dogshitjay
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91: Sorry
🕑 Added 2021-05-15 01:44:00 +0000 UTC“So you’re telling me, that this guy you love, was abandoned by his whole family for being gay, and you… ghosted him when you were mad?” Min shook his head in disbelief, then took a sip of his beer, “I was right, this really is making me feel better.”
Inho grimaced, “What? Why?” They’d been talking through the torrid details of his relationship for a while now, and Min was not impressed.
“Well, I knew you were self-centered, obviously, but wow!” Min spread his hands, and grinned at him, “That’s next level, I really feel like I dodged a bullet.”
“Min what the fuck?” Inho couldn’t help but laugh. Min was normally so reserved with his words, cautious and conscientious, always tiptoeing around everyone else’s feelings… But he seemed different now. He was on the other side of finally expressing himself Inho supposed, and he was probably still adjusting to the fact that he’d been turned down. Inho vowed silently to be patient even if Min was mean. This was uncharted territory for their friendship. What if Min didn’t like him as just a friend? The thought twisted his stomach.
“Okay wait, backtrack a bit. You didn’t give him a chance to explain himself either, right?” Min put down his beer unsteadily and it nearly spilled.
Inho shook his head shamefully, “I just….left...” He might as well be honest, “I just get so overwhelmed sometimes, and… I- I run away.”
“Inho,” Min put a hand on his shoulder, “Inho. Honey. That is a terrible personality trait.”
“I know!... Well I know now… that you said it.”
“Especially ‘cause you ran away on a guy that already has abandonment issues,” Min shook his head, “Who treats someone they love like that?” he laughed humorlessly, then frowned, catching his own bitterness leaking out. “Sorry, that was too harsh… but wow– the rose colored glasses are off!” He drained his beer. “Speaking of which...” He pulled his glasses out of his breast pocket, wiped them carefully, and put them on.
“Weren’t you wearing contacts?”
“Nah, I just couldn't see anything.”
Inho forced himself to laugh, he probably would have hit anyone else who said all this to him, but he couldn’t even bring himself to be mad at Min. This was his precious friend, who he’d hurt, and if Min was giving him harsh words... he probably deserved them. He didn’t want to delve too deeply into what Min was saying yet. Not here. He wrapped all the worries as they spawned into a tight ball and shoved it into the back of his mind. Right now he needed to focus on Min. Even if… Not now.
“Well, it’s all fucked up, anyway.” he said with a long slow exhale, “But now it’s over, and I have to live with it.”
Min wobbled forward to put an elbow on the bar and his cheek heavily on top of his fist, “That’s such a cop out. Don’t be a coward.”
“Min come on, chill out.”
“Right, sorry. Okay listen.” Min nodded against his fist, and closed his eyes while he spoke, “You did some real damage to that guy. Even if he hurt you too, I think what you did was even worse. Now he’s going to have to carry this experience with him for the rest of his life. You don't have to get back with him, but you should apologize at the very least.”
Inho shrank in on himself, though Min’s tone wasn’t harsh anymore, he felt each word like a slap. He hadn’t even really thought about how Stephen would feel in context. He’d only really been thinking about himself and his own pain.
“Anyway, I said my bit. You can go treat yourself like shit now if you want,” Min laughed again, “I hope you don’t though. Damn… I need some water.”
Inho sat with Min while he sobered up a bit, the weight of what he’d done settling around him like a shroud. Min was right, ghosting was a dick move no matter who did it, and to do it to someone that was already vulnerable about it… Maybe he was the one in the wrong? Why do I always end up feeling like I’m the bad guy? He wanted to run away and think this through somewhere quiet.
But he also wanted to cling to Min in case Min started to hate him too. He chewed furiously at a hangnail. Min had seen the real him. What if he didn’t want to be friends any more?
“Do you hate me now?”
“Why?” Min’s voice was more clear now, “Cause you’re selfish? ‘Cause you’re breaking hearts recklessly on an international scale?” He waited a beat. “Nah, I was joking before, I knew these things about you already.” He put down his beer and looked Inho directly in the eyes, “Despite all that, you’re still charming, and brave, and fun. You just… shine so brightly. If you never grow at all, people will still fall for you, and get crushed– just like I did, just like your guy back in Canada.” He shook his head sorrowfully, “You’re still so, so loveable.”
Inho looked away first, unable to bear the sadness in Min’s eyes. He was interrupted from further emotional torture by a hand landing heavily on his shoulder.
“You motherfuckers!!” Junseo had finally found them. “How could you just abandon me like that?!”
Inho blanched, with everything else that had happened, he’d completely forgotten about the group date. He immediately twisted in his seat and flung his arms around Junseo’s middle, “I’m sorry!”
Min turned wide puppy eyes on him; they were so tragic it made even Inho do a double take. “Sorry Junseo, we had some stuff to talk through. Are they still here?”
Junseo huffed then took mercy on them. He fluffed a hand obnoxiously through Inho’s hair before pushing him off, “Nope, they just left. I can’t believe you guys have been sitting here for like an hour. I thought you left. If I hadn’t taken a dump just now I wouldn’t even have known you were here!”
Min cut his eyes towards Inho with a smirk, and wiggled an eyebrow to remind him of the man in the stall earlier. Inho almost spit out the beer in his mouth.
“Make room for me. I need a drink. I won’t be getting any chocolates for Valentines tomorrow, that’s for sure.” Junseo pulled a third barstool up, “Let’s order some more pitchers.”
Min slid out of his chair onto wobbly legs and straightened his jacket. “I should get going actually, can you text me how much I owe you for today?”
“Whattttt?” Junseo whined, “I just got here, what’s wrong with me?”
Min patted him on the shoulder and didn’t answer. Inho felt a sudden sense of urgency, that if Min left now, he might not see him again, at least not as they were right now. But Min gave him a soft smile and squeezed his shoulder before heading out, reassuring him that they were okay.
After he passed through the exit, Inho didn’t see Min’s posture slump, or the tears he finally let spill over his cheeks. He didn’t see how Min choked down a sob, carefully wiped his eyes under his glasses, and drifted home alone on crowded streets.
