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Turning Chapter 1127
🕑 Added 2024-10-04 11:41:56 +0000 UTCChapter 1127
"But... do you remember? What happened in the latter part of that day. The events that weren't in your memory."
Kishiar's voice lowered even more. Yuder recalled the events of that day he had seen in his dream.
Yudrain Aile, who had infiltrated Peletta Castle's office through a secret passage, suddenly saw Kishiar use his power, saying he would now keep his promise. He didn't know then, but now he could guess that it was to resolve the unknown connection between the two of them.
It was something an ordinary person couldn't do, but Kishiar's ability could affect even the invisible.
"The connection..."
"Yes. I tried to cut it with my power. I tried to push it away endlessly, to make it unable to endure without breaking. In fact..."
Kishiar let out a long sigh for a moment and then moved his lips.
"It was probably the power I judged could be used lastly, just before breaking."
He now knew that Kishiar from his previous life had been facing death with a damaged vessel. But as he wasn't the person himself, he couldn't know for certain what Kishiar himself had felt and guessed about the power he used then, or how he had judged his own condition. Yuder didn't miss the opportunity to ask.
"Can you explain in a bit more detail what that means?"
"In detail..."
Kishiar thought for a moment, choosing his words, and then explained.
"You already know that those with cracked vessels meet a terrible death, right?"
"Yes."
"The more power one had in life, the worse the situation is when dying. When the body reaches its limit, unable to endure the chaotically tangled energy leaking out..."
Kishiar lightly raised his fist in front of Yuder's eyes, then silently spread it open, making a gesture as if something was exploding and bursting.
"...it ends up like this."
"..."
"For ordinary people who lived without training, the aftermath might be smaller, but I'm not like that. If I met such an end, at the very least... it could have affected this castle. Going further, it could have affected all of Peletta."
The image of Kishiar on the day of his awakening, who had evacuated everyone thinking he was facing death, flashed through Yuder's mind again. He hadn't thought deeply about it because Kishiar had simply said 'evacuation', but how far had the range of those evacuated extended then?
'The answer is probably...'
The unusually quiet night of the assassination. The image of Peletta, silent as if everyone was deeply asleep, followed.
"Anyway, in a situation where it could burst with just a slight shock, that was probably the level of power I judged I could use while gauging my limits. Normally, of course, even that much shouldn't be used... but I must have thought it was worth trying if I was confident I could 'die cleanly' before bursting."
A single chance. Power that couldn't be used twice.
This confirmed that Kishiar from his previous life had planned in advance to cut his connection with Yuder at the last moment and then be officially assassinated right after.
It's called assassination and murder, but in the end... wasn't it a death he chose himself?
A death where he determined his own place and time to die, using his life as a means to the very end without reservation.
It was infinitely close to the death of a cold piece, not a human-like death.
Yet the words describing it as a clean death particularly pierced Yuder's ears sharply, making him clench his teeth without realizing.
The clean death Kishiar spoke of was actually far from the peaceful death generally imagined. Could a death no different from blowing off the neck of an awakener on the verge of going berserk be called clean just because there was no harm to others? Yet from the way he mentioned it as "clean" so gladly and coldly, Yuder could feel how long he had imagined many endings.
Was it because he was the person Yuder knew who most joyfully praised and enjoyed life that this other side felt so painfully at this moment?
Yuder stared at the fingers of the man embracing him and opened his mouth.
"...But it didn't go as you intended, did it?"
"Right. There were several factors."
Saying that, Kishiar slowly listed his thoughts in order.
"First, although it was unavoidable, I couldn't have guessed that power would manifest in that way since I had only formed a hypothesis without being able to test it in advance. Still, I would have tried to make it succeed somehow up to that point, so it wouldn't have mattered. But I really couldn't have expected you to wake up in that situation and try to stop it. That was truly..."
Instead of words, he smiled vaguely as if recalling something. It was a laugh that could barely be heard, but the vibration could be felt through the body he was embracing, so Yuder could barely tell he was laughing.
"...Anyone would have let their guard down."
Was it his imagination that it sounded exactly like the voice Kishiar used when he found Yuder so dear and lovable usually? But it really did sound that way.
"I was thrown back right after, so I don't know what happened afterwards. Still, the thoughts I had then remain like fragments in me."
Yuder felt that this part was the most important part Kishiar wanted to convey to him now and turned his head to meet his gaze.
In the darkness, the man spoke slowly, as if only Yuder could hear.
"Although it can't be said to be exactly the same heart as the me here now, that unfortunate man at that moment also wanted to protect your light."
"..."
"So, I thought it was a disaster. Because the one who should have hated me without hesitation and turned away without lingering didn't do so. Because I hadn't noticed that fact until then. Because I realized then and became afraid that things I thought were fine because I had done my best had fallen into incomprehensible darkness in an instant. Yet a miserable sliver of joy crept in..."
That wasn't information.
It was different from any words Yuder had thought would flow from his mouth.
In a feeling like even his heartbeat might stop, Yuder couldn't say anything. Kishiar smiled painfully, as if he had already expected such a reaction.
"Yes. It's such a ridiculous story that you might think it's better not to know."
"..."
He really didn't know what to say.
While Yuder tried to turn his half-stopped brain, mulling over his words, Kishiar continued speaking very slowly.
"Originally, I thought it might be better not to tell this story. Because the more I dwelled on it, the more ridiculous, deceptive, and painful it became. Even though I had guessed to some extent, facing the reality was still so different... I couldn't easily decide what would be best to do."
However.
"The extreme happiness you gave me while I had lost my reason."
The infinite permission and warm smile that seemed like they were bestowed by the one said to be in heaven.
"Made me able to decide. To unfold as honestly as possible what I saw and felt, and then just accept whatever comes according to your choice and conclusion."
"..."
"It's a story that's difficult to react to easily. So it's okay if you don't give an answer right away. Even if you say you don't want to be here..."
"I don't want that."
The words burst out reflexively before he could even think. Kishiar closed his mouth and blinked. Seeing that, Yuder felt the emotions he didn't know how to handle quietly settling.
'That's right.'
This is certainly pain, surprise, and shock.
But it was never hatred, dislike, or anger.
Those had already left Yuder long ago.
From the moment he was captivated by the being before him again...
Thinking that, his lips opened again, and the words in his heart flowed out.
"Since coming back, there's one thing I've been constantly thinking about as I saw memories I didn't know in dreams. Is it really possible to deliberately create a place for one's own defeat?"
"..."
"It's hard to believe even though I suspected it. So the me then didn't know until the end that you were dying, what state you were in. I couldn't know at all what you were thinking, what future you hoped for, how you regarded me and treated me that way. Because I didn't know, of course I couldn't guess that you had tried to create such a place yourself..."
He couldn't guess anything.
He hated and resented because he couldn't know anything.
"Since coming back in time, I've constantly regretted those moments."
If he had had the eyes he had now with accumulated experience back then, he could have guessed several strange points from even the slightest suspicious traces. Even if the other person avoided it, he would have had no problem approaching honestly and continuing to ask and dig.
If he could have looked around with just a little more composure.
If only...
Kishiar shook his head.
"That's the fault of the one who made you think that way. It's natural that you didn't know if it was intended to be hidden. The scariest and most advantageous point about vessel problems is that they can never be judged just by looking at the outside."
It's terribly painful but symptoms don't appear on the outside. If one can endure that terrible pain and maintain basic life activities like eating and sleeping, one can maintain a normal outward appearance. Of course, most people wouldn't be able to endure that.
Yuder continued speaking without agreeing or disagreeing with those words.
"Even after knowing you were someone who could create a place for your own defeat, I couldn't get an answer as to how you regarded me. It was the same when I faced the white glove beyond that crack."
"..."
"So when I heard what you just said... honestly, I was surprised."
Comments
Shrak Prince
I hope I understood correctly. Kishiar almost succeeded in cutting off their bond, but yuder realised and stopped it just before kishiar died? Is that why their bond still exists? And is that when kishiar realised that yuder also held ffection for him and so regretted not realising sooner?
Bernie Jay
And then Kishiar letting Yuder see these flaws and let him in…!
PurpleTea
I should have known Kuyu would hit us hard after all that fluff 😭
Liandrin
Ouch. I’m glad current Kishiar decided that Yuder deserved to know the truth, but it still hurts :(
Patricia Ort
Yes, that is a good point.
Lele_Dod
I'm not sure about the time travel part, because Yudrain died many years later, so cause-effect sequence these events is not clear honestly
Patricia Ort
So, past-Kishiar tried to use his power to "push" at the time of his death to break the bond between himself and Yuder (and save Yuder), but ended up doing something that pushed Yuder's soul back to his younger body at the time of Yuder's execution? Did Kishiar unknowingly set this time travel into motion?
My VoChauThao
*sob* 😭 btw do they still lying down, covered in just a single blanket, naked and have this talk? 🫠
Jesse Gibson
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man 😭😭😭
Marie
I love that so much of this relationship is Yuder's learning about Kishiar's flaws and that making their bond stronger.
Tgcf_fan
"Although it can't be said to be exactly the same heart as the me here now, that unfortunate man at that moment also wanted to protect your light."— 😭😭😭😭😭
