dryskies_btb
patreon
Gotham's Dead End Bar Ch.33
🕑 Added 2024-03-13 15:59:08 +0000 UTCThe girls and I followed the Kents into their dining room. There we were greeted by the rest of the family. Three people — a woman and two younger boys. Oh, and a dog. Can’t forget the dog. Krypto the Superpup barked happily in greeting.
The woman stood, coming over to greet us. She was relatively unassuming but still beautiful. With short hair and slightly tanned skin, she carried herself in a way that said she meant business. Even during a casual affair like this dinner.
She gave us a friendly smile, “Barbara, it’s good to see you again. And I don’t think I’ve met you…”
“Sean. Sean Caine,” I replied as she trailed off. “I’m a friend of Kara’s. I run the Dead End bar in Gotham.”
She hit a closed fist against her open palm in realization, “Ah, that’s why you looked so familiar! I’ve heard about you from Vicki. Lois Lane-Kent. I’m Clark’s wife.”
“And a famous journalist,” I chuckled. “I’m honestly not surprised at all that you know Vicki. She’s exactly the type to have friends all over the country.”
“She is, isn’t she,” Lois smirked. “She’s told me some… interesting things about you, Mr. Caine. Interesting and unbelievable things…”
“Call me Sean. And again. That doesn’t surprise me. I like to think of myself as a rather unique individual.”
Kara giggled, “That’s one way of putting it.”
“Hmm… Not going to elaborate at all, are you, Sean?” Lois’ lips twitched into a smirk. “Fine, keep your secrets. I have ways of getting them out of you anyway.”
“You REALLY don’t want to go there,” Barbara warned. “Not with Sean.”
Lois out and out grinned, “Now, you’re just making me even more interested.”
“Reporter business counts as hero business in this house,” Ma chided. “Save it until after we eat.”
“As it should. Reporters and journalists truly are unsung heroes,” I nodded matter-of-factly.
Lois chuckled, “Oh, he’s charming, isn’t he, Clark?”
Clark’s lips twitched despite himself as he deadpanned, “Positively lovable.”
The older of the two boys came over to size me up. Maybe 17 at most, he was practically a carbon copy of Clark, already well on his way to being tall and classically handsome. He wore a plain black t-shirt with Superman’s symbol across his broad chest.
“So…” He grunted, a touch standoffish. “You’re Kara’s new squeeze?”
“Kara has a boyfriend~ Kara has a boyfriend~” The younger of the two boys singsonged, skipping over to the rest of us.
“He’s-! He’s not-!” Kara sputtered. “Argh~! Shut up, Jon!”
“Think you’re good enough for my cousin, do you?” The older boy asked, still slightly confrontational.
Lois rolled her eyes at her children’s antics, “Oh, do calm down, boys. Yes, that means you too, Conner. Stuff the attitude. Got it, mister?”
“… Yes, Mom,” Conner Kent grumbled.
The other boy — the younger one, no older than 12 at my best guess — had taken to flying around the dining room, giggling as he avoided his older Kryptonian cousin, “Yes, Mom~!”
“Children, it’s dinner time. Sit,” Ma said kindly, her voice not to be argued with.
In an instant, all of the Kryptonians in the room flashed into their proper seats at the table. Including Clark. It seems some habits die hard. Clark adopted a sheepish expression even though he hadn’t done anything wrong. Jon took the opportunity to laugh at his father as the rest of us smiled in amusement.
“Don’t be shy, Sean, Barbara,” Ma encouraged. “We’ve set a place for both of you next to Kara.”
“Oh no…” Kara whispered, paling as she realized the situation she’d put herself in. Barbara and I both smirked, sitting down on either side of her.
A traditional midwestern American spread was laid out on the table. A roast, plenty of sides and veggies, and a lone gravy boat filled to the brim. Everyone was served in quick order and Pa said a prayer. I wasn’t particularly religious and I was pretty sure the same could be said for Barbara after everything I’d put her through since we’d met but we were still respectful enough to bow our heads and say ‘Amen’.
After we’d broken bread and began to eat, I couldn’t contain the satisfied moan that escaped my mouth on the first bite. I didn’t want to either. Barbara wasn’t lying one bit. Ma Kent’s cooking really was THAT good. Traditional and nothing particularly unique but full of flavor and the homely quality that could only be described as ‘love’.
Ma smirked at me, “Damn right.”
Clark gaped at her for a moment, “Ma?!”
“It’s just always nice to have someone enjoy my cooking for the first time. Don’t let yourself get all twisted in a knot, Clark,” Ma said, casually dabbing her mouth with a napkin.
“But-…” Clark paused. “I just think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you curse, Ma.”
Pa barked a laugh, “We’re old, not saints, son.”
“If Grandma can curse, can I?” Little Jon asked ‘innocently’. I was 100 percent sure he knew EXACTLY what he was doing.
“Just try it and see what happens, little man,” Lois gave him a flat warning and a playful glare.
Jon giggled, testing his luck, “Fu-…!”
His older ‘brother’ — a clone of Clark but it was essentially the same thing — immediately slapped a hand over Jon’s mouth, glaring without any heat behind it, “Don’t get smart. I wanna be able to finish eating sometime in the next hour and I can’t do that if Mom’s chasing you around the table so she can spank your butt red.”
I smiled with soft amusement at the Kent family’s antics, “You have a wonderful family here, Clark. You should be proud of that.”
“I am very proud. We’ve had our ups and downs but I wouldn’t trade them for the world,” Clark said, matching my smile.
“It’s always a bit surprising to me that the family with actual superpowers is more functional than us Bats,” Barbara absently grumbled, feigning disgruntlement with her (quite literally) found family.
“I think both family models are good in their own way,” I observed. “The SuperFam is more homely and traditional but I certainly haven’t regretted settling down in your neck of the woods, Babs.”
“Gotham’s never boring, huh?” Pa asked, amused.
I chuckled, “Never. And the BatFam is certainly a big part of that. You should hear about the first time all of them — well, most of them — were in my bar together.”
Barbara groaned, bowing her head, “Oh, God… Headpats, a fashion show, and Bruce revealing his ‘me-me’ habit… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget that night.”
She only gave a hint of that night’s full story and still, the reactions were comical. Conner gaped at both of us, “His WHAT?!”
“Me-me?” Ma asked, slightly confused. “Like those cat pictures on the interwebs? I didn’t peg Bruce for the type…”
“I would have thought he’d be more into ‘BAT’ pictures,” Pa dad-joked.
Clark groaned, “I regret that I know perfectly well what she’s referring to. Bruce has gone into… worrying… detail with me about his ‘free time’ activities online.”
Lois just grinned, “Sounds like there’s one heck of a story there.”
“Most things around me involve ‘one heck of a story’,” I hummed. “This one happened pretty soon after I opened the bar. Barbara here had taken to visiting me almost every night. That’s one Bat. See if you can keep count.”
I continued, telling the story of the Bat Family’s first night at the Dead End. From Barbara listening to my story of Apokolips to Dick’s dramatic entrance. Then the brotherly bickering between him and Jason and the ‘fashion show’ it led to. Cass and Damian made an appearance in my short recounting. And then I told them about how Didi and I tamed just about half of the Bat Kids — Damian, Cass, and Barbara — with headpats.
Everyone at the table listened with polite interest ranging all the way to outright giggles in Jon’s case. Mirth and delight danced in Lois’ eyes as she held back the urge to laugh out loud like her youngest son. Ma and Pa smiled fondly and Clark shook his head in resigned amusement. Conner was still gaping at me in disbelief, especially as I told them about Bruce’s reveal.
“-It seems the Caped Crusader is quite busy online. He’s made an alt account of his into a conspiracy crackpot dedicated to ‘the butts match’ meme. Ivy couldn’t believe her ears,” I chuckled. “It turns out that he knows quite a few of my regular villains in his civilian identity as well. He seemed to enjoy himself that night, what with revealing his ‘prank’ and being able to talk peacefully with his usual Rogues. It’s a shame he hasn’t come back since.”
“That side of Bruce is a rare sight to see,” Clark sighed. “He tends to avoid putting himself in those situations if he can help it.”
“You forgot Alfred,” Barbara pointed out, snorting a laugh. “The faces Dick and Jason made when he caught them in those skimpy fashion show costumes. Heh, they’ll never live it down.”
“I’m sorry, Batman knows what a prank is?!” Conner asked incredulously, seemingly stuck on that part of the story.
Clark nodded, “You may not see it often but Bruce has a killer sense of humor.”
Conner looked as if his whole world had been turned upside down, “… Huh.”
“Wait, wait, back it up a bit,” Kara hurriedly protested. “Barbara got a whole night of headpats?! That’s so not fair!”
Barbara stuck her tongue out at her friend, “Suck it.”
Ma’s smile twitched teasingly, “Anything you’d like to tell us, Kara?”
Kara’s sudden pout disappeared in a squeak, “N-No! Yes…? Sean’s headpats are… nice… That’s all though!”
“Hmm,” Ma pretended to hum, turning to me. “Well, maybe we’ll get a better answer from the man himself. Tell us about yourself, Sean.”
“Specifically,” Pa grunted. “Tell us about your intentions for our daughter.”
Though the way he said it was gruff and intimidating, I could see the light enjoyment behind his eyes. He wasn’t actually trying to give me the ‘shovel talk’. At least, not entirely. I’m sure he did want to know my intentions with Kara but mostly, he was just teasing his adopted daughter.
Clark, however, sat up straight at the question. His focus turned into a laser. Not literally, thankfully, which was a very real possibility with Superman. But he was much more invested than Ma and Pa. There was a sense of very real danger there. Well… a very real danger for anyone else. I would be perfectly fine, even against the multiverse-punching being.
I shrugged, not showing any concern over Clark’s intent focus, “There’s a lot to tell about me but I think most of it would fall under the umbrella of ‘impolite dinner conversation’.”
Pa sliced into his roast, “Well, tell us what you can and we’ll revisit the rest later. The least you can do is reassure a pair of worried parents that you don’t mean to hurt their little angel.”
Kara blushed at Pa’s loving nickname, ducking her head and muttering under her breath, “And an overprotective cousin…”
Clark twitched in his seat, undoubtedly hearing the mumbled shot at him.
“Hurting Kara is the very last thing I intend to do,” I said firmly, leaving no room for doubt. “You can be completely confident that the universe will DIE before I break her heart.”
“H-H-Heart~?!” Kara squeaked. “No one said anything about hearts, dummy!”
Pa stared at me, examining every inch of my conviction and every syllable of my words. I met his gaze without shame or anything to hide. Eventually, he asked.
“So your intentions are romantic?”
“Romantic? I guess you could simplify it down to that… More accurately, I would prefer to say that I intend to help her grow as a woman — to bloom and blossom into the beautiful person we all know she can be. Romance is a part of that but I also want to show her everything I can. Which for me, is quite a lot.”
Pa nodded, satisfied, “Good. I suppose you’ll do for a son-in-law.”
“S-S-S-!” Kara sputtered, blushing up a mess.
Clark got out words before she could manage, “No, she’s too young! She shouldn’t even be THINKING about marriage at this point!”
“Don’t be a jerk, Kal! I’m older than you!” Kara shot right back, dropping the flustered blush that had overtaken her in her frustration.
“I don’t see the harm in a few dates to start,” Ma ‘considered’. “Kara is woefully inexperienced and I would quite like to see her step out of her comfort zone.”
“And what about Barbara?” Clark asked, his voice intense. “Bruce seems to think you two are close. Very close. Surely, you can’t mean to ‘romance’ both of them.”
I simply nodded, “Her as well.”
Clark was brought up short, stunned silent by my blunt reply. Barbara took Kara’s hand and waved, showing she was more than fine with our ‘arrangement’. Conner and Jon watched from the proverbial sidelines, their heads swiveling back and forth. Conner looked as if he was watching a trainwreck in action and Jon just grinned childishly like he was enjoying a movie.
Lois chortled, “How bold~…”
“And you’ll do right by them? Both of them?” Ma asked, her tone suddenly as intense as Clark’s.
“I will.”
She nodded, judging me true, “Then that’s just about all we can ask of you. Well, that and plenty of grandbabies.”
“G-Grandbabies~?!” Kara gasped. “Sean, we didn’t use protection when we held hands!”
The conversation paused as we all turned to stare at her. She fidgeted in her seat at the attention, “… What? Do I have something on my face?”
Ma sighed, “She’s not… completely wrong. Just, again, ‘woefully inexperienced’.”
Pa looked like he was trying very hard to hold back his laughter, “Yeah, maybe a boyfriend will be better for her than I thought.”
Clark turned to stare at his parents in shock, “How can you two be so okay with this? Two women?! And I know for a fact he has at least one more who runs the bar with him!”
“Because this isn’t their first rodeo,” I answered for them, nodding to Ma and Pa with respect. “Game recognizes Game.”
“W-What…?” A look of horror dawned on Clark’s face.
Pa just chuckled, “It was the 60’s, son.”
“Yes, it was a very different time,” Ma tittered behind her hand.
“Woodstock ’69, dear?” Pa grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at her.
“Oh, behave, you,” Ma playfully swatted her husband on the arm.
“Oh, God…” Clark buried his face in his hands. “Repress, repress. Ma and Pa definitely weren’t free-love hippies in their youth…”
Conner winced, “I think I’ve lost my appetite.”
“Can I have the rest of your plate then?” Jon asked, carefree as only a child could be.
“Knock yourself out.”
“Yippee~! Free seconds!”
“Honestly, Clark,” Lois said. “I don’t know why you’re so surprised. Your parents are their own people with whole lives before they had you. I know my dad has done some things that I don’t want to know about.”
“Not surprised,” Clark groaned. “Just something I could have gone my whole life without knowing or thinking about.”
“Oh, do grow up, Clark,” Ma chided gently. “Free love, good music, and a bit of experimental drugs are hardly the worst things we could have been into during our youths.”
“I get it! You don’t have to spell it out for me in detail,” Clark whined, sounding surprisingly petulant for a man in his early thirties.
“I don’t get it,” Kara cocked her head to the side. “Isn’t ‘free love’ the best kind of love? I don’t know if I’d want to pay for love.”
I patted her head, “Don’t worry, Kara, you’ll never have to pay for my love.”
Barbara smirked on Kara’s other side, “Yeah, Farm-Girl, we’ll teach you all about ‘free love’~”
The double dose of teasing brought Kara’s blush back to life, “Meep~!”
Pa nodded to me with respect, “I think that’s all I really needed to see. You have my blessing, Sean. Treat her well. Treat both of them well.”
“They’ll certainly never be bored with me, at the very least,” I chuckled.
“Might die early of conniptions though,” Barbara deadpanned.
Lois shook her head, amused, “Come on, now. He doesn’t seem nearly that bad.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet. Wait until after we leave the table. Knowing Sean, he won’t be able to resist telling one of his stories…” Barbara warned, her expression exaggerated and almost traumatized.
“Really?” Lois asked skeptically.
“Really,” Clark answered for Barbara, shuddering slightly. “The things I’ve heard at ‘work’… Well, let’s just say I’ve had to reconsider a few of my preconceptions of the world.”
Lois laughed a laugh that was almost a purr, “Now, you’re just trying to stoke my curiosity. Shall we adjourn to the den? I think I’d like to interview you, Sean.”
I looked to Ma for permission and she sighed, “I suppose we’ve made everyone wait long enough. Alright, everyone, finish your plates and then we’re all excused from the table. Let’s see what Sean has in store for us.”
“If it helps,” I said as I finished off the last of Ma’s delicious cooking. “One of the things I have in store for you all is dessert.”
“Dessert~?” Jon perked up at that. He quickly doubled his pace of eating, going from shoveling food into his mouth to practically inhaling it.
“Oh, you shouldn’t have, dear,” Ma said.
I smiled, “Please, it was no trouble.”
“What kind of dessert?” Kara asked the real questions.
My smile shifted, becoming knowing and a bit wicked, “Oh, just peach cobbler. Made with ingredients from my personal stash.”
The most audible reaction my statement got was a few hums of interest and appreciation. There were two exceptions to that reaction though. Barbara and Clark paled, taking notice of my smile shifting into a grin. They were the only ones who knew enough about me to realize that something from my ‘personal stash’ might just be cause for concern (along with Kara, though she was much too earnest to suspect me of foul play).
“Why do I have a bad feeling all of a sudden…?” Clark asked himself.
Barbara let out a long-suffering sigh, “Because you’ve read my reports about him.”
“I like peaches~!” Kara commented perkily as we all got up from the table and took the short trek into the Kent Family Den.
“That’s because you are one,” I teased. “Bright, perky, and delicious. I could just take a big bite out of you~”
She giggled and danced away as I reached for her with playful, tickling fingers. Cheating ever so slightly to keep up with her, I quickly caught her and hoisted her into my arms. Her giggles turned into playful shrieks as I absconded with her into the den ahead of the others.
Ma and Pa Kent watched us with fond amusement. Even Clark had a look of begrudging acceptance as he saw how happy Kara was. It also helped that Lois elbowed him in the rib lightly to prompt him to play nice.
Once everyone was in the den, we settled into a seating arrangement similar to the one we had around the dining table. I did have to conjure an extra sofa to make us all fit comfortably, sitting myself and Kara on my creation. Barbara took the seat next to us. Ma and Pa settled into armchairs on either side of the main couch in the den, while Clark and his family settled on the main couch itself.
There was a bit of surprise at my casual display of magic, Ma mumbling, “Oh my…”
“Magic?” Lois asked intently.
I nodded, “I’m an accomplished mage. Something like a bit of extra seating isn’t a big ask for me.”
Barbara snorted, “Knowing Sean, that’s underselling it. Didn’t you tell us you were Merlin that one night?”
Crickets could have been heard in the shocked silence that followed. Ma, Pa, and the Kent boys looked at me in confusion, trying to make sense of that one. Clark just sighed.
Lois blinked, “I’m… sorry…?”
“Likely not the same Merlin you’re thinking of,” I clarified. “Perhaps it would be best if I started my introduction over from the beginning.”
Still holding Kara in my lap as she squirmed playfully, I smiled at the rest of her family, “Hello, my True Name is Sean Caine. And I’m a serial reincarnator.”
“Huh?”
“Huh?”
“Huh?”
“Huh?”
“Huh?”
The reactions came almost as one, complete with heads tilting in confusion. Clark just sighed again, resigned to my whole… thing… at this point.
“That actually explains quite a lot. I’ve been working under the impression that you were just a very old and very well-traveled — on an existential level — immortal. But that assumption didn’t perfectly line up with some of the reports I’ve had on your stories so I was a bit lost.”
“Not immortal. At least, not technically,” I shook my head, explaining. “There have been a few lives where I’ve been practically immortal. But in the end, I’ve always died and had my soul move on to a different life in another place.”
“How many… times have you died…?” Lois asked, a bit incredulously but willing to trust her husband when it came to things of this nature.
“68,” I answered bluntly. “This is my 69th life and I intend to settle down here, one way or another.”
“Heh, Nice,” Conner couldn’t stop himself from snorting a laugh. Ma’s disapproving frown dissuaded him from taking it any further though.
“You never mentioned that,” Barbara said, somewhat surprised. “I always just assumed you’d continue on your journey at some point far, far in the future. How do you intend to do otherwise if — as you said — you’re not ACTUALLY immortal.”
I glanced over and gave her a smirk, “Have you forgotten who Didi is? She’s my anchor to this universe and I’ve made sure to talk about my future plans with her. I’m not going anywhere, Babs. Didi wouldn’t let me.”
“Who is Didi?” Ma asked. She and Pa seemed to be dealing with my reveal remarkably well. I suppose that was par for the course when your first son literally fell from the sky and went on to inspire a whole generation of superheroes.
“Death of the Endless,” I said as casually as if I was just stating the weather. “I’m her prince consort. And she’s my… Well, she’s my Didi.”
My feelings on the subject were clearly audible in my voice. Love and plain unconditional affection. Respect and even now, no small amount of awe.
“I’m sorry…” Conner’s voice was strained as he asked. “Did you say ‘Death’? Like, Grim Reaper, Skull and Bones, Kill Everything and Everyone ‘Death’?!”
Kara pouted on Didi’s behalf, “Didi’s nothing like those things! She’s actually really, really nice! And I’m glad to call her my friend!”
I nodded in agreement, defending my prime waifu, “The myths, legends, and preconceptions around Didi are overly exaggerated and greatly misrepresented. Though… she is still the quite literal personification of Death.”
“Oh, dear,” Ma muttered. “Perhaps a heavy conversation like this would be best continued over dessert, yes?”
“Yeah, pie~!” Jon chimed, instantly forgetting all of the worrying big words and concepts in favor of dessert.
“Sean said it was a cobbler, actually,” Lois absently corrected, lost in thought and not quite as eager to change the subject as her son was.
Jon’s face scrunched up in confusion, “The pie makes shoes now?”
That was enough to make Lois snort in surprise. It also successfully pulled her attention away from the heavy stuff. The concepts and implications that came with my reveal. She smiled at her youngest, ruffling his hair, “Nice one, little man.”
I pulled the dessert from my soul. It was just something I’d whipped up real quick after Kara first invited me to dinner. I didn’t want to come empty-handed, even knowing that no one would blame me for it. It wasn’t all that much effort. Besides, I liked cooking. Always had and I likely always would. There was just something special about sharing the fruits of your labor in such a concrete way.
The cobbler itself was a large dish, more than enough to share with everyone. A layer of perfect golden pastry was laid overtop it, baked to perfection as if by magic. It was, in fact, magic. And not just the baking that went into the sweet dessert dish.
As usual, I couldn’t resist aiming to impress and blow socks off. The ingredients I used for the cobbler were anything but mundane. But surprisingly enough, they were all from a single lifetime of my many travels. A life of Qi and Cultivation, of young masters and jade beauties. A life where one could go from rank 8 ping pong to rank 2 ching chong, still 100 ranks Heavenly Golden Dragon God Emperor Star Ancestor…
Water from one Fountain of Youth or another. Flour milled from grain farmed on the Fields of Elysium. Milk and butter from True Beast Cows that grazed on entire solar systems at a time. Salt from the Seas of Time. Sugar from plantations cultivated by gods. And the crowning jewel ingredient: Peaches of Immortality from peach trees that bore fruit once every 3000 years.
With all of the heavenly ingredients, the dessert had been stored in my soul for a reason. I needed to ‘digest’ it somewhat so the energy within didn’t make anyone who ate it explode. The Kryptonians would likely be fine, considering their relationship with solar energy was essentially a form of cultivation if a very, very primitive one. But with a little extra help from me, even mundane humans could enjoy the dessert.
Even then, the sight of the heavenly cobbler was certainly an impressive one, “Sean… Why is the pie glowing gold…?”
“Cobbler,” I corrected Barbara with a smirk. “And I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Barbara stared at me, incredulous and exasperated, “It’s glowing, Sean. And I’m pretty sure I can feel that ‘Ki’ stuff you have me working with from it.”
My smirk didn’t waver an inch as I gave a non-answer, “How strange.”
“It’s safe, right…?” Lois asked, surprisingly only a bit hesitant.
“Perfectly,” I nodded. “The ingredients used are simply a bit… better than usual.”
“Your personal stash!” Kara realized.
“That ‘personal stash’ wouldn’t happen to have been collected during your… other lives… would it?” Clark asked.
“It might,” I smirked.
“Hmm, I don’t know how I feel partaking in such an obviously magical dish,” Ma hummed.
Pa grinned at her, “Come on, now, Martha. Strange ‘magical’ edibles? Why, we’re practically reliving our youth.”
Ma chuckled, matching his grin, “Oh, you silver-tongued devil, you. Well, I suppose I wouldn’t want to be rude…”
There weren’t any further protests as I cut up the cobbler and served everyone by magic. Plates floated to and fro across the Kent Family Den, laden with heavenly dessert. Once everyone had a plate and fork, I took the first bite to show it was fine.
“Go on. It’s as amazing as always. You don’t want to miss out on dessert like this,” I encouraged.
Kara and Jon were the first to take me up on the offer, trusting me wholeheartedly with innocence unmatched. As soon as their bites hit their tongues, they stilled. Almost as one, they both moaned at the flavor and began DEVOURING the rest. The others followed their example and soon found themselves in similar situations, eating with differing levels of haste.
Barbara and Conner joined Kara and Jon in practically inhaling their plates. The adults took the time to savor their plates, enjoying the bites no less than their younger companions. I smiled fondly, relishing the feeling of serving out happiness by the forkful.
“My goodness,” Ma muttered between bites. “What ARE these peaches? They’re simply divine!”
“That description might be more accurate than you realize,” I replied with a light laugh.
“Sean…” Barbara tried to glare at me. The effect was greatly diminished by how quickly she was still eating.
I just hummed, “Hmm, have any of you heard of the Journey to the West?”
“The Chinese fable?” Lois asked.
“Well, these are Peaches of Immortality. Quite similar to the ones from that story,” I explained.
My answer brought the adults up short. Barbara just adorably tried to redouble her glare at me. Lois and Clark slowed their eating but couldn’t bring themselves to stop. The only one who could was Ma Kent, surprisingly enough. She paused and looked longingly at her plate, torn between deliciousness and looking as if she wished she could give back what she’d already eaten.
She turned up to stare at me with soft eyes, “Oh, Sean, we can’t accept this…”
“Please, I insist. I made the cobbler specifically for you and your family. And what’s a little immortality between future family?” I waved away her denial dismissively.
Pa chewed slowly, swallowing, “… Well, it seems I’ll finally have time to get back into woodworking.”
I smiled earnestly at him, “That’s the spirit! Just enjoy the extra time you have now. You — all of you — deserve it more than most. You’ve done more for this world than you can possibly know. Yes, even you, Martha. So spend time on hobbies and your family. And know that no matter what, I’ll be here to help you get used to the trappings of what is essentially immortality.”
“It’s… very strange to achieve something that some many people — so many who I’ve fought against, even — desire as easily as this,” Clark mused slowly.
“You already had it,” I pointed out. “Kryptonians aren’t technically immortal but under a yellow sun, it’s pretty damn close. You would have outlived those you loved by a large margin, Clark. I’m just evening the playing field. Righting one of life’s little inequalities, you could say.”
Barbara glared at her now-empty plate, “Didi isn’t going to be pissed with me for trying to cheat her now, is she?”
I shook my head, “You’re hardly cheating her. Didi doesn’t have a problem with immortals. They’re actually a natural part of her order. No, Didi has a problem with those who CHEAT her. Those who die and come back against her will. Those who prey upon other lives to further their own. Those who wish to make a fool of Death…”
“Well…” Lois said, swallowing her last bite and setting her fork down with deceptive calmness. “We’re immortal now.”
“And that’s that,” I smiled, nodding matter-of-factly. “LIFE goes on. I’ve found that the best approach to immortality is not focusing on the years to come but to focus on the here and now. To focus on every day, knowing you don’t have to worry about never seeing another one.”
Ma’s expression was thoughtful — weathered and wiser for it as she considered the prospect of living ‘forever’. One thing seemed to decide her feelings on the matter, “Oh my… Think of all the grandbabies…”
“Generations upon generations of grandbabies,” I agreed sagely. “Immortality doesn’t make the losses any easier. Nothing does. Loss is just a natural part of Life and Death. But what immortality does do is let you experience so much more of the good that makes loss hurt as it does. In my opinion, that’s worth all the pain in the world.”
Kara actually teared up at my words, “You make it sound so pretty, Sean.”
I patted her head, soothing the Kryptonian angel in my lap, “That’s because Life is beautiful, Farm-Girl. You’ve met Didi, you should know that much instinctively.”
“I don’t feel all that different,” Conner frowned.
“I’m feeling a bit chipper but still basically the same,” Pa agreed.
“I guess you’ll just have to take me at my word,” I smiled. “Or if you’re still unconvinced, I could always have Didi confirm it for you.”
Clark shuddered almost imperceptibly at my offer, “I don’t think that will be necessary. In the short term, this doesn’t change all that much. And in the long term… well, we’ll just have to wait and see for ourselves.”
“What a shame… Didi would love you and your family, Clark,” I couldn’t resist poking just a bit of fun at the fact that he was obviously uncomfortable with Didi’s true nature.
“I think I would like to meet the woman you hold so highly at some point, Sean,” Ma considered aloud. “Still, perhaps we should touch upon lighter topics to help everyone digest their meals and everything you’ve already revealed.”
Lois jumped on the changed subject, “Then let’s hear about one of Sean’s lives. Vicki couldn’t shut up about you and your stories last time we spoke. I thought she was babbling and rambling about nonsense but having now met you… Yeah…”
“Alright, I can do that,” I chuckled. “I’ll keep things light for after-dinner conversation. Hmm… Perhaps a tale of someone Kara reminds me so much of? Yes, I think Ruby’s story will do…
“It all started when the Gods of Light and Darkness abandoned the world…”
“Oh dear,” Ma muttered, giving me a pointed look.
“You’ve got a funny definition of ‘light’, son,” Pa snorted a laugh.
Barbara sighed, “Dammit, Sean, you always do this.”
I laughed, “Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t resist. Really, the story is much more wholesome than I made it seem with that first line. It was a world bathed in Darkness but I’ll only tell you about my time in the Light that it had to offer.”
Before I could continue my story, Lois came at me with a rapid-fire barrage of questions fit for a proper journalist, “Other worlds are real? Parallel dimensions?”
“Yes. And something like that.”
“Did this world have heroes? Villains?”
“It had Hunters and Huntresses. They stood against the encroaching Darkness for those who could not in a constant battle of Good vs. Evil.”
“Powers?”
“Yes, many. Even magic, though it had long since died out for the majority of the population.”
“And your role in this constant battle between good and evil?” Lois asked intensely, really getting into her questioning now and enjoying herself.
I smirked with amusement, “I was a teacher at one of the four schools in the world that taught Hunters and Huntresses. Will that be all, Mrs. Lane? May I actually tell my story now?”
That brought Lois up short and she blushed slightly in embarrassment, “Ah… I seem to have gotten a bit carried away. This is just all fascinating to me. My apologies. Please, Sean, go on.”
I laughed, “Alright, so it really all started when my little nephew ran away from home to be a Hunter. It was a stupid thing for him to do. Really stupid. And I couldn’t have been more proud of him. Jaune was… well, ‘sheltered’ is probably the least drastic way I could put it. I loved my sister from that life — still do — but having seven girls and one boy might have made her a bit overprotective of her only son.”
Pa whistled, “Seven. Now, ain’t that something.”
Ma sighed dreamily, “How nice…”
Lois had the opposite reaction, “Oh God… I could never.”
“Kara reminds me of Jaune too, now that I think about it,” I mused. “Mostly because of the golden-blonde hair and how sheltered they both are.”
“I’m not sheltered,” Kara pouted. “Am I?”
“Kara. Farm-Girl,” Barbara said, placing a comforting hand on Kara’s shoulder and laying it out straight for her. “You’re so sheltered you might as well be a house.”
“And we love you for it,” I added, making sure to squeeze Kara in a hug to get my point across. “So anyway, Jaune left home and made his way across an entire continent in pursuit of his dream of being a Hunter. He came to Beacon — the school I taught at —, forged papers to get himself in, and just took a gigantic leap of faith.”
I chuckled, “The best part was that everyone on the staff knew his papers were fake. Jaune didn’t even know I worked there when he applied so I was easily able to call his lie. But Beacon’s Headmaster let him through anyway. And he did end up passing the initiation process. He even became the leader of a Huntress team of his own.”
“You must have been very proud of him,” Ma nodded, smiling softly.
“Proud. And utterly furious,” I shook my head fondly. “There was absolutely no way he should have passed the initiation.”
“Gee, faith in your nephew, much?” Conner snarked.
I gave him a flat stare, “Let’s put it this way. The initiation started by being launched off a cliff. And at that time, Jaune didn’t even have his Aura unlocked — the power of his Soul. So a young baseline human was launched off a 200+ foot cliff into a forest full of monsters.”
Conner winced, “Ah.”
“That initiation seems… irresponsible, to say the least,” Barbara commented.
I shook my head again, “He ended up surviving — and even thriving — by some miracle and some good friends but I certainly had… words with the Headmaster after that stunt. Still, it was the first step for Jaune toward his dream. He was officially a Hunter-in-training. And he only freaked out a little bit when he found out I worked there too!”
A little flutter of my fingers had a scene from my memories play out on the coffee table between us all…
“U-U-Uncle Sean?!” Jaune gasped.
“You’re in so much trouble, mister…” The version of me in the scene ‘growled’.
“Oh, dang. Oh, heck. Oh, frick!” Jaune whimpered and worried frantically.
‘I’ laughed, “I’m just messing with you Jaune. I’m not going to tell your mother… yet.”
The scene came to a close as ‘I’ gave Jaune a proud and somewhat ominous clap on the shoulder.
“Was he wearing armor… over a hoodie…?” Barbara asked slowly and incredulously.
“It was his favorite hoodie!” I defended my nephew from another life.
Conner made a show of examining Kara, “Yeah, I can kind of see the resemblance.”
“Hey!” Kara pouted. “I’m not nearly that knight-y!”
“Well, I think he looks like a lovely young man,” Ma said matter-of-factly. “He looks like he visits his grandma frequently instead of just when he’s forced to with the rest of his family.”
Conner winced and looked away. Jon made a ‘ooh-ing’ taunting noise like only younger siblings could, “Ohhhhhhhh! Nice burn, Grandma~!”
Chuckles followed as Conner glared at his younger brother. Ma gave him a soft, fond smile to reassure him that there were no hard feelings, “I’d just like to see you boys more often. Especially now that we don’t have time left to worry about.”
“… Alright, Grandma,” Conner mumbled dutifully.
“So you were just a teacher that life, Sean?” Barbara asked, getting things back on track. “Nothing else of note happened?”
“Well, there was the time later in that year when I stopped an invasion of what were essentially shadow demons from destroying the whole school,” I hinted with a smirk. “But I’m trying to keep things light here. So instead I’ll tell you about Jaune’s classmates and the wholesome school antics they all got up to as they were training to save the world.”
Barbara groaned, “Okay, yeah, I brought that one on myself.”
I continued, “Specifically, I want to tell you all about Ruby — the girl I said Kara reminds me of. She was younger than usual for a Huntress-in-training but so talented that she made it work anyway. And she was just an absolute cinnamon roll. She lit up every room she walked into.”
Another scene started to play above the coffee table, this one a montage from some of my memories of Ruby Rose…
“I don’t want to be the bee’s knees! I don’t want to be any kind of knees! I just want to be a normal girl with normal knees…”
“I don’t need people to help me grow up. I drink milk!”
“Cookies!”
“L-L-LEWD!!!”
“Justice will be swift! Justice will be painful! And it will be DELICIOUS~!”
“The resemblance is truly uncanny,” Clark marveled as the last scene of Ruby faded.
“I like her,” Kara simply said.
“She’s just precious,” Ma agreed, placing a hand on her cheek.
“Pfft~!” Barbara guffawed. “Pint-sized Farm-Girl! And what was that last scene even about? ‘Justice will be delicious’? Hahaha~!”
A grin grew across my face, wicked and ominous, “Oh? Are you interested in the tale…? Very well. Let me tell you of the legend… of the Beacon Cafeteria Food Fight and how I turned it into an all-out Food War that engulfed the whole school…”
Barbara just facepalmed, “God dammit, Sean…”
Comments
Alexander Brown
I’m still waiting on a full telling of the food war between Sean and the beacon students
JaminLamin
author is a certified sseth viewer confirmed XD, Hello fellow "people".
Based_Bass
“Rank 8 ping pong to rank 2 Ching Chong” is outta pocket. That’s gonna live rent free in my head 😂😭
KickedElm0
Weponized food
Kazahana
I don't hate it. The animation just made my eyes feel like there was sand paper in it.
TheLazyBear
FOOD WAR!!! 🤩
jp9901
Now Sean and Clark need to hug it out!
BurglarOfTurds
I'm sad that so many people seem to hate rwby lol
Divine Poodle
10/10 that food fight scene is the best fight sceme I've ever seen
Delltree100
Now i understand why superman like lois. Amazing chapter author sama.
Dylan A
I love this story it is easily one of my favorites! Thank you so much keep it up
ExodiaTheForbiddenOne
Damn Lois has got it going on Clark is a lucky man amazing chapter as always keep it up man !
