeing her smile, “I am, aren’t I?”
“Happy as a hat in the rain~!” Delirium chimed like bells.
“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” Didi giggled.
Harley, Ivy, Freeze, and Nora came in through the backdoor of the bar. Freeze and Nora waved and made their excuses to leave now that their shifts were over. Most of their free time these days was dedicated to solving their intimacy issues. Didi or I could deal with it in an instant but Nora wanted to figure it out for herself.
She said that the process was part of the fun. Especially the trial and error. With the way Freeze blew cold air when she mentioned that, he didn’t seem to mind that they couldn’t go all the way yet. Good for them.
Harley and Ivy came right on over to the rest of us. Upon seeing Red Hood with his mask off, Harley’s destination was set. Ivy rolled her eyes with long-standing fondness and went to meet Didi’s guest instead.
“Hey, Hoodie~! Wow, look at you, all scarred and young and handsome-lookin’. Why, you’re practically naked~!” Harley greeted.
Jason looked down at himself in confusion, “I… am…?”
Barbara rolled her eyes, “She means the mask, smart guy.”
“Oh, yeah, I suppose I am,” Jason said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “Sean said it would be safe for me to take off the Hood. And after what he’s done for me with the Joker, I couldn’t not trust him…”
“Oh, yeah~! Isn’t that great~? The Unfunny Bastard is worse than dead and buried~!” Harley grinned, shivering with vindictive delight.
“It’s certainly… something,” Jason smiled slightly. He relaxed a bit but there was still a decent amount of tension in his posture. Let’s see if I can reassure that tension out of him.
“You can test my protections if you want. Just in case you don’t believe Barbara,” I offered.
Jason blinked, “How?”
Instead of answering him, I turned to Harley, “Harley, meet Jason Todd. He’s a former Robin and currently, the Red Hood.”
“Nice to meet ‘cha all over again~!” Harley exclaimed with a wide smile.
“Uh… nice to meet you again too, Harley,” Jason returned the greeting tentatively.
“Now, Harley, go ahead and step out the front door. I’m going to ask you a question,” I instructed.
Harley skipped to do as I said. Once outside my domain, she turned and shouted, “Okay~! What now~?!”
“Who’s the Red Hood?” I called back to her.
“Fuck if I know~! Jesus and Shakespear’s frickin’ kid or something~!?”
“See? Perfectly safe,” I said, turning back to Jason.
Jason’s face was a mask of confusion, fascination, and sudden confidence, “So I see…”
I left him to figure out his feelings for a moment, “You can come back in now, Harley!”
Harley skipped back through the doorway and immediately stopped to goggle at Jason, “Woah~! What a trip~! Now, ‘Jason Todd’… Where have I heard that name before?”
“Nowhere of importance, I’m sure,” Jason gave an almost awkward little chuckle.
“No, I know I’ve heard it…” Harley said, lost in thought. Suddenly, she snapped her fingers, “Got it! You’re one of Brucie’s kids~! Nice~! How does it feel to have a himbo… billionaire… as your… dad…?”
Her mind was really working now, “A dad who’s conveniently never in the same room as Batman, even with how much Batsy has to save him… A dad with three sons and a couple of daughters… Almost an exact match for Batsy… With a middle son who disappeared at the same time the Unfunny Bastard killed the middle Robin…”
Jason shot me a concerned glance. I waved him off dismissively. He turned his eyes onto Barbara, likely asking if they should be doing something about Harley’s ongoing epiphany. Barbara just shrugged.
“Son of a bitch~!” Harley exclaimed with an explosion. “Bruce Wayne really is Batman~!”
Jason fell into a tense silence. Barbara and I were just amused and content to see how this played out. In the mirror, Joker collapsed to his knees. Harley’s realization might have just killed whatever willpower he had left. After all, Batman had been pulling off the greatest joke of all, complete with a meme-based psyop and a lovable himbo persona.
Seeing the Joker collapse, Jason took on a look of consideration, “… Okay, you know what? Worth. If this is what it takes to make that asshole look like someone just killed his puppy, I’ll take B-man’s identity getting out any day of the week.”
That set Ivy off into hysterical giggles as she, Delirium, and Didi came over to join us, “Oh, thank Mother Nature, Harley! You don’t know how hard it was to keep that a secret from you! I was going crazy every time you and Bruce were in the same room together!”
Harley gaped at Ivy, “Red, you knew?!”
Ivy nodded as best she could through her full-body laughter, “Since-… Since Bruce first visited the bar! I was there when Sean put his secret identity rule into place and the reveal almost killed me!”
“Well, duh,” Harley huffed. “I mean, who would’ve expected sweet little Brucie to be the Big Bad Bats?”
“That’s not even the best part!” Ivy was still losing herself to her giggles. “Oh, Goddess! The-… The memes! Barbara! Barbara, please, I can’t!”
Harley looked at her girlfriend queerly, “What’s that all about?”
Barbara sighed, “I think she wants me to tell you that Bruce is the one who’s originally behind the ‘Bruce-Wayne-is-Batman’ meme theory.”
Harley’s mouth hung open in shock. In the mirror, Joker twitched and recoiled as if he was actually shot. Not only was Gotham’s greatest joke of the century true, but it was even started by Batman. Yeah, there was no coming back for Joker after that. And he couldn’t even share the knowledge or use it for anything, trapped and imprisoned as he was.
Jason’s grin could have been seen from space at this point, “Oh, this is so fucking funny. I can see why Sean likes digging reactions out of people like this.”
“Batman seems to think the same thing,” I said casually. “He’s the one who asked Ivy to keep it a secret. But not for the obvious reasons. He wanted to drag it out and reveal it to his Rogues Gallery one by one. Like some big Bat Prank™.”
Shot after shot kept rocking the Joker in his mirror prison. This time, the rest of us were treated to the sight of him being ‘hit’ with machine gun fire. And then ragdolling like he was caught in an explosion as the cherry on top.
The slapstick comedy of Joker being thrown around like a bitch by the revelations just made Jason’s grin wider, “Perfect.”
“Oooh! Ooooo!” Harley made unintelligible little noises of anger. “I am SO getting him back for this~! I mean, come on, Brucie~! You didn’t wanna tell me that I was fighting my old study buddy all this time~?!”
“To be fair,” I began. “He wasn’t expecting you to figure it out on your own. So you’ve got a leg up on him right now. I bet you could even surprise him. Well, slightly, at least. He’s still Batman.”
Harley’s grin grew to match Jason’s, “Good enough for me~! That brooding goth jerk won’t know what hit him~! I knew he couldn’t have changed that much since college~!”
Barbara choked on thin air and Harley turned to her with a raised eyebrow, “And who are you supposed to be, Girl-Bat~?”
Collecting herself, Barbara revealed her secret identity to an old friend/enemy, “Barbara. Barbara Gordon.”
Harley could only say one thing to that, “… Huh.”
“You know, it’s only just occurring to me… Does Commissioner Gordon know about your nighttime activities?” Ivy wondered.
“Please don’t ever say it that way again,” Barbara shuddered. “But I guess… I don’t know.”
“Probably,” I answered that question for her. “He’s the Commissioner of Police for one of the largest cities on the East Coast and he was Gotham’s best detective before that. He almost certainly knows who ALL of you are but he doesn’t say anything to keep up the illusion. For your sake more than anything else.”
Barbara froze at my words and Jason paused, emulating Harley for a moment, “… Huh.”
“Freaking. Adorable. Mortals~!” Delirium squealed, breaking the awkward silence that accompanied Barbara rethinking everything she thought she knew. “Eeeeiii~! You’re all like a buffet of emotions and secrets and FUN~!”
“Uh, Gothboy? Who’s the manic pixie dream girl?” Harley asked out of the corner of her mouth.
I could only laugh, “You don’t even realize how accurate that description is, Harley.”
Jason extended his hand to Delirium, “I don’t think we’ve officially met. Jason Todd.”
“I know who you are~!” Delirium chimed cheerfully. Her tone dipped to slow and low melancholy. “Didi still talks about you sometimes…” Then it was suddenly fuming mad, “I’m Delirium! Call me Del! If you don’t, I’ll cut you!”
Jason’s expression barely shifted. Just the slightest straining of his smile and a sudden deadness in his eye. But in front of Delirium, he might as well have been shouting his emotions from the rooftops. In an instant, Delirium’s sudden rage disappeared, leaving an innocent and pure girl behind.
Didi sighed, “Don’t mind my sister, Jason. She doesn’t mean anything by that. She’s just prone to mood swings as part of her nature. It’s good to speak to you again though. How have you been?”
Jason adopted a look of deja vu in his eye, “Do I know…?” Realization struck him like lightning, “Ah… Death. Right.”
“The last time we spoke, we had a fascinating conversation about the historical context surrounding the Art of War by Sun Tzu and how that translates to its modern interpretations and applications,” Didi smiled softly. When she smiled like that, it was as if everything was right with the world.
Judging by the way he relaxed, Jason seemed to think so too, “I vaguely remember that. Sorry, I was a bit… out of sorts at the time.”
Barbara snorted, “Jason, only you would spend the entire time you were dead talking about military literature. You’re such a nerd.”
“Literary history is interesting, alright!?” Jason snapped, hiding the slight coloring of his cheeks. “And I wasn’t at my best, what with the whole DYING thing going on!”
“Sounds like excuses to me~” Barbara teased.
“While there were certainly more pressing matters at the time, I enjoyed my conversation and short time with Jason,” Didi said without offense. “However, I’m equally glad to see him living again.”
“You don’t count that as… cheating Death…?” Jason asked hesitantly.
Didi shook her head, “Hardly. There was no intention to cheat me behind your resurrection. If anything, it was likely one of Destiny’s plots. I don’t have any grievances with you, Jason. Not like… THAT man…” She glared pointedly at the mirror before continuing, “But if you’re still worried, think of it as your first strike.”
“That’s…” Jason considered. “That’s good. Helpful, even. Now, I know not to repeat my little dance with you. No offense, Didi, but I’d like to stay way down the list of your dance card.”
“No offense taken,” Didi chuckled.
Suddenly, a banging grabbed everyone’s attention. The door to the Dead End flew open. A young woman barged through in a rush. A teenager, likely not even legal yet. Closing the door behind her, she only spared the briefest moment to catch her breath. The instant she saw us, she stumbled over, almost collapsing in the process.
“You-! You have to help me!” She gasped. “Wizards-! Wizards are trying to kill me!”
There was a short moment as we all processed her plea for help. Didi was the first to react. And she reacted in a way none of us expected.
“Mine!”
Blinking at that, only then did I realize how similar Didi and this young woman looked. She had the ‘goth girl’ style down to a tee. Black clothes, black hair, black makeup — her shirt and leggings were even in that telltale fishnet goth style. Her hair was in cute, little, puffy pigtails on the sides of her head.
Again, she was young. Attractive but I couldn’t bring myself to see her as ‘womanly’ just yet. She needed a few more years of growth for that. Right now, she was just ‘cute’. I didn’t recognize her off the top of my head. So while she was likely a character in this universe, she wasn’t a well-known one.
“What’s your name, Dear?” Ivy asked gently.
“L-Lori-…” The girl paused to change her answer. “Alice. Black Alice. Daughter, uh… Yeah, Daughter of Death…!”
“Oh~! Didi, I didn’t know you had a daughter~!” Delirium clapped excitedly.
“Uh, I don’t think…” I started to say.
“I don’t care! She’s mine now! Mini-me! Mine! We’re adopting her, Sean!” Didi interrupted, putting her foot down for the girl who could have been her daughter anyway.
I sighed and chuckled, more amused than against the idea. At the very least, we could help her with her ‘wizard problem’, “Alright. As the owner of the Dead End and Death’s Hand, I officially offer you sanctuary. Do you accept, Black Alice?”
IIIII
Felix Faust screeched and squawked, much like a vulture, “Magic itself hangs in the balance! She will doom us all!”
The description fit him well, Klarion thought. He deadpanned in reply, “She’s a teenage girl.”
“She’s a threat!”
“I. REALLY. Don’t see it.”
“RAAGGH!”
Faust raged like an impotent old bird. Now that Klarion had seen it, he couldn’t unsee it. Faust was a deathly thin man with a sunken face and a large, beaked nose. The only things that sustained him at this point were malice and magic.
“Quiet, both of ya’s! I need ta’ have a think,” Doctor Occult said, looking moments away from dope-slapping both Klarion and Faust.
Doctor Occult was the one who gathered them all here to deal with this new ‘threat’ to the magic community. He was a man who embodied the 1920s, even nearly a century after that time had passed. Magic kept him going long after his natural expiration date and Klarion would bet the trenchcoat, suit, and hat he wore were the same that he used way back then.
Still, he was an accomplished Magician. Accomplished enough to command a measure of respect from the rest of the community. So when he came calling, Klarion decided to play along. More for his own amusement than anything else. He was between pranks at the moment anyway.
So far, he was amused but not all that impressed. The ‘threat’ their little group was gathered to face didn’t seem urgent, pressing, or dire. It was just a teenage girl as far as he was concerned. Barely older than the age he portrayed himself as.
She wasn’t even actually aware of magic before the incident that sparked this all off. She liked to play at it, sure. But none of the background information Klarion had seen made her into an actual threat.
Certainly not one that deserved such fearsome enemies. Doctor Occult was legendary. Perhaps not the most powerful Magician but one of the most well-known due to the amount of time he’d been active. With time came experience and wisdom. And for a Magician, few things amplified their power more than those two qualities.
Felix Faust was perhaps even more legendary — an unfortunate tale of caution for all who learned of him. As an ancient sorcerer, he was the origin of the term ‘Faustian Bargain’. The fool traded freely with Demons, only to try and renege on every deal he made.
Each time, he was left worse off than before. After several millennia of deals, Faust was a shadow of his former legend. In his prime, Faust dueled prime wizard Nommo — the best of his era — to a standstill. Now, he would be lucky to go a day without soiling himself.
Still, he was intimately knowledgeable about the Dark Arts. And one good thing about the magic community was its tendency not to discriminate too harshly. Magicians, wizards, and sorcerers did not subscribe to the hero-villain divide so closely.
Light and Dark, Good and Evil, ORDER and CHAOS? Yes. But most in their community were a bit more hesitant to put on masks and run around committing or preventing non-magical crimes.
In times of great magical crisis, those lines blurred even further. Zatanna Zatara could easily be seen working with Enchantress if the occasion called for it. Or in this case, Doctor Occult could be seen gathering known ‘villains’ for this little group of his.
Klarion was one of those ‘villains’. Truthfully, he disdained the word. Such a shallow moniker. He was no mere ‘villain’, he was a nuisance! The Nuisance! He was Klarion… Bum Bum Bum… the Witch-Boy. Yes, the dramatic pauses and ‘bums’ were important. No, you couldn’t say his name without them!
Honestly, did people think him a fool? That little fiction was a favorite of his. No one actually used the full title. They called him ‘Klarion’ or ‘Witch-Boy’ or some combination of the two. They all just thought him a Mad child, putting on a show for himself. So no one would even begin to think he’d hidden his True Name in plain sight.
While he may look young, Klarion was no novice. From his birth in Limbo Town to his current pestering of Etrigan the Demon, Klarion had seen much of what existence had to offer. Not all. Never all. But enough.
He knew he was currently in the running for one of the Chaos Lord mantles. His mischievous feats and deeds attracted a certain level of cosmic attention. But he wasn’t a Lord of Chaos yet. Until then, he was content to be underestimated and seen as ‘The Nuisance’.
Which put him in this amusing little group of Light and Dark magic users without those ORDER busybodies breathing down his neck. Other than himself, Doctor Occult, and Faust, a delightfully reasonable woman named Cheetah — a Wonderwoman villain cursed with the features of her felinid namesake — and a magical hero on the Justice League’s payroll named Black Orchid rounded out their numbers.
It wasn’t like any of them were light hitters (other than perhaps Doctor Occult). Which just made the reason they were all gathered all the more hilarious in Klarion’s mind. Their target… was a teenage girl.
Of course, they weren’t after her for no reason. According to the background information Doctor Occult had rounded up (he was a detective. It was, quite literally, what he did), the girl named Lori Zechlin wasn’t such a non-issue anymore.
She was involved in some kind of accident. Or perhaps a series of accidents would be more accurate. Doctor Occult wasn’t sure if it was the car crash that killed her parents or her suicide attempt afterward that awakened her to magic. Regardless, Lori Zechlin was empowered and took on the name ‘Black Alice’.
Before the series of incidents, Alice was a stereotypical goth teen. Pagan beliefs, alternative sense of style, dark and moody teenage brooding, the works. That first quality led to the current problems she was experiencing.
At some point during her initial troubles, Alice called out to unspecified pagan gods and demons, asking them to spare her life. One of them answered. A very ill-intentioned Demon who hoped the power it put in Alice’s hands would lead to catastrophe.
Alice was given a magical ability. An ability that terrified the magic community and threatened to upset magic itself. She could steal magic. Powers, spells, or inherited abilities, the source made no difference to Black Alice. There was no limit on her range or potential. She could just as easily steal Zatanna’s magic as she could a first-time spellcaster’s.
Klarion had to admit it WAS a worrying ability. Certainly, not one that should be entrusted to a naive and clueless teenager with potential delusions of dark grandeur. He could agree with Doctor Occult on that front. The part that was so amusing to Klarion was that the only solution the good ghost detective had come up with was to… eliminate… the problem entirely.
“Ugh,” Doctor Occult grunted after a few moments of silence. “I’ve still got nothing. The damn girl is really messin’ up everything in the joint. We’re just gonna have to put her on ice. No other way to cut the connection to the Demon who wants to screw everything right up for the rest of us. Ugly as it is, it’s the best thing to do.”
“Yes, because the ends always justify the means,” Klarion drawled. He didn’t have much of a stake in this situation but he did enjoy playing Devil’s advocate.
“I’m with Witch-Boy here,” Cheetah said. “Doesn’t feel right to just off the girl like this.”
“Must we kill, Doctor Occult?” Black Orchid asked.
“Well, we gotta do something. As cruddy a person as he is, Faust is right about one thing. She’s a threat to magic itself,” Doctor Occult asserted gruffly. “If this keeps up, she’ll tear the White Gate straight out of the picture. And then the Outer Gods’ll get in and no one will be happy.”
“Ha!” Faust laughed triumphantly. “The little twit should be thankful that we deem her important enough to deal with personally! Honestly, we should just tie a curse to her unfortunate soul and be done with it!”
“Not so fast, buster,” Doctor Occult growled. “Eliminating her entirely is still our last resort. We’re gonna talk to her and do everything we can first. But if we have to, we have to.”
Faust cried out in sudden pain and despair, making a noise as if his soul was being torn from his body, “Nooooooooooo~!”
Black Orchid shifted uncomfortably but nodded, “… That is not ideal but I can see how it would be necessary. With good fortune, we shall find another solution after examining her situation more closely.”
Cheetah just scoffed, “Don’t look at me. Not like any of you would take the catgirl’s perspective seriously. I don’t even know why I’m here.”
“Oh, contraire, M’lady,” Klarion flirted, trying his best to turn on the charm. “I would take your advice any day of the week. And I happen to think you’re quite fetching as a ‘catgirl’.”
Cheetah barked a paradoxically purring laugh, “Don’t start, Witch-Boy. You ain’t suave and I ain’t some kind of Shotacon. Grow up a bit and then we’ll see.”
Klarion put on a dramatic sigh, “Oh, be still beating heart o’ mine~”
He saw the corners of her lips twitch upward as she changed the subject, “Who’s tracking the girl anyway? Do we even know where she is?”
“I will find her!” Faust tried to declare grandly.
Doctor Occult cut him off, “No need, old man. Her position has stabilized in Gotham. I’ll open a portal and we can get this job over and done with.”
“Oh, joy,” Cheetah deadpanned. “Gotham.”
“You know, I’ve been hearing interesting whispers about the city recently,” Klarion commented, just making conversation at this point as Doctor Occult opened the portal and they all stepped through.
“Interesting how?” Black Orchid asked, as polite and professional as ever.
“Well, first,” Klarion changed the subject slightly as the Gotham air hit him. “Do you smell the Madness?”
“In Gotham?” Cheetah snorted. “‘Course, I do.”
“No, there’s something more here…” Faust contributed something helpful for the first time. In Klarion’s mind, at least. “Something… I WISH TO HAVE IT~!”
And there it was. Almost immediately, his wisdom was overwritten by the rest of his personality. Klarion sighed and continued, “I’ve been hearing rumors about a new magical center in the city. A… what was it called? A cul-de-sac…? No, that isn’t quite right…”
“A Dead End?” Cheetah suggested.
Klarion snapped his fingers, “Yes! That was it. How did you know?”
“Because we’re standing right in front of it,” She deadpanned right back at him.
“Oh… Oh, my,” Klarion paused to take in the bar and how it practically breathed with magic.
It was like nothing he’d seen before. Still, he was intimately familiar with the taste of magic. Anyone who dabbled in necromancy would be. This was Death. But it was so much purer than anything else he’d ever encountered. What an interesting oddity…
“Right,” Cheetah said, taking charge. “Orchid and I will go first. We’re the only front-line fighters here. Ready, Orchid?”
At the other woman’s nod, Cheetah stepped up to the front door to the Dead End. She opened it and took a step inside. Black Orchid was right behind her. Immediately, they both turned around on their heels and walked right back out.
“Nope,” Cheetah refused, popping the ‘p’ with great exaggeration. “So much freakin’ nope.”
Black Orchid nodded vigorously, “I concur. Very much nope.”
“Step aside, fools!” Faust declared, trying and failing to shove his way through the two female powerhouses with his feeble ancient muscles. “I will have whatever power this Dead End hides! Ahahahahahaha!”
With a pointed look at Black Orchid, Cheetah let the sorcerer pass. Faust stormed into the establishment, still cackling. A calm and soft voice said something unintelligible from inside. Like a man who’d been shot, Faust froze in the doorway.
“No, no, no, leave me, Grim Reaper! Nooooooo~!” Faust cried, once again sounding as if his soul was leaving his body. This time though, that description might have been much more accurate.
Faust screamed. At the same time, he began to rapidly wither before their eyes. Moment by moment, he began to look his true age. A mummy, standing only because time hadn’t caught up to him yet. In seconds, Felix Faust crumbled to nothing more than dust.
“By the way, Death and Delirium of the Endless are in there,” Cheetah advised with post-humorous sarcasm.
Oh… Oh, my.
[AN: Black Alice isn’t slated to be in the harem. I have her pegged as a sort of spunky, sarcastic, and rebellious teenage daughter role. Think Negasonic Teenage Warhead from X-Men lol]
Comments
Redwing641
Didn’t know that. Justice League Unlimited tv series Cheetah is what comes up in my mind when Cheetah is mentioned. You know the one that Batman rizzed. Thanks for the info
dryskies_btb
She was cursed by a god so I think it's safe to say she's magical. And before that, she was an archeologist. It's not too much of a stretch for her to still be into magical history and the Endless must show up in legends, rumors, and stuff occasionally. Really, though, I have no idea why she was included in Black Alice's canon events. The wiki says she was part of the team gathered to deal with Alice so I'm just kind of rolling with that.
dryskies_btb
Omakes will definitely be posted early here as well. I'm probably going to get around to that when I have the chance. With my current plan, that's looking to be after Supergirl and then Superman visit the bar and I truly start to expand into the wider DC world.
Isaac
Is Cheeta’s origin magical in nature? How does she know who Death and Delirium are?
QuantumServer
Thanks fir the chapter! The reaction of cheeta and black orchid were amazing!
Darkanlan
I bet that was the highlight of their day watching Faust die like that. How many groups end up with a shit teammate and just wish they'd die only to never have it granted no matter how badly they screw the team over? This time they got their wish.
Roy Marax
Huh, well this was certainly an interesting chapter. I'm really enjoying how you're going about Joker's situation. XD A bit surprised at how quickly everyone jumped onto the same opinion in QQ about Joker showing up, but here's hoping they'll enjoy how it turns out... (Although part of me thinks that even though most of us here on Patreon liked the Mirror Idea I proposed, a number of people on QQ will be wishing he was just up and dead...) I'm... Gonna be honest here: I don't know pretty much anything about the magical side of the DC-Verse... I knowa good deal of the "mainstream knowledge that everyone knows" when it comes to Batman's neck of the woods... But the second half of this chapter was basically 90% new information for me to find out about. It was definitely really interesting, and I'm kinda looking forwards to however it ends up playing out in the following chapters, but I'm not really gonna have much of an "opinion" on whatever's brought into this for the most part due to my lack of knowledge. [Due to the above situation, not much to bring up for "edits" in this chapter. Everything in the first half made a ton of sense, so not much there. The only couple things I can think of is that in regards to Joker, he's "doing what he can" in the Mirror World. Oh, he's definitely being laughed AT, but the way half his reactions occur, I get the feeling he's playing it up JUST a bit, in order to ensure he gets SOME attention thrown his way to keep himself relevant just that bit longer... As for Harley knowing about Bruce now... Yeah, nah. Sorry Harley, but this is the Bats we're talking about. You could try to throw him off the next time you see him, but I can TOTALLY see it being turned around on her. The second the two meet up, Bruce will notice the "familiarity" in her eyes or posture or something, and "plan around her plan" to have some fun with the information. XD] Overall, loved the chapter, even the stuff I don't know all that much about, and I look forwards to what's up next! (P.S. I'm assuming the possible "Omake Vacations" chapters will be QQ only? Asking cause I'm the one who suggested the "The Grind" crossover Omake Idea, and was wondering if I should expect to wait until whenever it's possibly written and posted on QQ, or if I might see that here early if you do write it like you said you might want to. XD)
Dave
TFTC!
Pope Yoda I
Every protagonist with suppressed dad-reflexes needs a spunky, rebellious kid. Good choice, and thank you for not trying to include her in the harem.
Patryk Sikorski
I like what you've done with klarion so far, Like when he became a chaos lord he went of proper evil and diabolical, but here just as a mischievous not murder-hobo that helped kill thousands of infants guy. Just imagine him becoming a chaos lord with the pure evil and with just pure pranks so he can prank all the villains and heroes without basically destroying everything
Cory Chen
Daughter achieved, happiness levels 95% awaiting proposal and then marriage captain!
ExodiaTheForbiddenOne
Amazing chapter tho nice to see black Alice pop up Sean officially has his first kid let’s hope his other kids don’t find him
ExodiaTheForbiddenOne
I can’t wait to see Sean vs batgirl I can already tell it’s gonna be hilarious seeing babs trying so hard and Sean just clowning on her
jp9901
Congratulations on becoming a father, Sean
