phillipthe2
patreon
Oh, You Think...
🕑 Added 2024-04-08 13:00:14 +0000 UTCTo call Irma's husband, Thirsty, a male chauvinist would be a small understatement. Long before Archie Bunker defined the term, Thirsty had his long-suffering wife waiting on him hand and foot. He's a lay-about, chain-smoking, heavy drinker, who only seems to like golfing on the weekend and lounging around the house...whereas she does all of the housework, often doing all of the yard work too, while he snoozes the day away in a nearby lawn chair. It comes as little surprise that they constantly argue and are in a perpetual state of near-divorce.
In recent years, however, he's laid off on the drinking and smoking to some degree, but little else has changed...to include their all-but-nonexistent sex life. He's the kind of man women love to hate...so, it's no small wonder that he's driven her into someone else's arms. Or rather...driven her into another woman's arms.
Lois isn't just her longtime next-door neighbor and best friend, she's also the only thing Irma has that even remotely resembles a sex life. When Hi and Thirsty head off at work and the kids are at school, Irma comes a-calling. The usual chit-chat and gossiping over coffee complete, the pair almost always find themselves parting ways with their clothing...scissoring away on the living room sofa...sharing a double-ended toy in the bedroom...or simply letting their mouths and digits exploring one another in the kitchen breakfast nook.
This morning, however, Irma senses that something is different...a little glow about her she hasn't seen in some time. Lois peers over her upturned coffee cup, smiling around its porcelain rim...Irma smirking at her with a raised eyebrow in return.
Irma: Hmmm... Somebody got laid, didn't they?
Lois flutters her eyelids, rolling her eyes as she sets her cup down, a deep shade of crimson appearing on her cheeks.
Lois: You... You could say that.
Irma: Uh-huh. Rocked your world didn't he?
Lois stifles a little sputter of a laugh, looking up at the wall above Irma's head. By Irma's tone of voice, Lois surmises that she isn't referring to her husband. Irma knows her best friend far better than that.
Irma: C'mon now, the cat's outta the bag. Anybody I know?
Lois: Well... (sighs deeply) It's a little awkward.
Irma: Awkward, she says. Ohhh, now I need details!
Lois: ...and a little embarrassing.
Irma half-smirks at her, inquisitively squinting one eye while raising the opposite eyebrow.
Irma: Alright... You're gonna make me guess, aren't you?
Lois bobbles her head while smirking in the affirmative.
Irma: Hmmm... Awkward and embarrassing, yet made you see stars, aye? Definitely not Hi...and sure as hell not...
Irma jerks her thumb in the general direction of her house. Lois, in turn, wrinkles her nose, disgusted by the mere suggestion of her doing it with the pig of a man that is Irma's husband. Lois's expression says enough... Irma's expression, once serious, fades to a snickering, shoulder-jerking laugh...a little joke at the blonde's expense.
Lois: Oh... Funny... Verrry funny. You married him.
Irma: Alright, alright. Heh! At least describe the mystery man to me.
Lois lets out an irritated sigh, knowing full well that her bestie will just continue to pester her until she gives up a name.
Lois: He's tall...
Irma: Alright... Tall is good. Don't want any sawed off, little Napoleons.
Lois: He's blonde, with blue eyes.
Irma: Tall, blonde, blue-eyed... Ohhh, I like where this is going.
Lois: Kinda gangly, though.
Just as Irma opens her mouth to say something, Chip comes trudging into the kitchen...he's got the day off from school thanks to a 'sick note'...past the two women and straight to the refrigerator.
Lois: You're not gonna say hello to Irma?
Chip: Oh, hey, Mrs Thurston. Didn't see yuh there.
Chip opens the fridge after giving the woman a cursory wave, then sticks his head inside to look for a snack. Irma stares at the young man for a second...the tall, blonde, and decidedly lanky young man...her eyes slowly widening in realization. The brunette blinks repeatedly, her mouth slightly agape, eyes darting from Lois to Chip and back again. Lois gives her bestie a tiny glimmer of a smile.
Lois: (whispering) ...and very well endowed.
Download it here.
Original Sketch by Rage Grenade
Colors and Edits by Phillipthe2
