Illiriel
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183: This is Perhaps the Sassiest Cache of Hidden Equipment in All the Cosmos
🕑 Added 2025-12-17 03:11:05 +0000 UTCOkay, Ashtoreth said through the telepathy. I know you wanted me to be quiet, but… I can’t be the only one who thinks the name “Orchard,” is pretty danged auspicious?
Sure, said Hunter. But I’m searching the rest of the facility before I try warping there.
Hey! I wasn’t suggesting otherwise, she said. I’m just thinkin’ that this Orchard place might not be all about trees, if you get what I’m saying.
Hunter knew that if he replied, she’d just keep the conversation going, so he moved for the stairs that circled the outer edge of the room, sure that the bunker was filled with even more interesting finds. After all—if the very first room was essentially an address book, then clearly the place had been meant to be found.
The room he’d arrived in was at the top of what might have been an underground tower, and he quickly floated down many turns of the spiral steps that led below until he came to a platform where three equidistant doors had been set into the circular wall.
This place goes deep, he said. I’ve now gone down ten, twelve stories at least before coming to some more openings.
The first door led to a short hallway that opened up into a well lit, warehouse-like chamber lined with huge metal storage cabinets, each as long as the chamber itself and tall enough that scaffolding had built around them to allow access to their upper shelves.
He stepped up to one of the shelves, then pulled open a metal drawer that reminded him of a filing cabinet and peered inside.
It took him a moment to realize what he was looking at. Eight long, cloth straps with metal adjustors had been folded and laid along one half of the drawer. The other half had a set of three bags, a metal rod, and a tiny metal capsule attached to another adjustable cloth strap.
Curious, Hunter reached in and took out one of the cloth straps, tagging it.
[Magnitude 240 Stat-Enhancer]
Can only be equipped by a human.
+ 90 [Defense]
+ 30 [Dexterity]
+ 30 [Strength]
+ 30 [Vitality]
+ 30 [Magic]
+ 30 [Psychic]
100 / 100 Charge
This wristband has eight stat enhancement nodes of +30 each. 3 of them are always assigned to [Defense], whereas the rest can be reassigned as required by the wielder at a cost of 30 charge per stat node. Charge replenishes at a rate of 1 charge per 14 minutes 24 seconds.
If you do not understand why 3 nodes are locked to permanently providing 90 [Defense], you are encouraged to consider a supporting role moving forward.
Okay, wow, Hunter said. There’s a warehouse down here. It’s full of drawers… or lockers, maybe. Each of one of them has magic equipment in it—I just found a strap that grants stats. Human only.
Read it to us! Ashtoreth said.
He read the system-text, then added, I don’t know if Dazel wrote that, but the last part sounds a bit like him.
Oh, you have no idea, Ashtoreth said.
He set the strap back into the drawer. There’s eight straps here, he said, quickly tagging the rest. Two are magnitude 120, two are 240, and four are 480.
Enough to keep pace with someone as they level up and increase their total capacity for binding magic items, said Kylie. At least, that would be my guess.
Sounds reasonable, said Hunter. And the fact that they’re runed strips of cloth basically means they can be equipped regardless of circumstances. Anyway, there’s more stuff here. I’ll read it to you.
He pulled out the tiny metal capsule attached to another strap.
[Archive Consult]
Can only be equipped by a human.
100 / 100 Charge
This resonator crystal allows constant communication with the nearest human archive. Does not function outside the Five Realms.
Species-based equipment restrictions can only provide so much security, especially if the archival spirit has been deactivated or has had their judgement compromised. If equipped, this crystal will break upon your death. Otherwise, you may spend 1 charge to order this crystal to self-destruct, whether it is in contact with your person or not.
Power without knowledge is an unnatural circumstance, one created by those who would seek to control you through the illusion of liberty.
Holy shit, Kylie said as soon as he’d finished reading. I don’t think we should get ahead of ourselves, but… archive? This could be huge.
Do not bind that item yet, Hunter, Ashtoreth said.
I wasn’t going to, he said, a little annoyed.
I know you’re not stupid! she said. I just wanted to be sure. Alerting the so-called archival spirit to our presence might not be a good idea, not right now.
I agree, he said.
She’s right, said Kylie. But at the same time… Precursor Wikipedia, Ashtoreth.
Yeah, okay, Precursor Wikipedia, she said. But it might work for Dazel.
Sure, said Kylie. But we’ve got to get in there somehow. It could have answers to every single one of our questions. About Dazel, about Hunter’s bloodline, about Earth and humanity’s potential…
Nobody is disagreeing with you, Ashtoreth said. Just, for now… Hunter, what else have you got for us?
He picked up the metal rod, and, tagging it, was greeted with the largest entry of system-text he’d ever seen.
Okay guys, this one’s a long one, he told them. Then he began to read.
[Sequenced Runic Warp Rod]
Can only be equipped by a human.
100 / 100 Charge
This item allows the casting of the [Runic Warp] spell, but only for transit within the Five Realms. It can also store and inscribe the rune sequences required for such a spell.
You can use this item in conjunction with your [Archive Conduit] to pinpoint specific locations for warping to, as well as to publicly register inscribed rune sequences for use by others.
This item must absorb mana from its wielder to gradually restore charge.
Magical resonance means that this item’s enchantment will function more efficiently, and with reduced binding strength requirement, if it is affixed to footwear. As such, this item has been composed so that its enchantment can be readily transferred.
Toggle this item to prompt the system for instructions on both the required material composition of eligible footwear as well as how to go about such a transfer. Be sure to:
1. Read these instructions thoroughly before attempting an enchantment transfer.
2. Read these instructions thoroughly before attempting an enchantment transfer.
3. Read these instructions thoroughly before attempting an enchantment transfer.
If your humanity is anything like ours, many of you will read this far and still fail to understand how, exactly, you are to interact with the instructions before attempting an enchantment transfer.
All right, Kylie said, the likelihood of Dazel having personally written these item descriptions just increased dramatically.
That, or he had underlings who did their jobs well by imitating his voice, said Ashtoreth. Read the manual, people!
To be fair, Kylie said, wasting a warp item because you didn’t read the instructions probably should fall just shy of a capitol offense if you’re in the middle of a demonic invasion. What else, Hunter?
Hunter had gotten distracted: he was looking down the length of the massive storage shelf, wondering how many drawers there were—and whether they all had a trove of equipment inside them like this one.
Right, he said, pushing the thought aside for the moment. There’s three more things and—oh, they’re actually just one thing.
He read the final item’s description.
[Three Piece Extra-Dimensional Storage]
Can only be equipped by a human.
0 / 100 Capacity
This item has three main components: a backpack, a waistpack, and a thighpack. Each pack accesses the same extra-dimensional space. Only the backpack’s opening is sized for especially large items.
Each pack must be in close proximity to the others if any of them are to be used. Each pack may be placed within their internal storage, and the remaining packs may still be used.
Interact with this item to open a visual interface for cataloguing its contents.
You may also interact with this item to prompt the system for visual instructions on how to properly equip each component.
A thigh holster for your bag of holding, huh? Frost said. Makes sense. They’re kind of a hassle… but they’re damn fast.
You mean there’s better ways to store an army of ashes than in my purse? Kylie asked.
Uh, speak for yourself, said Ashtoreth. My satchel has chibi stickers of all my friends on it. That’s all, Hunter? Does every locker have those in it?
One second.
He began to count.
Ten drawers per vertical section, five vertical sections until they reached the top of the shelf. There were twenty-five rows of drawers between each of the metal support poles for the outer scaffolding, ten support poles between every set of stairs leading up to the upper scaffolding, and—he spent a while counting them as he floated to the other end of the chamber—twenty sets of stairs before the end of the warehouse.
Two sides per shelf. Ten shelves total to fill the warehouse. Hunter did some quick math, then had to keep himself from swearing when he opened more lockers at random and found them all to contain the same set of items.
You guys, he said. Uh… there’s stuff here for five million people.
