Darkscythe Drake
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Assassin Among Heroes Chapter 30 - Shame
🕑 Added 2024-05-04 08:38:34 +0000 UTC“RITSU OGAWA, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?!?”
At times, I realized I’d encountered situations that would make even hardened veterans flinch— serial killers, the yakuza, human traffickers; you could fill out a bingo card with that.
“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED I WAS WHEN YOU WEREN’T HOME!? I CALLED YOU TEN TIMES AND WAS THIS CLOSE TO CALLING THE POLICE!”
Fighting an army of undead and an evil knight? Sure, just throw it atop the pile. At this point, nothing fazes you.
“ALL I HAD WAS A NOTE THAT SAID YOU WOULD BE OUT LATE! IN WHAT UNIVERSE DOES ‘LATE’ MEAN UNTIL MORNING AND NOT AT ALL!?”
Then why is it my insides have been sucked down a black hole and I want to shrivel up like a raisin?
“Um…Mom, I know this sounds bad-”
“I’M NOT DONE, MISTER!”
Oh right. Stupid question.
“YOU ARE GROUNDED TO KINGDOM COME FOR THAT STUNT! I KNOW I WORK LATE BUT THAT’S NO EXCUSE TO JUST -” She pauses and I hear a sharp intake of breath. “Just tell me where you are so I can chew you out there.”
I suffocate the little voice that’s telling me to make shit up and look at myself. I try to shift forward only to wince halfway. Yeah, zero condition to move.
The moment I finish giving her the address, I hear rustling cloth. “Why in Buddha’s name are you even - no, later. Don’t you dare move.”
With that, she hangs up. I lower the phone and gaze into the screensaver, hoping for some miracle to send me a DM.
‘…Mawla?’
I hear him grunt, but nothing more. No, please, my teacher! Don’t leave me on the chopping block!
I slowly shift my gaze to Shiki, who’s staring at me with her usual quiet expression.
“...my Mom’s gonna be here soon.”
She raised an eyebrow in a way that made me feel utterly stupid for even mentioning it.
“What are you going to say?”
I sag and twist my aching shoulder. “That’s the billion-yen question, isn’t it? I’m gonna have to be careful. She has…ways of telling if I’m bullshitting or not.” I’m not being vague here; her Quirk aside, she knows all of my tells, even the ones I swear do not exist in any conceivable way.
The girl hums and I look up to stare at the ceiling. ‘Mawla, seriously. What the fuck should I say?’
‘Anything but a direct lie. That is all I am willing to impart. This is thy mess, thou must learn to bear the consequences.’
‘Gee, thanks.’ I bite back, only to nearly bite my tongue when -
‘GAH! Why!? I’m still in pain!’
‘Curb thy tongue. Be thankful ‘tis the sole reason why I am withholding further punishment.’
…point. Shutting up now.
I slowly sink further into the futon as a long sigh escapes my lips. God, I am fucking exhausted. Not just because of my wounds; I feel like my brain is dragging itself through a swamp. Hmm…guess I should lie a little before Mom’s warpath ends. I’m gonna need every ounce of mental strength I have left to do this.
I glance at Shiki, who just keeps her gaze on me, occasionally flitting to the paper windows. That girl is strange, and that’s something I’ll keep reiterating until I’m proven otherwise. A good fighter, quiet, a Quirk that, if used correctly, could make her extremely dangerous…and has a penchant for killing. Not to throw stones in glass houses, but something is missing from this picture. I mentally shake my head. She saved my life and covered my ass - any issues that might come up from her will come later. Right now, I’ll just…lie down and try to dig a hole. Yeah, that’ll work.
Some time passes, more than a few minutes. Shiki just keeps staring at me and I at the ceiling, using my Quirk to hear the faint birdsongs from behind the walls. My addled musings are shattered when the faint sounds of crunching gravel tickle my ears. I move to get up when I look upon my mask, lying next to the futon.
My mask and my gear. Oh crap.
Before I can utter a word however, Shiki swipes everything in the blink of an eye and rushes out of the room. I’m left there lying, my mouth almost falling open.
…huh. Okay.
Faint words reach my Quirk’s range. Two unfamiliar - an older man and a soft woman - and one very familiar. By elimination…I’m guessing Shiki’s parents. The conversation is heated, but no one is yelling.
Footsteps rapidly increase in tempo and volume as the wooden floor almost cracks. The black hole in my gut is beginning to widen as I try and brace myself for what will happen. I stare at the sheets, unsure of what to do. Do I get up and try to walk? Hide in the sheets?
The door slides open and inside she steps. I hear a sharp intake of breath, but strangely no yelling. I blink.
Slowly, I look up, trailing up my mother’s wrinkled pants and ruffled suit. And I feel something break when I see the look of pure horror upon my mother’s face.
“…hi.”
That’s it? You disappear for a whole night and all you have to say is a ‘hi’?
She slowly approaches me, taking measured steps. Her eyes twitch and she tries to say something but only muted sounds make it through. She arrives at the foot of the futon, and looks up and down my bandaged torso.
Wordlessly, she takes off her shoes and bends down. Her arm hesitantly reaches toward my chest, before lightly touching it. I try not to wince, but my body betrays me and she quickly pulls back. Her eyes trail up my chest until she meets my gaze. I slowly push myself up, ignoring any pain.
“So…I -”
Anything I might’ve said is cut off when she snaps her arms around me in a tight hug.
I freeze there, unsure of what to do. What do I say? Should I even say anything?
Ultimately, I slowly wrap my arms around my mother.
…it feels like ages since she hugged me like this.
We stay there for a while, just taking in each other’s presence. Her sharp exhales scrape against my body, as though she’s repressing sobs. A weight becomes lodged in my throat that grows with every breath, making me tighten my grasp. Then, to my frustration, she pulls away, though her hands still grasp my shoulders.
“What. Happened?”
Her voice sounds hoarse, yet sharp as a razor. I meet her piercing gaze head-on, despite every muscle in my throat telling me otherwise. I’ve seen that stare once before, without the barely held-back tears, when Mom took me to work. No bullshit, or else. The less said about the poor guy on its end, the better.
Which makes what I’m about to do ten times more painful.
“It was a…Villain attack.”
My heartbeat’s tempo is erratic, from either fear or exhaustion, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure my nerves are all over the damn mansion, and that weight in my throat feels like it's dragging down my vocal cords to the center of the earth. Her Quirk must be pinging every red flag she has.
One second. Then two.
She sharply inhales.
I continue. “I was out on a late-night walk when that…thing came out of nowhere. It started wrecking the whole street, everything was on fire. Then it saw me so I tried to run and -”
The ground cracked amidst a sea of flames.
The sound of grinding metal echoed through the night.
Vile red as the radiant, dreaded blue came down and the world was -
“RITSU!”
I blink. What? Why am I holding the sheets? Why is Mom so close?
Oh god, I think I’m tasting vomit.
I swallow as Mom presses herself against me, running her hands up and down my back and through my hair. “Shh…it’s okay, it’s fine, you’re safe, I’m here…”
I lean into her touch again, trying to still my jittery nerves. No, you cannot freak out right now, you cannot afford to lose control here. In out, focus. In out, focus. In out, focus.
“I…thanks, I’m…I’m fine.”
She pulls away again and sends me a ‘really?’ look that makes me ashamed for even saying those words. Still, she moves to rub my shoulder and continues. “Why were you even taking a walk so late?”
I swallow and try hard not to give anything away. What kind of excuse can I give her?
“It’s gonna sound stupid.”
She snorts, “You’re sitting here, covered in bandages and you just had a panic attack. There a whole lot of words I could use to describe whatever it is you’re gonna say, and I don’t think ‘stupid’ is gonna fit it. Spill.”
“I…you remember when I told you about how I saw a criminal?”
She nods, then her eyes widen again. “Don’t tell me…you went looking for him!?”
Oh, I did much more. I nod, only to shirk back at her gritting her teeth. “God Ritsu, is there a level of idiocy you haven’t reached yet!?”
I don’t reply as her jaw unclenches. I feel very concerned about what would happen if I did.
“Can I ask what moronic thought flitted through your head for you to do such a thing?” she hisses, grasping my shoulder. “I asked if you wanted to call the police back then, and you said no! Why would you go back there!?”
My cheeks burn in shame as I struggle to maintain eye contact. “I just…wanted to see if I missed anything important. Maybe something I could give to the cops -”
“And you nearly got yourself killed!” she yelled. I flinch at her loudness and the sheer worry in her voice is not helping at all. “Didn’t I tell you to get away if you ever encountered a situation like that again!? That you shouldn’t waste your life by some stupid need for revenge!?”
“I was just gonna take a quick look, snap a picture, and get out! I didn’t know that a Villain would go on a rampage!” And wow, I managed to control myself well during that lie. The bile threatens to escape with every word, but I push through and force it down.
“That’s no excuse!” she cuts back. “Why did you even decide to do that in the first place? You shouldn’t have gone there at all!”
“I had -”
“Zip it! No talking right now, brat!” she yells, pointing at me. She then shudders and lowers her hand, her voice becoming coarse.
“Do you know what it was like when you didn’t pick up those calls!? I thought the worst had happened, and from what you’re telling me, it almost did!” The tears are breaking out again. She leans forward and pulls me until our foreheads are touching. Her voice descends into a cracked whisper, yet her words ring in every nook and cranny of my empty skull.
“I know…I haven’t been around much. That you barely see me when you come home, have to cook for yourself...and I am so sorry if that hurts you. But I love you, Ritsu Ogawa, and I will never stop loving you. So please, just tell me why.”
For a moment, I almost break.
Seeing this…my mother, Asuka Ogawa, plead with me, brings up such self-revulsion in me that it makes me want to yell to the heavens. To tell her that she’s never hurt me, that I’m grateful for every moment we have, every book we read, every movie we watch. To tell her the truth, my secret, just to lift the burden off of her.
But…would she understand?
When I started this, when I put on the mask, the answer was a resounding ‘no’. She’s a lawyer, someone who believes in the system, passionate about her work, no matter how much she grumbles.
More than that, she does it for me. Every day she works late, every case she takes, she does it to take care of and provide for me.
The answer wouldn’t change.
More than that…this would be me spitting in the face of everything she’s done.
“I…I had to do something. If only for my own peace of mind.”
Every word I said was true. If I hadn’t been who I am, I would’ve tried to look for any clues.
A death like that…a death akin to the ones those poor souls at the apartment building suffered…that was no way to die. No one should go like that.
Mom fully embraces me again, and the choked sob, tinged with resignation and mirth, keeps churning my insides.
“I’m sorry.” God, I feel pathetic. At the end, that’s all I can say.
Don’t be sorry, be better.
I will Mom. I swear this to both you and Mawla.
She slowly pulls away and wipes her cheek, brushing some of her long hair away.
“Just…answer this…”
“What is it?”
“What are you even doing here?”
Oops.
Okay, new crisis! “Uh, about that -”
A knock cuts me off. We both turn to the screen door, a quick realization creeping up on me. Right, we weren’t back home. This was someone else’s house, and that was a completely different can of worms.
Before I can interject, however, my mother speaks up. “Yes?”
The door slides open and Shiki steps into the room. “I hope I’m not intruding.” She says with a bow.
“Um…no,” I reply. I look at my mother, who’s just staring in confusion at the girl before her eyes narrow.
“Who are you and how is my idiot of a son here in the first place?” she asks sharply.
The kimono-clad girl only lightly bows at the face of my mother’s gaze. “My name is Shiki Ryougi and this is my family’s house. I’ve taken care of Ritsu this past night, along with my parents.”
“Your parents…they were the ones waiting for me outside.” At Shiki’s nod, she continues. “Back to my question: how did my son end up here and how do you know each other?”
Shiki sat down on the floor and brushed her thighs. “Ritsu and I have known each other for a while. We met after he saved me from a criminal who tried to molest me, and since then we’ve occasionally met up.”
Mom blinks at first, as if she had trouble processing that sentence. Then her eyes widen as realization dawns on her and she turns to me, her face contorted with shock and disbelief.
“She’s the one you told me about? The one who you couldn’t decide if you were friends or not?”
I feel blood pooling in my cheeks as I look away and quickly nod. Out of all the things she could recall from that conversation, it was that line!?
“He told me that he wanted to investigate a murder,” Shiki carried on. “So he asked if I could come with him, and I said yes. We went to investigate the area and that Villain showed up.” I manage to revert my blush and raise my head to see Shiki looking right at me. “We barely managed to escape, and he was injured after telling me to get away. I carried him back here and our family doctor treated his wounds until he woke up.”
A barebone version of our excursion. Seriously, it’s so bare that not even a dog would want to chew on it. And Mom is thinking something similar if her drumming fingers are anything to go by. Or she’s assuming it’s all a lie. There’s a tenseness to her posture that reminds me of a coiled viper…and that is an image that’s definitely gonna give me nightmares.
To Shiki’s credit, she doesn’t flinch, her impassive mask showing no hints of cracking.
Seconds pass. No one makes a move. I’m even afraid to breathe too loudly.
“...so that’s how it went?”
Shiki nods.
Mom slowly turns to me and I can feel the verbal volcano about to erupt when the girl interjects. “I chose to come with him. Not only that, he saved my life twice.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Did he now? Dare I ask if he has made any untoward advances as a result?”
Oi, mother dear, what are you implying? Did you yourself not raise me to have higher standards than that?
“We haven’t hung around much, only talked for a bit. He has come over a couple of times recently, he was curious as to where I lived.” Shiki, I get we don’t know each other for very long, but I understand that you’re a very perceptive woman. So why by the Assassins are you not sensing the encroach of eternal shame about to land upon me? “I practice some kendo and hand-to-hand combat, and he asked me if I could teach him a few moves.”
That is one hell of a way to twist the truth and god almighty what is with that look, mother!?
“That is certainly news to me. Has he given you grief over any such matters?”
“He has grace in both victory and defeat, though he tries to learn fast.”
Mother slowly reaches upwards and rubs her chin. “Hmm…Not what I expected, I have to admit.” She turns towards me. “Might I ask, my foolish son, why did you not inform me about the full nature of this new relationship?”
I have been left to dry. Thrown off the cliff as the Spartans did to their sick infants. Dangling above a tar pit with vipers all around me. And Mom actually listened to all those historical fiction movies we watched. My beating heart, preserve me…
“...it never came up? I didn’t know when to say it?”
She puts down her hand and idly taps her chin, as though she’s contemplating some obscure mystery in the air…or devising new methods of cruel and/or unusual punishment. A few moments later, she slumps and lets out a long, drawn-out breath.
“...I see.” Then, my mother bows her head. “Thank you for taking care of my son.” She rises back up before giving my bandages a look-over. “May I ask why didn’t you deliver him straight to a hospital?”
“I didn’t know if any help would arrive in time; the Villain rampaged through the whole neighborhood. Staying there wouldn’t have been wise.”
While I can point out a couple of flaws in that reasoning - and so does Mom, if her hum is any indication - it seems to work for now. Then again, we were attacked. Even in the real version, sound judgment was hard to gather.
“...very well.” She turns to me and her gaze softens. “I’d like to speak with the doctor who treated him. Did he give an estimate of when my son could leave?”
“In a few hours. Your son heals fast. He shouldn’t do anything too strenuous, though.”
“That’s exactly what I had in mind,” she replies sharply, before pointing at me. “As for you cheeky little brat, you are grounded until those bandages come off and then some. Meaning you go to school, then come right back home. No walks, no museums, nothing. I’ll ask my bosses to lighten my workload so I can come home early and keep an eye on you.”
…wow, she was not joking. On one hand, I feel tingly when she says she’ll come home early. On the other - and I might be petulant here - but come on! No patrols, nothing!? Who knows what’ll happen!?
But my exasperation must’ve shown because she shoots me down in a second. “No buts, mister. Be thankful that I’m not strapping your ass to a chair for a month and taking away your ice cream privileges.”
…Mawla?
‘Once more, thou must face the consequences of thy actions. In fact, I agree with her; mayhaps some time for reflection and study will help clear thy head.’
…at least I still have my ice cream - PRIORITIES, RITSU!!!
I glance at Shiki, who’s been stoically watching the whole thing, though I swear I spot a twitching of her lip. Oh sure, laugh at the wounded assassin’s misery.
“Would you care for some tea?” she asks.
My mom blinks at the question, then nods. “Yes…yes, I think tea would be good, for both of us.”
Shiki then lightly bows and gets up. “I’ll also get the doctor.” With those words, she leaves us. My mother sighs and looks down, a weary look marring her brow.
…should I say anything else?
“Mom, I’m -”
She suddenly reaches over and wraps me in another hug, as warm as the last one. “Just shut up for once,” she whispers.
Wordlessly, I lean into the embrace.
Seeing her like this, worry over me…I hate it. I swear to you, I won’t cause you any more pain. Even so, thank you. Thank you.
We stay like that for a few minutes, and as I feel myself dozing off, her voice becomes tinged with a teasing tone.
“So, my dear Ritsu~, you didn’t tell me your ‘friend’ was this nice girl. And to think you’ve done so much with her already!” She mock sniffs. “I might allow her to visit you if you tell me what you’ve been doing. Does Jirou know?”
I don’t stop the groan. Not now, Mom!
-x-
Thankfully, the rest of the day passes without further incident. The doctor who treated me arrived and after exchanging pleasantries informed my mother and myself about my treatment, which was more or less what Shiki said: no extraneous activities, plenty of rest and water, and no agitating the shoulders. I’m supposed to replace the bandages every time I shower and place an ice pack over the bruised areas, at least until the swelling (and boy, that was very unpleasant to see) died down. Mom wholeheartedly agreed with every one of the doctor’s statements and thanked him again and again - and so did I. I don’t know what would have happened if Shiki hadn’t dragged me back.
That did not mean Mom had to pull my ear to make me say thanks! I was going to do that anyway!
As further thanks for saving their daughter, Shiki’s parents - whose names I didn’t manage to catch - chauffeured us back to our apartment in their private limo(!). The father, whom I had seen sparring with Shiki the time I first snuck into her house, offered a silent nod as we left, and the mother did the same, albeit with a gentler visage. I can definitely see where Shiki got most of her looks from. Mom once again thanked the family for helping, but not before mentioning that Shiki was welcome anytime.
And so, here I am, back in our apartment, lying on my futon with the lights closed. Mom’s humming can be heard from behind the door as the scent of beef remnants wafted past my nose. God, I didn’t realize how much I missed this.
I would’ve drifted off to sleep then and there, but one thing kept me awake: my suit and mask were still with Shiki.
That was a…problem. I obviously couldn’t take them when we left. So I had to think of a way to -
Oh, wait.
I reach over to my phone (my ‘work phone’ is still in my suit) and send a quick text to Shiki, asking her if she can drop the suit next to my apartment while Mom was away. Not even a minute later, and a reply comes in.
Sure. Where do you live?
As my finger hovers over the keyboard, I pause. Shiki already knows my identity, that’s enough cause for concern, but for her to know where I live might be taking a step too far. She saved my life, yes, but am I putting too much trust in her? Especially if we haven’t talked as much as, say, Dabi?
Not that I’d ever tell him that kind of information.
I could just ask her to keep it instead, and when my grounding was over I’d pop over to her house but…I shake my head. No, the mask alone is something that has to stay with me, no matter what. The more control I have over my circumstances, the better.
So, despite my growing reluctance, I send her the address. Mom will be here for three days, and she already called from Makoto-sensei to tell her that I’ll be absent for a week. So the day when she returns to work.
Once I see that she’s responded, I set the phone down and sink into the futon. A whole week huh?
Training is out, so video games? Homework of course - Makoto-sensei will have one of my classmates send me them digitally - but what else?
Shambling bodies, throwing themselves with reckless abandon. The stench of decay permating everything around us.
My hand curls into a fist. I might not be able to train, but I can do something.
After a quick round at the toilet, I turn on the lights, sit down at my desk and pull out one of my school notebooks. Tearing a page from the end, I grab a pen and begin writing.
For the next few minutes, I go over every detail I can recall from the fight. It’s intense, and the memory of that knight alone made me hitch my breath. Yet I still write, and within minutes, I hold the paper aloft.
1 - Get back the mask
2 - Work on fighting enemies with beyond goon-level skill
3 - MAKE TOOLS: lockpicking, more ways to hide - circumvent Concealment weakness to water
4 - Find out new intel from Dabi
5 - GET BACK THE MASK
‘Mawla, am I missing something?’
I hear him hum, his voice a low rumble. ‘For now, this will suffice. I assume the order of importance is not reflected here. Until thy mother is willing to let thee out of her sight, however, all of these matters are out of reach.’
I sigh. ‘I know, but at least I have an idea of what to do.’ I wince as I shift in the chair. ‘Until then…maybe I really should try to relax. No use worrying about it, and Shiki doesn’t seem stupid; she’ll find a way to get the suit here without Mom knowing.’
Mawla hums again, begrudgingly or not, I can’t tell. Then, he speaks again.
‘There might be…yes…yes, there might be a way for thee to further educate thyself even now. Come to the Valley at once.’
…it’s not like I have much else to do now. So I settle back on the futon and begin to meditate. Mom’s humming and the sound of running water soon fade, replaced by calm winds. As I inhale and exhale, the scent of meat fades away and soft cloth is replaced with sand. Finally, I open my eyes to the sight of the Valley, with Mawla standing before me.
I look down at myself and feel my face. My bandages are still on, and I feel the cold surface of the mask press against my face. Odd.
“What did you find?”
Hassan-i Sabbah meets my gaze impassively. “When one commits mistakes, it is imperative that they learn from them, should they desire to improve. ‘Tis a lesson thou have experienced several times, and I only pray that they imprint on thee instead of drifting through thy ears like grains of sand.”
I look down in shame as the verbal daggers pierce my fragile heart. Yes, I know I made screw-ups, you said it before, Mom said it, it doesn’t need repeating!
“Evidently, it does.”
Ouch.
“However,” I slowly look up as he speaks. “It is vital that thou learn from not only thine experiences but from the ordeals of those who came before thee. Else history merely repeats, and thou shall fall into the cycle of destruction that plagued them.”
He dips his head at me. “In the path we take, risks must be measured and taken, and at times to disregard the odds may bear a riper fruit of victory. If impulse or circumstance forces thee to act prematurely, then means of response must be available to thee.”
He raises an arm from his sword and splays out his hand. The whispers, ever-present in the Valley of Death, suddenly spike, and the motes of blue flame flicker around me. He turns his hand and I see the grey sands swirling under him. With a slight raising of the arm, the sands spike up and coalesce into a large tablet, tall and wide as Mawla.
The sand clears away and I step back. No, not a tablet. A mural. Made with colored sandstone tiles, with a level of artistry I’ve seen only in the World Collection. And on that mural, moving as though it was a movie, was the painting of a girl.
“Some might see it as a perversion of the hadith, yet there is no intent for idolatry here. Makruh, at worst. Ultimately, ‘tis a degradation, a means to an end so that shame will not besmirch thee once more. Khilaf al-awla, at best, for thine modern age has shown me that such ways are better.”
Skin as dark as night, with a black suit covering her legs and chest, leaving her arms bare. Below the bow crowning her head was an all-too-familiar mask.
“It is time that thou gain the knowledge of the tools thy predecessors wielded, even if they are beyond thee. Meet Maryam, the Aimrat Alsumi, the Poison Woman, or as she was later known, the Hassan of Serenity.”
