BarCalak
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Chapter 49.5: Upside Drown
🕑 Added 2024-09-24 11:30:49 +0000 UTCChapter 49.5: Upside Drown
Leavesden Studios, UK. October 2009.
“How’s the venue for my next pool party coming along?” Hogwarts’ hottest new nightclub is… the forbidden forest.
“Unless you plan on using floaties made of fiberglass and wax, terribly.” One of the many set designers out and about eroded all my excitement. The hem of her capris were rolled up to her knees, and her toes dipped into the water as she sanded down the rough edges of a fabricated ice sheet. I’d be swimming under that someday soon.
We were having an arts and crafts day today. My name wasn’t on any call sheet, but I thought I’d lend my presence to the art department. More than anyone, they appreciated a pretty sight - and what could be more aesthetic than my Vitruvian mien?
These poor souls usually toiled away within the confines of some corner warehouse. So, I thought I’d give them a treat, and organise a picnic. It was a strange impulse, but I went with it. And hey, I might even learn a few tricks while I’m at it; the crew could also pick up a few tips from me. “Anybody need a refill on the Turkish coffee? There’s plenty of hummus to go around.” Craft services had long since gotten used to my bribery and helped set the table. Fedex, of course, facilitated my back-alley dealings.
Vrrrm, a loud mechanical noise tore through the fake glade in answer. If I was any more of a dog than I was, I’d have been sent scampering at the vacuum like racket. A nozzle spewed a mixture of high-powered water and shredded paper. Boughs of holly weren’t decking these halls, just the Hollywood version of snow clinging to any edifice it was sprayed at. A second type of snow machine frothed out airy clouds of foam.
Asbestos remained the king of faux winter. Unfortunately, it came with the teensy problem of causing every type of cancer imaginable. So, we made do. At least until the lights started flickering.
The noise all stopped when the power failed. “Not again! This has been happening all sodding week. Call the electrician back, he hasn’t fixed shite. Council recommended my hairy fuckin’ arse!” But our foul-mouthed foremen didn’t let the silence settle. “Sorry folks, I’ve already installed a backup generator. Give it a mo’ to kick in.”
True enough, power was restored thirty seconds later.
My next stop on the gallery tour was next to one of our lead artists, kneeling next to a massive round canvas in paint stained overalls. She was tracing the pencilled word ‘friends’ linked one to the other, over and around in gold paint like filigree. “That’s something special, eh?” The individual character portraits for Luna’s mural were yet to be completed, but I could understand why Harry would purposely break taboo to find out where Luna’d been snatched.” It was still a stupid move, but far less idiotic than him randomly blurting out Voldemort, and getting everyone caught by accident. “I can’t even colour inside the lines with crayon.” Though, what do I know? I’m st - double o - pid.
“Come sit,” she patted the spot next to her, “I can teach you.” Invitation accepted, I belly flopped beside her; nestling my chin between the palm of my hands, I kicked and fluttered my feet behind me. “This is still the easy bit. Making sure everyone looks like they do in Luna Lovegood’s mind is more of a task.”
“Can’t really comment on that, but I can help you in other ways. Need a model? I can even go nude if you’d like.” The reference pictures she’s had strewn about wouldn’t do me justice.
Both her head and left eyebrow raised up in equivocal exasperation. “What a generous offer, Bas.” I rolled over and reclined like the Buddha reincarnated. It was the perfect pose to show off my Son Wukong, too bad I had pants on. “But I think I’ll do just fine without.”
“C’mon, don’t be shy. Paint me like one of your Welsh whores.” I am what I am and that’s all that I am - a filthy sailor-man who goes from port to port. An anchor tattoo wouldn’t suit me, but maybe I could get some spinach for dinner. I’ll avoid the seafood option though.
“Don’t you dare disparage Titanic with your debauchery! That movie is sacred, so don’t expect me to participate in this pantomime - you’re no Kate Winslet.”
“Yeah? Well, you aren’t exactly Leo, either. If you were, I’d let you sink into the ocean, too!”
“Ah, I remember the days when I may have been spoken about in the same breath as you or Mr Dicaprio. Not so much anymore, though. The late eighties and early nineties are too far gone.” Cary Elwes found his way over to us. Fiona Weir, our casting director, had officially chosen him to play alongside Rachel Weisz as the Tonkses.
“Now, now, chin up. I wager we stick you in a pair of tights again, and you’ll have princesses and brides running after you.”
“I’ll say.” Evidently, I wasn’t the artist’s type.
“No, these days I’m too old, too fat,” he gestured to the ragged clothes and corpsey makeup on him - someone had clearly been spending time at the face painting station, “or too dead for anyone to remember.”
Since the forest of Dean had been chopped as a setting in this rendition of JK’s Hallows, the forbidden forest’s role had grown.
Harry and Hermione would probe it as a potential secret pathway into Hogwarts (the shrieking shack was known to Snape) only to discover it as an internment camp for muggleborns. It had always been a place of punishment, so made sense. This is where we’d also stumble on to a dead Ted Tonks and Dean Thomas, among others.
More importantly, it also served as the main stage for Snape luring Harry towards the sword of Gryffindor. Being the current headmaster of Hogwarts, as well as the death eater in charge, he’d be able to know if they entered his domain. In the original movies his doe patronus sort of just shows up, nothing is ever explained. In the original books, he’s able to find them because Harry and Hermione are astoundingly, and uncharacteristically careless with the constantly foreshadowed Phineas Nigellus portrait.
JK Rowling’s favourite literary device was unequivocally Chekhov’s gun. Unfortunately, sometimes she waved it around too much, and was liable to shoot herself in the foot.
Plus, it felt poetic that Snape’s doe patronus guides them to the same frozen pond where Harry first fires off his stag. My throat is still raw from yelling out, Expecto Patronum!
Done with reassuring myself that the narrative changes caused by my arrival were poignant and pertinent, I soothed Cary as well. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. This is your second mutual project with me - you aren’t doing too bad at all, if that’s the case.”
“Second?”
I flipped on to my back, brought my knees to my chest, engaged my core, and kipped up to full height, “hup!” A dusting of fake snow fell around me like an angelic halo. Because I was one. I put my hand out for a shake, and he grabbed it with confused courtesy. “Pierre Desperuax, allow me to introduce myself. Hassenfeffer. I believe we have a couple of bumbling sleuths in common.”
“Oh! Psych, of course! Loved that show and loved bantering with those two boys. I’ll definitely be going back, if they’ll have me.”
“Me, too.”
“I hope you’ll forgive me if I try not to share an episode with you. Something tells me, dealing with you three together might make me lose hair. Despite my age, my luscious locks are one thing I can proudly say I still have.”
“No, I don’t blame you. I have a tendency to make people go grey early.”
–
Forbidden Forest Set, Leavesden. October 2009.
Every last inch of my body was drenched in water, yet I still burned.
One-hundred-nineteen, one-hundred-twenty, one-hundred-twenty-one. I crossed the two-minute mark. Each second after, felt like forever. I pushed off the bottom, craned my head up, and through my blurred vision, sought the blue tinted spotlight marking the hole where I should surface.
A splash, a gasp, and I was breathing again. I politely shooed off the stage hands running over to hand me a towel. No point getting dry, just to jump back in a minute later. “You’re consistently crossing ninety seconds, Bas. That’s all we need. Shall we try for a real take?”
“Let’s do it.” Came my assent, ready to descend.
The stunt coordinator gave one last security yank to the tether wrapped around my waist as the clapper tagged in. “Scene 86, Gryffindor’s sword, take one!” Clack!
“Places everybody, places! Quiet on set, and… action!” I dived on David’s direction.
[Ten seconds. I sunk to the bottom, assumed my position, the prop sword just barely out of reach.
Forty-five seconds. I waited for the bubbles to leave. My kung-fu dugong and emergency air supply batted away the last of them, and backed away so that the frame was totally clear for the shot.
Eighty seconds. I performed my unsynchronised swimming. Pretending as if the horcrux had come alive to see me dead, I thrashed about and scratched at my jerking neck.
Ninety seconds. The winch spooled, and I was dragged upwards in the direction of the tether, still acting like the horcrux had a death hold on me-!]
All the lights suddenly cut out. The pulley system slacked, uncoiled, and the combined weight of the rope and myself dragged me back to the bottom.
The power dropped again. One-hundred seconds.
No need to panic, I can manage - I have enough oxygen. I opened my eyes. Much to my chagrin, the pair of fake glasses still miraculously attached to my face were an exceedingly poor substitute for swimming goggles. Needless to say, I couldn’t see shit. My designated rescuer couldn’t either. They were scrabbling; I heard the scuba gear aspirate heavily as they searched for me through the impenetrable darkness. My chest started convulsing. One-hundred-ten seconds.
My bare feet found purchase on the floor, my heel nicked the blunt edge of the sword. Bending my knees, I jumped, aiming for the hole I’d come in through. There wasn’t a light there anymore; I missed. Worry creeped in. The burning was back. One-hundred-twenty seconds.
A dull thunk. My hands shot up, nails scraped across the waxy layer of tough fiberglass. My lungs were molten lead. Unbearably hot, and heavier than the pressure dragging me down. Cramps clutched at my diaphragm, clawing at me to get something, anything.
I reached my limit. One-hundred-thirty seconds.
I grit my teeth. Water seeped into my mouth. My body stopped listening to me. I breathed. It was wet - but cool. So cool. The burning went away. How many seconds?
The blue light returned. Oh, the generator was working again. That was good. My vision went black.
Peace.
Pain.
“-pen airway! Keep up the compressions!” My sense snapped into focus in a torrent of torment. Thump, thump, thump! There was a sledgehammer beating my ribs. Hurt. There was so much noise, too much light.
Adrenaline flooded in. Strength returned. I swiped away the hammer. Urging myself onto my hands and knees, I puked. Even through the agony of my bruising sternum, my body heaved and heaved until it expelled every drop of water out of my windpipe.
I could breathe.
“-Bas! Can you hear me, Bas?-” Consciousness came swimming back. My eyes refocused. I saw the growing puddle of sick beneath me; it was surprisingly clean, if a little frothy. I tried to stand up. “Scialla, Bas, relax.” A firm hand on my back wouldn’t let me. Then it began rubbing circles. Who was doing that? I turned to my right and saw Fedex. I’d never seen her be anything but unflappable. Now? She was on the verge of tears.
Huh. Guess I knew what it took to draw out her emotions. I should do this more often.
Another gasp involuntarily escaped me. The medic brought out his stethoscope. “Take slow, deep breaths. You’re alright, mate.” Tell that to everyone else, Fed still hadn’t let me go.
I inhaled, sat back straight on my haunches, and breathed in the sighs of relief around me. The cramp was still there, but I held in my wince. A circle of concerned faces had me surrounded. The Davids, both Yates and Heyman, looked green enough to retch more than I had.
No, no, no, this just wouldn’t do. This isn’t how people should look at me. I can’t stand genuine frowns in my direction - it aches more than my creaking chest did.
Even though the rest of my body tried to rebel, I eked out a smile. “So whe-” cough. One more raspy, wheezy breath. “When’s take two?” Fearful expressions turned dumbfounded. Better than a dummy found dead, at least!
Comments
David Karlsson
Chapter soon?
David Karlsson
I think he's due a call from Mrs Stephens after this tbh, it probably looks like a pretty concerning trend in-universe to be so flippant about serious injuries or near death experiences
David Karlsson
It worked really well with how Bas seemed to still have a plan until the very end, then you realise how close he came
David Karlsson
I think the story is still going strong, especially HP script changes and Story elements like the Ellen revenge and this chapter
David Karlsson
Luna has friendship pillows?
Memory Dump
Absolutely stunning chapter! fantastic! amazing! exquisite! immaculate! On a completely unrelated note in the Harry Potter Universe were paintings, newspapers and images can interact with those looking at them "waifu pillows" are probably alot more interesting.
TacanTriesHard n
Bas felt very grounded in a very personable way, felt like you hit a great balance with the humor and internal monologue. The writing around the drowning was so vivid but always appropriate, nothing felt out of place. Structurally it was paced really well as well even as it was happening in the story I didn’t expect how serious the scenario would be, I think I fully clocked on just as Bas began to panic and it made for an incredibly emotionally resonant moment.
David Karlsson
A good name for his book later
Bar Calak
he'll def be shocked later
Bar Calak
hope thats a good wow haha
Bar Calak
Above and beyond sounds like a metaphor for almost dying lol
Bar Calak
Top Ten uninsurable actors
Bar Calak
Fun fact 'little death' is a euphemism for orgasm. So what's a little death to Bas?
Bar Calak
If they want Bas they gotta plan for a crash
Pope Yoda I
It's common knowledge that the chair in Basic Instinct is the luckiest piece of furniture in all of cinema history.
Bar Calak
I need to buy a new roof because of you because my ego just went through it. I'm glad this this more proactive harry that ive had this story's jk write flows well. There were too many complaints i had with the og irl version for me not too write a mini fanfic about it haha. And yeah totally agree too many times was there someone holding the idiot ball when it wasnt required. hopefully i fixed that in a palatable way. Im SUPER glad you picked up on that haha. I was kinda proud when i wrote it. And I'm even more happy that I can still manage to surprise my readers and keep the story interesting - thats most important. Seriously thanks again
Bar Calak
Oh its only gonna get worse
Bar Calak
Stunts go wrong, Bas insists he does his own. ipsofacto no stunt man to injure thankfully. Im glad the drownign came off as authentic i tried to remember when i almost took a dip myself haha
Bar Calak
Thanks! would love to know what part of it struck a chord
Bar Calak
sniffing is just basic instinct
Bar Calak
Its been 0 for nearly a decade
Bar Calak
Straight to jail
Bar Calak
So kind to say. I sometimes feel like i've already hit the highs and am failing to reach them again so this makes me more confident and eager to continue.
Bar Calak
I feel like it's one of those things where on a movie set theres just so many many many different sources of light a torch is sort of forgotten about. But hey fairs fair, I wanted the scene to go a certain way as well.
BronRevo
What I meant was someone could've used a torch to illuminate the opening in the fiberglass 'ice' since Bas was instructed to swim toward the light. "I pushed off the bottom, craned my head up, and through my blurred vision, sought the blue tinted spotlight marking the hole where I should surface." "Bending my knees, I jumped, aiming for the hole I’d come in through. There wasn’t a light there anymore; I missed. Worry creeped in. The burning was back."
Relayed
The whole thing happened in the span of 40 seconds and Bas changed positions when he swam up for air. Chances are that they were looking for him at the bottom.
David Karlsson
They didn't have that long to get something set up tbf. If he'd been under for just half a minute maybe they could all have used their phone flashlight or something. 10-15 seconds of air left and I can see them panicking, maybe diving to get him out. Holding your breath for that long you need to stay calm
BronRevo
Edit: RIP Maggie Smith. Pretty weird that nobody on set had a torch. Even the rescue diver not having those mini waterproof torches baffles me. Oh well, love the scene! Bas' status among staff continues to grow!
Liima1
Best chapter so far
Streetwise
If the dude doesn't have Every Single Cert and license he said he did, he's going strait to jail.
Kieran M
Thanks
Secret Weapons
Lol I'm very much looking forward to the ass kicking Bas is going to get from Emma/Anita/others once they learn what happened and his initial response afterwards hahaha
Yeno Memevig
Reset the "Days since Bas seriously injured himself counter" 😔
Pope Yoda I
"Wait a second... you're not Sharon Stone's booty. I thought this was supposed to be heaven. What gives?" *sniffs air* "Ah, brimstone. Oh well. Where's Charlie Chaplain?"
TacanTriesHard n
Man that was incredible, like genuinely incredible. Some really good writing and clever storytelling. This stories been fairly to really good throughout but this is the first chapter that really shone.
Philip
I remember reading about Daniel Radcliffes stuntman getting permanently paralyzed i think in the last movie or so, that being an irl incident I wasn't sure how to bring it up as a potential plot point in a si fanfic, but drowning (something I've done) under ice/fake ice (not done) was nicely done, altho the optimism of the generator coming back was fun for the madlad instead of the usual "oh shit" of reality
Bryan
lol chekhov's generator
David Karlsson
The studio may want to stop that because of the insurance cost. If it's not worth the risk to get a slightly better shot in a scene or two. Will risking the lead make the movie markedly better? They'll use more and more precautions going forward I bet
Relayed
I mean Tom Cruise still does crazy stunts despite his injuries and numerous brushes with death. He’s also over 18 now so unless the studio stops him, he can still keep going while others can only try to discourage him.
Soh•M©
No more stunts for Mr Superstar
Relayed
It never seizes to amaze me how you come up with solutions to messy plot points with ideas that never even occurred to me. The idea that Harry would say the taboo in order to find Luna after seeing her room, hand drawn paintings expressing the depth of her friendship with them as well as the shock of seeing the dead body of a classmate is perfect. It fits the character so well as opposed to forgoing all character growth just to randomly shout a name. Even more impressive is the power going out in a chapter that went over Rowling’s use of Chekhov’s gun. Despite the foreshadowing, the incident still caught me off guard when I was expecting a routine description of a stunt. I was actually unconsciously holding my breath while reading it. Maybe it’s because it’s still fresh on my mind but I think this is one of the best chapters you have written thus far. This quality of writing would exceed my expectation of even a published author.
David Karlsson
He'll have his own by then "Top then Bas Rhys injuries on set"
David Karlsson
Yeah I can't see them agreeing, nor the people in charge of future projects. The car crash stunt in Tokyo drift was a bit of a stretch but now he's basically a national treasure. Maybe they'll test the stunts with stuntpeople first to make sure?
Epwydadlan
"...he almost killed who? ... And how much money does he make our kingdom a year? ... Hmmm... oh, yes, it's terrible that his entire family died in a trolley accident, when all the CCTV cameras went out... For a full hour, tomorrow around noon I think? Terrible business those trolleys, we must put some of the taxes into fixing up our public transport...
Uncle Snoo
Trapped underwater not being able to see shit must be scary af! No way Anita and everyone else doesn't try to change his mind about doing stunts himself.
Leafninja91
nice chapter. thanks
Tharsax
Chad Bas not giving a fuck about dying, he's already respawned after all
Rivo
Bas going to the top of another Watch Mojo list
W T N
A part of me wants to believe that they wouldn't do such a dangerous stunt with the electricity still on the fritz, but I know better. The electrician is still going to get reamed later, but if it weren't for our man's ability to hold his breath things would have been a lot worse. Good thing he likes to go above and beyond for his work, right?
Tushar Srivastav
Woow
David Karlsson
He's fucked
Evertime
Mmmm that electrician in trouuuuble
