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Gotham's Dead End Bar Ch.30
🕑 Added 2024-03-04 17:18:05 +0000 UTC“We’re about ready, Mr. Barkeep,” Black Canary said
She came back up to the bar to tell me that. At the same time, she looked like she would rather be anywhere else. I clearly wasn’t making her my biggest fan in any sense of the word. She didn’t seem to deal with the Dead End’s — and by extension, my — specific brand of insanity very well.
It was a shame but not something I would overly concern myself with. I knew I couldn’t win them all. And she at least seemed to tolerate me. So long as she wasn’t gunning for me or trying to cause trouble, I’d leave her to her resentment. Besides, I was pretty sure this version of Black Canary was with Green Arrow.
I didn’t tend to break up happy couples without a damn good reason. Had I done it before? Sure. But those girls deserved better. Mavis — Dracula’s last daughter before the modern age in the World of Darkness — came to mind. Such a brilliant soul deserved so much more than a guy so fucking MID I didn’t even bother to remember his name.
So I was more than happy to leave Canary alone. She was hot but I got nothing from trying to make her like me. I might even damage the budding relationship I was building with the heroes. And that was already bound to take a hit when Superman found out I was ‘corrupting’ his cousin. I was, to be fair, but he was still likely to overreact. I might have to rip off that band-aid sooner rather than later…
“Thank you, Canary,” I nodded to her politely before turning to Constantine. “Are you going to be good to perform, John?”
“Bah!” He waved me off. “I’ve never performed sober in me foockin’ life! I don’t plan to start now.”
He was already three drinks deep. Three Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters deep, at that. So I was a bit politely skeptical of his claim. But ultimately, I just shrugged. It was his life. Who was I to live it for him?
Lucifer, still in her supernaturally fine feminine form, smirked at her boy toy, “Thatta boy, John~ Show them how it’s done.”
I had the strangest feeling that the Devil was much more fond of Constantine than she let on. It was just something in the way she looked at him — something deeply fascinated and taken behind her fiery brimstone eyes. Even the way she teased him was a bit less… ‘devilish’ than what I’d come to expect from Lucifer.
Diana shook her head, “You are a stronger man than I, John. Those drinks are worthy opponents, even for me. I’ll almost be worried for you if you can perform after three of them.”
“They’re-… Urp~!” Constantine burped then continued as if he hadn’t at all. “They’re kicking my ass in the best way. Haven’t felt like this since I had to drink the ghosts of Ernest Hemingway and Hunter S. Thompson under the table at the same time. So it’s perfect for singing!”
“That sounds like quite the story,” I hummed with interest. “You’ll have to tell it after your gig.”
Constantine gave me a swaying thumbs-up before standing on equally swaying feet. Surprisingly, he only stumbled once as he began to move. After that, he settled into the familiar confident swinging strides I’d seen from some of the more notable drunks I’d met. Rockstars, pirates, a few gods, and certain gambling NILF (ninja I’d like to fuck).
“Should… Should we be concerned?” Dick asked.
“No, he’ll be fine,” I reassured. “I don’t know if anyone’s noticed but I put certain enchantments over the Dead End. No one gets blackout drunk here. And they’ll never manage to hurt themselves or others because of alcohol they got from me.”
“Huh,” Penguin blinked. “I had noticed something was odd but I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what.”
“Call it Dead End benefits. We drink responsibly here at the bar. There’s literally no other choice,” I said with a smirk.
Diana smiled proudly at me, “That is remarkably well thought out, Sean. I’m glad to see you looking out for your customers and the innocents around them.”
“It’s practically a necessity. And not just for my conscience,” I elaborated.
“Yes, I would be quite… peeved if some fool managed to kill an innocent through drunk driving or something similarly brain-dead,” Didi added, her voice firmly hinting at the consequences such actions would have.
A mook shuddered, “As if we needed any more motivation to not drive drunk…”
“At least we don’t live in Central City,” Another said. “I hear Flash literally steals the tires right off drunk drivers.”
I shrugged, “Sounds entirely deserved to me.”
“Oh, yeah, fuck drunk drivers,” He quickly agreed. “It’s just a funny mental picture.”
“I believe Kal has started doing something similar in Metropolis,” Diana commented. “Only, he just picks up the whole car and flies it to the police station.”
“Damn… Almost makes you wish we had someone who could do that here in Gotham, doesn’t it?”
“The Dead End and I are doing our part in the war against drunk driving,” I claimed happily. “Magic leaves a tiny trace on everyone who steps into the bar. If they try and start a car while drunk, it just… won’t start.”
“Good shit,” Two-Face grunted. “I’ll rob a bank any day of the week. But you won’t EVER catch me driving drunk. That shit’s for the dogs.”
His statement got a round of nods, “Preach, brother.
“Real criminals have standards. Not many standards, admittedly but some all the same,” Penguin added.
“I’ve always thought drunk driving was one of the most unattractive things a person could do. Just showing how little they care about the people around them. Practically bragging about it as if they’re being sneaky and getting away with something instead of putting everyone else at risk. It’s a deplorable act in my book,” Catwoman mused aloud.
I nodded, “Glad everyone’s in agreement on the subject. Not that it will ever be a problem for the Dead End but it’s good to see that heads are on straight.”
“Yo, morbid question but… Were you ever killed by a drunk driver, Mr. Barkeep?” A mook asked.
“Of course. You never forget your first death.”
My blunt statement got winces of sympathy from the audience, “Shit…”
“That’s rough, buddy.”
“Yeah, I can see why you’d be so against drunk drivers, Mr. Barkeep.”
“Well, I assume they were drunk,” I shrugged. “I don’t know how else a truck gets into the middle of a bay. I was on a boat for goodness sake…”
“You…”
“What?”
I chuckled at my own expense, “Funnily enough, that wasn’t my last run-in with the entity known as Truck-kun.”
“Oh,” Penguin said in whispered realization. “THAT’S how you keep getting reincarnated… You’re just being isekai’d over and over again.”
“Took you long enough,” I grinned. “Honestly, I expected a Man of Culture like you to get it quicker. But, yes. That’s a part of the equation for my eternally wandering soul.”
Something happened at my partial explanation. It was only noticed by a few there at the bar. Didi. Lucifer. Me, of course. Diana twitched slightly but she didn’t seem to realize where the feeling came from. I’m sure if Constantine was still here, he would have noticed something as well. The smooth, torso-sized orb — the Endbringer Core of my ex-wife — on my trophy shelf vibrated ever so slightly.
Diana, again, didn’t figure out where the strange sensation came from. Lucifer watched Simmy’s orb with amused, smirking interest. Didi glanced curiously, hummed a bit, and then looked away, putting it out of her mind for now. I just shook my head fondly.
Simmy had heard that. A part of the equation that would let her reunite with me. Not the whole thing. She still had a lot of work to do if she wanted to see me again. But it was something — a place to start or maybe a second foothold. Knowing Simmy, she was already working tirelessly on the whole equation. I’d bet she had maybe one variable figured out. This added a second. Now, she would finally be making progress. And even separated by countless realities, I could feel her alien, almost AI excitement at that prospect.
Briefly, almost unnoticeably, a quiet but excited cry rang out from the orb, “[DATA~!]”
I chuckled softly, seemingly to myself, and whispered under my breath, “Godspeed, Simmy. I’m sure I’ll see you here eventually…”
“Oho~? An Angel… but not…? How simply fascinating…” Lucifer whispered just as quietly.
“Don’t help her, Luci. She’ll want to do it herself.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it~”
“I quite looking forward to meeting someone else from Sean’s past,” Didi joined our whispered, practically unnoticeable conversation. “Especially one of his former lovers like her.”
“What ARE you three talking about?” Diana asked, abandoning the whispers in her confusion.
“Just a visit from an ex,” I explained, smiling as I said it.
“That… doesn’t explain much…”
“Well then, you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you~?”
At the same time, Constantine, Canary, and the band were about ready to begin. Even though they were on the opposite side of the impossible space inside the Dead End, I heard their conversation clearly.
“Alright, Johnny?” Lord asked.
“Peachy, love. Just peachy perfect~” Constantine rumbled heartily in reply.
“Are you going to be good to sing, John?” Canary asked, sounding slightly concerned.
“Just watch me!”
“Do you even know our songs?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Constantine waved her off. “I did my homework. I ain’t that amateur, love. I’ll do fine. Got a right proper buzz going and everything.”
“Jesus, John,” Canary shook her head. “What the Hell did you drink?”
“One of Mr. Barkeep’s special brews,” He replied simply.
“I’m going to regret this but what was it called?” Canary asked with a groan.
I could hear the smirk in Constantine’s voice, “Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster.”
“Pan-Galactic-…” Canary paused, trailing off.
Constantine laughed, “Yeah, that one. Cocktail from space. From the Hitchhikers Guide, at that. Seems our resident bartender is somehow even more well-traveled than we thought.”
“Huh, now I kind of want one,” Paloma muttered in the background.
“… Noted,” Canary finally said, her voice strained and almost robotic. “More about Mr. Barkeep for me to not think about. Let’s just focus on the music…”
“Fine by me,” Constantine shrugged. “I’ve got a Devil to woo. Papa’s getting lucky tonight!”
Canary suddenly froze, “What…?”
The rest of the band had the same reaction, “What?”
“What?”
“…” Ditto didn’t say anything of course but I could see her sign ‘what?’ from the bar.
Constantine ignored them all, pressing on with the show. He grabbed one of the standing mics on the stage and announced, “Hello, Dead End! We’re-… well, Black Canary plus one washed-up old man. We’ll be playing a few songs for you all tonight. So just ignore all of the insanity for an hour or so and dance with us!”
Lord sighed, saying to her bandmates, “Alright, we’re obviously not getting an answer to that. Let’s just play, girls. We’ll start off with a slow one.”
She lead with a steady simple beat on her drums. Ditto was the next to pick up the song after their bandmate. Resignation and hesitation were lost to the wind, to the beat that quickly took up a melody.
Canary gave herself over to the music, ignoring her worries and tonight’s insanity as she began to sing, “Somedays~… The world just makes me mad~…”
Constantine echoed her with a deep, mourning bass. The song was soft but not gentle. More like the quiet rage of someone fed up. Someone pushed just a little bit too far. The feeling was built brick by brick with Canary’s lyrics, Constantine the cement that held it together. The last stubborn rays of a dying day.
I didn’t recognize the song so I could only assume it was one of Canary’s originals. It was mournful and stubborn, fierce yet subdued. Carried by a soft beat and an even softer melody, it truly felt like Canary was venting all of tonight’s frustrations through her song. Likely not the original meaning behind it but appropriate given her current circumstances.
Alice seemed to love it, at the very least. She was practically vibrating in place, dying to rush before the stage and treat this like a concert instead of the simple gig at a bar that it was. She stared at me with big, pleading eyes.
I could only sigh, covering my fond amusement, “Alright, I suppose I can let you off work for this occasion. Go have fun, Alice.”
She yipped with joy, hugged me, and darted out from behind the bar. As she did, I rearranged the Dead End’s layout. A dance floor opened up before the stage. It quickly turned out that Alice wasn’t alone in her excitement. Didi stared at me as well with a certain expression on her face.
I nodded in realization, “Ah, you did say you wanted to dance, didn’t you?”
Didi nodded right back at me, “I did. And it seems my desire has come true sooner than I thought it would. Care to join me, Sean?”
I hummed, noticing a certain prodding feeling from the Dead End’s barely blossoming intelligence, “Well, it seems like the bar can take care of itself. It would be my pleasure, my love.”
I left the bar in the capable hands of… well, itself. Its Genius Loci was coming along nicely and it seemed to want to explore its capabilities. Almost immediately, drink refills began to pour themselves. More than usual, that is, considering how strange ‘work’ worked in the Dead End.
Meanwhile, I turned my attention to more important things. Like treating my Deathly beautiful lover to a dance. I took her hand in mine and led us both onto the makeshift dance floor I’d created. We weren’t the only ones who wanted to dance. The floor quickly filled up with the more mundane patrons of the bar, pairing up and simply enjoying the vibes the live music brought to the Dead End.
The song was still a relatively slow thing. Didi settled into my arms, a soft smile on her face. It was lovely. The sight sent a wave of fond warmth radiating through me. Instead of anything overinvolved and strenuous, Didi and I just swayed. Maybe a spin here and there.
It was simple. It was perfect. The frustrated lyrics to the song didn’t really matter at the moment, fading into the background. All that mattered was the steady beat of Lord’s drums and the mixed melody of Paloma’s keyboard and Ditto’s guitar. Canary and Constantine’s voices just became another instrument for us to spin and sway to.
“You’re gorgeous, Didi. Simply gorgeous,” I told her.
She was, at that. The only thing I could see in the moment. Her soft, stylishly messy hair. Those kind, oh-so-warm eyes staring back at me. The light touches of her dark makeup — eyeliner and the black, hooking line beneath one eye —, integrated into her image so well it was almost natural. At this point, it would have been strange to see her without the dark accents.
Her perfect skin — pale as bone and somehow still so full of life that she glowed. The softness of her curves and figure. Her clothes — that modern gothic style she wore so well — and her ever-present Ankh necklace. Looking down at Didi, all I could see was perfection. In Death, Life, and Eternity in between.
A light blush joined her soft smile, standing out so beautifully on her pale skin, “Thank you, Sean. You aren’t so bad yourself. I… quite like it when you hold me like this. Everything else seems to fade into the background.”
I hummed, smiling as well, “I know what you mean. Nothing else seems to matter but you and I, does it?”
“Yes, I don’t have to worry about the rest of existence at moments like these. The constant press of my concept upon everything… Just you and I,” Didi nodded almost shyly.
“Have I told you I love you tonight?”
“Not in so many words. But then, you don’t have to. I see it in nearly everything you do.”
“Well, it’s quite easy to love you, Didi. But I think I’d like to spell it out plainly. I love you. All that you are and aren’t. In all of the forms I’ve known. And even with how much Death I’ve seen, you’re something special. Given the choice, I would choose you, Didi. Over and over again. Always. I’m glad I drifted onto your lap at the beginning of all of this.”
I spoke from the bottom of my Heart, the bottom of my Soul. And I knew Didi saw it all. I could never hide anything from her. I didn’t want to. From my lowest point to my highest — to here and now — my Soul was laid bare before Didi. All of my sins, all of my feats and deeds, I was hers. And through our connection, I made damn sure to show her all of that.
Didi stared at me with wide eyes, stammering slightly in shock, “Awawawawa~… S-Sean~?!”
“Yes, my love?”
“W-We’re in public~! My cousin is here~! Must, must you bear your soul so~…?”
“I must.”
“Ahhhwnnn~!” Didi buried her face in my chest, groaning in embarrassment. “… Dummy.”
I held her close to whisper in her ear, “Your dummy. I love you, Didi.”
“Hnnnnggghh~!” Didi made another adorable little noise in her ‘hiding place’. “I love you too…”
She clung to me tightly for a while, unwilling to show her face. I simply held her as we swayed in place. The song had changed at some point. Something more upbeat and faster. Something to properly dance to. Didi and I didn’t even notice.
Looking around my domain, I hummed, “Look at what we’ve built.”
Hesitant eyes peeked out from her ‘hiding place’, revealing a sliver of her completely crimson blush. She looked around the dance floor, around the bar. Didi saw what I saw. Happy, relaxed, and just simply enjoying themselves, the customers of the Dead End were like glittering flames to our eyes.
From the band playing their hearts out to the ones who sat on the sidelines and tapped their feet to the beat. Dancing, laughing, HAPPY souls.
Alice — our adopted daughter — cheering with giddy joy. Dick desperately trying to keep up with two left feet while Cass danced circles around him. Catwoman… No, Selina sprawled out like a cat in her seat at the bar, casually chatting with Harvey and Oswald like old friends. Diana joining them as well with a subtle sense of detached amusement as if she could scarcely believe what she was doing. Even Lucifer, leaning on the bar and making moon eyes at Constantine.
“Ah…” Didi made a little noise in the back of her throat, eyes lighting up both at the distraction and the scenes I’d directed her attention to. “It’s beautiful. I so rarely get to see Life in action like this…”
“It’s because of us,” I gently reminded her. “We did this. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
Her lips twitched upward, “You could have. I know you could have.”
“Maybe,” I shrugged. “But I wouldn’t want to. Not without my Deathly first lady at my side.”
Didi’s smile bloomed properly, “I feel much the same, Sean. You drifting onto my shore has been the best thing to happen to me in millennia. I simply don’t know what I would do without you these days.”
Pulling her against me, I leaned down to touch my forehead to hers, “Well then, it’s a good thing you’ll never have to find out. I feel like 69 is the perfect number for me to end my journey on. I have no plans of dying again.”
“And I can certainly help you with that endeavor,” Didi murmured. “But we can still travel though, right? I think I would like to see the wider expanse of existence. To experience some of the things you have.”
“Whenever you wish, my love. There’s plenty to do here but we’re hardly restricted. One day, we can just set out and explore, never looking back. Or we can come and go as we wish. Whatever you want. I’ve been meaning to take you on a date recently…” I trailed off.
“And perhaps the venue for that date can be somewhere… unfamiliar?” Didi asked, picking up where I left off.
I grinned slightly, “Positively foreign.”
Earnest, wholesome excitement leaked through Didi’s smile, fueled by a sense of curiosity that was practically unmatched. Didi was Endless. She’d seen just about everything this reality had to offer. But another, past the Source Wall? She would be as innocent as a newborn babe. I was looking forward to showing her around existence for the first time all over again.
“I would be absolutely delighted to go on a date to unfamiliar waters with you, Sean dear,” Didi said, cupping my cheek fondly. “Sometime soon?”
“We’ll get there eventually,” I promised. “There’s still a lot to do here but I won’t keep you waiting.”
“I’ll count on it,” Didi whispered softly, leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss me.
Her lips pressed against mine. Soft, gentle, and yet, still so all-consuming. I held her, returning the kiss, and all was right in the world. The rest of the scene faded into the background. A comfortable white noise as Didi filled my everything.
I don’t know how long Didi and I simply kissed. I don’t know if I particularly cared either. It wasn’t anything lewd or inappropriate. Not really. Just a simple kiss that stayed for as long as we wanted it to. No tongue, no wandering hands. Just a sense of timeless perfection that pushed the rest of the world into the background.
We could have stayed like that indefinitely. Like a bubble that surrounded us and protected us from everything that wasn’t important. Which, at the moment, was everything but each other. As relatable and down to Earth as she was, Didi still existed on a different scale of time from mortals. And I suppose I did too now. It wasn’t a new feeling for me though, so I broke the kiss before we spent a casual century frozen like a statue of two lovers.
Even then, by the time we slowly came apart, the band’s set was over. It was totally worth missing the performance for the sparkling light of happiness in Didi’s eyes. Besides, looking around, it appeared that everyone else had still enjoyed themselves.
Taking Didi’s hand in mine, I led her up to the stage. It just felt right to say a few words after the Dead End’s first live performance. Stepping onto the stage, Constantine made room for me and Didi to use his mic. He was sporting the first honest smile I’d seen from the man.
That might’ve had something to do with the utterly lewd air gestures Lucifer was sending his way. Seriously, I was debating whether or not I’d have to censor the feminine Devil somehow. There was no need to work the imaginary shaft AND balls like that in public…
Shaking my head, I stepped up to the mic with Didi beside me to say my piece, “Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen… Black Canary! How about that show? Great, right? No, honestly, I’m asking. I was a bit distracted during most of it.”
Didi’s sudden blush made it quite clear what I was distracted by. More like ‘who’. As such, my joke got quite a few chuckles and even a good-natured boo from Alice who was still giddy with excitement from watching her favorite band perform.
“In all seriousness though, I’d like to personally thank all of the members of the band and Johnny here. They took time out of their night to perform for you all. Sure, I’m paying them handsomely for the experience but that doesn’t change the fact that they gave you a good show, does it? Let’s get a round of applause for everyone up here. Thank you, Ditto, Lord, Paloma, Black Canary, and John Constantine!”
After the cheers and applause died down, I continued, “They’re all very talented musicians. It’s an honor to host their unofficial reunion gig. I can’t do much more to show my appreciation-…”
“More than pay us 40 grand each?” Paloma interrupted with a deadpan.
“Yes, more than that,” I chuckled. “But what I can do is make sure they drink for free for the rest of the night!”
“Oh thank fucking God…!” Canary exclaimed in a great sigh of relief.
“Careful invoking big ‘G’ tonight, Canary,” I teased and warned at the same time. “Remember who our other guest of honor is…”
Canary paled, “Fuck…”
“Hey, at least we’re drinking for free, right?” Constantine joked.
“I’m going to need it… I don’t think I want to think at all for the rest of the night,” Canary grumbled.
“What’s that about anyway?” Lord asked her bandmate quietly.
Sighing again, Canary explained just as quietly, “The Devil-… Yes, THAT Devil…”
She continued in the background, careful not to broadcast the nitty gritty details of tonight’s star guest too loudly — for what good that would do. It wasn’t like Lucifer was keeping her presence a secret. Still, it probably made Canary feel better and she must have been looking for any modicum of control she could snatch from tonight’s insanity.
Someone got my attention from the crowd, one of the regular mooks… Actually, he looked kind of familiar… “Hey, Mr. Barkeep! Big man!”
The additional nickname sparked recognition in me. Ah, he was one of my first customers. One of the Two-Face henchmen who came into my bar by chance right after I’d opened it for the first time. The ‘boss’ henchman from back then, at that.
“Yes?” I asked, willing to hear him out and honestly a bit surprised he was still around. Even with the effects the Dead End and I had brought to the city, this was still Gotham, after all.
“You gonna perform as well? I still remember the story you told Miss Didi my first night in. The one with you as a bard and the whole wooing a dragon thing? So you gonna give us a show too?”
His suggestion sent murmurs of anticipation through the crowd. I paused to consider it. I didn’t have to think for very long. Not when I glanced at Didi and saw the excited anticipation in her eyes as well.
That settled it. I agreed, “I suppose I could sing a song. More of a ballad, really. After all, I wouldn’t miss the chance to tell you all another story, would I?”
Didi clapped, my biggest fan already, “Oh, yes, Sean~! How exciting~!”
“Now this, I simply must see~” Lucifer drawled, projecting her voice over the bar.
“Why do I feel like this will somehow still go badly?” Dick questioned aloud.
“Because you’re more intelligent than a rock,” Alice deadpanned.
“Eh,” Penguin shrugged. “I’d give more odds for ‘interesting’ than ‘bad’.”
“( ๑ÒωÓ๑ )7” Cass popped off an honest-to-God salute. ‘My heart, mind, and body are ready! Blow this bitch away and flood my pussy, sir!’
Alice’s face scrunched up in disgust, “Ewww… That’s my dad, you know.”
“( ￣^￣ )” Cass shot her a deadpan expression and nodded. ‘Your dad is hot as fuck.’
Chuckling at their antics, I made sure to set the proper mood for my song. My tale of my time as a bard and then something more. As something of a hunter of monsters by might and, more importantly, magic. The catalyst that turned the ‘me’ of that life from a simple bard into… a Witcher in my own right.
And no matter what anyone might say, Geralt and I didn’t fuck!
Putting the old insistence out of my mind — a bit frustrated that I had to assert it even now — I waved a hand over myself. My usual clothes were replaced by something quite medieval. Positively bardic in nature. A familiar lute was pulled from my Soul’s storage. I sat in mid-air, a chair appearing to seamlessly meet my descent.
With a light strum of the chords, my story-song began…
(https://youtu.be/waMkFIzvDpE?si=Cc1Wk_N4_RSqPZv3)
“When a humble bard,
Graced a ride along
With Geralt of Rivia
Along came this song~…
“From when the White Wolf fought
A silver-tongued devil,
His army of elves
At his hooves did they revel~…
“They came after me
With masterful deceit
They broke down my lute and
They kicked in my teeth~
“While the devil’s horns
Minced our tender meat
So cried the Witcher
‘He can’t be bleat~!’
“Toss a coin to your Witcher,
O’ Valley of Plenty!
O’ Valley of Plenty!
Toss a coin to your Witcher,
O’ Valley of Plenty~…!
“At the Edge of the World
Fight the mighty horn
That bashes and breaks you
And brings you to mourn~
“He thrust every elf
Far back on the shelf
High up on the mountain
From whence it came~
“He wiped out your pest
Got kicked in his chest
He’s a friend of humanity
So give him the rest~
“That’s my epic tale
Our champion prevailed
Defeated the villain
Now pour him some ale~!
“Toss a coin to your Witcher,
O’ Valley of Plenty!
O’ Valley of Plenty!
Toss a coin to your Witcher,
And friend of humanity~!
“Toss a coin to your Witcher,
O’ Valley of Plenty!
O’ Valley of Plenty!
Toss a coin to your Witcher,
And friend of humanity~!
“Toss a coin to your Witcher,
O’ Valley of Plenty!
O’ Valley of Plenty!
Toss a coin to your Witcher,
And friend of humanity~…!”
Didi led the cheer as I brought the song to a close. She was ecstatic about the whole thing, practically jumping up and down in place. She didn’t hesitate to throw herself in my lap in her excitement. I had to think quickly, throwing my lute to disappear in the wind as I caught her and laughed.
My lover wasn’t the only one to enjoy the song but she was the most forthcoming with her enjoyment. The rest of the crowd still clapped and whistled though. It was nice to have my song appreciated like this again.
“A worthy ballad!” Diana praised with firm nods. “Truly enjoyable even if I am unfamiliar with the tale being told.”
“┐(￣ヘ￣)┌” Cass shrugged with a slightly unimpressed look on her face. ‘Eh, six out of ten. The voice and singing were hot but the song itself wasn’t very sexy at all.’
“And thank goodness for that…” Alice sighed.
“… ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ” Cass paused for a moment before reaching out in needy excitement. ‘Now… Gib! Gib serenade! My night won’t be complete without my pussy juices leaking onto the floor!’
Everyone stopped to stare at Cass with a wide range of emotions. Didi giggled and Lucifer grinned wickedly. Alice mimed gagging. The rest of the crowd just gaped at her. Incredulous shock and disbelief made up the majority. But there was no small amount of ‘horny’ at her completely blunt and crass lewdity. The girl was utterly shameless.
It was just a good thing she was legal. Barely legal but legal all the same. And, honestly? I must say… Would.
“Cass, I love you… but damn, girl! That was thirsty as fuck, even for me!” Dick exclaimed.
“(￣ー￣ )” Cass held her head high. ‘I will not censor my righteous desires.’
Lucifer sighed theatrically, “Ahhh~… A girl after my own heart.”
“So, uh…” A mook desperately changed the subject. “What’s a Witcher?”
Poorly concealing my mirth, I explained, “A Witcher is a witchman. Taken in as children — though I managed to avoid that part by some miracle — to be trained, molded, and changed into something… more. White of hair and yellow of cat-like eye, they are genetically enhanced for one purpose and one purpose only… To be the hunters of monsters, man and beast alike. Witchers are-…”
I paused as something shifted in the Dead End. Something requested entry. Something from BEYOND. A polite knock on an imaginary door. My curiosity gave way to recognition and I opened the door.
A large, uneven archway opened up on the stage, dripping with power and Elder Blood. I was instantly thankful that the band had given me space to perform, leaving the stage open to our unannounced visitor. A girl atop a horse rode through the archway portal, intensely familiar from my memories.
Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon looked around frantically at her new surroundings. Garbed in light medieval armor with a sword of silver across her back and a dagger of steel on her hip, she looked exactly the same as the first time I’d met her. Younger, even.
Something clicked in my mind. This, this moment… This was why she seemed to know me even before we were officially introduced. I had just thought my legend proceeded me. But no, she’d met me before. Just a ‘me’ from later down the line rather than the middle ‘me’ that met her first.
Ciri spurned her horse, causing it to leap into the crowd. There was a slight panic but even in their shock at the new arrival, the crowd managed to get out of her way. Though, now Ciri looked to be panicking as well, surrounded and boxed in as she was.
Surprisingly, Lucifer was the one who stepped up to calm her, “Peace, child. You are safe here. Those that chase you will not harm you within these walls.”
The promise of the Devil did wonders to put Ciri at ease. Almost supernaturally so. She calmed and relaxed in an instant. As did her neighing steed. Lucifer even helped her down from her mount, taking the once-frantic girl by the hand and supporting her the entire way.
Canary groaned over by the bar where she’d taken up a new position, “Why the fuck not…?! Tonight hasn’t been eventful enough, has it?!”
“Yeah, this is a bit out there, even for the Dead End,” Two-Face grunted.
Thankfully, the bar itself was there for them. The burgeoning intelligence I’d left in charge for the moment poured both of them fresh drinks that appeared in their hands without missing a beat. Canary didn’t even flinch. She just drank deeply, hoping to drown out the insanity.
“Where…? Where am I?” Ciri asked Lucifer, looking around in awe now that her panic had passed.
“The Dead End, child,” Lucifer cooed in reply. “A nexus of sorts. A safe place. You were called here by a song but perhaps it’s where you were meant to be at this point in your story.”
“That, ladies and gentlemen, is a Witcher,” I announced quietly. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to see to an old friend.”
“Is he… talking about me…?”
I heard Ciri softly mutter a question to Lucifer as she led the girl over to the bar. Didi trailed behind me as I dismounted the stage, curiously intrigued by our newest guest. We made our way to the bar as well. Thankfully, the rest of my patrons were more than willing to give Ciri some space. That wouldn’t stop them from listening in but at least they weren’t crowding the exhausted girl.
“Yes, child,” Lucifer answered, settling them at the bar. “As I said, you are exactly where you need to be.”
“T-They can’t…?” Ciri trailed off mid-question.
“Who hunts you so, young warrior?” Diana asked, intense and intent with concern. “Who do you run from?”
“I-I-…” Ciri stuttered but couldn’t force the words out.
“The Wild Hunt,” I answered for her. “A troupe of base marauders and raiders who fashion themselves as specters of death. In reality, they’re no better than slavers and brigands. They travel worlds and abduct natives, always picking on those weaker than them. They wish to use Ciri as nothing more than a tool to further their brutality.”
Didi frowned on Ciri’s behalf, “I dislike them already.”
“Dishonorable curs!” Diana hissed.
“How do you… know that?” Ciri asked hesitantly.
She really was different from the woman I knew. Younger and not nearly as sure of herself. Still fleeing for her life across time and space. The differences made me frown ever so slightly.
“You told me,” I answered softly. “I’m a friend, Ciri. One you haven’t met yet. Were you not aware that your Elder Blood can control time as well as space?”
Ciri jolted slightly, startled by the information I knew, “That-! Truly…?”
I nodded in confirmation, “Truly. I knew Geralt as well. And Yennifer. They were good friends of mine. As were you, Ciri.”
“Wait, but-…” Ciri shook her head. “You said ‘were’. But I’m only meeting you now. I don’t even know your name… So I ‘will’ meet you? And it’ll be the first time for you… And then you’ll meet… me…? For the first time again? Just for me this time?”
I chuckled, “That’s time travel for you. Even a relatively simple situation like ours is a mess to wrap your head around. You summarized it quite well, all things considered.”
“( ᓀ‸ᓂ)ง “ Cass held up a fist with a flat expression on her face. ‘Fuck time travel…’
“All my homies hate time travel,” Surprisingly, Canary finished the joke for Cass. She seemed more than a little done with tonight, downing her drinks almost as quickly as they appeared in front of her.
There was a short pause at Canary’s unexpected interjection. Cass looked insufferably smug that she’d gotten the older hero to play along.
Diana turned to me once the slight shock had passed, “Sean, we must venture forth to vanquish those slaving mongrels. Their atrocities can not be allowed to continue.”
“No need,” I shrugged casually. “Knowing what I do about the Wild Hunt and Ciri, they’ll come to us. We’ll barely have to lift a finger to deal with them.”
As if on cue, there was another knock at the ‘imaginary’ dimensional door of the Dead End. This one was much, much ruder than Ciri’s. It was more akin to someone slamming a clumsy battering ram upon my domain. The ‘navigators’ of the Wild Hunt, no doubt. Mere mages playing amateurishly with forces they didn’t understand.
“Ready, Diana?” I asked with a savage grin. “I think you’ll enjoy this fight very much…”
Diana nodded, firm and confident, standing as a sword and lasso appeared in her hands, “I am ready, Sean. Constantine, Black Canary, with me. We take no prisoners. I have no sympathy or mercy to spare for slavers.”
“Wait! Y-You can’t-!” Ciri tried to protest for the first people who’d been nice to her in who knows how long. “The Wild Hunt are no easy opponents!”
“Young warrior,” Diana intoned, her voice filled with gravitas and something more. “Who they are matters little. Their actions have judged them worthy of death. With Lady Didi’s permission, I will carry out their sentence.”
“You have Death’s blessing, Diana,” Didi said, nodding sadly.
“W-Wha-?!” Ciri jumped slightly, staring at Didi as the Truth of her being shined through.
“So be it,” Diana continued. “The Wild Hunt has hunted its last. So say I, Diana of Themyscira and Lady Death of the Endless.”
Diana stood tall, imposing, and impossibly firm. Her Truth began to shine through as well. The Demi-Goddess was larger than life at that moment. Larger than anything Ciri had ever seen. With Didi, she only saw a sliver. With Diana, she saw a storied hero. A warrior princess — like herself but MORE. Someone who would stand for her, fight for her until the very end.
A sigh from Canary and a chuckle from Constantine signaled the addition of two more heroes to the ranks. They stood side by side before the stage where Ciri’s portal had appeared. Canary, resigned but determined, cleared her throat and prepared to sing once more. Constantine took out a spool of seemingly simple string and winked to the Devil, appearing intent to show off a bit for her.
With the defenders standing at the ready, I grinned at Ciri, “Just watch. These heroes are quite good at what they do. Diana alone could handle the Wild Hunt. With Constantine and Canary by her side, they don’t stand a chance. It seems this is where your flight from death comes to an end, Ciri. Hopefully, not in the way you expected it to.”
Confidence and hope were just now starting to set in for the young girl. Staring at Diana’s strong back and inspiring figure, there was no other possible outcome. The Greek Demi-Goddess might have been foreign and unfamiliar to Ciri but her determination was clear.
With that, I stopped holding back against the battering ram of the Wild Hunt’s navigators. Well, ‘holding back’ were strong words. They could have banged themselves against my protections until the end of time and they would have accomplished nothing but suicide. The fact that they didn’t realize this, didn’t realize that I was LETTING them in… didn’t say much good about the mages.
Another archway portal appeared on the stage. This one was jagged and torn at the edges. Forced and unnatural. Nothing like Ciri’s, nothing like the power granted to her by her Elder Blood. Through the portal rode one horse and then another. A dozen ghostly figures stopped atop the Dead End’s stage, looking around with confusion that didn’t fit their spectral appearances.
Didi made a quiet sound of disgust. These specters were trying to impersonate her image. Dressed in skeletal armor and cloaked in mist like ghosts, they tried their best to look like what fools assumed grim reapers looked like. Given Didi never bothered with such theatrics, their attempt fell far short of its mark.
Death’s disapproval was enough to spurn Constantine into action instantly. He had to have a healthy respect for Death to be who he was and do what he did.
His simple string unspooled, puppeteered across the room by his magic. In an instant, it wrapped around each of the dozen ghostly steeds. Constantine twitched his fingers and the string lit up with lightning, powerful enough to disable the creatures but not permanently harm or kill them.
It was more than enough to send their riders flying, though, as the horses whinnied and bucked frantically in momentary panic. False skeletal figures sprawled off the stage like a deck of spilled cards. From there, the dance floor before the stage quickly turned into an arena.
Diana sprung into action quicker than anything the Wild Hunt or Ciri had ever seen. A whirlwind that put even the best Witcher to shame. Her blade flashed, reaping souls before the ‘Hunters’ could even begin to react.
Then, the Canary sang. Masterfully targetted, her song sent only her enemies to their knees. Easy pickings for Diana to cut through like butter. The whole thing was over before it even started. In seconds, only one Wild Hunter remained.
Diana had them trussed up in her glowing golden lasso and kneeling before Ciri with barely any effort, “Speak, scum. Tell your Truth so that you may be judged by those you have wronged.”
She ripped off the Hunter’s helmet without fanfare, revealing a pale, deathly face. The man’s expression was set in a constant sneer that only seemed to be worse now that he’d been so thoroughly bested and defeated, all his warriors slain. Oh, and he had the trademark pointed ears of an elf…
“Hey, good job, Diana. You managed to spare their leader in all of that,” I praised. “Hello, Eredin Breacc Glas. I’ve heard so much about you. None of it good.”
“And yet I know not you, vermin,” Eredin spat.
“Geez, tell us how you really feel,” A mook joked in the background.
“He is. See, Lasso of Truth. So he’s just a nasty bastard at heart.”
“That’s a dark elf if I’ve ever seen one.”
“Ugh, leaf-loving fuckers…”
“Rock and stone?”
“Rock and stone!”
Diana prodded the elf with her foot, “Why do you Hunt, creature?”
“It is our right!” Eredin declared with unrighteous fervor. “The lesser races serve at the feet of the Aen Elle! It is the natural order! I have done no wrong! Nay, I have done my proper duty!”
“Why do you hunt me?” Ciri asked the elven leader, taking strength from the current situation and everyone’s support.
“For your Elder Blood, you unwashed plebian! The only thing of worth in your filthy HUMAN body! You would make a worthy tool for the Aen Elle, allowing us to once again begin our conquest of disparate worlds. You should be thankful — be a good little wretch and surrender to your betters! You cretin, you swine, you blighting churl-!”
“I’ve heard enough,” Didi’s voice was soft and quiet but it cut through Eredin’s vitriolic rant completely.
Diana stared down at the elf with plain disgust written on her face, “You are a disgrace to sentience.”
“Oh, just kill the poor excuse for a Fae already,” Constantine scoffed.
“I agree. But IT,” Didi said the word with layers of reproach. “Is not my soul to claim. Someone else must do the deed.”
“Ciri?” I asked gently. “You up for the task?”
Ciri nodded slowly but she didn’t hesitate for a moment, “I am. He is a monster, one that barely wears the skin of a man. It is my duty as Witcher to put him to the sword.”
“Brat,” Eredin sneered. “You wouldn’t dar-…”
He didn’t even finish his sentence. Ciri didn’t let him. Silver steel flashed from the scabbard on her hip, driving her dagger deep beneath the elf’s high-held chin and into his brain. The King of the Wild Hunt was dead before he could blink.
A few people in the audience had to turn away from the gruesome sight. But this was still Gotham. Death wasn’t an uncommon sight. At least this was a righteous killing, one even the heroes sanctioned. Still, to spare the squeamish, I banished Eredin’s body from the Dead End, casting it into the Void Between as an uneventful burial for a loathsome man.
“It is done,” Ciri simply said. “And now…
A weight lifted from her shoulders. Ciri stood straighter, taller, and more relaxed. At the same time, she looked a bit… lost. I’m sure she didn’t know what to do now. She was far from home and she likely didn’t even know where to begin with finding her way back.
I smiled at the young Witcher, “Now, you take the rest of the night off and decide what to do next in the morning. We might even be able to help you start finding your way back home. How would you like to stay for a drink, Ciri?”
Comments
Based_Bass
Hahaha I’m dying. That would be fantastic.
Sleepymoonfox
Sean should tell the story of when he met the devil from Cow and Chicken, the next time Lucifer comes around lmao
JaminLamin
Every chapter that gets posted here just keeps me at the edge of my seat to see what kind of insanity the author will bring in and I have to say...... Never disappointed so far XD
