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Unity: U + Me
🕑 Added 2021-07-17 21:50:16 +0000 UTCJuly's 2nd short story! I wanted to it to be serious and insightful, but well . .
This happened.
Something is wrong with your best friend.
Sally didn’t show up to Aeon today, and over the weekend her texts had become more and more curt. The last time you texted her, asking what she thought of your all-black outfit in a deliberate provocation, she’d only replied with “Looks nice!” Her approval of attire she would’ve customarily deemed “depressingly gothic,” combined with the fact she was texting normally as opposed to in all CAPS, lead you to an inevitable conclusion: Sally had been body-snatched.
When Kim informed you that Sally had called in sick this morning, your suspicions were confirmed. It wasn’t that Sally never got sick (she was human, after all), but rather that she usually refused to acknowledge it. The only logical supposition was therefore that Sally was no longer Sally, but rather an imposter.
Determined to unmask this intruder, your fist now slams on the front door of Sally’s house. You hadn’t texted in advance that you were dropping by, afraid that it might alert whomever had taken possession of Sally’s body. In your non-knocking hand, you carry a grocery bag filled with tissues, Gatorade, and a sealed tupperware of Nick’s chicken soup—just in case your best friend is genuinely sick.
The door creaks slowly open. Sally’s face peeks outside, cheeks ashen and dark bags shadowing her red-rimmed hazel eyes.
“What are you doing here?” she croaks.
“Making sure you haven’t been possessed,” you answer, shouldering your way into the house. You examine her from top to bottom: her red curls escape her bun in sloppy disarray, and she’s wearing a well-worn yellow bathrobe with a toothpaste stain down its front.
“What happened?” you ask, aghast. Sally usually takes pride in dressing up, even on days when you two lounge around the house doing nothing.
Sally laughs, but it quickly turns into a cough. “Just a cold.”
“Sal, you look like Death with a capital D. All you need is a pale pony.”
"I'm tall enough for a regular horse!"
"Not my point. You look sick sick."
“I had a minor fever,” Sally concedes.
“How minor?”
Sally shrugs. “The doctor said I’d be fine at the hospital. I have meds.”
“You were hospitalized? And you didn’t call me?” A pang of hurt pierces your heart; after all this time, you’d deluded yourself into believing that Sally felt comfortable relying on you, felt that she was one of the few people who treated you as simply “you” rather than someone needing protection. Were you wrong about your friendship?
“No!” Sally exclaims hastily as she senses your emotions. “I meant to call, I swear! But then, uh . . .” she trails off, her eyes guiltily downcast.
You cross your arms.
Sally sighs. “I keep dying because Gray doesn’t love me.”
* * * *
“It’s called Unity: U + Me,” Sally explains, stretching across the living room couch to pass you the Switch controller. On the wall-mounted TV, cherry blossom petals flutter over an anime depiction of Aeon Tower. Since when did Chicago have cherry blossom trees? “The original game was a charitable collaboration between Unity’s Tokyo branch and Pickaman Games, but the standalone was so successful that they made it into a series.”
You scour the depths of your memory. “Isn’t Pikaman the company that made that dating sim that went viral last year?”
Sally nods eagerly. “Yeah! Only in Unity: U + Me, the dateable characters are famous AMOs instead of cats.”
Wait. You vaguely recall Nick mentioning that he’d been asked to voice lines for a dating simulation, but you’d thought he’d been joking.
“This is an advanced copy,” Sally explains. “You play as a fictional member of UCRT called Love, and fight crime while romantically pursuing the other members.”
“Everyone on UCRT agreed to do this?” Nick’s cooperation makes sense, but you have a hard time imagining Grayson being comfortable with the idea of whispering sweet nothings into a mic. And Peace never even takes off her mask.
Sally shrugs. “The proceeds go to charity, and it’s good PR for Unity. Besides, it’s not like U + Me’s UCRT members are exact one-for-ones.”
She takes back the controller and pulls up the main screen, where a cast of anime men and women lounge in provocative poses and stare back at you from overlarge eyes. Despite Sally’s claims, you easily recognize the two intended to represent your brother and Gray. Gray’s eyes are purple, and his shirt is several sizes too small, but it’s definitely him.
Sally hovers the curser over Gray. “This is Black Greenson,” she explains as the anime character whispers a sultry “well hello there” in Gray’s voice. She selects Nick. “And this is Nicola Smartkid. It’s pretty obvious that the game’s a fictionalized version of UCRT’s real members, but their personalities are mostly tropes.”
“Together, we’ll be undefeatable!” Nick’s voice chirps from the TV.
“Uh-huh.” You’re uncertain whether to be amused or horrified. “And you’ve been dying because Gray—because Black—doesn’t love you?”
“His affection points are impossible to gain!” Sally huffs. “Most VNs have some sort of visual cue that you’re making the right choice, but U + Me doesn’t give any indication until you’re already on one of the bad ending paths.”
“Uh-huh,” you repeat. “How’d you get ahold of this any way?”
“Glitch stole an advanced copy,” she says. “We trade game recommendations.” She waves a dismissive hand. “It’s not important. What matters is that Gray won’t love me!”
“You mean Black.”
“Whatever.” Sally waves a dismissive hand. “Look, I’ve done all the other routes, but can’t unlock the True Ending until I get his last CG.”
“Wait. Does this mean that you romanced Nick?”
“His route was easy,” Sally replies. “Just click on all the answers involving cupcakes.”
“So you—”
“Bestie, please.” Sally clasps her hands together in a praying gesture. “Help me with the last route? I seriously can’t figure out where I’m going wrong.”
Curiosity compels you to agree. It takes Sally under a minute to blaze through the common route, using the skip function to pass over each character’s sparkle-laden introduction.
“I’ve been playing this game for three days straight,” she says darkly. “Getting on Black’s route just requires offering him one of the cookies that Nicola makes for you.”
“Uh . . . huh.”
Finally, the words “Chapter 1” float over the character sprite for Gray—er, Black. Greenson?
“Now we’re on his route,” Sally announces. She plops the controller into your hands. “Woo him.”
* * * *
Nick was worried. It was already past midnight, and Button still hadn’t returned home. Not that they had a curfew, but usually they called if they were going to be home this late. His mind longed to stretch beyond its resting range in search of his missing sibling, but he’d promised to be less . . . “hover-crafty” was the phrase Button had used. Which meant he needed to exercise restraint and call like a normal brother.
Button’s phone rang five times before they finally picked up.
“What is it?” they snapped, sounding agitated.
“Just checking to see whether you’ll be back tonight!” Nick said, doing his best to come across as cheerily unconcerned. They’d answered the phone, so at least they were still alive. And they were irritated at him, which meant that they were probably still themselves.
“No, I—” A cry of anguish cut off Button’s words.
Nick frowned. “Was that Salome? Are you guys okay?”
“We’re fine,” Button said shortly. “Except Black won’t love us.”
“What—”
“I’m gonna sleep over at Sally’s tonight. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Love you,” Nick started to say, but they’d already hung up.
His next call was to Grayson.
“Hullo?” Grayson asked in a bleary voice. The man went to bed at 11pm sharp every night, so Nick’s call had likely woken him up. Not that Nick was in any mood to care.
“Gray, I’m going to say this as polite and calm as possible,” Nick said, “because you are my best friend and I trust you.”
Gray yawned. “Is this important?”
“What the hell did you do to Button and Salome?”
“What?” Gray barked, suddenly awake. “Nothing!”
“Then why did I just get off the phone with Button who complained that you wouldn’t love them?” Nick demanded. “Did you say something? Did you do something? What happened?”
“Don’t be an arse,” Gray shot back. “You know me.”
“Which is why I’m so confused!”
“Tell me what they said. Exact words.”
“I don’t know!” Nick was becoming increasingly upset. He didn’t like being kept in the dark—wasn’t used to it. But Sally’s house was outside his resting brainrange, and he’d promised to be less of a helicopter brother. Which meant, for the first time in his life, Button’s thought process was a mystery to him. “Button said that they were fine, except that you wouldn’t love them.”
“They said that?”
“‘We’re fine,’” Nick quoted, trying to mimic Button’s voice. “‘Except Black won’t love us.’ Verbatim.”
“. . . Nick.”
“What?”
“When has your sibling ever called me Black?”
“Never, but—"
“You’re a moron. They’re probably talking about that stupid game you convinced me to do. The one for charity, where my character is called . . .”
“Black Greenson,” Nick realized, aghast and relieved. Of course Gray wouldn’t have done anything awful. “But U + Me hasn’t publicly released yet.”
“You seriously think that would stop them from getting their hands on a version?”
“No,” Nick conceded. “Do you think that they realized—”
“That Greenson’s route is bugged?” Gray finished with another yawn. “Doesn’t sound like it.”
“Should I call Button back and let them know?”
“I don’t give a damn, Nick. Just let me go back to sleep.”
Comments
Skippy Hugo
I am sooo glad I'm alone. Nobody needs to hear me snort-laugh
rasehum hiyuki
BECAUSE GRAY DOESNT LOVE ME I love this so much even if it is 100% a call out ;)
This story had me in stitches because damn that frustration is real (also I lowkey want Unity: U + Me now...)
If I had any idea what that was I would compliment your great taste, but I don’t. So I won’t.
Jo O'Connor
Or Stormlover Kai. Would totally not recommend 🤷♀️
Japanese dating sims? I don’t know anything about those. I would also not recommend the Tokimeki Memorial Girl’s Side series. If you know how to run DS or PSP emulators. Which I don’t.
Yali
The amount of tea I’ve spit out during reading this piece is immeasurable. And now we know how Gray keeps getting roped into these ridiculous ventures - but of course it would be for charity! 😂
Jo O'Connor
It's 100% a callout. But I wouldn't be able to make fun of the games if I didn't also play them :P
Boo
This feels like a call out
Purple
Black Greenson 🤣🤣🤣
