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Special Agent Field Reports: September 2020
🕑 Added 2021-01-06 15:01:01 +0000 UTCI'm sorry this took so hecking long! Messed up couple of months, but you all can expect the owed field reports to come in within the next week.
Secret Agent Gedat Rakkin awoke on the moon earlier this month. After an unremarkable night under standard surveillance, Rakkin disappeared under his sheets shortly before sunrise and, according to his own report, found himself on the lunar surface. The agent reported no difficulty breathing, and no sensation from the sub-zero temperatures. Carefully exploring his surroundings, Rakkin described being at the bottom of a small crater and explained that he was able to interact with his surroundings, leaving footprints in the regolith. Exiting the crater, still unaffected by the environment even as the rising sun began to heat the lunar surface, he walked some distance across the surface until he spotted a figure in the distance that, according to the agent, appeared to be exactly identical to him once he got closer. The two Agent Rakkins approached each other and came face to face. The agent reports that, just when their hands were about to touch, he then awoke back on Earth. Agent Rakkin was discovered in downtown Cairo, still in his sleeping clothes, which appeared stained with what was later confirmed to be lunar regolith. As Agent Rakkin's memory of his surroundings did not include a view of the Earth, it may be impossible to verify his visit to the lunar surface.
A mysterious illness at a university computer lab required the attention of Secret Agent Avia Jiutai. A group of audio engineers were discovered in a comatose state after a night-long crunch on a powerful new audio compression algorithm. Worse, the students all presented with strange sub-dermal growths resembling a hard plastic or carapace. Agent Jiutai was the first investigator to enter the room after its discovery: the room had been quickly quarantined and the entire building evacuated, for fear of a viral outbreak. Though presumed safe in his hazmat suit, after only a few moments in the room, the agent started to feel faint and dizzy, a feeling he attributed to a "strange, high-pitched, pulsing noise" heard from many of the room's speakers. The agent's condition worsened as he began to mute and disconnect the speakers and, by his report, he found himself mimicking the pulsing sound, compulsively echoing it out of his mouth against his will. The agent attempted to call for backup, but all that was heard through his intercom was his own mimicking of the sound, which caused the SIU intercom operator to also begin echoing the sound before the communication was shut off. Other agents, equipped with sound-canceling devices, rescued Agent Jiutai and shut down the computers entirely before extracting the students. All the students survived their cocoons, but require extensive medical attention. SIU engineers theorize that the classes experimental compression techniques may have accidentally created an “audio virus", a sound wave which duplicates itself within sapient beings, which begin to mutate and disperse through the students. All research materials have been confiscated for safety, and future study.
Senior Special Agent Fenix Blackpaw spent a day off visiting an "escape room" in New Cairo, a sort of room-sized puzzle meant to be escaped from via various puzzles and traps within. It became quickly clear to the Agent, however, that this specific escape room was potentially unsolvable and definitely fatal - the slowly closing walls of the room, seeming to be a convincing illusion or harmless trick at first, was found to most certainly press all inhabitants to death upon failure to solve the room's puzzle. Shortly after Agent Blackpaw realized that the physical puzzles themselves had been discretely modified to be impossible to solve, he determined that the room's blood stains, at first appearing to be just a convincing decoration, were legitimate. Blackpaw managed to break through a drainage vent in the floor and escape before witnessing the walls of the room press completely together in what would surely have killed him, and in exploring the vents and their point ultimate of ultimate determination, he discovered the remains of several slain individuals. Apparently "not in the mood" for a direct confrontation with the escape room's owner, Blackpaw escaped and called for backup, and the building was soon locked down. An investigation into the room and its owner are underway and the room's murder count is estimated to be over 10.
Special Agent Neo chose to investigate the mystery of what may be the most long-lived family pet in history. Known affectionately as "The Pharaoh", the male macaw has been part of the Shelly family since 1919, when he was delivered to the family's estate as a gift: however, the bird was noted to have already been an adult at that time. With no known documentation of his birth, or origin, only guesses can be made of his exact age before 1919, especially as genetic testing from feathers and droppings have proved inconclusive. Various photographs and descriptions in newspaper reports from the past 119 years suggest that it is, however unlikely, the same bird, mostly from a few very distinct markings on the tail feathers. All surveillance and digital forensics has found no evidence of The Pharaoh (the bird) having secretly been replaced or photos doctored. A personal examination of the bird by Agent Neo triggered a memory, and he quickly acquired a copy of a little-known illustrated manuscript on birds. In it was a detailed description, and sketches, of a macaw kept in a royal court overseas, which seemed to perfectly match The Pharaoh. If this manuscript indeed describes this same bird then its age, based on the age of the manuscript that describes it, may well be over 500 years old. Though there is absolutely no biological evidence of a macaw living over 50 years on average, there may now be evidence of one bird living over ten times that length.
Special Agent Kouroth has reported increasingly intense, recurring dreams of a massive machine. All SIU agents are required to fill out detailed dream journals, and it has been noted that gears, pistons, and machine-like imagery has appeared in Kouroth's dreams several times in the past years, but the latest dreams are entirely different. The agent describes a machine of seemingly infinite dimensions, the intricate parts range from minute, clock-like parts; to gears of monolithic, skyscraper size. Kouroth's dream journal includes seven consecutive nights of these dreams, involving his exploration of the vast walkways, corridors and sprawling staircases inside the massive machine that seems to extend endlessly, without pattern or repetition. The agent's waking life has been interfered with by the dreams as Kouroth seems increasingly distracted by the memories, sometimes idly drawing complex machinery on paper. Kouroth does not have specific training in machinery, but an analysis of his drawings by engineers reveal the framework of an analogue computer: something too specific and precise to be drawn at random. The agent is currently undergoing sleep study and therapy.
Special Agent Chaz Gates has helped discover what may be the world's most comfortable chair, and it seems to have been created over 10,000 years ago. Gates was accompanying a team of archaeologists as they excavated a cave recently discovered in the wake of a large forest fire in the Congo. While the archaeologists studied tools, weapons, and jewelry that appeared unrepresented by any records of ancient civilizations in the region, Agent Gates studied the cave itself, which appeared carved by hand into the shape of beds, benches, chairs, and storage areas. Upon sitting in one of the hand-carved seats set into the walls, she was shocked by the level of ergonomic comfort and lumbar support, stating that it felt as though it were carved specifically to support and compliment her body. One by one, archaeologists took turns trying the seat and all gave similar descriptions, none of them were able to recall a more comfortable place to sit, despite their varied weights and body types. Details of the exact curves and angles in the chair are complicated to explain and the agent worries it may be difficult to replicate exactly even with laser measurements. Upon completion of the archaeological studies, there are plans to make a cast of the seat in an attempt to mass-produce molds of what may be history's perfect chair.
A wide-spread attempt at mind control over the British population has been thwarted by Special Agent Erik Fischer. A spree of strange public behavior reported by British police warranted Fischer's attention: various public disturbances, such as spontaneous group clapping, flash mobs, and at least one short, ten-person musical number seemed to have no explanation, planning or underlying cause. In investigating the homes of some of the unwitting participants, Fischer discovered several similar grooming and beauty products, each sold by different companies but containing similar chemical properties. While Fischer was investigating the parent companies of eight different cosmetic brands, the SIU laboratories determined that a special metallic compound found in these products, too subtle on its own but magnified when compounded by different concurrent products, formed an electrochemical receiver designed to react within the skin to a specific radio frequency. This coincided with Agent Fischer's discovery that the cosmetic brands, owned by various shell companies and under fake names, were all actually owned by a radio station broadcasting throughout England. Agents raided the main headquarters of the radio company and found devices attuned to the specific frequency of the chemicals that were used in in-house trials. It is implied that complex commands were being broadcast by the station, and unconsciously received by people who had used enough of the affected products. With evidence of upcoming purchases of several other cosmetic companies, the reach of this influence could have been massive. The independent company owner has not yet revealed her intentions under interrogation.
Special Agent Cat Zirka returned to Madam Zee's Museum of Mysteries to investigate a firearm with a storied past. According to the legend proudly posted alongside the gun's display, the 1934 German-made pistol is responsible for nearly 30 different, unrelated murders committed outside the context of war. This high number is believed to be by sheer chance of the firearm having changed hands several times over the years through theft, loaning, and even accidental discovery. Agent Zirka, who has never shown any aptitude for sensitivity to auras, arranged to hold the pistol herself to inspect it and, according to her report, received a quick flash of visions of the previous murders: first person views of each murder the gun had been involved in over its storied history from the perspective of the shooters. When the trance was broken, Zirka found herself restrained on the ground by museum employees, pistol smoking and a hole in the ceiling. Although there were no injuries, the implication that even an SIU agent can succumb to what may be a weapon's own murderous intent will require future investigation.
