nude_mind
patreon
Are you there?~
🕑 Added 2023-05-29 07:00:04 +0000 UTCThank you so much for your overwhelming patience~
I want to express my sincere apology for my absence and for all the doubts and concerns that have arisen as a result of my behavior.
I don't intend to justify myself because what I did has no justification.
In the next 30 minutes I will start posting again opening with an official finished sequence, hope you like it!
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Now...
... I simply want to provide you with some context about the thoughts and feelings that brought me here, if you are interested~
Just an explanation, not a justification~
During this period, I was going through difficult times in my family,
facing changes that disrupted my mental balance. This came at a time when I had to confront insecurities with my art once again,
which made me doubt my own abilities. I reached a point where I didn't like what I could create and considered giving up, setting aside my pride as an artist and simply surrendering to artificial intelligence to adapt myself to the future.
I'm aware that I said I wouldn't talk about this topic anymore, and I hate myself for having to bring it up again. <(＿ ＿)>
I tried to ignore it, avoid it, and focus only on what me and other artists can do. But wherever I go, wherever I see, there's a proliferation of AI, from AI-generated thumbnails to VTubers, scammers, fake artists, documentaries, advertisements, rotoscoped dance animations, and advanced AI artists like "Puffyart".
So when I went to Pixiv and saw that the recommendations were full of AI instead of human works, it made me feel strange and amplified my doubts.
⊙﹏⊙∥
I started to feel like I was crazy for continuing to dedicate myself to drawing on my own, I felt we were the past, we were not the chosen.
I explored the latest models and tools available, I saw the improvements and I explored their limitations. However, this only increased more my insecurity.
I thought that each new skill, each new step in my art, was bringing me closer to the style of artificial intelligence. This led me to question the purpose of continuing to learn and improve, which in turn caused a burnout that I never thought I could possible have, since I always found motivation in getting better, in thinking that the next month I would draw better than yesterday. But if improving leads me to become like AI style (an extremely devaluated one because you can make it in literal seconds and better), what's the point of improving in the first place?
All of this deeply affected me, and I experienced a significant emotional exhaustion. I felt ashamed of myself to the point where I didn't know how to face it and communicate all of this to you, which is what I hate the most, not being able to handle it. Because it's as simple as communicating it at the right time.
I used that time to search for a reason that would restore my motivation, something that would bring me back the love for my own creations. Unfortunately, I fell back into a pit of pessimism.
I know all of this may seem absurd, and I know that the true value of my work lies on all of you, the community that have enjoyed my stuff and has supported me for just doing what my darkest fantasies dictate. However, I still struggle to understand why you like what I do, and I certainly have a kind of "imposter syndrome".
≧ ﹏ ≦
My desire is to grow and stop being an insecure person filled with doubts and sorrows towards artificial intelligence and my own abilities. I want to become someone who can face challenges with maturity and stop being the pretentious and ungrateful person I have been so far. I'm trying, but I don't know why it's so difficult.
.·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.
I truly regret all of this, and I hate myself for my childish attitude and lack of gratitude towards all the support you give me. I sincerely appreciate your patience. Starting right now, I will begin uploading content, and I will try to stop overthinking and focus solely on all of you.
If I see that this situation continues, I will freeze the billing on Patreon whenever I feel emotional overwhelmed again, but honestly I hope and think the storm is finally calming down~ (´。＿。｀)
Comments
Nude_Soul
Thank you so so much Narii, tbh I was a little afraid that you would scold me, because I think I deserve it hehe, But I feel so warm reading you, that I can't feel nothing else than happyness right now, thank you so much really! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)
Nude_Soul
Thank you so much Sean! I really appreciate your words
Princess Narii
Nude nude nude, what an emotional rolorcoaster you put yourself in every time. If you actually managed to stay consistent im pretty confident you will not just grow as a creator but also on patreon! Also just a headsup, working with AI tools is not something most people can. Atleast not for sexual content. To get the right software installing it and using it is still quite complex for normal pc users. Pretty confident it will stay like that for a long time. Most AI tools have a strict no 18+ rule. So please do not worry to much about AI. Besides your stuff is still infinitly better then what i so far have seen AI produce. Also while i have personally no hate towards free AI systems, but alot of them are Payed. Which is something i dispise as they never payed for the art they are using. Alot of people seem to feel the same way and are taking more and more of a stance against AI art too.
Sean
I'm glad you're back. Please don't be discouraged by AI. You are my favorite artist and nobody draws the same fetishes as well as you in my opinion.
