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41: Hide Your Wounds
🕑 Added 2021-04-21 02:55:41 +0000 UTCEveryone knows, Stephen reflected, That if you have fights in the early stages of a relationship, it won’t work out.
Of course, he was upset – Inho had clearly used him to make Jamie jealous. That was objectively unacceptable, and an obvious red flag. He should take a step back from Inho, who was clearly not over Jamie yet. He hadn’t intended to date Inho anyway, so it should be easy. He’d certainly cut people out for less, and yet…
He didn’t want to. Inho was bad news, but he couldn’t seem to let go of his bubbly smiles and blushes, his manic-pixie adventures, and the warmth in his voice when Stephen gave him pleasure. Everything about Inho made both his heart and his pants tight, but still.
Inho used him, then...dodged his kiss in public. He must not be as invested as Stephen was. Stephen was utterly unused to being the more interested party, and it felt foreign and unpleasant. If Stephen couldn’t bring himself to let go of Inho the way he should, then at the very least, he needed to bring Inho back into line. Make him feel lost and desperate. That would get the relationship back into balance. Feeling this way all by himself was just unsustainable.
But, he also couldn’t make a big deal out of the things that were upsetting him. Despite his unreasonably tender feelings, they were just a few dates in; they were nothing yet. If he admitted he was mad, and they had a fight, or even a big dramatic talk to work it out, that would almost certainly be it.
Inho would be scared off like any normal person.
Stephen didn’t have a good strategy worked out yet. He’d been thinking about this non-stop for days, while Inho sent him inane texts without a care in the world. He needed to be cool, to not show his jealousy, to strike first. Maybe open with something a bit sharp? Startle him. Hmmm...
He was distracted by these thoughts. And now, Inho had asked just him something, hadn’t he? What had he said? Stephen scrambled.
“If you’re not even going to talk to me, I don’t know why you invited me here.” Inho’s voice was heated and angry now. He didn’t get cold when he was upset the way Stephen himself did. “I’m going,” he snapped finally; his voice was loud. He shot to his feet, ready to storm out.
“Wait,” Stephen said. He sounded much calmer than he felt.
“Why, so you can ignore me some more?” Inho scoffed back. “I don’t know what you think you’re punishing me for, but get over yourself.” Inho moved to brush past Stephen.
“I said wait!” he said firmly, gripping Inho’s arm. Inho stopped and glared up with a grimace. He cast Stephen’s hand off roughly.
Wait, when did Inho get so angry? This isn’t how this is supposed to go! Stephen started to sweat in his cashmere sweater. What’s happening? I can just... throw him off, distract him.
“If I’m mad, it’s your fault,” Stephen shrugged dismissively as he tossed out the accusation.
Inho flinched, then gathered himself, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? If you’re mad?” Inho was steaming with anger; his cheeks were blotchy red and his eyes were shining with intensity. He gestured aggressively as he spoke.
Shit, he’s even angrier now. Is he going to hit me? Stephen set his jaw to be safe. Inho was pretty built, it would probably hurt a lot. He didn’t seem like the violent type, but…
This is getting out of control, I should just–
“And what the hell are you even mad about? You can’t just be mad without telling me anything! Take responsibility for yourself. You’re 31, stop acting like a goddamn kid!” Inho voice was loud and raw. His soft lips that usually drove Stephen just a little crazy, were pulled into a harsh line, a slash of tense rage across his face.
“You used me with Jamie,” Stephen blurted, Inho’s reactions were confusing and he was shaken, but he stuck, irrationally, to his original plan.
“What? What are you talking about?” Inho demanded.
Stephen couldn’t help the bitterness that flowed off his tongue like poison, “Like you don't know! You kissed me to make her jealous.”
Inho took a sharp breath – that one landed. Stephen pressed harder. This was hopeless now, they were definitely over, might as well let it all out. "You're really something huh? Do you even like me?"
“W-What? Of course, I do, why would I be here if I didn’t?” Inho was struggling now, his anger dissipating into confusion. His eyebrows crept up in the middle.
“I don’t know. Let’s see, you dodged me in the theatre, for one. Why?” He took a step forward, so he could look down on Inho from his small advantage in height, “Are you embarrassed? Does being with a man make you feel ashamed?” A part of Stephen was crying that he was being unreasonable, but he crushed it down.
Inho recoiled.
“I just don’t like kissing in front of people,” he said defensively.
“Unless it’s Jamie,” Stephen needled, cool rage filling his lungs.
“Why do you keep bringing her up?!” Inho was shouting again. Stephen just wanted this interaction to end.
“You’re the one that keeps bringing her up!” Stephen snapped back, at his limit. His own voice was loud in his ears, “You think I want to hear about your ex? I already have to see her every day!”
“Then tell me that next time! Why are you being such an asshole?!”
“I don’t know! I hate it! I hate not knowing how you feel – if you’re over her or not!”
“Wow, what if you tried asking me then?! I’M OVER HER!” Inho roared.
“Oh yeah, after what, a month? Really kept the engine running didn’t you? If this isn’t just a rebound, maybe you should try acting like it!”
Stephen winced, horrified at his own words, and at how pain crawled over Inho’s face. A part of him knew that the petty accusations were pouring from his insecurities and that old unhealed fear of abandonment that always made him cut first, but he couldn’t stop. Well, Inho was in the wrong here, logically he should just end this before it got any messier.
“You’re really awful you know? I-I…” Inho was speechless, tears filled his eyes, and he dashed them away, furious, “What do you even want right now?”
“I just want you to admit –” Stephen started, but Inho cut him off,
“Admit what? You want to me to feel ashamed for trying to be happy? Why are you doing this?!”
“Why?!” Stephen hissed, “Why the fuck do you think? I just really like you, okay?!”
Stephen froze. He really hadn’t meant to say that. Inho was also speechless now. They stared at each other stuck in a terrible state of stasis.
In a much lower and calmer voice, Inho spoke again,
“Then why are we fighting?”
This was it, Stephen thought. Nobody wants a relationship with someone they fight with this early. This is supposed to be the easy part. It was doomed. Inho was going to leave now. He felt a wave of bone-deep disappointment. How did he even get here? This wasn’t supposed to be anything, this was supposed to be a fuck buddy.
“I don’t want to fight you, I want to date you.” Inho said quietly.
What?
“What?” Stephen must have heard wrong.
“I really like you too,” Inho stated, boldly now, with a magnificent blush, “and I-I want to be your boyfriend.”
Stephen’s jaw dropped.
