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CHP 96: Vampire Counts
🕑 Added 2024-06-23 15:23:53 +0000 UTCNicholas stood at the helm of the Golden Hind, hands on the railings as he looked down at the Francis Drake's crew... and his own.
After Blackbeard 'regrettably' lost his life, his crew, namely Anne Bonny and Mary Read, joined him to avenge their captain. But he had more members too including Cu, Mash, Elisabeth, Carmilla and Altera.
There was also one other person but nobody gave a shit about her so it didn't matter.
"Are you tired of the government's policies too?"
"What's he on about now?" One of the deckhands passing by with a crate called out curiously.
As they had learnt in their two day voyage, Nicholas had a lot of ideas, and he liked to share them.
Which, of course he did, he was the sort of revolutionary that only came about every millennia or so, by the admission of Jeanne D'Arc, who claimed the big man upstairs spoke to her.
So, anyone who disagreed had to get a bigger backer.
"I dunno mate, but they're funny so meh." His fellow crewmate shrugged his hands, picking a bottle of rum out of the crate before gesturing to Francis Drake, "Look even the Captain's paying attention."
And indeed she was, the legendary Francis Drake who toppled the invincible French Armada was chugging a bottle of rum and listening on with an amused grin on her face, "Oh yeah, I totally am! Love the lad. Shame I can't keep him."
Not for lack of trying.
She tried to 'take' him by right of plunder and he kicked her shit in with one of her own cannons... so she was subdued for now.
"Fellow pirates, are you tired of the government's taxes? Are you tired of how they won't give you jobs? Are you tired of how they'll throw you in prison for beating the shit out of someone who tried to mess with you?" Nicholas raised a clenched fist, his face steely and convicted.
"Geh..." Cu recoiled from the crow's nest, "I get why Emiya's so done with Chaldea now."
Anne just giggled at his words, next to Cu, "Really? I think he's cute."
"No no no, you do NOT want to go there lady." Cu shook his head fiercely, "You wanna get ganked by a couple of angry chicks on fire? One of them has a big fuck all dragon. The other IS a dragon. The third physically beat the shit out of a dragon."
...Why were they all related to dragons?
"Hm... Dragons aren't real silly~!"
"You know what? Go ahead. Don't blame me when you get a flaming sword shoved up your ass." Cu just threw up his hands in surrender and went back to his rum.
"Why can't I have a bugatti if the rich guy has it? Why is the bugatti so expensive in the first place?"
"What's a bugatti?"
"I think it's a word he's using for equality and opportunity?"
"Since when the fuck were pirates so eloquent?"
"Who the fuck uses the word eloquent?"
"I want a bugatti too, dammit." Nicholas waved around his fist indignantly.
"Yeah, me too!"
All it took was one and then like dominoes, the bored pirates started shouting random shit for the hell of it... again.
"I wanna ask somebody what colour their bugatti is."
"I wanna marry my childhood sweetheart!"
"I don't wanna pay taxes!"
"I wanna steal gold!"
"I want to have slaves!"
"...Ayo. Is nobody going to talk about what this man just said?"
"Vote for me and I'll give you all that! And more!" Nicholas raised both hands in the air, "Nicholas for President 1584."
"You'll give him slaves?"
Altera appeared on the deck and gave a lifeless thumbs up, "I'm Altera, Attila the Hun, and I approve this message."
She then looked to Nicholas who nodded in approval before shuffling away with a small smile tugging at her lips.
"Hahaha! Love it. But what's a President?" Francis took the wheel with a big grin, peering off into the sea with a telescope, "I see an... island?"
Nicholas instantly forgot his campaign and bolted to the head of the ship, "Huh... That's not right is it?"
The island looked dead and bleak, with bats scurrying about in broad daylight... with many military men impaled on stakes on the shores.
It was a brutal and gory scene.
But Nicholas and co had seen much worse over their journey by now.
"That looks like Carmilla's wet dream."
The Blood Countess cracked her Master over the head lightly... except her staff bent, "My wet dreams would not be so bleak and reeking."
"What would they be like?"
"...Wouldn't you like to know~?"
Nicholas deadpanned at the woman, "Yeah, I definitely wanna know about the wet dreams of a lady that bathed in the blood of people and then didn't know what she did wrong when she got fucked over for it."
"I'm... sensing a lot of judgement." Carmilla pointed out hesitantly, taking a step back so as not to get clocked across the face.
"Bitch I ain't Kirito, go curry pity with Gudako or something. I am judging you and that's it."
"You have no ri-"
"Womp womp." Nicholas waved his hand in dismissal, more interested in the island.
It reminded him of something, he just couldn't put his finger on what.
"Should we try docking?"
Mary appeared next to him, standing on the railing and shook her head, "All wrong signs."
"I guess it'd be the horror movie equivalent of not listening to the half dead guy when he tells you there's danger." Nicholas closed his eyes, considering her words, "We're doing it. Let's go beat the shit out of Jason."
"...I don't think my crew has the guts for that." Francis admitted with a sigh, "But I ain't backing down! I like your spunk, kid. Let's go!"
-
When they landed on the shore, an odd party greeted them.
"Vlad?"
"Indeed, my Master. It is I, Vlad the III." The blonde vampire introduced himself with a hand over his chest and a soft smile on his face, "I arrived on this island in the midst of a military takeover."
Nicholas nodded along, "Hm hm."
"So I slaughtered them and made examples of what I would do to those who would trample upon the rights of the innocent and downtrodden." The Romanian ruler declared proudly, holding up his spear, "I hope this was not to your detriment?"
"See Carmilla." Nicholas looked at an embarrassed Carmilla with eyes full of judgement, "This is how you be a cool vampire."
He turned to Vlad and patted his shoulder, "And don worry, man. Fuck the marines."
"Indeed, shame upon those who would use their power unjustly." The ruler nodded his head in agreement.
Vlad was a really cool dude if you didn't get on his bad side.
If you got on it though... well... Nicholas glanced sideways at the impaled men.
"Now if you don't mind." Vlad continued, "Atalanta told me of your arrival and I had a meal prepared for you at my abode. We were fortunate to have Archer appear with us."
A certain ways off, Emiya surveyed the landing party with a bleak smile on his face, "No, no, no, I am just not appearing in front of them."
The Archer was a smart servant, because Nicholas would probably knock him out and take him along.
Consent didn't matter when it came to the Counter Guardian.
The Archer who was serving on Francis Drake's crew appeared next to Nicholas, "I'm sorry but I need to stress that we need to hurry... not lounge around. Did you forget that this world will be destroyed if Hector and his crew get their hands on the Goddess Blackbeard was looking for?"
"Geh... buzzkill."
Yes, the guy concerned with the continued existence of the world was a buzzkill.
Gudako placed a hand on the green haired Archer's shoulder with a pensive smile on her face, "Welcome to the club."
-
Hope you enjoyed it.
