Destinee Holland
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🕑 Added 2025-10-20 16:14:58 +0000 UTCDose Twenty Observations:
Subject appears to have a breakdown. Noted as: incapable of processing new information.
⨳ ⨳ ⨳
I stood there silently.
For approximately twelve seconds.
I counted them in my head.
Then I determined I was insane for even coming out here, so I pushed myself away from the wall, walking over to the doors I had snuck out past just moments ago.
I was too late.
They had already been cracked open just slightlyâenough room for her to slide her small frame through the opening.
I was stuck in place, almost stupidly.
The air suddenly felt sucked out of this gigantic hallway.
And there was this heavier silence.
I was breathing.
I think I was breathing.
But every inhale felt shorter, like my lungs were suddenly incapable of their only duty.
âHi,â Monroe said first, her head tilted at me like I had been staring at her for too long.
I probably have.
âHey,â I breathed out, blinking a few times as I smoothed my warm palms against the cold embellishments of my silver gown.
âHi,â she said again, her deep blue eyes trailing my face in a way that made the air just a little warmer.
Her voice was so soft, delicate even.
âYour parents are assholes,â I blurted before I could think it through, trying my best to find some kind of topic to discuss.
And not look at her in that dress.
Her face was practically glowing, though.
I was better off not looking at her at all.
âThey are,â Monroe didnât hesitate to agree with me.
âI lied,â I suddenly forced out, furrowing my brows at how stupid I was being.
âI know,â she calmly determined, her stare nearly burning into mine. âWhich instance are you admitting to?â
âAre you accusing me of lying multiple times?â I asked, my glossed lips parting offensively.
âAre you claiming there havenât been multiple instances, Liberty?â she asked, her lips twitching up just slightly.
And I knew lying would only contradict myself in this current topic I had cornered myself into.
âYour dress,â I murmured, purposely changing the subject. âI do have some sort of issueâsmall issue.â
âIs that so?â Monroe asked, her amusement growing.
It wasnât the expression on her face.
No.
There was barely even a faint smile on her lips.
It was her eyesâhow she looked at me, the way she tilted her head just slightly.
It made my face burn up.
âI donât like this,â I determined, taking a step forward as I motioned to the slit that exposed her smooth leg.
I unintentionally paused, eyeing her leg, nearly glistening from whatever lotion or oil she wore.
Then there was her sudden floral scent wrapping around me.
It was the space I previously closed between us.
The large step forward I took allowed me to inhale her scent in the first place.
I fucked myself by doing it.
I glanced up from her leg, my mouth suddenly dry and my lips parted with nothing to say.
âLiberty.â
Her voice was a soft echo in my ears, her blue eyes nearly making me dizzy.
Or maybe it was the champagne buzzing through my veins.
âAnd this,â I forced out in a whisper, glancing down at her chest. âI fucking hate this,â I admitted, drawing in the sharpest breath.
âThis doesnât seem like a small issue,â Monroe just had to say, her velvety voice almost teasing me.
I let out the roughest breath, shaking my head as I openly stared at her soft chest, âIâm really irritatedâyou irritate me.â
âYouâre frustrated,â Monroe corrected me, her tone entirely patient with me. âIâve frustrated you, Liberty.â
I nodded wordlessly. âYeah,â I breathed out, furrowing my brows slightly. âSarahâshe, I pushed everything off her desk.â
âSarah?â she echoed the name, and even if I was too busy staring at her chest, I knew she was confused.
âYour assistant,â I clarified bluntly, my face burning even worse at what happened yesterday. âThey call her your shadowâI told her that. She claims she caters to your needs, and itâs weird. I told her itâs weird and that sheâs not your girlfriendââ
âHey,â Monroe suddenly whispered, cutting my breathless rant short.
It allowed me to draw in a breath, finally, squeezing my hands by my sides.
âShe said I wasnât either, and Iâm notâIâm not, and I donât know why I said anything,â I sighed with furrowed brows.
I heard Monroe sigh softly.
And thenâŚ
I felt her.
The softness of her hand on my bare shoulder.
Enough to send these weird tingles down my spine, especially when she delicately traced her fingers against my shoulder.
It was gentle, featherlight even, leaving goosebumps in her wake as she cupped the side of my neck.
She didnât pull me closer.
I knew she wanted to, but I also knew she wanted me to lean in.
There was this heaviness in the air between our bodiesâbegging to be closed.
I leaned in.
I didnât even give myself any time to contemplate it.
I just had to be against her.
I wanted to feel her, even if I would regret it later.
She felt as warm as I recalled, especially with my cheek pressed against her bare chest, letting out the most relieved sigh of my life.
âTell me you completely ruined her desk,â Monroe softly whispered in my ear, subtly sliding her arm around my lower waist.
I smiled slightly, âI did,â I said proudly, keeping my arms by my sides. âShe yelled at me. She called me crazy.â
âCrazy-crazy girl,â Monroe tsked with admiration, gently caressing her thumb against the side of my neck.
âDonât get me started on Briggszilla,â I whispered, smiling even wider. âI compared her to a pumpkin tonight.â
âMy god,â Monroe chuckled softly, her arm tightening around my waist, âLiberty.â
âI know,â I snickered, finally wrapping my arms around her waist.
I smiled even wider when Monroe chuckled again, the sound vibrating through both of our bodies.
âYou shouldâve heard what I said yesterday. I threatened to stab her with one of my heels,â I continued to fill her in. âBut she called them stripper heels first, and she dragged me down the hallway whenââ
âExcuse me?â Monroe cut me short, the amusement void from her tone.
It made me purse my lips, âIt wasnât like that. I mean, it was annoying, but your father told me to come along, and I wouldnât, and yeah, Kara just pulled me along.â
Monroe pulled back slightly, giving me a view of her face.
She looked serious.
Not calm.
Just serious.
âItâs not a big deal,â I smiled slightly. âAnd I got her back.â
Monroe blinked once.
Then again.
Her expression was entirely blank.
It was unsettling and all too familiar at the same time.
âShe touched you,â she bluntly stated, her stare shifting down to my arms still wrapped around her. âYes?â
I nodded hesitantly, my brows furrowing slightly. âYeah,â I said, wondering what was going through her head. âItâs not that serious. And I got her back, Monroe.â
âAny instance involving you is serious,â Monroe emphasized, her eyes trailing my other arm. âI take it very seriously, Liberty.â
âOkay,â I said, my brows furrowing deeper.
Because I didnât know what to say.
I knew she was bothered, and I didnât know how to fix that.
Itâs not my job to fix it.
Not anymore.
Itâs not anymore.
Fuck.
âIâm sure thereâs a bathroom nearby, right?â I suddenly said, eyeing the pale pink dress tailored to her body. âFive minutes?â I asked, trying to lighten the mood.
I also wanted to position myself under the dress I once claimed to have issues with.
I would feel better then.
âLiberty,â Monroe said, her soft voice full of warning as I traced my hand up her spine. âNot until a proper discussion.â
I tilted my head back dramatically, finally meeting her stare. âCome on.â
âThereâs too much you arenât aware of,â Monroe emphasized, pulling me closer by my neck. âAnd now my father has this proposition.â
âOne that you seem to have your mind made up on already,â I mumbled, giving her a narrowed look.
âSurely, you donât want to make any kind of side deal with them?â she asked, her face just inches from mine. âOr involve your mother deeper in this.â
âDeeper?â I asked, wondering what she meant by that. âWhat do they want? How is she involved?â
Monroe was silent.
Tensely silent.
It made me pull back from her slightly, suddenly aware of how heavy my heart felt in my chest with each beat.
Why is she looking at me like that?
âEverything happened long before that night,â Monroe finally spoke again, her voice in a soft whisper between us.
âWhat does that even mean?â I asked, tugging my arms away from her waist. âStop looking at me like that.â
Iâve never seen her so fucking remorseful, and itâs making me feel weird.
Itâs making my stomach twist and not in a good way.
âWe shouldnât do this here,â she determined, making me scoff.
âMy motherâsheâs involved. Youâre saying sheâs involved?â I emphasized with furrowed brows, so much disbelief on my face.
Monroe drew in a deep breath, reaching up from my neck to cup my cheek.
But all I could do was lean away, pressing my hands against her arms.
âStop,â I bluntly said, âStop doing this.â
âYour mother made a deal with them. They threatened her careerââ
âStop,â I repeated again, glancing away from her entirely. âNo,â the word fell limply from my lips, pulling back from her hold.
I canât do this.
I donât want to know.
âThey called her on the way to the cabin, Liberty,â she whispered softly, yet her words felt so heavy.
And painful.
They made my chest hurt.
And my stomach twist even deeper.
I felt like I could throw up.
They called her on the way to the cabin.
Does that mean none of it was real?
She wasnât there for me?
She was there for her career?
She⌠she was there to lie and pretend like the rest of them?
âLiberty,â Monroe said the moment I turned away from her, rushing down the hallway away from her.
I didnât know where I was planning to go.
I just didnât want to be here.
I couldnât be here and have this fucking conversation with her.
We were never supposed to have this conversation.
âLiberty,â her voice echoed just steps away from me, her heels clicking in sync with mine.
It made me speed up my steps, fully running away from her as I tugged my gown up from dragging against the glossy floors, reflecting my frantic expression back at me.
âWe canât keep putting this conversation off,â Monroeâs voice spilled into my ears, and I could hear her heels clicking even faster.
Sheâs running?
Sheâs running after me.
She never chases me, yet she chooses now. She chooses this moment out of them all.
âWeâre not going to keep avoiding this,â she spoke again as I ran even faster, my breaths deep and frantic as I tried my best to make it to those tall wooden doors at the end of the hallway.
I swear the moment I made it to them, I didnât hesitate to push the doors open, rushing out past themâ
Into a downpour of rain.
It sent a shock through me.
It also made a cry burn in my chest as the heavy droplets drenched my hair and completely ruined my dress in barely two seconds.
The perfectly curated look I spent so much time on was gone, washed away with the Seattle rainfall.
âWe never reconciled,â I forced out, pressing my shaky hands to my face.
I could hear her heels among the heavy downpour that pattered furiously against us and the slick pavement of the empty side parking lot.
âShe never wanted to be in my life again,â I whispered weakly, dropping my hands from my face with a pathetic sigh.
Monroe stood there, drenched head to toe.
Her wet hair was plastered around her face, especially her bangs that stuck to her forehead.
The rain darkened her pale dress, clinging to every inch of her body and exposing her to my eyes.
Heavy droplets rolled down her face and traced the sharp lines of her jaw.
Yet she didnât flinch or move to shield herself.
She just looked at meâthe streetlight behind her cast a faint halo around her figure, like the universe was mocking me for ever thinking I could live without her.
She looked almost unworldly, entirely too composed for this rainstorm around us.
âI tried. I wanted that reality for you, Liberty,â she finally spoke, raising her voice over the rain. âAll you ever wanted was a relationship with her.â
I shook my head frantically, tears burning in my eyes. âNot like this. How could you lie to me over this, Monroe?â I asked, my voice nearly echoing all around us as I took an angry step toward her.
âThey told your mother to approve of us,â she explained over the loudness of the rainfall. âShe was told to reconcile with you to make our union easier. They would ruin her reputation otherwise. And yours as well, Liberty.â
âI donât care. Do you think I care about a fucking reputation?â I forced out, my voice rising in volume as I stared at her despite the rain coming down so heavily that it was hard to keep my eyes open.
Monroe shook her head. âThey wouldâve made you sound insane. They wouldâve made you sound like herââ she cut herself short, glancing down at the pavement as her shoulders stiffened.
It made me draw in a deep breath, realizing she was referring to Talia.
Her first arrangement.
The woman her parents removed after it all got to be too much.
âMaris didnât want to cooperate with the deal anymore. They kept adding terms. They wanted lenient drug laws, as they had discussed years prior,â Monroe spoke over the heavy rain, finally glancing up from the pavement.
I watched her chest rise, her eyes frantically tracing my face.
âYour mother lied about your dad,â she rushed out, her tone frantic for once. âMy parents never offered any kind of drug for the cancer he had. They were in on a deal with your mother, and they cut her out of it. Thatâs why she resented them.â
âOh my god,â I breathed out, pressing my hands to my wet forehead. âOh my god,â I repeated weakly, tears blurring everything around me.
How could she do that?
How could she lie about him?
My dad was never even involved.
Did she say that to get fucking sympathy points?
As a governor, she knew what angle to hit, Iâll give her that.
âMaris called me the night my parents went after Kaia. She had backed out of their deal, so they retaliated,â Monroe continued, and I could suddenly feel her arms around me, holding me before I could realize I was leaning unsteadily. âI had to make a decision. I had to choose your greater good, even if it was away from me. I had to lie to you. I needed you to hate me.â
I shook my head rapidly, unable to say a single word.
Not with the tears heavy in my eyes.
It was because of my mother.
They went after Kaia because of herâbecause she couldnât follow-through with the stupid deal she made with them in the first place.
It was never Monroe.
I hated her for nothing.
I hated her for covering up something my mother was behind the whole time.
âThey would leave you alone if you hated me. If I took over Levane,â she emphasized as her arms tightened around my waist.
My body trembled, whether it was from the cold rain or her words, I didnât know.
I just needed to focus on counting my numbers despite everything she just admitted.
I needed to count to ten.
But they donât serve a purpose anymore.
Fuck, they need to serve a purpose.
âThey donât matterâthe numbers donât matter,â I weakly cried out, my hands trembling against my forehead. âThe numbers, Monroe. I need the numbers.â
âLiberty, hey-hey,â she quickly said, grabbing the side of my neck to align my stare with hers through the heavy rain droplets. âSqueeze your hands for me.â
âThe numbers,â I forced out, squeezing my hands as tightly as possible as broken sobs vibrated in my throat. âI need. I need them.â
âOkay, yes, the numbers,â her voice echoed above the heavy rain.
âI canât,â I squeaked out, pressing my face into her chest. âI canât count themâthey donât matter, and-andâŚâ I trailed off, a sob echoing from my lips. âYouâre hurting me. This is hurting me.â
âBetter than them hurting you,â Monroe said, firmly pulling me closer despite the heavy rainfall.
I sobbed harder, my arms crumpled against my chest as she hugged me closer.
âOne,â I heard her voice echo. âTwo,â she counted next.
Then it was three.
And four.
By the time she got to fiveâI was lifted into her arms, my uncontrollable cries more spaced out with each number she calmly said aloud.
I wasnât even sure when we made it to her car.
All I recalled was her lowering me down into the familiar cushioned seat, the interior smell of her familiar Bentley all around me.
I was shivering, my sobs faded into nothing but hiccuped sniffles.
Monroe turned on the car as soon as she slid into the driverâs seat beside me, turning on the heat and seat warmers immediately.
I didnât say a word.
But she still grabbed my hand.
She never let goâshe only squeezed hers around mine, keeping her presence known as she continued counting for me.
It soothed me as I listened and anticipated each number, suddenly feeling like they mattered again.
She made them matter.
âWhere do you want me to take you, darling?â Monroe finally spoke as I stared forward, drenched in rain with the heat blasting on me.
The familiar pet name made me relax just a little more.
âHome,â I forced out.
âWhere is home for you?â she softly asked me.
My bottom lip trembled as I thought about him, seeing his face flash so vividly in my head.
But heâs gone.
And so is she.
Maris will never be that version of herself again.
The one who smiled by my dadâs side.
The one who left silly notes in my lunches or hugged me every chance she got.
Maybe he brought that out of her.
Maybe I never did.
âMy apartment,â I forced out, thinking of Jynx.
I wanted to be with her right now.
And I knew I didnât need to tell Monroe the address.
Iâm sure she already knew.
âAre you hungry?â Monroe calmly asked me, flicking on her signal. âDo you need anything?â
âTime,â I said without a further thought, âI just want to be alone for a while,â I forced out weakly, even if I did want her to stay.
I wanted to be around her.
But this is so much, and I feel the urge to push everyone and everything away.
I needed to be alone.
âTake as much time as you need,â she murmured, squeezing her soft hand tighter around mine. âOnly if you come to me once you're done taking time, Liberty.â
I remained silent for a moment, staring down at our hands resting on my leg.
âWhat does this mean now?â I whispered with furrowed brows, drawing in the deepest breath.
I didnât know what to thinkâhow to feel, or even process this.
âNothing youâre going to figure out right now,â Monroe determined for me, âTake your time. Then weâll circle back.â
I nodded silently, unable to even string together a response.
My head hurts.
And everything that happened months ago feels different.
That night feels different.
Itâs now hazier than I recalled, especially as I tried to piece together everything I just learned.
I was silent the rest of the drive, and Monroe let me.
She didnât ask me questions or say a single word.
She let me process everything that I wish I had known sooner.
Regret.
That was the next feeling that set in, wondering why I refused to let her tell me.
I knew why.
I knew I had spent months hurting over this, and the real events of what happened that night would change everything.
But fuck, did I wish I knew sooner.
I was stupidâreally fucking stupid.
I let my hurt keep me blind, and now all I can do is regret it.
No wonder my mother was so set on getting me away from them.
Her lies were at risk.
So was her career if I got fully involved with the Leclairs again.
They would want to make another deal again, and I think thatâs what Leonâs proposition is.
Monroe said it would involve my mother deeper.
âIâm good,â I quickly said as soon as Monroe unbuckled her seatbelt. âIâll walk up on my own.â
Monroe paused, her blue eyes burning into the side of my face as I undid my seatbelt.
âI donât feel comfortable letting you go up alone,â she stated bluntly.
I didnât say anything in response.
I just glanced over at her, my stare finally connecting with hers.
Her hair was still wet, and the messiest I had seen it in a while, especially with some pieces flattened against the sides of her face.
I was silent for a few beats, contemplating my thoughts as I stared at her.
Everything felt different.
I leaned forward before I could contemplate any further, delicately pressing my lips to the edge of her cheekbone.
I could feel her stiffen just slightly under my touch, making the moment feel tenser than it already was.
The kiss was fleeting, but I swear it felt longer.
Almost like time slowed as my lips grazed her skin.
âThank you for everything,â I whispered into her ear before I pulled away.
Monroe nodded once with furrowed brows, her blue eyes following me as I leaned away.
I quickly opened the door and slid out of the wet passenger seat of her Bentley.
My wet hair was now in curls, dripping down my back.
I assumed my makeup probably looked horrid too, but I didnât care.
I just needed to see my Jynxie and spend a few days in bed, eating food that was terrible for me while I binge-watched a comfort show.
Then, once I take my timeâŚ
Iâll talk to Monroe.
A deep sigh fell from my lips as soon as I pushed the door to my apartment open, walking inside and quickly sliding my slippery heels off.
I could hear Jynxâs soft paws patter against the floor, immediately making a weak smile grow on my lips.
âJynxie,â I murmured softly, walking over to her immediately.
She meowed, her blue eyes staring up at me like I looked crazy.
I probably did look fucking crazy, standing in my wet dress with smeared makeup and dripping curls.
I couldnât pick her up like this.
I needed to shower and change into dry clothes.
âCome on,â I told her, motioning her along as I walked past the kitchen.
My brows furrowed the moment I noticed a small white envelope left on the island, halting my walking immediately.
I glanced around, my head turning sharply in both directions.
Someoneâs been here.
They were inside my apartment.
It never mattered to me beforeâI mean, it did⌠it scared me sure.
But now that Jynx is here, it fucking terrifies me that any stranger would be in here with her.
I briefly glanced down at Jynx, sitting calmly by my feet.
It made me draw in a deep breath, feeling my heart beating rapidly in my chest as I finally looked over at the envelope.
I impatiently ripped it open, sliding the small notecard out and reading the three words printed on it.
Donât trust them.
Thatâs all it said in black bold letters.
There was nothing elseânot even a name.
It wasnât handwritten either.
It looked like it had been typed and printed out.
I knew who this notecard was referring to.
The Leclairâs.
The question isâ
Who left it?
Comments
kim
definitely lia who left the letter i thinkâŚ.
kim
oh my days
