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Chapter XIII
🕑 Added 2025-06-14 12:16:34 +0000 UTCThe next day passed idly, I listened to Waver's boring lecture about the relativity of names to the baser nature of things and the weight of words that could be perceived as something else entirely in the context of spell-casting relative to their meaning in the world of the normal folks.
Like, pyrite carrying a flame element solely because of the 'pyr' in the name despite its real-world application having nothing to do with fire. That was proven when Flat used it in place of something else and his ritual ended up exploding in his face. Basically, the highlight of my day was seeing him get chewed out by Waver while doing an involuntary black face.
That and Svin Glascheit coming in looking like a corpse... reeking like one too. The stink bomb I'd left for him clearly did its job and made daddy proud.
Since Luviagelita wasn't there to bother for some reason, I dipped the second class ended and made my way to the Policies Department situated through the London Museum. I didn't understand the workings honestly. One moment, I'd gone underground, the next I was in some old money looking building with empty corridors. A light drizzle gently pattered against the closed windows, and the greyed, cloudy sky outside was a pleasant sight.
Still, it made me stand out a bit more with the fully black aviators I was wearing... in rain. I felt like some kind of schizo but then I realised I didn't ask and didn't care what some weirdos thought.
The corridor opened into a hall resembling a bank, with the tellers and all included... just not the people. It seemed kind of sparse for the sort of place it was supposed to be. Eventually, I wandered over to a nervous-looking man sitting behind a counter, leaned on the crisp counter and planted my chin on my palm before beginning my harassment.
It turned out magi gave out mercenary contracts for a good bit of cash. I needed to get my hands on one of those. The best bet then was trying my luck with the Policies Department responsible for designing and enforcing well... policies.
"Sir, I can't just-"
"Oh c'mon, aren't we buddies uhh..." I scanned his navy vest for a name tag but failed to find one. "James?"
His pale eyes widened in some surprise and I realised that the generic ass name was actually the right guess. Well, he looked like a James with his boring linen dress shirt and his suit pants and the vest. Fam, the man had brown hair combed to the side.
"I don't even know who you are, sir." He tried to explain, nervously motioning with his hands by flailing them around like a beheaded chicken. Yeah, he was definitely a James. "I can't just hand out a-... It'll be my head on the line if you mess it up somehow."
"Then give me an easy one," I said dryly. "It's not like I'm asking for a mission to find the Holy Grail or something."
He laughed nervously again.
"You're not regist-... I wouldn't even know what would be righ-..."
"But you could give one to me, couldn't you? Pretty please with a cherry on top~?"
That wasn't me. It was the resident horny wackjob of the El-Melloi Classroom. Yvette L. Lehrman. She locked her hands together and wiggled in place, making weird eyes... eye. The frills of her lolita frock wiggled with her.
I spoke my mind, "The hell are you doing here?"
She spun my way with that overly flamboyant way of hers, making a V against her one eye with her fingers. Then, she smiled triumphantly like she'd done some big thing everyone was supposed to know about.
"I saw that stupid gorilla wasn't around so I followed you here!"
"...You stalked me?"
She beamed, "Umu! Yes, that's it! Do you think you're falling for my persistence?"
I just shook my head.
"Huh... I thought boys liked that. It doesn't matter. I'll definitely win some brownie points with this contract! Ooh, do you think it'll be exciting? Mercenary work, I mean. I've never done this kind of thing before. Papa doesn't let me... But even he thinks your eyes might be worth something so... Yay! Let's go!"
...Holy yap. But, eh, she'd make the job more amusing if nothing else. Her insane comments were also massive ego boosts and I wasn't one to turn down free glazing.
"Gimme one with ghosts! Yes!"
As she harassed James, I quietly wondered just how in the world that little top hat resting on her pink hair even stayed in place with all the moving around she did. James folded immediately. With sweat on his brow, he stamped something on a paper and held it out to her.
"It'll be your responsibi-"
We were gone before he finished his words, and I saw him sigh from the corner of my eye as we exited the hall. Yvette eyed the paper curiously but then scrunched it up and tossed it into a bin before I could utter a word. Shamelessly, she leapt onto me, locking elbows. Unfortunately, she didn't have much to press against me.
"See? I'm way better than Luviagelita! Bah!"
"That sounds like cope," I muttered. "Beating her's going to be hard with how cultured she is."
"She's always liked those things for commoners." Yvette accepted with a nod. "But she's fat and gorilla-ish. Surely you prefer a nicer girl."
"...You're really not making this any better for yourself by insulting her."
"True. True. Let's forget about her and have an adventure! First, to Caules!"
-
We found Caules sitting at a local cafe, fiddling with a sleek black laptop. Occasionally, he took a sip from the steaming cup of tea lying beside him. He looked like one of those serious, 'detached' protagonists with the way he was sitting by his lonesome under the shade of a see-through parasol. About half a dozen books were stacked on the other side.
"Hey hey hey, Caules. Let that boring laptop be for a bit and help us out."
According to Yvette, he was big on tech, and subsequently, good at gathering all sorts of information if prompted.
For a magus, Caules looked rather normal. His light brown hair fell just to his ears, and he wore a pair of glasses, not like mine, his were the sort that were for vision, with a thick black frame. He wore a simple white shirt over loose navy jeans.
When he saw me, he gave me a sympathetic look, cocking his head towards Yvette.
"...I wasn't expecting to see you here." He started politely, "But, I know you wouldn't come for me if you didn't have something you wanted."
"Can't I just come see a friend? Why do you assume I have a hidden agenda?" Yvette pouted, puffing her cheeks and leaning close to him to the point where he raised his hands in surrender and leaned his chair back.
"Hey Caules, thanks for playing along with my sister." I took the chair across from him. "Hope she didn't bother you too much."
He smiled at that, "No problem. She's adorable."
"Right?"
He nodded again.
"You have a sister and you didn't tell me?" Yvette gasped dramatically, a hand over her heart. She put the other over her forehead and tipped back on her heels. "My heart can't handle this betrayal."
I deadpanned. "I don't know you, lady."
Magi appeared to be quite the eccentric bunch... with no care for how they were perceived. The few customers around us were starting to take notice, but Yvette didn't seem to care for that at all. It was almost as if she was into being a wacko and bothering others.
Wait... that could actually be the case.
"That's an easily fixed problem, silly." She straightened up and gave a small salute. "I'm the adorable Yvette L. Lehrmann. My family is the leading authority about the research into Mystic Eyes. We can make artificial ones too! And I have successfully tinkered with my brain to be able to switch out multiple ones."
"So you tinkered with your brain?"
"Yes!" She nodded excitedly.
"Oh wow... What a surprise."
Caules turned his head to the side and let out a snort. Yvette completely ignored his little outburst and raised the eyepatch covering her right eye to reveal a violet gemstone. Iolite, I recalled.
"This... is how I know you have potent eyes behind those Mystic Eye killers."
Well... this explained her fixation on the 'genes'. It was par for the course for these psychos to do completely outrageous things to get their hands on the object of their research and mine... mine were a mighty fine pair of eyes, if I did say so myself. But, this also meant there was a decent chance I'd wake up missing organs or some such if we ever shaboinked.
"Oh please, I won't take your eyes that way. Our babies can have them!"
My eyes widened. Caules physically recoiled. Then, as though he was fed up, he cleared his throat and gently knocked his fist against the table before fixing his glasses like a typical smart character.
"What did you both want from me again?"
"Oh yes, I need you to look into this manse just outside the city. Apparently, it's haunted or something."
"That place isn't haunted." Caules answered like a redditor getting ready to type out a six page essay about some piece of obscure lore nobody gave a flying shit about. "It's a workshop of some recently deceased Count. I heard the defensive mechanisms kicked in and killed the heir too when he moved in... Well, it might be haunted too now that I think on it. This might be a bit dangerous for you. Make sure you have all you'll need for the cleansing ritual if you plan on clearing it out. Maybe take a necromancer along?"
One word came to my mind after hearing him.
Nerd.
But I kept quiet, I wasn't that big a dick. Unfortunately, my silence didn't extend to Yvette.
"You're a real nerd, aren't you, Caules?"
"You asked!" He said indignantly, pursing his lips right after.
-
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