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CHP 29: Wrong Line!
🕑 Added 2024-07-12 14:49:01 +0000 UTCI have come to the realisation that many among you might hold not summoning servants against me, after all, why go around picking up problem children and hiring folks at great expenditure when I can just use the circle in Shirou's storehouse to spawn literal heroes of legend, supplied prana by Tiamat's boundless reserves, who'd do all I want for nothing.
And frankly, I'm offended by this notion.
Do you think I haven't considered it?
There's a 100% chance that using a ritual like that will end up hijacked by humanity's subconscious and summon something that will literally FUCK me to death.
Do you want to see an innocent shota defiled?
Is that it?
I know there's baddies to be summoned but... I really can't do anything until humanity's probable hate boner for my existence calms down.
Anyway, enough about that, I have something else on my agenda today.
No, I'm not blitzing through the city in Gauss just because it's fun, which it is, I'm actually trying to track down the cabal of Church Executors that've moved into MY city, and think they can do what they want.
I bolted past cars and pedestrians who barely noticed me, their movements so incredibly slow that they might as well be frozen in time.
Honestly, I doubt this'll ever get old.
I found the first guy talking to a group of kids with closed eyes and a warm smile on his face. It was a young dude, with steely grey hair, wearing a long black robe that concealed his body... and probably the weapons he had on his person.
Since I'm feeling particularly nice, I won't mess with him.
"Wha-...?!"
No, I just rushed at him and grabbed him by the shoulder before slamming him to the ground.
Geh, that was one ugly squelch.
Ignoring his state, I flipped him over and grabbed his foot.
If you haven't figured out what I'm about to do to this man, you're an uncultured swine, shame upon you and your ancestors.
Like mf A-Train, I took off running and dragged him along... of course the guy's front half just sort of ceased to exist a second into the sprint cause A-Train might as well be a snail compared to Gauss.
"Haha, cool."
From my experience with these guys, one was a misogynist child abuser, one had kids in his basement and gets off people suffering, and another was a hardcore racist serial killer... So no, feeling remorse for these fuckers is out of the question.
Forgetting the guy instantly, I shot off to the next location on me, smoothly moving past the cars in the way thanks to the sheer amount of control Gauss has over kinetic energy.
The one thing people often forget about speedsters is that they are insanely powerful, and have little to no exploitable weaknesses... of course usually it just comes down to the comic writer using bullshit plot to force a loss.
But enough about my grievances with the disrespect Flash gets from writers, I've found my next target.
She was an older woman with dark blue cascading down below her waist, dressed in a nun's habit without the veil... and it seemed she caught onto the fact that I was staring at her.
"What the fuck are you?" She spoke confusedly, drawing a sword with a red-hilt from her sleeve.
Aren't these church folk supposed to not swear?
...I understand her reaction though, imagine a machine just staring at you while you were picking flowers.
"The pinnacle of mental evolution."
Shinjiberg the smartest there is.
I pointed a thumb at my chest, "Doesn't the Church have a truce with the Tohsaka? Why are you moving in?"
"I'm not with the Church." She spoke with a small smile making me deadpan.
Lady, you're dressed like a nun.
...But, plausible deniability and all that, the main organisation can just deny any association with a fuck-up.
"Fine, then nobody's gonna care if you disappear." I got ready to run again.
She moved before I did and crossed the distance between us in the blink of an eye, bringing down the sword on my shoulder... only for the sword to slow down once it crossed a certain threshold and harmlessly bump off my 'body'.
"...What?"
Gauss has systems to absorb and manipulate kinetic energy itself.
Any kind of physical attack she could possibly make would just be rendered null against it... I would've smiled if this face had the capacity for it.
"My turn." I bashed my head into her face and stole her heart all Kakashi-like before tossing it away like a piece of useless trash, "Nobody's doing anything on my land."
With Sean, my new hire, spreading rumours about magi acting against executors and vice versa, and me killing a few members of either side, they'll be at each other's throats within the week... and I'll get Tiamat to wipe them all out in one fell swoop.
...I'd do it myself but I have more important stuff to do than concern myself with a harmless conflict in my backyard.
I know you're thinking something along the lines of, 'Why won't he just leave them be then?'
Well, because it's MY backyard.
Maybe you'd know about these things if you had an actual father figure in your life beyond some rando on the internet.
I'll mail the church lot to their pope and the magi to the Clock Tower along with a 'nice' letter about the intrusion.
-
On my way back, I came across a rather interesting sight.
"Hey Shirou, the hell are you doing out here?" I poke the ginger in the back, making him shudder a little before jumping away and looking at me cautiously, "Shouldn't you be at home?"
He stared at me with confused brown eyes, "...Who?"
Oh right, I'm pilotting Gauss.
"Shinji. It's Shinji." I leaned to the side a bit and waved my hand, "Your best friend."
Dear Shirou, why did you avert your gaze when I said best friend?
I...I am his best friend, right?
You can't do this to me, Shirou, dickheads don't handle this kind of thing well.
"Right, of course." He sighed.
Oi, be a little surprised at least.
Stop looking like it was supposed to be obvious.
"I was at school... you'd know if you bothered to attend." He explained calmly, holding on to the straps of his little bag, "Actually, what are you doing outside?"
I'm not the one who stays cooped up inside all the time, "...Hunting down pedophiles and psychos?"
"What?"
"...Hunting down priests and magi?"
Shirou deadpanned, "That's not what you said before."
"It's exactly what I said before." I corrected him with crossed arms... I know he tries to see the best in people but he also isn't hardheaded enough to not accept the facts presented to him so he won't stop me, "You should head home, wouldn't want you kidnapped for some weirdo's experiment right?"
Shirou narrowed his eyes, "No? But, don't do it for me."
There it is, his bullshit refusal to let others endanger themselves for him because he's not 'worth' it.
"Don't worry, I'm doing it cause of Sakura. Nobody cares about you."
"That's the way it should be." Shirou smiled faintly.
...And I don't like that smile at all.
His harem MC aura can't affect dudes right?
"Nevermind, I care. It's for you." I patted his shoulder... but he grabbed my hand.
"Then stop, I don't want you getting hurt for me."
Motherfu-... use those lines on a broken chick or something.
"Try and stop me." I chortled and pulled back my hand before bolting down the road.
-
"Hey, Tiamat, make me a cake or something."
"Okayyy~."
I groaned as I walked into the living room, scratching my back with an annoyed expression.
Sitting on the plastic chair for the duration of my activities apparently wasn't the best of ideas and now my back is aching, "Hey Sakura, how was school? Did someone bully you?"
"It was nice and... Mm." She shook her head, sitting at the main table, "I think the bullies were... afraid. Thank you."
Haha, of course they were.
My Empire is vast and my intellect is unmatched, PTSD goes hard as fuck and I even did the world a favour by making sure the family line of those dudes would die out with them... by kicking them in the nuts.
"Your class president was asking if you were alright." She spoke further, making me smile, "A-And Aika-chan asked me to play with her."
She's slowly but surely getting more and more comfortable and open... happier in a way, like a kid should be.
"Oh? Did you?" I asked curiously, genuinely interested.
She nodded her little head, "Mm... and she was being bullied s-so I told them off."
"What did you say to them? Do you remember any names?"
It seems like a few more kids need a bit of traumatising.
"I-I said that I would tell you... And..."
Awwww.
"That... they were worthless idiots who would never accomplish anything in their lives like their parents."
Wait what?
Dear sister, I don't think you should be taking notes from my behaviour.
Before I could voice my thoughts, Caren gave Sakura a thumbs up from across the table, smiling slightly.... She didn't get it from me, she got it from that demon.
Oi Caren, don't corrupt my pure, innocent sister.
One of you is enough.
"Good job." I patted Sakura's head with a small smile, sending a pointed glare at the perpetrator who just looked away and started whistling.
-
Hope you enjoyed.
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