ByronMulvogue
patreon
New Idea Percolating—Dungeon In Space
🕑 Added 2024-07-01 06:04:50 +0000 UTCSo, a few of you voted for this, and I figured I'd throw a little keyboard time at it. This will be entirely 1st person, with a little epistolary (from the protagonist's nebulous future) at the start of each chapter.
Not exactly looking for editing on this so much as thoughts.
Comments
Damaged
Yeah, it definitely needs a good rewrite, and focus on fleshing their world (the derelict ship) and their personality (optimistic and curious) a bit more.
David Ross
This is nice! The setting seems potent, and the mystery is interesting. I'm left with one odd feeling, though: a bit ungrounded. This introduces our main character, and our setting, and I feel like I only have 1/2 of a grip on each. I'm a bit detached, without a point of reference. As if without the character, it's hard to see the world, and without the world, it's hard to define the character. I can feel the edges of something quite fun, though, and so I'm also pretty excited/interested to see where you take this.
