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CHP 06: Profit
🕑 Added 2024-06-22 09:22:58 +0000 UTCNow calm down, I know you want to say, 'Shinji, you dumb fuck. You just painted a massive target on your ass and wrote, fuck me in the bum."
And again, I wanna say, shut the fuck up, your opinion will matter once you stop living off your parents money and jerking off to pencil drawings.
You really think I wouldn't consider the possible drawbacks of summoni-...no, pulling a literal Beast of Man capable of destroying the planet out of it's prison?
Well... hahahaha, you'd be right.
I didn't.
But, the answer is in the question.
The depressed woman currently sitting in Shirou's rundown storehouse is a Beast capable of destroying the planet.
Any attempts at attacking her 'saviour' would mean Alaya risks unleashing said Beast on this current age where humans suck ass when it comes to power and potentially allowing the Gods back in seeing as a fight with her wouldn't exactly go away as an omnipotent inexplicable gas leak.
Gas leaks don't look like a big fuck all dragon that's about 74 million square kilometers large... no, that's not a random number.
That's the size Tiamat is at her fullest, maybe bigger.
Imagine the gya-
"Ehem ehem..." I sipped on the green tea Shirou had served me gracefully, without any concern for the first time since I woke up in this place, "Shirou, why do you look so weirded out?"
Shirou stared at me like I was an idiot, something I took offense to, "So we're just not going to talk about... that."
What's he on about?
Oh wait, right, the tall lady sitting behind me.
"What do you mean by that? This is Tiamat. Put some damn respect on her name." I held up a fist, clicking my tongue.
Do you have any idea how hard it was to get through to her?
I spent the whole night sitting in that damn storehouse.
"Right. So who is... Tiamat?" Shirou prodded carefully, perhaps sensing my distaste, "Don't tell me you picked up someone like Taiga?"
Dear Shirou, as my self-proclaimed friend, I'll tell you the truth.
"What do you mean picked up? I needed her more than anything."
I gestured to the Beast who flinched under my words, "I'm finally having a moment of peace now that she's here."
Also, what is it with people flinching at me?
I'm a cute 12 year old shota.
Hm, they should be doting on me.
Dear Tiamat, please stop looking at me like you want to eat me.
"...I'm happy for you?" Shirou asked, "Is that what I should say?"
"Yeah." I nodded, accepting his words.
Turned out I didn't need to spend all night trying to woo her.
All I had to say was I needed her and she started following me around like she was afraid I'd disappear or something.
Which, in retrospect, makes sense cause all she wanted was some love but got her throat torn out with an axe for it... by her own kids.
Sheesh.
Even an evil scientist like me feels like beating the shit out of those kids.
If only they weren't literal fucking Gods.
Sad.
Maybe I'll make something that lets me do that.
"Shinji, do... you need... more?"
Oh my god, I'm gonna nut.
No, wait, that was kind of pathetic.
But trust me on this, her voice is heavenly...
There's even a little slur from how she's not used to speaking.
Man, now I'm worried about letting her out alone.
Like, what if one of those Japanese 'businessmen' tells her he 'needs' her, that way.
...Geh, why do people have free will in the first place? Shit is overrated as hell.
Imagine the grunt life.
"Shinjiii?" Tiamat hummed curiously, leaning to the side to stare at my face.
You know, I have some concerns about how quickly she latched on to me when I told her I needed her.
But I'm not apologising.
Not using the metaknowledge I have is like cutting my leg off for no reason.
I'm not a souls player so that's a no go.
I swear to God one of them would try to solo this verse naked with a poking stick or some shit with no arms and one leg.
Anyway, I turned to look at the Beast with intrigued eyes, "Why are you being so cheery?"
"I shoouldn't?" Tiamat tilted her head again before her shoulders drooped, and she backed away a bit, "Okay... please don't leave me."
...
Woman, I'm a kid. You're supposed to play the motherly role.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
I sighed into my hand, "Fine... I like you more the way you are."
Tiamat brightened considerably and nodded enthusiastically, "Are you hungry, Shinji? Do you feel bad?"
"...I guess I could use some food."
You know, maybe feeding into the lonely and desperate Creation Goddess' desire to be needed isn't the best of ideas but... in my defense, fuck you.
I'm 12.
My actions aren't supposed to have consequences.
Clapping her hands excitedly, the Beast bolted to the attached kitchen under a concerned Shirou's gaze.
"What's with her?" He asked in a low voice, afraid of her reaction.
I just shrugged my hands, "I guess that's being alone for aeons after your kids betrayed you does to a person... wait no, Goddess."
"I gu-..." Shirou cut himself off and shot my way, "A what now?"
Dear Shirou, I know Shinji looks like a dumb cunt that can't think his way out a locked room so I'll forgive you.
"Come on, Shirou." I leaned on the table, looking at him from the corner of my eye, "Let's not do the stupid back and forth where both of us know magecraft but didn't know the other one did. You're a magus... well, kind of. And the Matou are also magi, more on the fucked up end of the spectrum though."
"Can you teac-"
I like how he instantly accepted it but I cut him off like mf Baldwin, "I can't use it so no good. What I'm gonna say is, you're ruining your ability with how you're using them so wait a bit. I'll find you a teacher or something."
"How did you know that?" Shirou asked in slight confusion.
"Because I'm a genius, duh."
...Dear Shirou, stop looking doubtful.
Ignoring my 'friend', I turned to stare at Tiamat in the kitchen... she was holding a broken pot with tears in her eyes.
I guess it's goddess stuff with how quickly she's picking up societal norms from... me and a selfless hero complex nut...
But still, I'm man enough to admit that I might feel 'slightly' bad about how desperate she seems... shit is enough to make a man tear up.
She told her children they didn't need to love their mother so long as they didn't abandon her... then loved them too much to fight back with her all when they were literally trying to kill her.
Well, too bad for her I guess, she's stuck with me.
Partly because Alaya will make rough love to my bum with the business end of a cactus as soon as she has the opportunity for putting humanity in 'danger'.
Dumb emo bitch, this is the woman who literally sealed away her own power to save humanity when she was forced into a berserk state.
I smacked the table with my clenched fist before getting up, "I'm gonna go make my AI now. Today's the day the Matou line ceases to exist... well, after Sakura wakes up."
She needed to see what I was going to do, for closure.
Tiamat instantly forgot whatever she was doing and followed me.
Woman, you're gonna give me the wrong idea.
"Nooo I won't. You." She pointed at me and then at her chest, "Came for... Me... And you... need... me... I know..."
Well, I guess that's true.
She's pretty much the only thing I need in this world.
The Clock Tower and Church don't have anything on Tiamat.
The Beast nodded her head up and down, worried, "I... will... stay... with you... Please... don't leave... me... behind... I am... sorry for... being bad."
How the fuck does she know what I'm thinking?
"That's because you're speaking your thoughts out loud." Shirou pointed out with an amused expression on his face, looking at us from the table all smug and stuff.
"F-Fuck you Shirou. I don't make that kind of lapse in judgement."
I stomped off.
Definitely not embarrassed.
Tiamat, stop matching my pace.
Why do you look so smug about what happened?
-
I sat in my room, working away at the computer my father had so graciously bought for me.
I can't call myself a mad scientist if I don't have an AI assistant.
"My back hurt." I pointed out for no particular reason.
You see, I had a table but... it's one of the stupid sit on the ground Japanese ones and I have to sit on the floor... which makes me lean over to work on it... which then makes my back hurt.
"...Massage?" Tiamat offered with a curious gaze.
Yes, you thought right, she's been sitting behind me watching me type away with genuine intrigue.
For hours.
Damn, this gal kinda-... I don't want to say it.
"Do you even know how to give one?"
"Hm." She bumped her chest and showed a confident smile, "I will... learn."
"The happy ending kind?" I joked, trying to gauge her reaction.
"Yes, happy ending... is good."
Dear Tiamat, I don't think you know what that means.
Damn though, what happens if I say my balls ache?
It seems the Beast wasn't done.
She tapped my chest, "You... risked... the void..." She then put both her hands on her chest, "For... me... who was not... needed... You... deserve."
Oh yeah, there was that thing about it being littered with Outer Gods.
I put both my hands together and inhaled sagely.
Call me Buddha with this enlightened decision I've just made.
I smiled like the cute shota I am, so sweet, naive and innocent.
"...I'm going to kill your kids."
"No... please... They are not..."
"Fine." I relented with a sigh and went back to work.
"Hm..." Tiamat let out a satisfied hum before... I felt soft flesh pressing into my back.
The Mother of Genesis snuggled into my back, shortening her horns so as not to poke me with them, "I will... never be... bad... I... will... help... so... please... don't leave... don't be...a dream... I... just wanted... to love... my children..."
I am sooo gonna kill the Sumerian Gods.
Also, I refuse to believe words can have this much effect on people.
Be reasonable.
She's just desperately latching on to the first thing that showed her concern in aeons...
She'll get over it soon enough so I guess I'll just enjoy it while it lasts.
-
Clearly, Superior Shinji underestimates one aspect of fate.
...What is it?
