Kuzunalis
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FLTL Ch 141. A Heartfelt Plea
🕑 Added 2024-12-29 14:30:00 +0000 UTCA/N: Hey everyone. This is the promised bonus chapter for this week. And that means we are getting close to reaching the targeted 30 chapters ahead of RR!
Secondly, I always take the opinions of my readers into account when writing, and I've heard from some readers that the pacing of the story should be a little faster. However, I would like to reiterate that while it is certainly a slow burn story, the format of serial novels where the story is published day by day might be making it feel even slower than it would be otherwise, since a single scene might span several chapter in a serial novel, which wouldn't happen if you were reading a published book in a single sitting. However, FLTL is a serial novel, so it has to deal with those issues as well (until it is eventually, hopefully, published on Amazon as an ebook/paperback).
Even so, my intention is to increase the pacing as well, and I'll try to keep it in mind when writing the chapters in future. To add to that, there is a time skip coming soon in the story, which will span most of the winter months, with a few snippets shown in midwinter. That will push the story time a few months ahead from where it is right now, and then we will begin to explore the story after the snow starts to melt, including the effects of the decisions Kivamus has taken until now. Hopefully, that time skip will take care of many of the pacing issues.
Also, I thank you once again for your regular support. And I will keep trying to improve my writing, based on the feedback of readers, to write a story you all can love even more.
Enjoy the bonus chapter!
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Kivamus gave a smile. "Of course, you have earned more than a favor by giving us the information about the raid on time and helping us to kill the bandits. Tell me, what do you want? Is it coins? Or maybe good food? I will try to fulfill your demand as long as it is reasonable."
"It's... not that," Calubo muttered. "I don't want coins or any other reward for myself. But..." he took a deep breath again. "The stonecutters - the other slaves who worked at that quarry along with me, are not in a good condition. The bandits barely gave us anything to eat, since Nokozal said that he couldn't afford to buy any more grain at the high prices now, and the rare small game which they hunted there went mostly to the bandits, and the stonecutters only got the scraps."
Kivamus gave an understanding nod. In the frantic hours after the raid yesterday, he had forgotten about that quarry and the people who still lived there. With the winter already here, and with barely anything to eat... he shook his head slowly. He already knew that this world was a cruel place, and it was very difficult for commoners to survive here, not to mention those who were slaves. But what could he even do about it?
Calubo continued, "A thunderstorm a couple of months ago had caused flooding in the quarry, and since then everyone had been living in temporary huts there - which were far from enough to protect them from even the mild weather of late autumn." He had a far away look in his eyes, which had started to look a little wet by now. "And when the snow starts falling there, most of them won't survive the winter..."
Calubo looked directly at Kivamus, and gave a deep bow. "Milord, I beg you to save those people by giving them some food. I have friends there, people who cared for me when the bandits beat me up again and again. If they don't get something to eat soon, I will never be able to see them again." He added with his voice full of emotion, "Please don't let them die..."
Kivamus took a deep breath as he thought about this. "Calubo, you have been out of the village for a while, but you already know the current situation of the village. Tiranat barely has enough food stored for us to survive the winter. I'm not sure if we can afford to feed any more people."
Calubo bowed even lower, and spoke with tears falling from his eyes. "But they are also people, milord! They don't deserve to die of starvation and cold in that desolate quarry. Just allow me to take two sacks of wheat to the quarry. No, even a single sack of wheat would be enough! I know Tiranat can barely afford it, but I saw the caravans full of grain coming from Cinran."
He stood straight with his eyes still tearful, and continued, "I beg you, milord. Just provide me with a single sack, and I will be in your debt for life. And I will... I will even pay for it. I will borrow money from the other guards and some friends in the village, and I'll pay you for that sack of wheat. So please grant me this boon!" He spoke in a loud voice, with his tears flowing freely now, "I beg you, milord! I beg you..." and then he openly broke into sobs and bowed again.
Kivamus was already feeling uncomfortable after knowing what was happening to the people in that quarry, but seeing the scene in front of him with Calubo begging him to save their lives... it was tugging at his heartstrings. This guard, who had already gone through so much, was willing to borrow money to feed that many people, even though he couldn't afford it, and Kivamus was going to just keep watching?
And the guard wasn't even asking anything for himself. He only wanted him to save the lives of others. Although... it couldn't be that Calubo was lying about everything and he just wanted to ride away with that sack of wheat for himself, could it?
As he looked in the eyes of the former guard, he realized that no, it wasn't like that. Calubo's eyes only held the truth in them.
Kivamus took a deep breath, thinking about the quarry. Could he really do nothing about the stonecutters, knowing what their fate would be in the harsh winter days? Would be able to look himself in the eye if those stonecutters died from hunger, if he knew that he could have saved those people?
He exhaled and looked at the former guard. "You can stand up now, Calubo. I need to discuss this with others. I'll let you know about my decision soon. For now, you should go and get something to eat from the kitchen in the servants' hall. You need that food."
Calubo stood up straighter and wiped his eyes with his still dirty and torn sleeves. He looked Kivamus in the eyes. "How can I eat anything, Milord, when I know that Hyola and others are starving there?"
That proved it. Now Kivamus didn't have any doubt about Calubo or any of his story. This was not someone who would try to take advantage of the village or anyone else.
"You can only save them if you have enough energy to save yourself, right?" Kivamus asked. "Even if I give you a sack of grain, what if you just pass out from hunger on the way, because you didn't eat anything? So go on and get something to eat first."
He looked at the ex-mercenary. "Feroy, take him to the servants hall and make sure he eats something."
Feroy gave an understanding nod, and held Calubo with one of his arms and slowly began to walk with him towards the outer door.
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"You can't save everyone, milord!" Duvas said agitatedly, "You just can't! This kingdom is way too big for that, and you are only a baron, with all due respect. And your treasury is already empty, even without any more people to feed!"
"I know that money is important, but human lives are even more important!" Kivamus retorted back. "And anyway, I'm not trying to save everyone. They are just a couple of dozen slaves who don't have anyone to look after them."
Duvas snorted. "Yeah, they are slaves - but not your slaves. Whoever bought them is the only one responsible for them."
"Right," Kivamus scoffed. "So we should wait for their slave-master Nokozal to reach the quarry then. After his raid failed, he must have bought a few sacks of grain from Cinran to give a feast to the stonecutters, right?"
Duvas raised both of his hands up in frustration. "No, but those aren't even your people! They live on the land of Baron Zoricus! I know that Nokozal isn't going to feed them, but even then the responsibility lies on Baron Zoricus, not you! We can barely afford to feed the village, and you want to bring even more mouths to feed?"
"Yeah, the slaves do live on the land of that Zoricus," Kivamus countered, "but tell me, how many of them live there by choice? None of them! They were taken there by the bandits who feed them scraps and plan to use them as work animals until they die, and then they would buy more slaves for cheap."
He continued, "And the bandits feeding them scraps would only have been the case if they had been successful in raiding our village and taken back some grain with them, but the raid certainly didn't go Nokozal's way, did it? So what do you think would happen to the slaves in the winter with barely any food? And that's assuming they survive the cold of winter, which is far from likely."
Before Duvas replied anything, Gorsazo gave his opinion as well. "Feroy had told me earlier that it is common for the bandits and mercenaries to steal slaves from others. And we know that Nokozal's group is not big enough now to prevent the stealing of their slaves by another group."
"Hear that?" Kivamus asked the majordomo. "And if a bigger bandit gang like the Torhan's group takes those slaves away, they might never see the light of day again. Many of them would die on that journey itself, while others wouldn't even last the whole winter."
Feroy, who had returned after taking Calubo to the servants' hall, had been sitting quietly during their discussion until now, but he spoke up too. "It is also possible that when Nokozal sees that he can't keep his slaves for himself, he will just kill them instead of letting someone else take them from him."
That immediately shut up everyone else, including Duvas who was going to say something again.
After taking a moment to digest that news, Kivamus asked the ex-mercenary. "That's... inhuman. Does that really happen though? Would Nokozal really kill those slaves in cold blood just because he can't keep them himself?"
Feroy gave a nod. "I have even seen that happen myself. In the past, when I was with a group of mercenaries, they had gone to raid another group's hideout, and when the leader of that group saw that he wasn't going to win, he immediately killed the two slaves he had - including a woman - so that no one else could own those slaves other than him."
The ex-mercenary added, "Of course, I don't know Nokozal personally, but from what I've heard about him from Calubo and Sejkil, the bandit chief wouldn't hesitate for a moment in doing something like that."
Everyone was quiet for a while after that.
After some time, Kivamus looked at everyone in the face, and began speaking. "I've made my decision, and it is final."
At the same time, the outer door of the manor hall opened and Hudan walked inside with Calubo following him.
The guard captain jerked a thumb at the former guard, "I found him waiting outside the door. He told me that he had eaten enough so he wanted to hear your decision now." Hudan asked curiously, "What is that about?"
Kivamus gestured to them to take seats as well. "It's good that you all are here now. I was going to call the two of you anyway."
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A/N: See you tomorrow! Have a nice Sunday!
>>> Next Chapter >>> FLTL Ch 142. An eye for an eye
Comments
Kuzunalis
Thank you for the feedback. I will keep it in my mind in the future and I'll keep trying to improve my writing.
Secret Weapons
Tftc! As someone who just found this story a couple days ago, and has not read it as it was released serially.... no, its not the format. I've read a ton of serial books like this, and this stands out as the slowest paced... by quite a margin. Honestly, I think your main pacing issues are two fold. Firstly, even the daily release serials I've read do not break up scenes into so many chapters like you do. Most will break bigger events into 2 or 3 chapters... 4 max. Meanwhile I've seen you milk a few of the larger events for like 8 chapters. It's excessive, and it encourages people to start just skimming and not actually reading. The chapter breaks take place in odd spots too... I just think you need some help with when to break a scene... for example this chapter, you stop it where you did, I assume in an attempt for a cliffhanger, but instead it makes it so that literally ZERO has been accomplished this chapter. Had you kept the chapter going another 3 or 4 sentences you could've given Kivamus' answer to the request, then cut it. Start next chapter with the reaction to his choice or with the planning session. Its only a few extra lines, but it now makes it so this chapter at least had "something happen" in it. Second, is more just a storyline issue. I think you've spent too much scene time on Kivamus planning out things, and too little on moving the story along. Its gotten to the point now where he and his advisors are planning for things that he realistically won't even start until well after winter, but he spends an entire chapter planning it out anyways... meaning you waste most of the chapter on that, and little on advancing your current plot at all. This is fine at the start when he's getting everything going, but you do it pretty constantly, so now the planning is for WAY in the future, and it just doesn't make sense to waste that much chapter space on it. Anyways, I do enjoy the story. Solid worldbuilding and I like most of the cast of characters you've created. Just wanted to leave my two cents, hope it helps! Thanks again for the bonus chapter!
David
Thanks for the bonus chapter!
