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CHP 41: Pervert Inventor
🕑 Added 2024-02-18 19:10:05 +0000 UTCNicholas shot awake and looked around, letting out a small sigh when he realised he was in his room at Chaldea. He moved his hands to his face, "Two eyes, one mouth..." Then he moved his hands down to his more private areas and tilted his head, "One nut?! No no... two nuts."
"...Wait."
He felt around a bit more.
"THREE?!"
Chaldea's as-of-yet strongest Master shouted to himself, violet eyes dilating in shock before they relaxed again, "No wait, nevermind. It's two."
Releasing another relieved sigh, Nicholas jumped to his feet, bum rushing the attached washroom door and as if it had gotten used to almost being hit by a fullback, every single day, the door slid away mere moments before Nicholas smashed into it.
The Chaldean Master only then rubbed his still groggy eyes, having forced his body out of the lethargy anyone experiences when getting out of a warm bed in the literal middle of fucking Antarctica, and opened the tap, washing his face with cold water to get rid of whatever sleepiness was left.
Inspecting his form in the mirror for a bit, Nicholas nodded in satisfaction.
-
"Cease thy heresy at once. I shall never do what you ask!"
"Any self-respecting woman out there should at least know how to boil an egg! You're going to be a disgrace to everyone at this rate!"
"But I am a King. A Tyrant! One like me shouldn't have to do with this stuff! Do you want to die?"
"Bitch I wouldn't give a shit if you were the Emperor of Byzantine! Get in the damned kitchen!"
Nicholas observed the 'banter' between the Saint of the Back Alley and Goth B-...Queen with a faintly amused expression, "Martha's really something."
Martha was, in the truest meaning of the word, traditional down to her core as according to the words of the Big Man himself, she didn't give two shits about social norms and 'reforms', having literally beaten the 'guy' out of Mordred (so she thought)...
It was also poorly disguised concern for Artoria with how much she ate and how bad she was at cooking.
The Back Alley Saint was nice as fuck, there was no denying that.
"She thinks she slick with it... heh."
"Oi, Master... Is that really my fat-... I mean, mother? She actually praisheed the way I smas shit a while bash." Mordred spoke from his side, stuffing her face full of steaming bacon, "I cansh really belieb i-... Guh..."
The explosive Saber choked on her food, as you'd expect, coughing and sucking in air until Nicholas slapped her exposed back so hard it knocked everything out of her mouth, leaving a handprint.
"Oops, sorry." Nicholas gave a flimsy apology, "That is your mum, kinda I guess? She's got new problems but not some of the old ones if I'm seeing this right... That means she's got not problems accepting that you're actually competent, minus the bipolarity."
Mordred nodded slowly, working the two brain cells holding her together like a man in the cotton fields as she tried to understand what her Master said.
"Bipolariiity? What's that? Anyway, you think I'm competent?"
In the end, her brain gave out and latched onto the perceived compliment instead.
Nicholas swore he could see smoke coming out of her ears for a moment, "Well... Yeah."
"Ehehehe..."
A faint smile formed on Nicholas' lips as he patted the giggling knight, "Never change."
Is this what having a kid felt like?
The two ignored the other two servants that had stopped fighting somewhere along the way and started armwrestling, forcing a weeping Gudako who'd just been having her breakfast in a corner to hide away from them to act as their referee.
"You know, I wanted this... I did but having them ignore my existence upsets me for some reason." The forgotten Emiya spoke from behind the counter, "Here's hoping he doesn't try to fill the void left by his comrades with servants."
...He could see it happening.
-
"Ta-da~! Aren't I awesome?! I am, right?! You can praise me you know? Feel free to do so! This might be one of my best works yet!"
Nicholas stared at the jumping dark haired lady in a strange glittery red and blue dress? with a visible deadpan... Was this really why he was called to the central command room?
"Eh? Hey Mash? Why is he just staring at me?"
"Just give him a moment, Miss Da Vinci."
One of her arms was metallic, mecha-looking and she held a staff in it.
She looked like she was in her 30s but was telling him to praise her like a kid.
"So you're one of those..."
She was one of those eternally eighteen creeps wasn't she?
Nicholas arbitrarily decided the new person was a perverted weirdoe... but wait, there was something more.
Narrowing his gaze, the pale haired teenager rubbed his chin as he eyed her body, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
"Oya? An admirer of art? I have to say, Da Vinci wasn't expecting this."
She referred to herself in the third person too... Great.
"Aren't you that fucking exhibitionist that was walking around naked at night?"
All colour instantly drained from the 'woman's' face, "W-When did you-?!"
"So I'm right..." Nicholas didn't know he could deadpan as much as he did in that one moment, "Everyone here is fucked up there in some way or the other huh?"
"Miss Da Vinci, what is he talking about?"
"Mash... Mash... Why are you two looking at me like I'm scum? Hey Hey... He could be mistaken right?!"
"Senpai can't forget what he sees."
"Ehhh..."
Thus, Leonarda Da Vinci, the omnipotent genius of the 15th Century who could do anything and everything, from art to science to mathematics to even magecraft at a level where the masses were left stumped and unable to accept his talent, able to grasp any situation instantly, the man credited to be the Father of the High Renaissance, encountered a situation that momentarily stumped him.
... Wait... him?
"Ah... mhm... I see, you seem to have found out my secret." Da Vinci coughed into 'her' palm, completely ignoring her own flustered appearance, "Well, I won't deny it... But I guess it's a shame, I thought you recognised this form from the Mona Lisa."
Leonarda Da Vinci cleared 'her' throat, placing a hand over 'her' chest, "I'll introduce myself properly. Leonardo Da Vinci, the omnipotent genius, at your service. I believe this is the first time we've properly met, Nicholas. The Director ordered me to avoid you for some reason."
"Course Leonardo's a chick too." Nicholas was unamused with this world's bullshit.
"I used to have a male body, I just switched to this later... It's the perfect form, isn't it?"
Nicholas' head shot her way, eyes wider than they'd be in a long time... He slowly took a step back, "S... Stay away from me." He didn't understand all that stuff about genders and all that stuff, it was too complicated for a simple man like him so Nicholas just avoided anything and everything related to the topics.
"Ah... What?" Da Vinci's eyes shined for a moment before she smirked, "Anyway! Your image of me aside, this is what I've called you here for!" She sauntered over to a dark corner of the room and clapped her hands once, making the lights turn on to reveal a certain ash haired woman.
"Meet the new and, might I say, improved Director of Chaldea! The perks of a body constructed by yours truly entail... Wait, I guess you don't care about all that right now."
Nicholas froze in his spot.
"D-Director, welcome back." Mash bowed her head in greeting to the woman twirling a lock of her hair with an averted gaze, "Everyone missed you... I think."
"..."
Olga ignored her and expectantly stared at the still silent Nicholas.
-
Yay, Olga back.
Next one is coming soon and is related to the Demon Gods.
Comments
Kreep
it's too complicated for his brain
SaffireSpirit13
Aw… Olga being a Cutie in front of her crush. Also Nicholas not being able to handle being around trans people is pretty funny.
