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Gotham's Dead End Bar Ch.35
🕑 Added 2024-03-19 23:13:20 +0000 UTCClark Kent didn’t quite know how to feel about one Sean Caine. The man was… vexing. As frustrating as he was likable. And just an utter walking enigma. He didn’t go against EVERYTHING Clark thought he knew about the world. But he did turn more than a few of Clark’s preconceived notions on their head.
A reincarnator? Fine. Sure. Clark supposed he had seen much stranger. A serial reincarnator? Now, that started getting a bit iffy. Clark could comprehend someone getting reincarnated once. But being reincarnated over and over again — 68 times, if Sean’s count was to be believed —, always in the same body due to existential shenanigans that Clark was sure he didn’t understand… That was another story entirely.
In the same line of thought, there were Sean’s claims of what and where each of those lives were. At least there, Clark understood parallel worlds and knew them to be real. But knowing they were real wasn’t the same thing as learning that many of them were fictional and that there were entire other multiverses outside of their own.
Then there was Sean’s relationship with Death. Death — Didi — herself had been enough of a surprise. It wasn’t every day that Clark was made to think about complex and intricate existential issues like personified concepts. He always was terrible with magic…
And yet, Didi was the real deal. As were her siblings, though Clark hadn’t met any of them. According to the League’s magical experts, the beings known as the Endless were so far above anything that the League or Clark could bring to bear that it wasn’t even funny. And they were inherently ‘right’ in their power, a core part of the natural order of the universe. Not something that mere heroes could stand and fight against.
What Clark had been left with after the League’s first meeting about Sean was a strongly shaken perspective and more than a bit of confusion. Truly neutral parties were something of a rarity in his line of work. Sean loved to preach his neutrality, it seemed. And as far as any of them could tell, if Sean wasn’t ‘true neutral’ he was at the very least positively benign.
Clark could recognize the good Sean was doing with his ‘neutrality’ and the Dead End. A space for heroes and villains to gather and relax went a long way toward deconstructing the usual game in Gotham. It made the whole relationship in the city feel much more casual. Open to compromise. It was just strange to see beings of such power take this route with said power.
Clark had been more than happy to let the man known as Mr. Barkeep keep doing what he was doing in Gotham. Then Sean met Kara and expanded his bar’s reach. After the first report the League received about Sean, they hadn’t stopped coming. And now, Clark had a personal stake in Sean’s business.
Dinner with Sean and the Kents had been… interesting. That was the only word Clark could use to describe it. Clark had been so ready to hate the man when he met him. But he quickly found that he just couldn’t. Not completely, at least.
When Clark looked at Sean, he saw a bright and charming young man. He knew a positively Eldritch being of many lives lurked under the surface but that knowledge didn’t make Sean feel any different than anyone else. If anything, it made him more relatable. More human.
He still didn’t like Kara and Sean’s relationship. Others may call him overprotective of one of his last living family members. And he was. Even Clark recognized that. That didn’t make it any easier to see his baby cousin — older than him — grow up.
Kara was so pure. So innocent. A Kryptonian angel. Clark was having trouble coming to terms with the fact that she was more than entitled to romantic relationships of her own. Because even now when he looked at her, all he saw was that girl from the pod — lost and confused yet still so bright in the new world she’d found herself in.
Ma and Pa were much more willing to accept the fact that Kara was a grown woman in her own right now. They’d given Sean and Kara their blessing — even despite the ‘unique’ relationships Sean shared with other women. Clark still wasn’t fully convinced. But he couldn’t deny that Sean made his baby cousin happy.
He also couldn’t deny that Sean had helped their family immensely in a way Clark couldn’t quite put into words. The peaches and the immortality they’d imparted so casually… Well, everyone was as conflicted as they were thankful.
Clark hadn’t put much thought into the future, into what Ma and Pa’s death would mean for him and their family. The peaches took an unnoticed weight off his chest in that regard — doubly so when it came to Lois. The thought of outliving his wife, of staying the same while she grew old and gray twisted Clark’s heart in his chest.
He hadn’t consciously realized that was the path they were going down before the peaches. What with his longevity and her… lack. The boys would have long outlived their mother as well. It was a sobering thought. Thankfully, it wasn’t a problem post-peaches.
So yes, Clark’s feelings about Sean were conflicted. Very conflicted. Intense gratitude combined with resigned irritation. It didn’t help that he seemed to be the butt of the jokes around Sean too. Clark just knew Sean had convinced Barry to retrieve him in the way he did, a little playful jab at his confidence.
The scene he was brought before was helping Clark’s conflicted feeling — if only a little bit. At least Sean wasn’t like this Savage fellow. Good Rao, the world wouldn’t survive if he was…
The words spoken in the arena were heard clearly in the viewing box, “Ah, pre-battle banter! The most holy of traditions!”
“Sooo… Does anyone know who this guy is supposed to be?” Harley asked.
“Yes, everything happened a bit quickly back in the bar. I’m sure more than a few of us were left confused,” Ivy added, smiling slightly in amusement.
Didi took the opportunity to introduce the Dead End’s latest guest, “Vandal Savage — born Vandar Adg.”
Boomerang’s nose scrunched up in Aussie confusion, “The fuck kinda name is ‘Adg’?”
“A very, very old one,” Didi answered, unbothered by the interruption. “Vandal Savage is the oldest human alive. He was born just after humanity settled lands outside of Africa. He has earned the title of ‘First Man’.”
“Oh…” Jason muttered. “Oh shit. That’s, uh… That’s pretty old.”
“And you’re… cool… with him, Didi?” Flash — Barry — asked.
Didi cocked her head slightly, “Yes? I don’t know why I wouldn’t be. He’s merely immortal. I am Endless. I will get him eventually. As with all things.”
A round of shudders and shivers broke out through the viewing box at Didi’s words — cool and impartial but not unkind. Clark was not immune to the effect. Didi seemed so normal and unassuming. Up until something like that happened.
“So the First Man burst into the bar unannounced, challenged Sean to a duel, and they’re now… bantering?” Barbara asked, setting the facts straight.
“He wasn’t unannounced,” Didi giggled lightly. “He sent a letter to Sean ahead of time. It seems he wishes to be friends.”
“Awww, that’s kind of cute,” Kara cooed.
“Very ‘unique’ way to make friends,” Bruce grunted gruffly.
Diana smirked at her friend and colleague, “As if you’re one to talk.”
“Hn,” Bruce didn’t even try to argue.
“This is certainly an interesting sequence of events,” Penguin commented. “At least we’ll get an interesting duel out of it.”
“And a new story too after the duel is done, I’ll bet,” Catwoman chortled.
“Oh, joy,” Three of the Bat Kids — Barbara, Jason, and Tim — deadpanned the same thing at the same time in perfect synch.
“I see this as an absolute win!” Diana laughed. “Especially now that we’re here to partake in the festivities!”
Bruce’s expression didn’t flinch an inch as if it was set in stone, “I have work that needs to be done.”
Clark agreed but he’d never miss an opportunity to get Bruce to relax, “Just paperwork. It can wait. Let’s just see where this takes us.”
Bruce glowered at Clark but again, didn’t argue, “Hn.”
“Okay, but is this banter utterly fascinating to anyone else?” Riddler asked, leaning forward in his seat as he watched the goings on down on the arena floor.
“Damn, they’re really goin’ at each other,” Harley whistled. “Ya know, with words and stuff. I thought they were gonna be doing it with those swords instead but this is cool too I guess.”
“It’s crazy that they’re still making themself seem classy,” Jason added.
“Even that ‘Did your mom’ jab?” Tim asked sarcastically.
“Okay, maybe classy isn’t quite the right word…”
“‘Ligma’? Oh, God… Sean, don’t-…” Barbara facepalmed before being cut off by what came next.
“LIGMA BALLS.”
The two words and their effect were felt even in the viewing area. Like a gust of wind from a hurricane far, far away. Jaws dropped as they saw what two simple words did to Savage. They savaged him, throwing him across the whole arena.
There was only one thing to say to Sean’s Vicious Mockery, “Oh, damn…”
Bruce just sighed, “I’ll add it to his file.”
“What’s his threat rating again? And why is it not higher?” Clark asked.
Barbara snorted, “As if we have a rating high enough to be accurate. He’s already Apollyon-class and I still think that’s too low. Especially with what Didi would do if some harm was to come to Sean.”
Didi nodded matter-of-factly, saying simply, “I would be quite upset.”
“… Fuck,” A single gruff word from Bruce summed up how everyone else felt about that prospect.
Down in the arena, Savage leaped back to his feet and charged at Sean. He instantly became a blur that only the most powerful in the audience could accurately track. It was fast enough that even the Fastest Man Alive let out a low whistle.
“Damn, that’s kind of impressive. Just under the speed of sound in a single kick. And Sean doesn’t seem to be having any trouble keeping up with him. Honestly, they both seem kind of relaxed. I doubt they’re trying their best.”
“That’s… kind of worrying,” Clark commented.
“With Sean? What else is new?” Barbara joked.
“How the Hell are we watching this if they’re moving so fast?” Riddler asked in awe and disbelief.
“Magic,” Ivy just shrugged as if that answered any and all questions. “It’s Sean and the Dead End. We probably wouldn’t understand it even if he explained it to us.”
“Wooooooo~!” Harley cheered, leaping out of her seat. “Kick his big Conan-lookin’ ass, Gothboy~! Call me a ‘jester wench’, will ya?! We’ll show you, you hammy bastard~!”
A mook snapped his fingers in the background, “That’s who he reminded me of!”
“Red~! Girl-Bat~! Help me out here~!”
“Yes, dear,” Ivy agreed dutifully with a healthy dose of audible amusement.
“I know I’m going to regret asking this but help you with what?” Barbara groaned.
“Cheerleading Team Gothboy Harem, duh~!” Harley answered as enthusiastically as ever. “Grab Super-Angel too~! Didi, you want in on this?”
“I suppose,” Didi said, remarkably calm for someone dealing with Harley Quinn.
“Guess we’re doing this,” Barbara sighed. “C’mon, Kara, you’re coming with me.”
“Eep~!”
“Good hustle, girls~!” Harley nodded, a whistle in her mouth that had been pulled from… somewhere. “Team huddle~!”
Everyone else in the viewing area watched with palpable bemusement, pushed into the background as Harley took control of the space. Her energy and enthusiasm were impossible to deny. The women associated with Sean gathered in a tight huddle off to one side of the viewing area. One unexpected face snuck her way into the huddle as well.
“Cass, no,” Barbara said firmly.
“╰(▔∀▔)╯” Cass smiled, the picture of innocence. ‘Cass, yes! Besides, Jason ruined my splash zone seats. I demand compensation! Letting Mr. Barkeep see me in a cheerleader outfit is a good start, at the very least.’
The ‘huddle’ hadn’t yet closed ranks so Jason was able to ‘hear’ Cass disparage him, “You were sitting right in between them! In between that! ‘Splash zone’ doesn’t apply when it’s a swordfight at the speed! Of fucking! Sound!!”
“⸨◺_◿⸩” Cass glared at him. ‘Don’t talk to me yet, fun-ruiner…’
Ignoring their byplay, Harley asked Cass a single question, playing into her role as Team Gothboy Harem’s ‘coach’, “You got the right moxie for the job, kid?”
“（＾ω＾）7” Cass popped off an honest-to-God salute. ‘You can count on me, coach!’
“Good enough for me~! Right, we’ve gotta be quick about this. Red? Can you make us uniforms and pompoms? I’ve got an idea for a routine-…” The huddle ‘officially’ closed ranks after that. And while Clark could have listened in, he was much too much of a gentleman to do so.
Focused back on the fight in the arena, Diana chuckled to herself. It was a strange sort of sound to Clark’s ears. Not because he was unused to hearing her laugh. But he was unused to hearing her laugh in THIS way. It was a subtle thing but undeniably thrilled, full of anticipation, and more than a little ‘impolite’ excitement.
“Ohohohoho~… He is good~” In fact, Diana was practically purring her words.
“Savage or Caine?” Bruce asked, somehow undisturbed by what Diana’s laugh hinted at.
“Hmm~? Oh, both. But I already had my sights set on Sean. While Savage is an impressive specimen, I do not believe we would get along. Our ambitions would clash. Something that is not likely to be an issue with Sean,” Diana answered.
“That much is true, at least,” Clark nodded. “He doesn’t strike me as the ambitious type.”
“I suspect that is due to this being his ‘retirement life’,” Bruce commented. “According to him, at least. If we caught him in another life, I doubt he would be so relaxed.”
Clark paused for a moment to consider that, “… Shall we agree to never do anything to bring him out of retirement?”
“Yes, I think that’s the last thing anyone needs,” Bruce deadpanned.
“Speak for yourself,” Diana chuckled huskily.
Barry laughed, “Damn, girl! are we going to have to put a chastity belt on you, D?”
Diana’s eyes flashed dangerously, “Try it if you dare. I shall return the favor in kind. And no key will release you from the chastity of my revenge.”
Barry mimed zipping his lips shut in an instant, “Mhmm!”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone fight like that. Like either of them,” Catwoman absently mused.
Thankfully for Barry’s sake, that distracted Diana from her glare, “They are easily the best swordsmen I’ve seen in action. Even my mother would be forced to admit defeat. Perhaps even Ares and the other gods as well.”
“Bugger me!” Boomerang exclaimed. “I think I can see why he’s the lucky cunt getting down ’n dirty with Death now.”
In the arena, Savage made his dramatic switch from left hand to right. The audience was left speechless for a moment. Penguin was the first to find his voice.
“He’s been pulling a ‘Princess Bride’ the entire time?!”
“Classic,” Bruce grunted.
“And coming from B, that means you know it’s good,” Tim quipped.
“Uh… Is Mr. Barkeep left-handed?” A mook asked a very pressing question.
Riddler was the first to put the pieces together and laugh to himself in disbelief, “Unbelievable. Just unbelievable.”
“What are the odds they’ve both seen the movie?” Two-Face asked.
Penguin cackled, “Considering that Sean just pulled the same stunt back on Savage? Pretty damn good!”
The duel took on a new life now that both Sean and Savage were fighting with their proper hands. Even with whatever enchantments were in the arena, the baseline humans in the audience could barely keep up with the action. Each blow felt as if it shook the whole Colosseum, clanging steel resounding like the world’s most vicious symphony.
Diana experienced a damn-near orgasmic shudder in her seat at the redoubled combat, “Ooo~hhhh~ yes~… Come to mama~… Such pace~ Such power~ Such prowess~ By the gods, Sean~! You do not disappoint~”
It was disturbing enough that Clark subconsciously shifted away from her slightly. He was quite fond of his warrior princess friend. But that didn’t mean he needed to see her, err… making a mess of herself, so to speak.
“Awww~! Did I miss a ‘Princess Bride’ switch?” Harley asked, coming back into the picture to watch the fight as it continued to intensify.
“Yes, it was quite something to watch-!” Clark turned to answer her and choked on his words. “Rao-dammit! What are you wearing, Kara?!”
Kara’s whole outfit had changed in the short time that Clark’s attention was elsewhere. Her usual costume was gone, seemingly to the wind. In its place, a cheerleader’s outfit was (quite literally) grown onto her body.
Leaves, vines, and flowers provided the illusion of decency. They grew in the shape of a short and tight top that perfectly hugged and supported her torso — breasts and all — with ivy trailing down her arms. Her toned tummy was left bare for the world to see. Below the plant-based top, a tight and way-too-damn-short skirt ‘covered’ her lower half.
The other girls wore similar outfits, demonstrated by Harley doing a little spin to show off, “You like it, Boy-Scout?”
“No! God, no! You’ve made my baby cousin look like some kind of-! Of-!”
“Beautiful and confident young woman?” Ivy asked pointedly, raising her eyebrow in a challenge and finishing Clark’s protest before he could shove his foot further into his mouth.
“I-I like it…” Kara added in a small, nervous voice.
Barbara glared at him, “And that’s all that really matters. Isn’t it, ‘big cousin’?”
“ヾ( ·`⌓´·)ﾉﾞ” Cass threw her hands up in anger. ‘Don’t harsh her vibe, man! Let a girl feel pretty for once in her life!”
Clark sputtered, going to protest even more. Bruce laid a hand on his arm to stop him, shaking his head, “Don’t. You’re not going to win this one. You wouldn’t want to anyway. The outfits may be a bit… risque but the girls aren’t doing anything wrong.”
“W-Wha-… What happened to your costume?” Clark asked, trying for a more ‘diplomatic’ approach.
“Didi took care of it. It’s not gone or anything,” Barbara answered, her glare at him redoubling. “And before you ask, no, we didn’t expose ourselves while ‘changing’. Ivy just grew the new outfits right onto us.”
“Yes, it’s no issue to store our original clothes until our little flight of fancy is done with,” Didi frowned ever-so-slightly. The disappointment in her expression was somehow even more cutting than the other women’s obvious anger.
Clark flinched viscerally, “I… see…”
“Well, I think you look lovely, girls. I’m sure Sean will appreciate the women in his life cheering him on,” Diana cut in, giving Clark a pointedly disappointed look of her own.
Bruce nodded in approval, “I wouldn’t want to see Barbara and Cass wearing it every day but it works in its own way.”
Barbara rolled her eyes fondly, “Trust me, B. This is a special occasion. You don’t have to worry about that. From me, at least…”
“(▔∀▔)” Cass mimed a giggle and spun in place. ‘Heheh~ Skirt go spinny.’
“Joy,” Bruce deadpanned.
“Personally? 10/10. Love your work as always, Ivy,” Riddler generously praised, just a hint of gay campness entering his tone.
“Right~!” Harley clapped, changing the subject. “We’ve got a Gothboy to cheer on, girls~! With me~! 1, 2-…”
“Uh, you’re a little late, Harley.” Penguin interrupted her, breaking the bad news.
Everyone’s attention turned back to the fight in the arena at that. Just in time to see Savage get straight-up IMPALED on Sean’s sword. It was a gruesome sight, leaving more than a few of the audience to wince. Both combatants went down in a heap and for a moment, it looked as if Savage was actually dead from his wound.
“Ah, dammit~!” Harley pouted. “Change of plans, girls…”
Savage moved, standing up under his own power, and Clark couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief. Even knowing Death was here to fix any accidents, it was good to see the Immortal First Man hadn’t died in front of everyone. Even better when Sean began to heal his wounds, showing that there were no hard feelings between the two of them.
Sean and Savage started to leave the arena and Harley scrambled to get her ‘team’ into position, “Hurry, hurry~! We’re gonna ambush him~!”
“(✯◡✯)7” Cass popped off another salute. ‘Aye aye, captain!’
Barbara just sighed, “Sean better give me the best dick of my fucking life for this… Again…”
Kara squeaked and whispered to Barbara, “E-Eep~! W-Was it really that good…?!”
Clark cringed and mentally blocked out his hearing before he could overhear something he very much didn’t want to. Sean and Savage walked into the viewing area, side by side like old friends. Most of their audience couldn’t help but stare at the 180 from dueling to a fatal wound to the best of friends.
“You just shanked the motherfucka and you two cunts are just cool now?!” Boomerang shouted and Clark couldn’t help but agree with the sentiment if not the word choice.
Savage cocked his head in confusion like a great big dog, “Is that not how you make friends?”
Harley and the rest of the girls leaped from their ‘hiding places’ (Read: where they were standing to the side and just not acknowledged yet by Sean). Immediately, Harley broke out into a cheering routine.
“Who’s a savage~? Not Savage~! Gothboy, Gothboy~! He’s our man~! Guess who did it, Gothboy can~! Kicked his ass, slash and bash~! Number 1, beat that bas~! -Tard, hehe~…”
She whipped out high kicks during her little cheer and finished it off with a cartwheel-into-handstand, giggling the extra last line while still upside down. The handstand perfectly flipped up her skirt to flash everyone a view of vine-woven panties specially crafted with the word ‘Gothboy’ on the front and back.
Ivy let out spore dust and Didi made it sparkle to augment Harley’s routine, both of them grinning with amusement all the while. Cass mirrored Harley, only an instant behind, finishing in the exact same way with a wicked grin on her face that was visible even through her half-mask. Kara — nervous and adorably awkward — played along, just ruffling her bushy pompons without doing any of the fancy stuff Cass and Harley did. Barbara did the same as the Kryptonian, only with an utterly flat expression on her face.
Sean blinked for a moment before settling into an amused smile, “Well, wasn’t that a pleasant surprise.”
“Marvelous!” Savage declared with a booming laugh. “Why, I wish my own girls were here to comfort me after my loss! Truly, nothing is better than returning from battle to be greeted by your adoring women!”
“Hehe~! Glad ya liked it, Gothboy~!” Harley giggled proudly, righting herself and striking a theatric pointing pose. “Now, Get him, girls~!”
Barbara sighed an exasperated sigh, coming up to Sean to plant a kiss on his cheek and stare dead into his eyes, “You owe me one, Sean.”
Kara followed, planting a nervous kiss of her own. When she tried to speak, however, only an embarrassed squeak came out, “M-Meep~!”
Cass skipped over to give him a congratulatory kiss, darting in at the last second to switch from planting it on his cheek to his mouth. A mischievous smirk crossed her features as she danced away before he could catch her. Didi and Ivy came up next, planting almost identical, lingering kisses on both cheeks. Then Harley came in, breaking the pattern by leaping into his arms and smooching his lights out.
Still holding up Harley with one hand as she pulled back, Sean chuckled, “It’s nice to know I’m loved. Love the outfits, by the way. Nice job, Ivy.”
“I’m sure you’ll be seeing them again~” Ivy purred subtly.
Savage threw his head back with the force of his laughter, “HAHAHAHA! I envy you, Sean! I could not have lost to a more worthy foe!”
“Twas a wonderful duel,” Diana said, putting in her opinion and complimenting both duelists. “You were both simply breathtaking to watch. I hope to test my blade against you as well someday, Sean.”
Savage grinned knowingly, “Not me?”
“I think I would prefer Sean,” Diana demurred. “No offense intended, of course. You are simply a touch too much for my tastes, Mr. Savage.”
“My my! It seems I may need to take pointers from you in more than just combat, Sean!” Savage boisterously clapped Sean on the back.
Somehow, despite the audible force behind the action — enough that even Clark was concerned —, Sean didn’t even flinch.
“It’s okay, Savage,” Sean teased. “You can always rely on your big brother immortal to teach you how to talk to women.”
“Big… Brother…?” Savage looked and sounded utterly perplexed by the concept, a far cry from his usual energy. “That-… No… Is that true…?”
“How old are you, Mr. Savage?” Riddler asked curiously.
Savage answered promptly without fuss or concern, “49,993 years old.”
Silence reigned in the viewing box amongst their audience. A silence that was only exasperated by Sean’s response to that. He dismissed his sword and laid a comforting hand on Savage’s taller shoulder.
“I cracked 50,000 in my first go at supposed immortality. It’s okay, little one. You’ll get there.”
“Oh, damn, Gothboy…” Harley muttered. “You’re ‘old’ old, aren’t you?”
“Hey, I don’t think he’s that old,” Didi pouted.
“Personally, I’m of the opinion that age stops really counting for anything after the first century or so,” Sean added with a shrug. “After that, it’s all the same. Only wisdom makes a real difference. Especially for someone like me.”
Wise words, spoken so casually. Clark couldn’t help but marvel slightly. And when he looked at Sean, it felt like he was truly seeing the eternally reincarnating man for the first time. A constantly shifting constant. A man weathered and wiser for it, broken and unbroken over and over across his unanchored eons. A man who decided to settle down here of all places and seemed more than content to do what he was doing now.
It seemed Clark wasn’t the only one to see the Truth peak through Sean. And whatever it was Bruce saw made him sigh — almost huff, really —, “Alright, I need a damn drink…”
Savage, of course, leaped at the opportunity to fulfill the other half of his visiting purpose, “Haha! A splendid idea! Swords have been crossed! Now is the time for drinking and merry-making! Come, Sean! We have true tall tales to tell!”
IIIII
Savage grinned. A lesser man would have mistaken it for something savage and almost cruel. It was just how the Immortal First Man showed his excitement though. What a terrific night!
It wasn’t just finding an equal in Sean that had Savage in such high spirits. There was also the Dead End and the company he kept to consider! Wonderful, wonderful company! Heroes and villains and everyone in between! Jokes and snark, frustration and humor flowed as freely as alcohol in the Dead End and Savage couldn’t get enough of it all!
He felt as if he hadn’t stopped laughing or smiling since his duel with his new eternal friend! “Yes! Let the drink flow! Do your worst, friend! I shall drink it all to the head and still be standing by the end of the night! This, I promise on my immortal word!”
Everyone had returned to the bar proper. And at Savage’s encouragement, a proper revelry had been stirred up. Never let it be said that Savage was not a gracious loser! He would not let himself wallow in his first loss in millennia! Not when there was fun to be had, memories to be made, and rabble to be roused!
Sean sighed an obviously fake sigh, “I suppose I could break into my private stash for tonight. It’s the least I could do for a new friend.”
“Haha! Excellent! Come, come, let us see what my new friend has for us to partake in!”
“We’re all going to regret this in the morning,” Barbara deadpanned.
“I’m starting to regret it right now,” Bruce said, surprising most of the audience with his quip.
“What are you so worried about?” Two-Face scoffed. “I’ve literally poisoned you before and you were fine.”
“I think Mr. Barkeep’s private stock will test even MY poison tolerance,” Bruce retorted flatly.
“And yet, you’re still going along with this,” Diana noted with a chuckle.
“When it comes to dealing with HIM, I need all the outside help I can get.”
“Oi, Barkeep, ya got any VB? I’ll take a whole six-pack of stubbies if ya do,” Boomerang requested.
Sean raised a questioning eyebrow, “I’ve got damn better stuff than VB.”
“Nah,” Boomerang snorted and waved Sean off. “National pride, mate. So long as it gets us good and proper wasted, Aussies actually prefer for their beer to taste like piss.”
Sean shrugged, “Alright, you do you, man.”
“Another coffee!” Tim ‘demanded’, going so far as to slam his fist on the bar top.
Jason sighed, “I’ll take a coffee as well. Someone’s gotta stay up with the little caffeine gremlin. Just, uh, don’t make it as strong as his, yeah?”
“I think I will have whatever you recommend, Sean,” Diana nodded graciously. “You have not steered me wrong so far. Kal, will you be joining us in sharing a drink or two or three?”
Clark sighed, resigned to being taken along with the flow of the night at this point, “I guess I will. Not too much though. Lois wasn’t very happy the last time I came home after a night drinking with you, Diana…”
“I think I would like to try drinking…” Kara considered aloud, her voice tinted with innocence and wonder. “I haven’t before. But if it’s with Sean, I think I want to.”
Clark visibly flinched at that. Diana lay a comforting (and amused) hand on his shoulder, “I cannot think of a better establishment for her to have her first drink, Kal. Be calm. It will be fine.”
Savage laughed, “That is the spirit! Drinks for everyone! On my dime! I shall not pinch pennies tonight!”
“Everyone of age,” Didi corrected, staring pointedly at Savage.
He could only nod, “Of course, Lady Death. I would not dare impinge upon Sean’s reputation by suggesting he serve underage drinkers.”
“Let’s start with something simple,” Sean chuckled, pulling a cask out from behind the bar. A cask that should have had no business going unnoticed before now. Such was the magic of the Dead End, Savage had found!
All at once, glasses of what appeared to be wine were poured and served to everyone who asked for one. It was a deep red drink, almost thick and viscous like blood. And it smelled simply divine! A warm, spicy, and somehow primal scent that filled the whole bar in an instant. Savage couldn’t help but take deep huffs of the wine as if the smell alone could get him high!
“My word! What is this wine, my friend?!” Savage asked loudly.
“Dragonblood.”
Sean only said one word. Yet, expressions of utter shock followed. Along with one among their number being sent into a frenzy.
“Gimme~!” Harley shouted, downing her whole glass as if she was trying to win a drinking contest.
“Chug! Chug! Chug! HAHAHA!” Savage couldn’t help himself.
“(¬、¬)” Cass pouted petulantly. ‘So unfair… I wanna drink dragon’s blood too!’
Breathless from her chugging, Harley slammed her glass down. It was a miracle that it didn’t shatter upon impact. Perhaps literally. Harley turned her head to the sky and let out a positively unladylike belch. A blood-curdling beastly roar followed, shaking the whole bar as she let out a great gout of fire. Much like the dragons of legend!
“Eep! Harley, watch where you’re spitting that fire!” Ivy squealed, scrambling away from the dangerous flames.
“Oh, damn~!” Harley shuddered with barely repressed joy. “That shit goes hard as fuck~! Hey, hey, Gothboy~? Can I request that you keep that for me as my special drink~? Like Selina’s Ambrosia~?”
Sean smiled at her, “I think I can do that for you, Harley.”
“This was very much not how I saw my night going,” Clark muttered to himself as he sipped the wine.
Barbara grinned at him, happy to be passing Sean’s insanity off to more people, “Welcome to the Dead End.”
The rest of the drinkers drank their Dragonblood far slower than Harley. Even Savage. As much as he wanted to recreate that glorious flame! Well, he was still a man of refined taste. So he savored the bloody wine, humming as he relished the taste of a legend.
As Savage finished his wine, he turned a wide, enormously pleased grin to Sean, “What next, my friend?!”
“Something a bit stronger?”
“Must you even ask?! Hahahaha, give me a real challenge, Sean!”
“Oh, I will,” Sean chuckled ominously. “This one is called Orcish Rotgut. And unfortunately, I’ll have to limit who can actually drink it. It really does ‘rot the gut’, so to speak.”
“Can I drink it?” Kara asked innocently.
Sean paused, “… Yeah, I think you and your cousin will be fine, actually. Diana probably will as well. And Savage, well…”
“HAHA, Just try and stop me!”
Sean poured four mugs of the drink for those he mentioned. Actual mugs! How quaint! It’d been too long since Savage had the pleasure of drinking out of a good wooden mug! The drink was red again, but it was more of a ‘rust and fire’ red than ‘blood’.
Clark looked at his cousin with concern in his eyes as Sean set her new drink in front of her, “Kara? Something called ‘Rotgut’? Are you sure about this? There’s no shame in taking it slow when you’re just starting out.”
Kara giggled, earnest and unconcerned, “Silly Kal. Sean won’t hurt me. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Cheers~!”
Immediately after taking her first sip, Kara froze. She lowered her mug and stared at its contents with shock written across her expression, “… Oh my.”
“Kara! What?! Does it hurt?!” Clark worried frantically.
“It tastes really, really good~! Oh, Rao, it’s amazing! Like a lovely gift basket bouquet of flowers and fruit made of fire!”
Savage took his own sip and was surprised when he couldn’t ‘take’ the Rotgut as well as the little slip of a girl could. Outdrunk by a tiny blonde angel… How terrible! How fascinating! Hahaha, this night never ceased to amuse!
As Savage took another drink, a new face stormed up to the bar and planted himself in a seat. The man himself didn’t seem to be anything of note. Just another of the mooks that populated the Dead End. But the furious expression on his face spoke of a long and frustrating day.
Savage grunted and winced as his second sip of Rotgut hit his guts. The newcomer mook noticed his expression, turned to Sean, and all but demanded, “Hey, Mr. Barkeep. Gimme whatever he’s having.”
Sean raised a flat eyebrow at the mook, “I don’t think you want to do that, buddy.”
The mook slammed a fistful of dollars down on the bar, “If it’s strong enough to make a big fella like him flinch, it’s strong enough to make me forget that bitch for a night!”
“Well, if you insist,” Sean shrugged, moving to place a new mug in front of the mook.
“Wait, wait, wait! Don’t!” More than a few of the regulars at the bar tried to stop him to no avail.
The mook upturned the mug and drained more than half of its contents in a few gulps, “Ah, shit! That hits the spot-… Urk!”
He didn’t get to finish his sentence. All of the life went out of the man in an instant. He keeled over right there on the spot, spilling his drink where it sizzled, and went to work eating at the floorboards.
“I warned him,” Sean simply said.
Bruce turned a sharp glare from the body onto Sean, “He’s dead.”
Sean waved his hand dismissively, “Oh, get over yourself, Batsy. He’s only ‘mostly dead’. And besides, did you forget who my partner is?”
“Hello~!” Didi waved and giggled as if to remind everyone she was there.
She turned a glare onto Sean as well, much more playful than Bruce’s, “Now, Sean, let’s see about putting the poor fool back into his body. It wasn’t nearly his time yet and if you want to make a mess like this, I am going to make you clean it up.”
Sean leaned over the bar, snatched SOMETHING invisible out of mid-air, and waved vaguely in the dead man’s direction. The whole process was fascinating to Savage’s enhanced senses. He’d seen many, many things in his long life. But never a Death-sanctioned resurrection.
The dead man inhaled sharply and suddenly, sitting straight up as if struck by lightning, “FUCK, man! What just happened?!?!”
Sean didn’t mince his words at all, “You died. Like an idiot. Didi made me bring you back. I told you that you didn’t want what Savage was drinking.”
“Dammit…” The man just sighed. “This means I still have to deal with my bitch of a sister… I think I would have rather stayed dead.”
“… That’s fucked up, man. You good?”
“No. I’m never ‘good’ when she comes to town. Any chance you can make it so that drink doesn’t kill me again? It actually tasted really good and I’m already feeling a nice buzz from it.”
“You know what? I think that’s the least I could do for you, bud. Knock yourself out.”
Savage finished his mug of Rotgut during the brief conversation. He made a point of not wincing again, even as the drink rotted at his guts and they regenerated only to rot even more. He would not be laid low by some mere alcohol! If anything, it only made him stronger!
“Tis a hearty brew, Sean. But still nowhere near enough for me to admit defeat! Haha! Bring me your worst, friend! I shall conquer it just as I conquered those holier-than-thou ‘True’ Romans!”
For reasons Savage couldn’t bring himself to begin to acknowledge, his mention of the Romans was followed by a stunned silence. They were hardly the greatest of his foes. Now, the Eastern Romans… That was a thrilling bout of empire ruination!
“… How often do you men think about the Roman Empire?” Ivy asked curiously.
“Every day…” Bruce and Jason sighed in synch.
Penguin snorted, “I’ll be thinking about it a damn sight more after tonight!”
“Not as often as one might think,” Savage considered. “I did enjoy the short trappings of their civilization for a short while relatively recently. But I had more fun sacking Rome than living in it.”
“‘Recently’,” Tim scoffed. “The entirety of recorded history is recent to you.”
“People tend to forget that most of recorded history only happened in the past two to three thousand years,” Sean commented as he retrieved the next drink for Savage to try. “Humanity has been around for much, much longer than that. And so-called ‘hunter-gatherers’ tended to be much more advanced than modern society gives them credit for.”
“Yes!” Jason exclaimed with passion. “People always dismiss our Stone Age and Neolithic ancestors out of hand. As if they were all ‘cavemen’. But they developed pottery! Domestication! Agriculture and the cross-breeding of plants! Weaving and crafting techniques that modern machines simply can’t compare to! They built wonders of the world! People think about them as if they were somehow dumber than us and they quite frankly weren’t at all.”
“People have always been people,” Savage nodded, uncharacteristically calm and sagely. “The problems change, the solutions change, but people remain the same. Even after 50,000 years, humans are beautiful, terrible, complex things to witness in action. The true first wonder of the world always has been humanity itself.”
Those at the bar fell into a considering, introspective silence at Savage’s words. He nodded to himself at that. Good. Let the youth find camaraderie in souls and stories long since lost to time. Didi sighed softly — fondly — a hand on her cheek as she lost herself to the souls of the past. Sean gave Savage a small smile and nod. Savage’s lips twitched up slightly in return.
… There, that was enough of that. This was a much too momentous night for such a ‘sober’ mood! “Do not let yourself lose the revelry of tonight to the past! Haha, nothing else will make your watching ancestor curse you as much as that! There are good drinks and better company to be had! Rejoice, small friends! Live and make those who came before you proud!”
“Wiser words have never been spoken,” Sean smiled. “Now, this last drink is only for Savage. I think even the Kryptonians would have trouble with this one…”
“Ha, how wondrously ominous!”
Sean set a shot glass in front of Savage. He held a lone bottle in his hand, dark and dangerous. Unseen flames seemed to flicker from the base of the bottle, illuminating the liquid inside. If one stared at it for too long, infernal cackles could be heard to fill the air.
“Sean…?” Barbara asked, her voice strained. “Why does the bottle have HORNS?!”
“As a handhold for ease of pouring, of course,” Sean answered nonchalantly. “This… is Infernal Absinthe, the Devil’s Deal.”
Catwoman turned slightly green below her mask, “As if regular absinthe wasn’t unholy enough…”
Sean poured Savage a shot of the drink and the infernal cackles intensified, “Go on~ Give it a go, Savage…”
Savage grinned. Finally, a real challenge! He didn’t hesitate, picking up the shot glass and slamming it back in a single smooth motion. For the briefest of instants, nothing happened. Then Savage’s whole world descended into NIGHTMARE and he SCREAMED.
Infernal visions. Ghosts from the past. Devils danced in the space behind Savage’s eyes. His surroundings — mind and body — BURNED in ghastly fire. Damnation came calling and it was all Savage could do to scream in its face.
Just as quickly as it came, the effect was dismissed. A shuddering breath wracked Savage’s body. He stared off into the distance for a moment, haunted by what he’d ‘seen’ before his eyes focused again. And when they did, a rapturously wide grin spread across his face.
“Another! Another, I say! HAHA, I did not believe you could offer a challenge as worthy as your blade, friend! I am glad to be proven wrong!”
Savage’s audience breathed words of visceral disbelief, “What…”
“The…”
“Fuck…”
Sean poured another shot of the Infernal Absinthe. Savage took it straight to the head. And this time, he LAUGHED. Come, demons! You have yet to meet Vandal Savage!
“He’s insane,” Tim deadpanned. “Completely. Utterly. Insane.”
“For once, I’m not going to correct you,” Bruce agreed. “I don’t think I’d know where to start.”
As Savage battled his demons — laughing uproariously the entire time —, something happened in the space beside Sean behind the bar. A portal of almost cliche fire and brimstone opened. The Devil stared through from the other side.
“Sean? You rang?” Lucifer asked curiously, peeking through the portal at the bar and all of the guests.
“Fuck,” Bruce grunted quietly to himself. “Plan 666 isn’t ready yet…”
Lucifer zeroed in on the Batman, “It’s amusing that you think it could possibly do anything at all.”
Sean waved, bringing Lucifer’s attention back to him, “Hey, Luci. Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to call. I was just sharing some of my private stash. It must have piggy-backed off your presence in this universe.”
Lucifer’s eyes landed on Savage and he nodded knowingly, “Ah, I see. Savage? Heh, he’s a fun one. Very well, Sean, enjoy the rest of your night.”
“You as well, Luci.”
Before Lucifer could close the portal, a familiar face appeared in the background. John Constantine looked like he’d seen much, much better days. He was haggard, messy-haired, and barely clothed. A wild panic lit up his eyes.
“Bruce?! Clark?! Diana?! You’ve gotta get me outta here! I don’t know how much longer I can hold out! She-! She’s gonna suck out my soul! I NEED my soul, man! Y-You’ve gotta help me!”
“Tata, Sean~” With a wicked twinkle in her eye, Lucifer closed the portal as if Constantine hadn’t said anything at all.
The shocked horror that followed the closing portal could have been cut with a knife.
“Should… Should we be concerned about that…?” Clark asked.
“I wouldn’t,” Sean replied casually, sipping a drink of his own that had seemingly appeared from nowhere. “But then again, I consider myself at least somewhat intelligent.”
The Justice League heroes glanced at each other in silent conversation. Diana shook her head firmly. Clark looked unconvinced but still hesitant.
Bruce just grunted, “Fuck it. It’s Constantine. He can get himself out of that mess. He’s probably the only one who can.”
Sean smirked over the lip of his — strangely — clay cup, “I knew there was hope for you yet, B-man.”
“Hey, Sean~?” Harley perked up and asked. “Whatcha drinking~? Gonna share that one too~?”
“This? Oh Death, no,” Sean chuckled. “This one is ONLY for my consumption. Forget Savage, it might kill DIDI with only a few sips.”
Diana gasped, “What could possibly prompt you to drink such a poison?”
Sean’s reply was delivered with a nonchalant shrug, “Oh, just a little cultivation art called the Dao of the Drunken Fist…”
Comments
Thereader
That sounds correct thanks
Patryk Sikorski
I want to hear the tale of sean the 3 thousand real murderhobo as he drifts from vilage to vilage city to city country to country continent to continent planet to planet lower realm to lower real Middle real to Middle real high real to high real and finally when he settles and becomes a homeowner in the immortal heaven.
TheRavenbrand
We gonna get starfire and blackfire in as well? And powergirl!
Tom smith
Ahaha a cultivator
Darkanlan
I wonder if they'll grasp he said it'd kill Didi? Or that he's likely older than her and Lucifer. Or at least some iterations of them.
QuantumServer
Thanks for the chapter!
Laplase
Drunken Fist? I would love for him to tell that story next chapter!
CkLance
Wonder Woman has been with the League for years at this point and has picked up most of modern society's informal vernacular/ jokes/ cliches, etc as can be seen when she jokes with Kara about her choice of hiding in a locker.
CkLance
Quite literally 🗿🫴🍷
Dylan A
Soul sucking if you'd like to say
Thereader
i love the story but i have a question one of wonder womans (horny) exclamations of "oh mama" feels weird to me it doesnt match the other stuff she says, i love what you are doing and wish you well on your great story. (english was not my best grade in school so its okay to correct me if am wrong)
Tom Oni
This is the greatest
jp9901
Thank you! A night of the craziest drinks that Sean has to offer! Thanks for answering my request!
CkLance
John is experiencing death by snu snu. 🫡
Alexander Brown
Please please please don’t skip that!!!!! I definitely want to hear more about Sean’s time as a cultivator
Bishop7053
Finally the rest of the league joins in on the insanity, and vandal is just a bro
MyzNyx
Love it need more
ExodiaTheForbiddenOne
Poor John is gonna have a broken pelvis
ExodiaTheForbiddenOne
Amazing work as always keep it up man !
