StuckInAPit
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Thank You For October
🕑 Added 2024-10-31 23:10:00 +0000 UTCA soft little thing to bring this month's saga to a close, thank you all so so much for being so supportive and encouraging while I was going through my emotions.
To compensate I hereby declare November and December Halloween II: Electric Boogaloo, so don't be surprised to see something themed pop up at a later date. One reason this month's art block struggles bummed me out extra bad was because I genuinely was so delighted by some of the halloween suggestions (Van Helsing x Dracula, hello???? Who are you and how did you break into my favourite movies and hottest werewolf files????)
To anyone interested in hearing my thoughts on what went on inside my head to so thouroughly throw me out of the loop, the next few lines will be me musing on that:
I feel I've been both too critical of my work lately, and put pressure on myself to produce produce produce. Not because anyone told me to, but it's a hole I dug myself, said "oh boy am I glad I'm not the one in that hole!", covered it with leafs, and then my dumb ass fell right into it. I'm usually pretty good at giving myself leniency in the way that I allow myself times to just think, come up with ideas and visions for images, but this time around every time I sat down to draw, whatever came out just... wasn't it. And when that became a cycle for days, weeks, I panicked. But ideas, both my own and your suggestions, they're still there. And they pile up. And when none of it escapes, making room for new ones? I got lost in them all, trying to juggle everything at once while not concentrating anything at all.
It felt exactly like that one time couple of years ago, if anyone remembers. And just like back then, I can feel it in my bones that all I need to breathe, self-indulge, get some inspiring narration and art in front of my eyes, and a stretchy arm to pat myself on the back, to tell me it's okay you fool. And I cannot lie, hearing from you guys too that's it's okay, that helps. A lot.
More specifically, I think I shot myself in the foot this time around by fixating on the slasher thing. I feel it was one of those things where it's not really a genre I'm familiar with, nor I personally understand, but I feel like I... kinda? Secondhand get it? And it felt exciting to try something with it, I had ideas for images, but it all kinda clashed for both personal reasons as well as fear of patreon's content rules. Because you know. Slasher. Implications. And I just could not wrap my head around how to draw something that A) was representative for what I think people like about the genre, B) was still loyal to what I personally like and find hot, and C) wouldn't get my account sniped for a character not smiling enough while getting pounded by a bloody man in a mask. You know. That recipe spells for a dull, uninspired disaster.
I did some horror film research though! My boyfriend showed me Scream and Blair Witch Project (yes yes I'm uncultured and I own it!), we also watched Sleepaway camp and I think anyone who's seen that one can guess that I am now forever obsessed with camp counselor himbo Ronnie and his teeny tiny man shorts. What a legend.
That's a lot of text, no issue if you skipped it lmao. But! Good news! Getting some succesfull art under my belt at the end here has lifted my mood dramatically, so even though I want to keep my pace steady and build my mojo back up, I'm feeling optimistic.
Good news number two, I'm getting a kitten next Saturday so you can expect to see pics of him over at bluesky (OH and yeah all the shit once again going on with social media? Not helping with the stress!!!)
Thank you so much again. Thank you. I hope you had a nice halloween and that November will treat you kindly.β€οΈ
Comments
Pete
Thank you so much β€οΈ And about the film, I enjoyed it! Concerning certain elements I like to give it the grace of it being made at the time that it was, but the way I intrepreted it, on some level the twist also adds to the horror element from a queer perspective (I called that mother out from the very first scene π), so... idk. Worth a content warning for sure, but I really enjoyed the campiness (hah!)
Pete
I hate how relatable that feeling is, it sucks! But we'll get through all our individual funks πͺ Thank you so much Ashy β€οΈ
Pete
I think it needs to be widely adopted to compat christmas π
Pete
November bday month, happy birthday for whatever day it is on! And thank you β€οΈ
Pete
omg Thunder!! Thank you Robin β€οΈ
Pete
Thank you Ellie, I hate how relatable the feeling is π©π¦
Pete
Thank you so much β€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈπ
Pete
Thank you so so much for your kind words β€οΈπ I gotta make room in the schedule for more trans Hawks for you
Pete
It could definitely play a part in it! Winter darkness always hits here in the north, whether we realise it or not. Thank you so much β€οΈ
Pete
Thank you so much Fi β€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈ
Pete
Thank you so much for the kind words β€οΈ
Pete
FOR REAL The fortress against the approaching intruder has to be held ππ
Pete
Thank you! β€οΈ
Pete
Thank you, he's been a handful π
Taakotruck
Also I'd love to hear your thoughts on Sleepaway Camp because it's very dear to me, but my feelings on it are also very complicated and I'm sure you can guess why lmao I highly recommend 2. It's much campier (lol) and Angela is an absolute delight.
Taakotruck
I'm so glad you're coming out of your slump! It's so discouraging when the ideas in your head just aren't translating to the canvas the same way you envision them no matter what you do or how many times you try, and I'm sure trying to dance around platform restrictions only exacerbates that stress. But we're always happy for Pete art and we'll love it even when you don't! Also congrats on the kitten <3
Ashyscribbles
"ideas, both my own and your suggestions, they're still there. And they pile up. And when none of it escapes, making room for new ones?" *chuckles nervously and side-eyes 7 pages long art ideas doc* Oh, I feel you, I feel you so hard π It's stressing me so much seeing how the list only gets longer while I know that I won't even be able to finish 5% of it at this point and I feel like all I can do is spiral further down. I'm glad you managed to crawl out of that trap once again and I'm looking foward to your art (even though I haven't commented much lately), no matter how fast and how much you're gonna post π«Ά
Blythe
December Halloween II: Electric Boogaloo is my new favorite holiday idea!
Leo
we support you always pete!! november is my birthday month so im extra excited!! π₯°
Robin
When you said kitten, all I can think of is the cute comic you did with Hawks finding a kitten and Enji naming her Thunder <3 I hope you enjoy your kitten experience just as much as Cat Dad Enji did. And yeah, the internal pressure to create, and to do more is hard. We all expect more from ourselves than others do, hold ourselves to higher standards. I'm sorry those thoughts have been getting you down, but I am definitely here for the self indulgent ideas that you have. I hope you can take the pressure off a little and give yourself a break. I'm always excited to see whatever you want to show off!
Ellie
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on where you think you checked in on the struggle bus, because despite artists (or creatives in general) all being in different life situations, I'm sure we all VERY MUCH RELATED to the line "too critical of my work lately, and put pressure on myself to produce produce produce" oh god everytime I read it it's like I'm calling myself out π¨ Also your description of digging the hole and then falling in, you could say you were *Stuck-in-a-pit* haha, I am so sorry for that joke, call this my lame attempt to make you laugh. ^^; Until you mentioned it I completely forgot about Patreon's rules about facial expressions when it comes to certain types of NSFW art depictions and it's definitely something hard to juggle, I think more so in one off artworks, whereas in comics you have more wiggle room to add dialogue, multiple facial panels etc to work around it even if one panel has a 'im not feeling it' face. But now I will proceed to slightly freak out about it oh boy... x__x But either way, glad you managed to pull yourself out, I'm sure most of us were just sitting there in the mud waiting for you to say "okay i'm done! Out we go" haha, so go, be free and draw the smutty smut, I shall be sitting in the mud until I find a way to get myself out *continues making mud cakes*. ALSO YES, November is a dead month so like I think it's fine to keep Halloween going through it a bit!
Xennials
Absolutely beautiful, I wanted to comment on the previous design where Enji and Hawks are naked in the act of love, and this beautiful image gives me the opportunity (again) to adore the expression on Hawks' hands. The way she clings to Enji at every opportunity speaks louder than any gesture or pose, my god, her hands grab him and squeeze him and possess him. Uff!! Thank you for giving us so much and I love that you take your time to watch movies and breathe, you deserve it. Tonight I'm leaving for Halloween in my sexy pumpkin costume xD Have a happy Halloween too!!
Chikwen _McNuggets
I'm so glad you're feeling better!! We will always be here to support you no matter if you're feeling like drawing or not, every piece is a complete delight The wait is always worth it! And us who we also draw, it's really understandable and relatable hearing about other people's art blocks π I personally love your art, I've been following you for at least one year on Twitter, and finding your art was so amazing, as a trans mΓ‘s who is obsessed with hawks seeing your trans version of him made me feel so seen, and I mean I do love your endehawks art, but everything you do is awesome and I'm really happy to finally be able to pay for your Patreon, you deserve it. You're definitely in my top 3 fav artists, your art is really inspiring. And I'm really excited to see what will you do next! No matter how much time that takes π«π« Thanks for everything
Alummaa
Pete, do you think maybe you get winter blues which drags on your motivation? I have the same problem, and I've really noticed a similar mood change between myself and your updates. Haply Halloween! Supporting you always! Please take care of yourself!
Fi
We love you Pete! So proud of your journey and absolutely take care of yourself! π©·
Meagan
I think any of us who have hobbies can relate to hitting a wall that looks impossible to climb. And it must be so much more stressful when youβre producing content - someone is always going to be critical but itβs okay when you like your art, but how can you cope if you donβt even like your art to start with?? Everyone needs a break, weβre still here! We love you! Happy Halloween (itβs still Halloween here where I am, lol!) π and enjoy the new kitten!!
Clara
With everything already moving onto Christmas I look forward to Halloween II!
Warden
YOU'RE DOIN GREAT!! also this picture is so soft.
Lane
Good luck with the kitten!!!
