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Gotham's Dead End Bar Ch.58
🕑 Added 2025-03-09 00:17:59 +0000 UTC“-So stories never die. They linger and spread and Change post-humously. Some grow within their own bounds, others grow beyond. But so long as they’re not forgotten, stories will be told somewhere, somewhen, somehow until there’s no one left to tell them.”
As I spoke of immortality in the form of stories and legends and every tale in between, I looked out over my domain. A domain that had quickly become a modern legend of its own. The Dead End was a place where those same immortal stories could be told. A place where enemies drank together and a place where the game of heroes and villains held little real weight.
It was a sanctuary of neutrality, a haven of ever-flowing good times, and a bastion of Change in motion. It was mine and I would protect, cherish, and encourage it until my lovely Didi reclaimed everything that ever was in the end. I said stories never died, and in the Dead End, that truth was known more than anywhere else.
Gothamites from every walk of life came to revel within the bar. Rich moneybags who’d never known strife or struggle. Orphans who’d never had anything but what they’d clawed for themselves. Grunts and goons galore. Here in the Dead End, they were all the same. All just people, enjoying good drinks, good company, and good stories being told.
At the bar’s bar, regulars and friends were gathered around. None I didn’t already know or hadn’t seen before. The usual villains from Gotham and a few from beyond — Riddler, Two-Face, Penguin, Catwoman, Klarion… Bum Bum Bum… the Witch-Boy, and even the ever-boisterous Vandal Savage.
The heroes who couldn’t bring themselves to miss out, despite all the gray hairs I drove them toward — Barbara as Batwoman, Cass as Black Bat, Dick as Nightwing, Damian as Robin, and Diana as Wonder Woman.
A few Greek Gods who’d begun to regularly return to the Dead End after the whole… Olympus Debacle — Dionysus for my drinks to please even the God of Alcohol, Aphrodite and Hephaestus for a genuine date night of all things, and Hestia for the good company and home I’d made here.
And then, there were the ones the Dead End and I had claimed for ourselves. Selfishly perhaps, but they were mine all the same — The Dead End itself with its burgeoning Genius Loci, Soloman Grundy in pursuit of all the knowledge he’d missed during his many mindless years, Harley and Ivy in all of their chaotic, lively glory, Simmy and Ophis who couldn’t bring themselves to leave my side perhaps ever again, Hecate and Alice in their places of Magic and the best daughter in the universe, and of course, beautiful, perfect Didi as my other half.
As with almost every night, I settled in to tell one of my many, many stories. And as with every night, an audience naturally appeared. It Changed every time — some almost constant guests and others rare additions. But one thing always remained the same: I welcomed them all. My retirement wouldn’t be the same without them. I was happy to have them, each and every one.
“Does that give anyone confidence about this latest story?” Barbara asked, snarky and rhetorical.
“Immortal stories…” Klarion muttered aloud as he took notes. “Confidence isn’t the right word. It never is with Mr. Barkeep. But it’s certainly valuable and fascinating information.”
“It’s true for certain,” Hestia confirmed with a soft smile. “Stories will be told forever more, especially around a good hearth fire. They were what raised Humanity from its ancient roots. Through the stories recited or created around those first fires, Humanity itself was first born.”
“By the Great Bear in the Stars!” Savage laughed. His grin was blinding but a touch nostalgic, “I remember those stories. Likely better than you, dear Hestia. When I was just a boy so long ago, we told stories to feed the flames and hold back the darkness of those primordial nights! More than anything else, Humanity IS its stories, songs, and LEGENDS!”
“Dream and I — along with a touch of Delirium and Destiny — have always ensured that no story goes completely forgotten,” Didi casually said. “In Dream and Death, they’re immortalized beyond any mortal means. And truly, the Endless don’t forget. Even when I turn that final key and ‘lock up’ reality behind me, they’ll remain safely packed away until we all return to start it all over again. To… ‘open up’ in the morning ever to come…”
Everyone stopped and stared at her. Even as used to existential topics as the Dead End’s regulars were, hearing Didi talk about ‘closing up’ reality was… something. Crises abound, I was sure. There was also the implication that everything real was an Endless loop, different and the same every time. Even I wasn’t immune, though it didn’t bother me too much. I’d simply rather focus on the ever-changing present than the Endless future to come.
“Damn Didi…” Harley whistled. “Do it to ‘em, eh~?”
Simmy cocked her head in stuttering, requesting confusion, “[Da-ta…?]”
Ophis quietly but firmly shook her head to stop Simmy’s Shard in its tracks, “Nn, don’t. Bad… idea…”
“… Fuck,” Dick muttered. “How do you even react to that?”
Damian patted Dick’s shoulder patronizingly, “Repression, brother. And thanking She Who Gives Exquisite Headpats for being everything that she is.”
“~ﾍ(￣ー￣)ﾉ” Cass hit a nonchalant little jig, ending with a proud thumb cocked at herself. ‘Maybe for you. I’m simply built different. The existential dread only feeds and fuels me.’
“And you would be special for it, child. Even the gods aren’t too eager to think about just how limited we are in the grand scheme of things,” Aphrodite pointed out.
“Remarkably similar to mortals, my Love. Though, few if any would ever admit it,” Hephaestus said.
“Jumped up idiots, all of us,” Dionysus muttered.
“Speak for yourself, Madling,” Hecate shot back, more amused than hostile. “I am, as Cassandra put it, ‘simply built different’.”
Meanwhile, Savage froze staring at Didi for a different reason, “No story is forgotten…? Even… the one about the young boy, the goat, and the peach tree…?”
Didi tittered behind her hand, confirming, “Oh, yes, that one is remembered just as readily as the one about that same young boy, the tribal princess, and the translation error.”
“A-Aha,” Savage coughed a laugh with a brittle smile. “How… fortuitous…”
Seeing the immortal force of Humanity actually blushing was enough to break the existential crisis (crises…) that came with Didi talking about her ‘closing duties’. I gave a good chuckle before clearing my throat to bring everyone back on track to the story I intended to tell.
“So, immortal stories, the root of Humanity, both are very much relevant. Especially to the reality tonight’s story takes place in. It was one of Magic, Legend, and FATE — where Humanity’s heroes and villains, gods and monsters had disappeared to the sands of time but were never forgotten. Where we have Didi and Dream to remember our stories, that reality had… Akasha.”
“The root of all things?” Hecate asked curiously.
“Precisely so,” I confirmed. “An element of that reality that was both within and without everything there was. Everything came back to Akasha, and everything came from Akasha. It was — IS — a Record of Creation.
“Now, that reality of Earth began with an Age of Gods. Akasha was there through it all. And when the Age of Gods faded, officially severed by Gilgamesh, the King of Heroes, Akasha was there as well. Through the new Age of Man, legends continued to be born, live, and die. But the True Magicks of old began to fade.”
“Oh, how terrible,” Hecate gently interrupted. “What would the world do without Magic? It’s unthinkable! I certainly wouldn’t have let such a tragedy come to pass.”
I chuckled, “I don’t doubt you. But the world — Humanity, more accurately — did what it could. It adapted. Flourished, even. The monsters and gods disappeared from the world, and Men rose to take their places.”
“As is only right and proper!” Savage loudly declared. “Humanity’s fate is and always has been to THRIVE!”
“I can’t imagine Magic faded entirely from the world. Something had to remain,” Klarion commented.
“Indeed,” I nodded. “But it was no longer True Magic. Science came as mankind developed. And a watered-down version of Magic called magecraft persisted in the shadows. The True Magicks of the world — Magic without the limitations of the modern age — were relegated to the Root of Akasha. Their specifics were forgotten but the dream remained. Unlimited power, quite literally ripe for the taking if one could only reach the Root of All Things...”
“No biggie, right?” Dick joked.
“No, of course not,” Penguin joined. “Just find your way around reality itself and pluck the almost literal Fruit of Knowledge from Jehovah’s garden.”
“An undertaking that definitely doesn’t sound like it requires unlimited power in the first place to attempt,” Alice scoffed.
“Good ear, my dear,” I said, reaching over to ruffle her hair and ignore her protests in the process. “Yes, it was an impossible task. But Humanity is rather good at doing the impossible if given enough time and effort.
“Three of the remnant magical families — Einzbern, Matou, and Tohsaka — theorized one such way of doing the impossible. They combined their resources to create a ‘Holy Grail’. Not THE Holy Grail but still an artifact of such accumulated magical energy that it would be capable of granting wishes and potentially piercing a way to the Root of Akasha. But, of course, none of its creators could decide which family deserved the final product. And so the Holy Grail Wars were conceived… And every single one held was a disaster of some shape or form.”
“Shocking,” Barbara snorted. “The quest for unlimited power going wrong? Inconceivable. That sort of thing never happens.”
Riddler smirked a riddling smirk, “One hardly needs a mischievous genie to twist their wish to disaster if the process of getting said wish is a disaster all its own.”
“Yes, how droll… And naming their prize the ‘Holy Grail’ likely didn’t help their case. I can’t imagine the Desert Religions being keen to share…” Dionysus paused before shrugging and swirling his glass. “Well, anything, really.”
“The Church did, in fact, get involved,” I said. “But largely? No one cared.”
“No one cared? About the war for a wish-granting artifact?” Catwoman questioned incredulously.
“No one cared,” I repeated.
“Well, now, what a shame,” Savage tutted. “Innovation often falls upon uncaring ears. I shall commiserate with their pain!”
“Innovation, ineffective idiocy, what’s the difference, really?” I shrugged. “But yes, the Fuyuki Holy Grail Wars — the original iteration — were minor events in the grand scheme of things. The larger World of Magecraft just… didn’t care. Only the three founding families truly did. But considering they didn’t have one real victor to show for five attempts…”
“It was… a failed… experiment…” Grundy rumbled in his slow, thoughtful way.
I tapped my nose, “Spot on, big man. After the three founding families failed to produce any noteworthy results, most Magi just left them to their little scuffles.”
“Gotta admit that’s a terrible track record,” Dick chuckled. “At what point do you just cut your losses?”
“For Magi? Never,” I deadpanned. “Now, let me tell you how the Holy Grail Wars actually worked. Because as insignificant as they were to that World of Magecraft, they’re also the most relevant piece of it to tonight’s story.”
Savage leaned forward excitedly, “Do not keep us on the edge of our seats, my friend! How does a War for Wishes play out?!”
“Well, it’s a war of champions,” I explained. “Traditionally, seven Magi enter the proverbial ring. These Magi each summon Servants to help them fight with the help of the Lesser Grail. They come in certain classes — Saber, Archer, Lancer, Rider, Caster, Berserker, and Assassin — one each. And each of these Servants is a Heroic Spirit — a resurrected legend — from across history.
“These Heroic Spirits, I cannot understate them. They are everything their legends have evolved into. Every exaggeration, every contradiction. Think… Batman if he was summoned a few hundred years from now with every feat he achieved passed down through the historic game of telephone. He’d be stronger, faster, smarter, and so paranoid it would border on divine. That is the essence of a Heroic Spirit. They’re themselves as they once lived, and so, so much… MORE.”
“Ah…” Two-Face paused, absorbed that information, and shuddered viscerally. “Yeah, nah. Fuck that. I’d set myself back on the straight and narrow if I had to deal with Legendary Bats.”
“Here, I’d imagine all of you would qualify for Heroic Spirits,” I said, chuckling. “It comes with being heroes and villains, I’d expect. Diana and Savage certainly would. Hell, Savage would qualify a hundred times over.”
“Absolutely!” Savage laughed uproariously. “If I lived in that world, there could’ve been a war of just myself in different iterations! What a SIGHT that would be!”
“Someone write that down,” Dionysus drawled lazily. “I’ve half a mind to make it so just for the sheer Madness of such a spectacle.”
“(づ ◕‿◕ )づ “ Cass grinned like a gremlin. ‘Gimme, gimme~! The world would burn in the chaos and it would be GLORIOUS!’
Savage matched her grin, “Oh, I like this little one. She’s got the SPIRIT! Is she on the market for a second adoption?”
“No!” Barbara denied all too quickly. “Bad idea! Terrible idea! Worst idea!”
“（ΦωΦ）” Cass seemed to whisper the opposite as if Barbara couldn’t ‘hear’ her. ‘Best idea…!’
“So Servants are legends x10,” Ivy summarized. “And the war itself?”
“Yeah, Gothboy~,” Harley eagerly purred. “What kind of action are we lookin’ at here~?”
“Ritualized battle royale,” I said nonchalantly.
“Ritualized battle royale…” Ivy deadpanned.
“Ritualized battle royale?” Harley blinked.
“Ritualized battle royale,” I repeated to confirm.
“Score~!” Harley cheered.
“Ritualized, how?” Klarion asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.
“In the most literal sense of the word,” I elaborated with a smirk. “The essence of the Holy Grail War was one grand magical ritual. Unsurprisingly, it takes quite a bit of magical energy to summon legends into the modern age. The participating Magi essentially ‘bought in’ to a magical system centered around the Holy Grail and-… Hecate? Klarion? Simmy? You all might want to take notes. This next part is somewhat technical and I expect you’ll be interested in it.”
“Oh, trust me, I’ve been taking notes!” Klarion exclaimed with a laugh.
“Likewise,” Hecate nodded seriously.
“Likewise x2,” Hephaestus — surprisingly — added.
“[DATA!!]” Simmy all but squealed.
“Right,” I chuckled. “Sorry for doubting you all.
“So! The ritual worked roughly as thus: the Holy Grail was split into two aspects. The Greater Grail — which was the goal — and the Lesser Grail — which was a sort of stepping stone that carried the ritual to the Greater Grail. Leylines fed into the Greater Grail to spark it to life, and the participating Magi were selected.
“The Magi — Masters — then summoned their Servants with the Greater Grail’s aid, providing a portion of the energy cost upfront and then maintaining the upkeep themselves. All of that introduced more magical energy into the ritual’s system. Then, as the Servants proceeded to kill each other in the battle royale, even more magical energy was generated by their deaths.
“All of the ritual’s energy was collected into the Lesser Grail. By the time one Master-Servant pair was left, the ritual should’ve reached critical mass. Theoretically, that was the point when the Lesser Grail and Greater Grail combined and pierced a route to Akasha for the winner, or simply granted their any wish if they were otherwise inclined…”
“I’m hearing a ‘but’,” Klarion said.
“Yes, ‘Theoretically’…” Hecate agreed.
“It was a fundamentally flawed system,” I cut down the ritual’s mystique without hesitation. “At critical mass, the Grail contains so much magical energy that it will quite literally evaporate anyone who comes into contact with it. Only a spiritual body can reach it, which means a Heroic Spirit, which also means it can never reach the energy needed to reach Akasha because that would require the deaths of all seven Servants and one will always have to remain to make the final wish.”
I finished with exasperated, rolling eyes, “And all of that is before the Grail itself became tainted by All the World’s Evils in an unfortunate series of events during the Third War. Because Magi as a whole were the very definition of ‘sore losers’ and would never play fair if they could help it.”
“That… sounds rough, bud-…-dy,” Grundy groaned.
“About what I expected, though,” Barbara sighed, likely equal parts an expression of relief and exasperation.
“A valuable experiment done by unmitigated, overly ambitious, and greedy idiot mages,” Hecate nodded. “Yes, that sounds about right.”
“Now I see how a prize with such potential could be relegated to insignificance in that world,” Klarion grumbled, scribbling one final line.
“[Data = … shit]” Simmy pouted.
“Trust Mages to go forward with such a flawed construction,” Hephaestus huffed.
“There, there, my Smith,” Aphrodite comforted her husband. “Their idiocy can’t hurt you here.”
I laughed, “Fortunately, our story tonight concerns perhaps the most successful iteration of the Grail War, even if it didn’t fully succeed, either. It was also rather unorthodox. Instead of a battle royale, the Grail War I participated in… was a team deathmatch.”
“Team deathmatch~!” Harley cheered.
“Team deathmatch!” Dick joined her.
“╰(ᗒ▽ᗕ)╯ Cass rounded them off with glee. ‘Teee~aaam DEATH~MATCH!’
“Oh, and it also took place in a timeline where the Grail wasn’t corrupted by All the World’s Evils due to being stolen by the Nazis before that could happen and then being stolen again to set up my Grail War,” I casually added.
“Nazis,” Catwoman deadpanned, utterly unamused.
“It is always the Nazis, stepmother,” Damian nodded somberly.
“With my specialty, I know that better than most, tomcat,” She just sighed. “I just hate it every time.”
“And how did you know about this alternate timeline, Sean?” Didi asked indulgently. “Just for the record’s sake, yes?”
“Why, my dear,” I smiled a trademark closed-eye smile, flower petals spontaneously fluttering around me. “I saw all and everything the present had to offer from my tower prison in Avalon, of course.”
“Oh…” Klarion paused before realization set in. “Oh! This is the Merlin life! By Hecate — respectfully, my goddess — why didn’t you open with that?!”
I shrugged, “I had to set the stage first, didn’t I?”
“Was your legend as Merlin any different than the legend we would know?” Hecate curiously asked. “I remember Merlin. He was powerful and mischievous, but as far as sorcerers go, not all that special here.”
“Certainly different in some ways, I imagine. In others, it would likely be quite similar. By simple virtue of me being him and him being me, the legend went slightly off the rails,” I said.
“Well, don’t leave us guessing, Sean~…” Ivy chortled.
“C’mon, Dad, regale us with your usual bull-…” Alice stopped herself just short of cursing, glancing at Didi. “-Crap…”
“Very well,” I obliged. “Merlin — me in that life — was born of the union between the Princess of Wales and an Incubus. Father came to Mother in her dreams and I was born of-… err, ‘miraculous conception’ shortly after.
“From the moment I was born, I knew Clairvoyance. I had the ‘Eyes That Beheld the World’ — the mark of the highest Mage. Without such a mark, no Mage — no matter how powerful and knowledgable — could reach the heights of ‘Most Supreme’. Throughout history, Gilgamesh saw the future, Soloman saw the past, and I saw the present. Those eyes of mine could see all if I so desired, and even as a boy, I became known for prophecy.”
“(⇀‸↼‶)” Cass nodded wisely. ‘Naruhodo… I see, I see! A powerful ability. Think of all the gangstalking one could accomplish!’
Damian chopped her on the head with an open palm, “No. We call it ‘intelligence gathering’. Not ‘gangstalking’. Remember the seminars.”
“Prophecy is truly a curse most foul and Mad,” Dionysus gave a languid wave. “I don’t envy your childhood as Merlin, Mr. Barkeep.”
“I got used to it eventually,” I shrugged. “Prophecies came and went. There was always someone who wished to take me at my word. Kings in particular loved to have their fortunes told. At the time, the British Isles were rife with petty rulers. So I wandered from court to court, speaking of what had been, was, and would come.”
“Ho~? Pray tell, my friend, how did you do that?” Savage asked, leaning forward with interest.
“Yes, you said your Clairvoyance could only see the present, Sean,” Diana said. “That doesn’t make for very good ‘prophecy’, does it?”
“Ah, but that’s the thing,” I smirked. “Everything and every when is ‘present’ once.”
“Technicalities and loopholes,” Klarion nodded his understanding. “Truly, the backbone of any good Mage.”
“Magic loves them as well,” Hecate giggled. “In the end, they… Change the way the game is played. And Magic thrives on nothing more.”
“I’d call bullshit, but that tracks with Mr. Barkeep all too well,” Dick joked.
“With Magic, if you aren’t trying to Change the ‘established rules’, you won’t get very far at all. As Hecate said, Magic thrives on nothing more. It loathes to be set in stone,” I elaborated. “But I digress.
“My sight saw all, but it was far from my only inborn Magic. The second was more… essential to my being. If I was never reborn as Merlin, it wouldn’t have come to be. See, my beloved Death followed me through all of my lives. And as Merlin, Didi’s touch upon me manifested as the Fourth of the True Magicks that world knew.”
“I-It wasn’t me! I haven’t been atemporally stalking and maybe imposing my presence upon your past lives in my free time!” Didi frantically denied an implication I hadn’t realized was on the table. “Y-You can’t prove anything!”
“Awww~!” Harley cooed. “Timey wimey, dimension suspension, existential romance~!”
Riddler chuckled and shook his head, “What is my common sense coming to that I think that’s just adorable?”
“The right place and the correct opinion,” Alice proudly declared, raising her nose high. “My Mom and Dad’s courtship couldn’t be anything but adorable and romantic and perfect, no matter how impossible.”
Meanwhile, I just blinked at Didi, “… Huh. I guess you’re right. I can’t prove anything.”
Didi sighed in relief, “Thank goodness…”
Only for me to kill the distance between us to ‘pull’ her into my arms. Didi looked up at me with wide eyes and I smirked, “That just means I’ll have to have… Faith~… that my Death has always been watching over me.”
“M-Meep-!”
In the background, Aphrodite purred, “Mmmm~… You pick the best spots for date night, my Smith.”
“Only the best quality ‘meals’ for you, my Love.”
“While I hate to interrupt, I simply can’t contain my curiosity,” Hecate regretfully interjected. “True Magic, you said, Sean? As in the ultimate prize the Mages of that world sought?”
I gave Didi’s waist one last fond squeeze before spinning her away, leaving her slightly stunlocked, and refocusing on my audience.
“Indeed. True Magic… Where should I begin there…? Five were known to that world, though I always theorized there was a potentially infinite selection of them waiting to be discovered at the Root of Akasha.
“The True Magicks were remnants of a bygone era. Miracles and Mysteries that could no longer be achieved by any means. They were characterized by the impossible — true resurrection was kind of the baseline. If it was on the table, you were looking at True Magic — and actualized by someone forging a novel path to the Root of Akasha on a ‘first come, first served’ basis. Those who grasped them were True Magicians, no longer mere Mages. And none could retread their steps to the same results.
“The First and Fifth Magic were the result of reaching the Root, while the Second, Third, and Fourth were supposedly the means to reach it. I found the difference to be purely academic. No matter the origin, True Magic was True Magic.
“The First Magic was lost to time, even when I lived as Merlin. Its wielder, Yumina, was the only True Magician considered outright deceased. It was described as the ‘Denial of Nothingness’ and represented as thus…”
In the mirror behind me and the bar, the reflection cut to black. Nothingness. Such that not even the Joker’s trapped soul could exist. Then, with an imperceptible spark, something exploded outward. Matter, energy, thought, it didn’t matter so long as there was no longer nothingness. Comically, the Joker’s soul reappeared with the something and was rag-dolled most dramatically in the explosion.
“The Second Magic was grasped by a powerful old Mage. A paragon of wisdom. And… an immortal gremlin who couldn’t keep his hands to himself. So, of course, Zeltretch and I got along splendidly,” I smirked. “His Magic was Kaleidoscope, the Operation of Parallel Worlds. Peering into them, traveling through them, and drawing upon them. The infinite power of infinite possibilities. Fortunately for everyone’s sanity, his Kaleidoscope is contained to that reality. I would be very, very surprised if he managed to show up here.”
The mirror shifted to the scene of an old, bearded man in robes. His eyes sparkled with a million colors and none at all. Through them, worlds flickered from here to there, past to future, dystopia to utopia, and every possibility in between. The Joker’s ghost was torn and splintered between the parallel worlds, silently screaming in unimaginable pain the entire time.
I continued, “The Third Magic was the purpose for the Greater Grail and the Grail Wars. The Einzbern Family claimed to possess it once, and those were the lengths they went to to reclaim it. It was the Heaven’s Feel: the materialization and actualization of the Soul. Think… classical ascension/enlightenment/immortality mythos, and you’re pretty close to what that actually meant.”
The visualization of the Third Magic was easily the most nebulous of the bunch, but I managed. In the mirror, gold and silver Soul-stuff coalesced. A formless spirit transcended a nameless physical body. And through it all, the essence of Soulful truth shined brightly. The Soul light burned and blistered the Joker’s ghost.
“The Fifth Magic,” I said, momentarily skipping over mine. “Was grasped by — of all people — a teenage Japanese girl. Her Magus grandfather discovered a path to the Root, and instead of taking it for himself, he left it open for her. She stumbled along his discovered path almost by accident and became the wielder of Magic Blue. And while she mainly used it for time travel, its true nature was one of… Progress as a whole.”
Whole civilizations rose and fell behind me. They progressed and decayed. Died and revived. Living testaments to Humanity, to Progress itself. Always marching, marching forward, for even when it rewound, that was just Progress in another form. The Joker’s ghost experienced an ever-marching eternity in just a few moments.
“And finally,” I finished. “My True Magic. A Magic of ends from beginnings and beginnings from ends, of density, of Death upon Death upon Death. As we’ve established thanks to Didi, I was ever touched by Death. There, in that world, as Merlin, it manifested as the First and Last Singularity.”
In the mirror behind me, my True Magic was visualized. A pulsing black hole with a corona of trapped light. A warp in space-time itself that brought everything it touched to its final end. Yet, at the same time, it shined with undeniable life. From its singularity to its event horizon, the black hole was as lively as it was existentially lethal.
And if the Joker’s trapped ghost was spaghettified in the black hole for the few eternal moments it existed in his mirror prison, that was just a balm to everyone’s soul. I plastered Merlin’s trademark closed-eye smile on my face and waited for the inevitable reactions to come. I wasn’t disappointed.
“Oo-Ohh my~…” Hecate outright moaned, fanning her suddenly blushing cheeks. “Y-Yes, this True Magic more than makes up for the rest of this reality’s lackluster magical showing.”
“POWER! Seized with one’s own hands by forging new paths! Yes, THAT is Humanity at its finest!” Savage laughed loud and clear.
“I suppose their efforts to forge their fates could be considered admirable enough for mortals…” Hephaestus grumbled, his heart obviously not in it.
Aphrodite laughed like bells, “Oh, you grump~! You love what they forged and achieved, even if it’s not ‘forging’ as you usually do it.”
“I feel I must applaud the Madness it takes to reach for and grasp True Magic from the Root of all Reality,” Dionysus drawled. “Oh, how utterly inspiring… Oh, how utterly exhausting…”
“┐(´～｀)┌” Cass shrugged nonchalantly. ‘Guess I have to go looking for a way to grasp True Magic now.’
“Cass. Please don’t,” Barbara deadpanned. “We don’t need you running around with miracles and damnations at your fingertips. You do enough of that already.”
“( •̀ᴗ•́ )و↑” Cass produced a whole-ass spear from seemingly nowhere, grinning like a devil. ‘My carnage waits for no mortal limits! Only True Magic and CHAOS can satisfy me now!’
Penguin raised his glass, “I, for one, welcome our new silent yet somehow so loud chaotic overlady.”
“ಠ_ಠ” Cass turned to stare at him with frightening intensity. ‘New? Fuck you mean ‘new’?’
“AHAHAHAHA!” Savage laughed at the top of his lungs, so loud one instant and then quiet and serious and staring right back into Cass’ soul in the next. “Seriously, child. I will adopt you in a heartbeat. Rarely have I found someone so worthy of handing a piece of my legacy, someone so ALIVE! Simply say the word…”
“ Σ(-᷅_-᷄)” Cass scratched her head in thought. ‘Grandpa Savage, maybe? So I can say my immortal grandpa is cooler and older than Damian’s?’
“It will be done!” Savage grinned.
“Wait…” Damian began to protest before realizing how futile it was. “… Fuck.”
“So… Akasha totally burglar-proofed itself, right?” Catwoman asked, pulling Damian into her lap while she did to comfort her stepson. “Only one person could have a True Magic at a time, and no one could repeat the proven process to the same effect. That’s honestly a half-decent security system. Sure, one person gets away with True Magic, but they then become part of the system. I’m… Can I be impressed by reality itself?”
“I don’t think you should’ve expected anything less from — again — reality itself,” Riddler joked.
“Hold on, anyone else clock what that absolute chad of a granddad did?” Harley asked intently. “Like, Holy Based, Batman!”
“Hey! Don’t steal my schtick!” Dick cried.
“Sorry, not sorry~!” Harley singsonged unrepentantly.
“Yes, I’m still trying to process that one,” Klarion muttered, shaking his head in awe. “It might be the single most… ‘based’ feat I’ve ever heard of. And I don’t use that word lightly. He forged a wholly unique path to unlimited power, and then just… didn’t take it…? He just left it for his granddaughter?”
“For once, ‘based’ is actually the only correct way to describe something,” Dick agreed.
“… For as much as he loves me, I can confidently say Grandfather would never,” Damian grudgingly admitted.
“Sucks to suck,” Alice preened. “Mom and Dad would do something like that for me.”
“We might pave the way, little one, but it would be up to you to put in the work and place every stone along the way,” Didi sternly but gently corrected.
Alice glanced away in embarrassment, “… Right, ‘course, Mom. I wasn’t trying to seem like a freeloader or anything… I’d put in the work.”
“We’d certainly ensure it was possible for you to put in that work, though,” I added. “We love you enough to make it so you won’t fail for reasons out of your control. If my daughter fucks up, it’ll be on her, not bullshit luck.”
“Language, dear,” Didi chided and fondly rolled her eyes. “But otherwise, aptly put.”
Chuckling, I clapped my hands to get everyone’s attention, “So! Now that True Magic is out of the way, who wants to hear about the quite literally mythical mischief that became the basis for my legend as Merlin?”
Instantly, almost everyone sat up at attention. Klarion, Harley, Savage, and Cass were the most eager. A strange grouping, but not an unexpected one. When ‘mischief’ was mentioned, they were some of the first to come to mind. But really, everyone was interested in the legendary exploits from my time as Merlin.
As Ivy put it best, chuckling to herself, “Do you even have to ask, Sean?”
“Mischief!” Harley ‘demanded’, playfully slamming her hands on the bar. “MISCHIEF! Give me mischief, Gothboy!”
“Gladly,” I obliged. “It was about all I got up to in that life. From the prophecies I gave out to every medieval aneurysm I caused. And it all started with a legend I’m sure many of you are familiar with. When I was a young man in that life, I came into the service of King Uther Pendragon. And as his Court Wizard, I was instrumental in the birth of the Once and Future King.
“Then, I lived at the end of one age and the beginning of another. The Age of Gods had officially ended centuries before. But Magic and Mystery lingered in the world for a while longer. It was only around my time that the Age of Man was coming into its own. I knew it. And my… peers at the time… knew it as well. But the most key figure of that transition had yet to be born-…”
“Hold on, hold on!” Klarion interrupted. “Peers?! Peers as Merlin?! I am both horrified and ungodly curious to ask just who could qualify for such!”
“I lived in Britain at the heights of the so-called ‘Dark Ages’…” I deadpanned. “The Fae. It was always going to be the Fae.”
“Oh,” Klarion paled dramatically. “O-Oh…”
“Ancestor Fae-Fucker!” Savage exclaimed with a great scoff. “The Fae. They have always been a problem! The worst aspect is that you can never pin them down! Some will hunt Humans as prey! Others will be Humanity’s greatest hosts and allies! Frustrating — just absolutely frustrating creatures!”
“Ancestor Fae-Fucker?” Diana raised an unamused brow.
“Bah, every lineage has one!” Savage waved dismissively. “Humanity and Faekind have been intertwined for longer than even I’ve existed. Changling children, cross-species seductions, even those rare and clever men and women who manage to trick the ancient Fae laws!”
“Madness will always flow from somewhere,” Dionysus casually added. “If not from the Fae to Humanity, then the other direction just as impossibly.”
“[Fascinating…]” Simmy chimed.
“When I was Merlin, Britain’s Fae didn’t keep to themselves nearly enough,” I explained. “But their role in the story will come later. For now, just know that the Fae and I both agreed that the transition of ages was finally upon us. And the Once and Future King was always fated to play a role.
“Now, King Uther ‘loved’ and coveted the wife of another: Igraine, the wife of Duke Cornwall. I’m not completely proud of the next bit… But I pushed the two of them — Uther and Igraine — into an affair and Artoria was conceived as a result. Or as you would know her… ‘Arthur’ Pendragon.”
“NTR… is a… trash fetish…” Grundy frowned.
I hung my head in shame, “I know, buddy. I know…”
“╮(╯_╰)╭” Cass shrugged. ‘Eh, can you really expect anything else from Merlin?’
“Not always. NTR can be completely justified in some cases,” Harley said with a strange seriousness of certainty. A moment later, she continued with a bright grin, “But who cares about some unlucky nameless duke?! Girlboss ‘King’ Arthur is back! Let’s fricken’ GOOOO~!”
I smiled softly, “Artoria was… special. I’m not proud of how she came to be, but I don’t regret it for a second, either. She was equal parts girl and king, Dragon and Man, sword and crown. The Red Dragon of Britain was born within her, along with a fate she was much too good for. I raised her, you know? She was my daughter, my friend, and my king. I loved her at every stage along the way.”
Diana nodded seriously, “A proud figure, and an even prouder legend. ‘Girlboss’, indeed.”
“So… ‘King’ Arthur is my sister?” Alice asked.
“In a way,” I smiled. “But Artoria would sooner die than admit she’d claimed me as a father figure.”
“Irrelevant,” Didi said firmly, almost fanatically. “Family is Family.”
“Nnn,” Ophis mumbled. “Competition…”
“Did… you say Artoria was born with the Red Dragon of Britain inside her? How did that happen? And why do I feel like you had a role in it, Sean?” Hecate curiously cocked her head.
“Because, of course, he did,” Barbara rolled her eyes.
Chuckling, I nodded, “I did. I imbued her birth with a draconic concept. She had the magical core of a capital ‘D’ Dragon. It made her as strong as a Dragon, and as ravenous as one, too. That girl could eat like few others I’ve ever known. Along with… other draconic appetites…”
“Oh, this I have to hear~…” Aphrodite purred.
I just shrugged, “Dragons and maidens, amirite?”
“Oh, no, no,” The Goddess of Love and Lust chortled. “Don’t leave it at just that, Mr. Barkeep. Spill.”
“It’s hardly my place…” I demurred. “But I will say… the only spell Artoria ever asked me to teach her was the spell to give herself a fat, fucking, kingly cock.”
Ivy nodded. Catwoman nodded. Aphrodite nodded. In unison, they all said matter-of-factly, “As you do.”
“The girl would’ve done well at my orgies,” Dionysus commented.
“Honestly? Iconic,” Dick agreed. “I wouldn’t mind a royal roll-…”
“Finish that sentence and I’ll punch you in the throat, manslut,” Barbara growled.
Dick just sniffed and stuck up his nose, “Prudish and violent.”
Klarion faked a sigh, but couldn’t get halfway through the act before breaking out into laughter, “Ah-pfft~! The miracles of Magic!”
“( ᗒᗨᗕ )” Cass fell into a fit of silent giggles. ‘Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girl-COCK!’
… She might’ve earned a high five from Harley for that one, “Heyo~!”
“Of course, Artoria was more than the sum of her parts,” I praised. “She was a true king. The truest. Then and forever after. I taught her just about everything I knew about ruling. And I’d tried my hand at it a few times by then.”
As I spoke, scenes from Artoria’s childhood with me played out in the mirror behind me. All the meals we’d shared together in my isolated wizard’s tower. The grand two-person hunts to required to keep a growing girl like Artoria fed. At the end of one, Artoria stood victorious over a veritable mountain of game — kingly stags, fowl galore, and the centerpiece of a massive magical boar to feed an entire kingdom’s court for three feasts. It was just enough for one of Artoria’s meals…
“We would’ve hunted the forests of Britain sparse,” I chuckled fondly. “Fortunately, I didn’t contain Artoria’s hunger to just the Isles. I took her to hunting grounds across the world. From the deep jungles of the Congo and Amazon where dinosaurs still lived at the end of the Age of Gods to the North American Arctic so Artoria could get herself a healthy taste for half-divine polar bears.”
Savage was enraptured, “Truly, a childhood fit for a king!”
“And our hunts were only the beginning,” Even more scenes appeared in the mirror as I continued. “I taught her the way of the sword. She was a natural from the first wooden blade I put in her hands. She wasn’t one for magecraft — other than the cough… aforementioned spell… — but I taught her to harness the power of her Dragon’s core all the same. In a world of demi-gods, giants, Fae, and Mages, she came to stand beside and often above the rest.”
Over and over, Artoria swung her blunted training sword. She carried on with the stubborn determination of a Dragon. Even without a blade in her hands, she found something that would make do. The mirror showed her face off against a rampaging hill giant. Artoria — only 12 at the time — ripped a mighty oak from the ground, roots and all, to wield against her foe.
“(✯◡✯)” Stars shined in Cass’ eyes. ‘Didi damn! I think I love this girl!’
“That is a truly heroic visage,” Diana nodded. “She would’ve been one of the greatest among my sisters.”
Hecate gasped, “Oh my! The instinctive efficiency in how she channels the energy from her Dragon’s core! Why, it’s almost miraculous! You did good work with her, Sean.”
“Somewhat. But most of that is all Artoria,” I freely admitted. “But, of course, she couldn’t rule through overwhelming power alone… Well, she could, but Artoria didn’t want to be that kind of king. So I taught her the ways of courtly diplomacy and logistical ruling, encouraged her best traits so she might win over allies without even trying, and did my very best to give her a unique and experienced perspective on leadership.”
“It all culminated in that legendary scene that I’m sure you all know,” I finished, letting the mirror do the rest.
Artoria — still so young, but ready and determined — stepped up before a shining sword in a dark stone. Petty kings from across Britain had tried to claim it before her. None expected her — an unknown claiming to be King Uther’s ‘son’ — to succeed. But if Artoria wasn’t worthy of pulling that sword, no one was.
As she stepped up to the Sword in the Stone, the Merlin-me in the mirror stopped her, ## Once you do this, Arty, there’s no going back. You know me, I’ll always be working against any unfortunate fates awaiting you. But your end has already been prophesized. It… isn’t pretty, my friend. If you do this, you won’t be able to remain the version of yourself you know. ##
Artoria barely paused, ## The people you see in your visions, Merlin… The people I’ll rule… Are they smiling? ##
## Always. ##
## Then, the decision is hardly mine to make. Even if it was, fully, I’ve decided. Britain will smile and prosper. If I die to ensure those smiles… so be it. ##
She reached for the sword, for her very fate. It slid free as if it was never stuck, and she raised it high for the entire realm to see. Then and there, Artoria ‘Arthur’ Pendragon declared herself. Then and there, her legend truly began.
“W-Well, did you?!” Harley sniffled.
“Did I what?”
“Did you avert her terrible fate, Gothboy dummy?!”
“In a way,” I sighed regretfully. “But there are some things that not even Merlin can Change. One thing was certain, though. The moment she took up Calibern and her crown, Artoria worked tirelessly to ensure every smile she could. Her legend may have ended in tragedy, but even after, she persisted until she secured a smile of her own. But that… that’s Artoria’s story. Even as Merlin, I can hardly claim credit for her eventual happy ending.”
“Right!” Klarion snapped his fingers as he remembered. “She did find her happiness, but only after the Grail Wars came and went! The sword kid!”
I nodded, “The sword kid.”
“You should’ve tried harder, Dad,” Alice sniffed, half-joking.
I mourned a life long gone, “I know…”
“Oh…” Alice awkwardly froze. “I didn’t-… I mean-…”
I gave her a soft, reassuring smile, “I know what you mean. I know you’re not being cruel. But you’re right. I really should’ve tried harder.”
“But that’s Artoria,” Shaking my head, I said proudly. “Now… we have to dive into the… second important character to my legend. The beautiful and wicked, infuriating and intoxicating, my greatest enemy and best damn lover in that life… Morgan le Fay.”
Morgan — in all three of her forms — appeared in the mirror. Le Fay with her black veil and menace. Vivian, Lady of the Lake, with her veil of white and Fae aura. And Morgan herself, barefaced and beautiful. All three gazes were piercing, intense beyond belief with power, ambition, and
Her hair was pale platinum, so blonde it looked white and almost blue in certain lights. Her features were ethereal and perfect, contrasted between Le Fay’s sinister charm, Vivian’s cold but ‘good’ heart, and Morgan herself torn between them. In all three forms, her figure was one to die for. Full breasts, flawless skin, long legs in flowing silks, and oh, oh-so-wide, sinfully sensual, breeding hips…
“＼(:´ ་།｀)/“ Cass’ nose quite literally started bleeding at the sight of Morgan. ‘Hummina-hummin-awoooga~! FUCK! YES! Give me EVIL women!!’
Ivy smirked at her reaction, “She has good taste.”
Aphrodite giggled, “The best, some might say. Nothing quite hits in lust like an evil woman.”
Diana, strangely enough, protested that true statement, “Those of us on the side of good can be just as fetching, Goddess!”
Savage somberly and wisely shook his head, “You fight for a noble cause, Warrior Princess, but the facts of the matter simply aren’t in your favor. Wicked women are the worst blessing and the best curse! If a man is looking to destroy his life, he can do no better than someone who will tear it all down for him!”
“Speaking from experience?” Dick teased.
“I think all of us are, Boy Wonder,” Klarion chuckled.
“Kara,” Barbara said pointedly in argument, and nothing more.
Didi nodded faux-seriously, “Yes, the complete opposite side of the coin.”
“You fall on that side, too, my Death,” I teased, earning an embarrassed huff.
“(,,-`_●-)” That made Cass pause in consideration. ‘Hmm, good point… Wickedness? Or wholesomeness?’
“Truly, the world is so cruel to make us choose most of the time,” I sighed playfully. “Both are good, though. So when you find someone who can do both, hold onto them. Morgan, though… Morgan claimed she was ‘all wicked’. She couldn’t see the hidden wholesomeness I saw within her.”
In the mirror, Morgan le Fay greeted me with a hissed insult, ## Infernal wretch. Did you truly think your dalliances would escape my eyes?! That-! That little tart you brought into your rooms! Well?! Are you happy I had to use your teachings to chase her away from what is mine?! ##
## Le Fay, ## Merlin-me deadpanned. ## That was a maid. ##
## She was-! She was frolicking in your sheets and scent, Merlin! The harlot knew no shame! ##
## Changing the bed. Quite literally her job. ##
Le Fay’s black veil shifted to white, and Vivian came out with a cold, stilted sigh, ## What… do you want from me, Merlin…? ##
Merlin-me threw my hands up in exasperation, ## You, woman! Just you, in all your forms and all your issues! It’s always been you! You’re incorrigible, and I still only want you! ##
The veil from both of her masks faded, and Morgan herself remained, staring at Merlin-me with wide eyes and blushing cheeks, ## M-Me…? You-… You’re a horrible, terrible, loathable liar, Merlin. You can’t want me. I’m the Witch, the primeval curse, the Fae without feelings! Don’t-… Don’t give me hope… ##
## For the love of-! ## Throwing my hands up, Merlin-me began stalking toward her like a predator to prey. ## If you won’t listen to my words, I will let my actions do the talking… ##
All three versions of Morgan came to the fore… just in time for me to sweep all of them into my arms with groping hands and lecherous lips on her neck.
## Wretch! ##
## Beast… ##
## M-Mer~LIN~!! ##
My audience in the bar fell silent as they watched the heated and honestly rather toxic scene from my romance with Merlin. It was one of many just like it. Me and Morgan were both terrible and terribly perfect for each other as a result.
Aphrodite breathed deeply, her eyes fluttering, “Oh, just gorgeously good eating~…”
“It’s like watching a trainwreck,” Barbara muttered. “A stupid, sexy trainwreck.”
“… I should call her…” Dick suddenly said, sounding straight-up mournful.
“I could fix her,” Harley claimed. “Oh, I could fix her so good…”
“Good luck and no shot, love,” I chuckled. “I couldn’t, though admittedly, I didn’t try very hard at all. Morgan was… complicated. Even as lovers, we didn’t stop clashing outside the bedroom.
“See, Morgan was Artoria’s older half-sister. And where Artoria inherited kingship of the people, Morgan inherited the Mysteries of the Isles themselves. Le Fay claimed that made her the ‘True King’ and sought to usurp Artoria at every turn. Vivian took another route. With her role as Lady of the Lake, she sought to fulfill all of the prophecies around Artoria. And Morgan herself… she was both personas and yet, a part of her just wanted to be Artoria’s older sister…”
“Damn~!” Harley whistled. “That’s one broken-ass mental! … I think I love her.”
“In the end,” I continued. “She helped bring about the downfall of Artoria’s legend. And she ensured I couldn’t continue interfering in her schemes at the same time. She loved me, I’m sure. But that didn’t stop her from trapping me in Avalon on the Reverse Side of the World for eternity, only able to watch everything from a distant prison.”
An infinite field appeared in the mirror to show my prison as Merlin. It was paradise — soft sunlight, a constant, gently blowing breeze, and no worries at all until the end of time. At the center of Avalon’s field, an impossible tower reached for the heavens. Merlin-me lay lackadaisically inside the tower, lounging and looking upward at paradise’s sky. Flower petals blew to and fro. For centuries, the scene remained unchanged. Until…
“Eventually, I acted on my eternal boredom,” I said. “Using True Magic, I faked my Death to even Akasha’s eyes. Because something caught my attention. The Great Holy Grail War was in a timeline that wouldn’t interfere with Artoria’s eventual happy ending. So I… invited myself to participate.”
“Now,” I grinned, finishing my legend and truly just beginning the story. “Let me tell you about 14 legends, summoned from across history to be pitted against each other, all for the sake of winning a nigh-omnipotent wish from a stolen Grail…”
IIIII
[AN: And now, the Dead End has officially returned. This chapter took a bit longer than expected. I went through three versions of the story Sean would tell. But eventually, I settled on this Fate two-parter. The Grail War story is going to be centered around Fate/Apocrypha for those not in the know. Fate also… isn’t my best setting. Let me know how you thought I did with effectively conveying the information and any mistakes I made if you see them.
As of right now, I’m thinking that I’ll finish this Fate story, and then have a sort of… Justice League threat-of-the-week type chapter with Sean swooping in to announce his short vacation with Didi. Then, the first road trip/world hop/vacation, which should be a good 2-3 chapters within the Beware of Chicken cultivation world. And eventually, Sean and Didi will start taking others along with them for those…]
IIIII
Bonus Pics (sauce below)
Comments
Azzuma
Thanks for the Awesome Update! The only point I'd like to raise is you forgot about Killer Croc when you mention people as part of the bar.
dryskies_btb
mostly Japanese emoticons. It's easy to find copy and paste libraries of them and honestly, they're so much better than emojis lol
DG30
Thanks for the chapter! Just got done rereading the whole story so I am so ready for it to restart now!
Kz3838
Thank you for the great chapter, love how you wrote this and Sean being Merlin will never not be funny to be. Stay safe out there and keep up the good work!
HiCierra
Tftc, I cant wait to see apocrypha and maybe FGO in the future. The fairy singularity would definitely be interesting. In another note iirc the first true is more the creation of ether (or ether clumps which are something like magic in the form of clay) Denial of nothingness was something fans had speculated on since the only known true magics at the time were the second and third
Flashycow
Where do you get all the emotes for Cass?
CkLance
Awesome chapter 😌👌
Gamesempie
Oh no, this is quite good. I kind of want you to mention the fact that the magi didn't even really create the Holy Grail War ritual, but instead usurped the existing ritual created to counter the Beasts and tell them a bit about the Grand Order. But that would be a story for another time.
Michael Zalesny
Mordred probably wasnt rejected outright by this version of Artoria, but clearly Morgan still found a way, as always. looking forward to seeing how Sean!Merlin interacts with Mordred's heroic spirit.
Achearon
glorious. simply glorious.
Thereader
love the story
Laplase
Great as Always!
ExodiaTheForbiddenOne
It’s as beautiful as the day I lost it amazing work as always dry !!
Steven Baldwin
Glad to see this officially back. Thanks for the chapter!
Eto
🙏
dryskies_btb
Sauce Morgan 1: neko no kedama 2: math fk05 3: youngmanisdown 4: chronick 5: monkey jon Bonus 1: tephie-cos 2: wickedgoth1 3: chanel2milky 4: Amber Lust 5: sarahbustani 6: uyuy2907 7: boyeattter 8: redheademss
