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Writer's Blog: A New Perspective
🕑 Added 2021-12-26 08:42:39 +0000 UTCChapter 1 has a new subway POV! (Same link as before.)
In the end, this new version isn’t all that different from the original. The changes are certainly less drastic than the various drafts I wrote up from scratch, which included passages like:
Time freezes when you see their face.
No . . . time doesn’t freeze. It reverses, and you are once again a child peaking through the narrow crack between closet doors, both hands clasped over your mouth lest your breath escape, silently praying that same face doesn’t turn your way.
The memory fades. You’re still you, but older and better at keeping quiet.
And also:
Damn. Damn it to hell. Damn it to whatever lies beneath hell.
You didn't want to recognize them, but when has the universe ever taken your desires into consideration? If you were capable of believing in a higher power, you might take offense at their obvious vendetta, but instead you only feel a grim resignation settle upon your shoulders.
Ellery Wiseman will be just one more burden to bear, one more crime to carry.
Ultimately, however, I realized that there should be a little bit of a moustache-twirly evil vibe . . . but in a way that doesn’t read as quite as evil on a second playthrough. Shard (aka the antihero formerly known as Noh, but I’ve tweaked the mask description for clarity) shouldn’t come across as potentially sympathetic from the get-go, which means leaving out mentions of their backstory. Rather than completely soften their perspective, I instead tried to inject their narrative with a sense of motivation other than curiosity (as they do have a reason for spying on Button’s mind and aren’t simply a peeping Tom). Whether that plan is nefarious or not isn’t specified, leaving it up to readers to likely imagine the worst.
I also took out the overall feeling that Shard looks down on Button, which honestly made me cringe when rereading. The descriptor “broken” is still used, but phrases like “child” and “fool” have been taken out. As I’ve said before: the more I write a character, the more I get to know them. At first, I assumed that Shard had a smug sense of superiority. Surely they had to in order to justify using Button to plant the bomb? It was only several chapters deep that I realized that they’re driven not by elitist indifference but rather by a unshakeable sense of necessity. Everything they do, they genuinely believe to be the only option available in order to prevent certain (catastrophic) outcomes.
To this end, I’ve also tempered their feelings towards John and Hope into something that is more derisive than pure hatred. A lot of this comes down to simple word changes, and the current passage likely still isn't yet the final draft (which might include some of the new passages, but I’m trying to avoid getting lost in editing before making it to the final chapter). For now, my hope is that my beloved Subway Creep now comes across less like Nosferatu-esque sewer stalker and more like the fatalistic antihero that they truly are.
Comments
Sharp
These are so good, and are definitely a better match to Shard's character. They did feel a little different in later chapters, which does go to show that the more you write them, the better you know them. I feel like these little tidbits will absolutely SEND readers when they realize lol
Ngl I would pay real money to see the look on Shard's face when they hear themselves referred to as "Subway Creep" and "Nosferatu-esque sewer stalker", which to be fair those are both very fitting for them in the story at that point.
Good to noh that shard of info. I'll see myself out.
Chigusa Eyes
Adrian thinks "Let's get to work." in particular might flow better bc he thinks it's a little wordy? I'm nodding at both of you uselessly atm, words are hard when you're waiting for pain pills to kick in.
Chigusa Eyes
That makes sense!! And I can see why you are refining the last sentence: it works, but also...? Something is slightly stilted? Maybe the wording? I do like what you're obviously aiming for! The only thing I'm not quite sure--and this might be bc I knew the original, so bc it reads diff, my mind is catching on each change, but the original tone does seem to have a particular...? contrast against the newer narrative tone. But I think I'll reread it a couple more times to see if it's just me adjusting to the new narrative!
Jo O'Connor
I'm still refining the very last sentence in particular, but I do think the vibe is now much more accurate to their actual character
Chigusa Eyes
Joooooooooooooo im Yelling
