anastasiakole
patreon
Hello my dear patrons,
🕑 Added 2023-08-29 19:53:51 +0000 UTCI am so sorry I disappeared for so long. I’ve been thinking about how to go about this page every day that I was quiet. I know it’s unfair for all of you and I sincerely apologize, and can offer you a refund for the past month. A few things happened inside of me and on the outside too that got me to freeze in hesitation of making another post, even though I had next posts planned out already.
I created this page hoping I could afford to continue my sculpture education in Barcelona academy of arts. My savings are running low and I still need at least another year, so I thought maybe patreon would be a good idea, considering I cannot work while I’m studying full time.
A lot of models seem successful with it and even though I always avoided selling my content online, I thought I’d give it a go. I thought I’d be in control of what I post and that is good. Yet somehow paid content of a model is always nude, or maybe fetish oriented, which to me is even more sexualized. As if nothing else is worth paying for and I guess it’s fair enough. But I found myself feeling uncomfortable with it, just like once I felt uncomfortable with continuing modeling. I absolutely love artistic nudity, and in fact as you know, it became a big part of my own creative work. I draw and sculpt naked people every day in the academy. But there is something about selling nude images online that feels like I’ve outgrown and I feel inauthentic doing it. I do not judge those who do it. I don’t judge those who buy such content. I also know that many of you signed up solely because you want yo support my creative journey which is mind blowing to me and I am incredibly thankful. But there are also people who see my photos and then write inappropriate things to me and I feel dirty, yet again. Just like with modeling, I had numerous wonderful experiences, but it only took a few nasty ones for me to feel like I’m doing something shameful. I don’t want to attract such people, even if that’s a minority, and I don’t want to provoke lust and dirty comments or even dirty thoughts. I want to glorify beauty and I want to create art and inspire others to create art. I wish I could create things that would touch heart and make people cry the good tears. I dedicate my life to that.
Nude modeling, my own sexuality captured on photos is such a complicated topic for me, it’s a hot bundle of such things as joy of self expression, shame, pride, money, freedom, vanity, creative search, insecurities and honestly what not. I truly love and hate it. And maybe I just need to let it be as a part of me and move on.
I am writing this from Ukraine where I came to work on a ceramic project. It’s a beautiful and quiet summer night here in a small village near Kyiv. Today I found out that I got the scholarship at the academy, which means that one of the three terms next year will be free of charge for me, which is great news and really a lot of help. I am very excited about starting my next project, even though I’m not sure how I’ll manage to pay my rent for the next year. But at this point, I know that God, universe, whatever you call it, will help me make it. All I need to do is work hard and be authentic and honest with myself and with others.
So, at this my dear patreons, with deep respect to you and so much gratitude, I announce that I will not be sharing my modeling work here. I will still send a little postcard to those who wanted. If you do, please send me your address. And I will still sell my work, occasional drawings, prints, sculptures, ceramics.
I am so sorry that this format did not work for me, and I hope you understand. Please message me if you’d like a refund. If you wish to continue supporting me with my studies, I really appreciate it, and please let me thank you with a piece of art I create later on. It can be a small sculpture or a drawing.
I love you all very much and I send you the warmest hug from the heart of Ukraine❤️
Comments
Sam
Hey there, I wasnt here for like a month and am really sad to read this as I really enjoyed having a closer and uncensored look into your work, but I do understand how you feel. Though I must say I hope you find a way to continue and overcome the negativity, because nothing about your modelling and/or art in general is cheap or "dirty" and you should be able to share it and bring joy to those who appreciate it without these feelings :) maybe blocking these people could help, but if not I whish you all the best on your journey! Art should always bring you joy and happiness! Keep listening to your inner voice :)
Ahmed
You have all my support <3
