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Bermuda Chapter 303
🕑 Added 2024-09-20 11:39:18 +0000 UTCChapter 303
Leonardo finally stopped retching after spitting out all the PTSD improvement pills he had hurriedly swallowed.
With his lips and chin covered in gastric juices and saliva, he turned on the sink faucet full blast and just wheezed for a while. Then, with trembling hands, he barely managed to rinse his mouth and roughly rubbed his swollen eyes and face.
The front of his clothes, splashed with water, had already lost its function as clothing, but the person in question didn't seem to have the energy to care about such things.
Squeak–
His hair, sleeves, and everything else were soaked, with water droplets falling steadily. Leonardo turned off the faucet and stood still.
With his head bowed low, he caught his breath and then staggered out of the bathroom in a mess. Hugo quickly tried to support him, but Leonardo reflexively brushed off his touch.
He just trudged somewhere, leaving a wet trail behind. However, he didn't get far before his strength gave out and he slid down against the wall.
Occasional coughs and unsteady panting drifted through the silence.
"Haa... ha..."
The red sunset seeping through the window dyed the room in a riot of colors, and thick streams of light flowed thickly over his golden hair.
The light scattered on his damp eyelashes, making his golden eyes sparkle particularly brightly. It was undoubtedly a beautiful sight that could make one forget the passing of time, but to Hugo's eyes, it looked unbearably lonely.
Leonardo hid his sadness behind the falling droplets like rain and rubbed his eyes with his palms before speaking.
"Ian, and Halid, Halid. My family... both of them, foolishly, disappeared in vain. They promised to come back alive, but they never came no matter how long I waited..."
The word 'family' was particularly concerning, but Hugo knew that he had no officially registered family as someone from Bermuda. Thinking it was a metaphorical expression, Hugo softly called out to Leonardo, who seemed about to slip back into the past again.
"Leo."
"I should have just held them back. I should have knocked them out to stop them from going. Why didn't I back then."
"Leonardo."
Leonardo, who stopped speaking at the repeated call, raised his head weakly. Judging by his immediate response, he seemed more calm than before.
"Stop it."
It was a cold, single word that could have sounded heartless. However, Leonardo looked up at him with unfocused eyes, his expression unchanged.
Rather, it was Hugo who gradually furrowed his brow. He closed his eyes tightly, then opened them and let out a low sigh through his clenched teeth.
"Don't torment yourself with past memories."
To Hugo's eyes, Leonardo, muttering about the past in a daze, looked as if he was slicing his own heart with sharp fragments. It was like self-harm. Unable to accept the blessing of forgetfulness that humans should rightfully enjoy, he seemed trapped in the swamp of pain from his comrades' deaths.
Hugo found this unbearable. More than the past tragedies Leonardo recounted, watching him writhe while recalling these tragedies was more painful.
"I... I. I might not be able to comprehend as vividly as you the tragedies of the battlefield, the cries of the dying, the pain of those who watch. But I too lost many subordinates in this subjugation. I'm not telling you to bury your pain. Because I understand, at least a little, how painful it is..."
Hugo couldn't easily organize what he wanted to say. He took a short breath and continued.
"The living remember and honor the dead, but they don't have an obligation to carry that memory for their entire lives."
"..."
"It's in the past, Leonardo. You've already suffered so much."
He wouldn't be able to completely erase the memories of the past. But Hugo hoped that Leonardo could be freed, even a little, from the trauma that was strangling him.
"This is no longer a battlefield. It's time to let them go now."
It was more of a plea than advice or admonition.
He, who must have shone brilliantly on the battlefield, having survived until now, must have witnessed more moments of death than anyone else. It was too harsh a wound for a young boy to bear. Perhaps the shocking stories from his mouth were just a tiny fraction of the pain he carried.
"You need to take care of yourself too. You're struggling."
Who knows how many more battlefield stars might be engraved in Leonardo's mind, eating away at his psyche. Remembering the dead is a wistful and tender act, but it's the way of the world that the living must continue to live for the future.
Hugo took a step forward, gathering the sympathy reflected on his face. He wanted to comfort him somehow.
However, Leonardo's expression as he looked at Hugo was strange. It wasn't a face of someone who had been moved by his words or gained enlightenment.
"...You say it's in the past?"
A retort hiding fierce energy came back. Hugo instinctively stopped in his tracks.
"You say this isn't a battlefield-"
Leonardo struggled to his feet, leaning against the wall. His voice, scratching his throat as if growling, was punctuated with anger.
"That might be true for you people. Not for me."
His eyes shone ominously in the sunset.
"I live here every day. I live seeing my comrades' deaths every day, hearing curses from people I don't even know!"
His figure, backlit by the twilight, looked like it was engulfed in flames. As his aura became uncontrollably sharp again, Hugo closed his mouth.
White steam rose around Leonardo, and his now dry hair fluttered in the hot wind. Yet, the moisture wetting his eyes didn't dry. A large drop once again rolled down his cheek, glistening.
"You know too, you heard it with me! What those trash in the imperial capital call me! They called me a murderer, told me to die. Without knowing how I endured... Those fucking bastards―, who do they think they're alive thanks to."
Leonardo, indignant, pointed accusingly at the crimson window. Hugo's gaze followed the direction, and his memory returned to the day they returned to the imperial capital from Frost territory.
All sorts of shouts that unsettled the heart once again poured down on Leonardo, trapped behind iron bars.
His red lips bit down hard, his chin trembling violently. As if suppressing his rage, seething mana leaked out.
"What did I fight for? Why did my comrades die so miserably? Have I lived until now just to get hit by flying stones? Fuck, what do you know to talk? They begged me to save them. How many enemy soldiers did I kill, what didn't I do for you people–!!"
"Leo!"
Crash–!
A roar mixed with resentment burst out along with his mana. As he angrily swung his arm through the air, the nearby glass windows shattered instantly. Hugo hurriedly raised a wind to push back the fragments falling towards Leonardo, like dangerous snowflake-like weapons accompanied by a sharp sound.
However, Leonardo, seemingly oblivious to the chaos behind him, protested with blood vessels standing out on his forehead and around his eyes.
"At least on the battlefield, I had value. The enemies trembled at my slightest gesture, parting like the Red Sea to survive–. I was always involved in major operations, from occupying Baldur Heights, to the Ragnos Landing Operation, recapturing Fort Vladimir, to annihilating an entire special operations battalion–! Now I have to meekly wear these strange handcuffs given by some stupid blockhead like a criminal!!"
Hugo's eyes twitched at the mention of handcuffs. At the same time, Leonardo's face contorted as if crumbling.
"Fuck... This is bullshit, damn it, ugh... I finally met comrades who don't die, but now they say it's execution if I meet them after tearing everything apart. Ha, what kind of nonsense is this? Huh? I only had honor and comrades, but they took it all away, hic, now I have nothing left, and you say this isn't a battlefield? I'm still fighting every day...?"
He seemed to tire himself out from shouting, and once again slumped down against the wall. Seeing him look as if he might faint at any moment, Hugo reached out his hand, feeling ominous.
Then, Leonardo, with his head bowed, grabbed the back of his own neck and muttered as if suppressing his resentment.
"Are you satisfied now?"
He twisted his lips and asked again.
"I asked if you're satisfied."
While until now his anger had been directed at an unspecified majority, this time it seemed aimed at Hugo himself, causing him to raise one eyebrow.
At that moment, Leonardo raised his head, his sharp eyes looking up.
"You said you'd protect me, let me live freely–. Are you happy now that you've made me a cripple who can't do anything without you? Is this why you brought me here, to see me like this?"
"What? Leo–"
"Because I meekly take the medicine you give me pretending to know nothing, do you think I'm like a toy dancing in your palm now? You're the same, just like that bastard. In the end, there's no difference. You're also trying to use me–"
"That's not it. Leo! Listen to me–"
"No one, no one protects me. No one cares. How I live, how miserable I am..."
His face, which had been rambling, gradually crumbled. His tear ducts seemed inexhaustible. Leonardo buried his face in his hands and sobbed quietly.
Hugo looked down at him with a pained expression. He wanted to tell him it was a misunderstanding, but the other party was too overwhelmed to listen.
And he couldn't say that he bore no responsibility for making him like this. Hugo barely moved his lips with a devastated expression.
"I hate everything, I want to kill everyone. Huu..."
"..."
"The world flows on just fine without me, but I'm still stuck here."
A voice mixed with wails flowed out between fingers with protruding knuckles. Even that was bright red in the red light. Like a boy crying covered in blood.
Watching the shoulders that shook silently, unable to wail out loud, Hugo unconsciously squeezed his eyes shut. Everything felt like his fault. He knew that no words he could say here would comfort Leonardo.
But even so, Hugo took one step, two steps towards him. He couldn't just leave him alone. He looked so precarious that Hugo worried he might shatter.
There were glass shards scattered on the floor that hadn't been cleared away, but Hugo slowly knelt in front of Leonardo as if seeking forgiveness. Then, instead of saying anything, he spread his arms and embraced the sobbing shoulders and head. A faint trembling transmitted through his chest, and the shoulders in his arms flinched and stiffened for a moment.
"...What are you doing?"
Leonardo half-raised his flushed face and glared at Hugo's profile. As soon as he grasped the situation, he pushed against Hugo's chest and struggled to break free from his embrace.
"Let go. What are you trying to do?"
But Hugo didn't let Leonardo go. He just held him tightly with both arms, enduring his struggles without moving.
Leonardo raised his nails against the firm forearms, but when there was no reaction, he clenched his fists without hesitation. He then proceeded to strike Hugo's forearms, abdomen, and back in order. The fierce voice he muttered in between was accompanied by groans as if straining himself, indicating how much force he was using.
"Let go, I said let go! You won't? Ugh, fuck, let go―!!"
However, Hugo only silently endured the tantrum while pressing his upper body closer to Leonardo's. He rather hoped that Leonardo would hit him until his anger subsided and forgive him.
Thud, thud, dull sounds echoed repeatedly.
Just as his knuckles were starting to ache, Hugo, who had been patient, spoke one word in a calm tone.
"I'm sorry."
At that moment, Leonardo's fist, which was about to strike Hugo's shoulder, stopped abruptly in mid-air. His eyes, which had been alternating between inhaling and exhaling, dilated.
Eventually, his golden eyes slowly rolled down to stare at Hugo's slowly undulating Adam's apple and lower jaw. His fine brow contorted greatly. Leonardo grabbed Hugo's waist and began repeatedly butting his forehead against Hugo's shoulder.
As if frustrated, he headbutted with all his might, as if intending to shatter together. It was enough to make Hugo's upper body sway greatly once or twice.
But his mountain-like body soon regained balance, and again came a quiet voice that made one's strength drain away.
"I'm sorry."
It wasn't even a voice enduring pain. It was just sorrowful and choked up.
Leonardo, who had been about to headbutt again, suddenly stopped and just leaned his forehead against Hugo's shoulder, as if all his strength had left him.
"Ha..."
Leonardo's hair, as he blankly caught his seething breath, slid powerlessly down the broad chest. After staring at the dark space between them for a moment, he gritted his teeth so hard it made a sound.
Soon, he bowed his head and buried his face in the other's chest.
He didn't want others to see his crying face. That was all. He didn't want to rely on anyone.
"Hic, ugh..."
"..."
Hugo, without realizing it, trapped the limp body that had reluctantly clung to him in his arms and gently comforted him for a while. He didn't have the confidence to offer words of comfort. He could only embrace the trembling shoulders in silence, offering his broad chest.
Small dust particles floating in the tranquil sunset settled one by one on the golden hair. To prevent his glory from fading, Hugo continued to gently stroke his hair.
The pain of a once-brilliant hero left behind in the annals of history. Facing its reality, even just looking at the twilight outside the window gradually made his eyes hot.
Hugo closed his eyes tightly and buried his lips in the golden head. At this moment, the name of the hero who protected everyone felt like shackles created by the cruelty of adults.
The fact that such a young and strong boy was trembling alone inside would remain a secret between him and Leonardo until the day they died.
Comments
IzetIsa
"didn't have the confidence to offer words of comfort" Yes, Hugo pls stick to hugs boiiiii words of comfort aren't your thing (but honestly irl I'm not good either at comforting with words, sometimes it's even better to just to be there when the other needs it and wait for them)
Jesse Gibson
Ah man 😭😭😭 I cried so much. Just messy crying, snot and all ugh my heart
Mkslushi
My heart 😭😭💔 I hope this relieves some of the weight off his chest . And I want them to delete the mf who put that collar on Leo 😤
