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Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! (Personal)
🕑 Added 2020-12-27 04:00:01 +0000 UTCHope you all had an amazing holidays! New Years is just around the corner! I'm excited to really schedule out myself a bit more. How about yourselves? :3
Well, I had a lot of trouble making the posts I wanted to this year, but truly. THANK YOU.
You all have really turned around my mentality and health for a lot of the better.
I wish I took the time to really open up about what happed. This is going to be my summary of why it was such a rough time. I wanted to make this post sooner rather then later, but I needed the time, and still will.
(This journal does include some strong life and subject matter.)
My 7 year Relationship with my EX, I really never talked about it, nor do I even remember the bad parts much now. Which is the part that I'm thankful for. 2 years ago now, I was living with my mom and in the relationship with my ex. While I was there, a dispute happened about my living situations. Racial slurs were thrown towards me from my step father. About why my bio father doesn't love me and why I'm such a failure. While these comments I can put behind me, because the figure himself is an alcoholic and sadly has a lot of other things he needs to work through. They still hurt, because I was going through my own troubles, I truly was wondering about my relationship at this point. ( I'll add, this was the period of time that I just launched Patreon, so I was trying to start my art path fully)
My mother though. I put a lot of faith into, and didn't defend me. That sadly ended up being the final draw in a long line of reason why I finally decided. I needed to cut them out of my life for a bit. That was the first half to why I suddenly got quiet. ( I don't hate my mom within this situation, I'm just strongly disappointed that she didn't stand up for me in the situation after he dropped the slurs)
I was lucky to be able to move in with a long running friend. He had a family and such, and was just moving into a situation of their own. I sadly didn't have a room. It was an area I had to reno. Which took me about 3 months to finish by myself. During this time, I was homeless, and starting to get sick. I wasn't able to keep in contact with my ex and let him know that I was having trouble with moving . Things weren't working out well, and my body started to fail me in a sense. I finally got sick to the point where, I wasn't sure what was going to happen too me. This is where the stress had taken me, and my body decided on a full blown IBS attack while I was finally being able to move into my room.
I went too a neighboring province to go get a surgery to remove a piece of my intestine that had been melted away by stomach acid. This was probably the hardest time for me, because now I'm healing, I'm scared. I'm alone. I really couldn't rely on my husband to be there for me. He never was there.
Finally when I was able to go back home, I came back to find out that he had been cheating on me. I gave him a second chance till I found out there was more. I honestly know my lack of communication with in the means was hard on both of us. (Long Distance relationship )
I just never expected to come back to this, doing what I could. I finally ended it. 7 years of dealing with verbal and mental abuse. I was heart broken, but knew that there was better.
I'm by no means am I perfect person, I'll accept my faults though. It was a toxic relationship. I had moment of being pushed past my patience which I knew wasn't healthy. I'm just happy that I was able to have my old self and personality! I took what I could from the relationship and really tried to grow.
Thank you all for being here for me! I know this is a bit more of a real subject from me, I just wanted to open up fully to all of you, and why the support has meant so much! Regardless of what happens next year, this really means the world!
I'm aiming to open commission starting next year again. Mid January hopefully, I will be starting with smaller idea's at first as to not overwhelm myself, I am looking forwards to doing art of your characters and more moms!
I know it may just be one year, but it's the best year it's been so far! Looking forwards to 2021. Time to get up on that pink dragon and ride into the new year?
