Dragon of Rochester
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Story 10 Bonus - Catching Up: A Dao of Paperwork Short Story
🕑 Added 2023-07-21 22:10:12 +0000 UTCI rushed into the sect leader’s hall where Unyielding Firestorm was just finishing his conversation with Peak Master Verdant Bamboo.
Once she left, he turned to me. “Early Rise Swift Brush! You’re finally here!”
His lips were smiling, but I noticed a flash of panic in his eyes before he hid it.
Great Martial Aunt Lin had only been gone a little under a week, but we all felt her absence. The increased workload had definitely started to weigh on our dear junior sect leader. But that just meant that we clerks would just have to do our best to make sure it didn’t crush him.
“I just heard from my Martial Aunt. Thankfully, she’s still alive and trying different methods to return. But, in the worst-case scenario, we’ll have to wait for my master to come out of closed door cultivation so he can request one of our Immortal Ascension ancestors bring her and Martial Uncle back.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Unfortunately, he specifically forbade me from requesting anything of them or the Immortal Bone Creation seniors unless it was a matter of immediate sect security, or for daily operations.”
“The sect also can’t afford to give them the spirit stones or treasures they’d request for such a task,” I helpfully pointed out.
He stared off into the distance like that fact pained him. “We were too easy on those demonic traitors.”
Our poor junior sect leader was entirely too overworked. “Is there anything I can do to help ease your burden?”
“I’m glad you asked.” He sent two jade slips over to me using his spiritual energy and I quickly analyzed the information. It was an analysis of two young Formation Establishment cultivators.
One was a Talisman Apprentice named Little Amber Paper who lost his arm in the battle with the traitors. He’d taken pills to regrow his arm, but he hadn’t been able to create any new working talismans. Which meant that he was unable to cultivate.
The other was a four arts cultivator who focused on calligraphy named Fairy Chrysanthemum Bud. She had been stuck in the middle of Foundation Establishment for the past four years, unable to move past her bottleneck. It was easy to see that she was on the verge of giving up.
“These two are willing to learn about the Dao of Paperwork from you and help us catch up.”
Really?! Two new students! This was perfect! I had been itching to teach more people about the wonders of paperwork.
“Aunt Lin actually requested that I find a half dozen cultivators to replace her and for you to teach them your Dao of Paperwork. But rumors about us overworking everyone here and not giving them enough time to cultivate have started to circulate. These were the only two disciples willing to come.”
I stood up straight. “Then I’ll just have to make these two into paperwork-filing geniuses on par with myself!”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Just try your best.”
“Yes, junior sect leader!”
***
I smiled at my two new students, who both sat at their empty desks.
Fairy Chrysanthemum Bud had ink-stained hands, wore red robes, and stared at me with an intense focus. It made me feel a bit awkward. But she was my student. It was natural for her to want to learn everything possible about paperwork, and I was eager to teach her.
I was more worried about Little Amber Paper. His robes were white, but they didn’t look good on him with his back as slumped as it was from years bent over a desk drawing talismans. If I hadn’t known any better, I would assume that he’d given up before we’d even started.
“You both won’t regret practicing the Dao of Paperwork. Its history might be short, but it was created by our sect’s little ancestor, Great Martial Aunt Lin.”
“But what is it?” Fairy Chrysanthemum Bud asked.
I paused. That was a difficult question. If only the creator of it were here to explain it. There had been too many times where I’d been amazed at how she could be so succinct while easily opening my mind up to possibilities I’d never considered before. Even now, I was working on a method that would allow me to request for a reduced intensity to my next tribulation. I might need to be a higher realm for it to work, but I just had this feeling that it would once I figure out how to file the paperwork with the heavens.
Well, the only way I could answer her question was to start at the beginning.
“Perhaps it’s more effective to begin with why paperwork is important and necessary. Any guesses?”
They were both silent.
Really? They weren’t even going to try to answer my question. I sighed.
I suppose they weren’t the best students I could ask for, but I had made a promise to myself to turn these two into geniuses.
“Large civilizations cannot be run effectively without paperwork. Paperwork is records. It is history. It is laws. Every aspect of a civilization requires it, or else things would eventually be lost in oral tradition or forgotten.”
Little Amber Paper scoffed. “You make it sound like paperwork is as important as language itself.”
“Of course not. It is more important!” I grinned. “Just imagine life without records? Everything would get lost to the never ending flow of time. Without paperwork, we couldn’t run this sect efficiently. It’s just too large. Our poor sect leader would be inundated with constant secret sound transmissions as he received endless updates on everything instead of a succinct report with all the necessary details he needs so he can make the best judgment in the quickest time possible.”
He crossed his arms. “But that doesn’t mean that it takes care of everything. Even with paperwork, he still needs to meet with people in person.”
I smiled at him patiently. “Of course he does! But having perfectly filed paperwork allows him the luxury of deciding where to spend his time. This way he doesn’t have to give equal time to the Nascent Soul diviner who wishes to warn him about a war as he does to a Sword GrandMaster who wants to bring a disciple in from outside while sect trials aren’t running.”
Little Amber Paper frowned. What I was saying didn’t appear to get through to him.
Fairy Chrysanthemum Bud tapped her desk. “Rather than talk about why paperwork is so important, perhaps we can work on it instead?”
I smiled. “Of course. Once you realize how much fun creating templates and filing the right jade slip to the most efficient location is, you’ll get addicted to cultivating in the Dao of Paperwork.”
A deep sigh had me turn to Little Amber Paper. I raised a brow at him.
“I’m not here to find a new Dao. I’m only here temporarily because I need the contribution points to pay for a physician to look at my arm. Once I’m all healed up and can create talismans again, I’m going to quit.”
“You say that like you know we don’t have a replacement for you right now.”
“From what I understand, you don’t.”
I placed my hand on his desk and loomed above him while smiling. “I assure you that once you realize the wonders of practicing perfect paperwork organization, you will never want to go back.”
Then I dumped a pile of jade slips on his desk and handed him a copy of the template. “Fill each of these jade slips with the template here. Make it so perfect that I can practically smell the paper.”
He swallowed. “Yes, Senior Early Rise Swift Brush.”
I turned to Fairy Chrysanthemum Bud. “Are you also here just for the contribution points?”
“No, senior. I do want to learn. I just... don’t know if this is the right path for me to move forward.”
Hmmm. How could I possibly inspire these two? “Well, if you are suitable for practicing the Dao of Paperwork, you’ll come to realize that this is a path approved by the heavens. I’ve been practicing it for around three years and I’ve already reached Golden Core. In the next ten years, I’ll try for Nascent Soul. I hope you can both join me on this path.”
The two did not look impressed. In fact, they seemed downright skeptical. But that was fine. They would see.
***
“The only way to improve a society is through measurements. And the ideal approach to recording those is through paperwork. Essentially, history is measured in paperwork. That, in turn, allows us to improve ourselves as a society. And what is cultivation if not constantly improving to becoming the best version of ourselves? This is just cultivation on a larger scale.”
My two new students continued about their business, completely ignoring me.
One of my fellow clerks, Fairy Ivory Ribbon, shook her head at me. “You’ll never convince them that way. It’s already been a few weeks since they joined us, and they’re still merely copying templates.”
I pulled out my scroll spiritual tool that I often used to take notes, another important part of paperwork. “Then, perhaps I should beat them up a little?”
The two froze. Their wide eyes focused on me.
“By sparring with them.”
They both breathed a sigh of relief.
“While I don’t see evidence that violence is an effective method to use on students, getting out into the sunshine and sparring now and then is very healthy for the mind, and keeps one sharp.”
Fairy Ivory Ribbon shook her head. “Knowing how you fight, I think you’ll bruise their egos so badly that their efficiency will decrease.”
“Good point. Efficiency is important right now. But it is less important than accuracy. The decisions made based on the information we provide need to be accurate above efficient.”
“But we’re still so behind.” She sighed. Then she glanced at me. “I still can’t figure out how one little fairy, a realm below us, was able to do so much of our paperwork in such a short amount of time.”
“Well, she did design the system,” I pointed out.
She scowled at me. “I’m fairly positive that she could have replaced us all if she wanted to. That’s more than a system she merely designed. If I didn’t know it was impossible, I would assume she was a little god of organization that had come down for her mortal trial.”
I shook my head. “If anything, she seems more like she’d practically run the sect for a few centuries and knew the most efficient way to do everything.” Of course, that would be impossible since she passed through Senior Auspicious Paifang.
She chuckled before returning to her work.
***
The sudden shocked inhale broke me out of my work. I looked up to see that Fairy Chrysanthemum Bud had finished filing a template.
“I understand now! The Dao of Paperwork and calligraphy are not two separate things. At their base, both are made up of language. I used to think that one was an artistic expression and the other was pure clarity, but I see now that there can be both clarity and artwork in both. That efficiency can exist beside beauty. How small my world was until now!”
Then she sat down and began to absorb the heavenly epiphany energy.
It had only been three months since she’d started down this path and she’d already come to an amazing conclusion! I was so proud of my little student.
I put my work down and stood next to her as her protector. It was only right since I was her teacher.
Little Amber Paper filed one last paper before standing beside me.
“I thought you were only here for the contribution points?”
He crossed his arms. “I am.”
I smiled at him.
He scowled at me before glaring out the window. But he didn’t move away from his spot, defending his fellow student and clerk.
***
It had been a half year since my students started down their new path. Little Amber Paper received his monthly contribution point wage, which had been the last one he needed to see that physician he kept talking about. I suspected that he would quit soon. Which made me nervous. I barely even remembered to take regular breaks to keep my mind fresh as my Martial Aunt would often suggest.
When Little Amber Paper finally arrived, he wore a frown. When he looked down at his desk, I thought he might try to break it in half.
I knew that something was wrong and wanted to ask him about it, but he filed his paperwork with more efficiency and accuracy than I’d seen from him since he’d started working here.
Had the physician fixed his arm? And if so, why was he so upset? Unfortunately, we were too far behind. Today was particularly bad, since the junior sect leader needed specific information compiled in what Aunt Lin called a grand spreadsheet. So I had no time to take him aside and ask him the questions I wanted. Like, was he upset because they couldn’t fix his arm so he couldn’t return to what he really wanted to do?
***
A week passed and Little Amber Paper still hadn’t quit, but his anger also hadn’t subsided. He was starting to snap at anyone who talked to him while he worked.
I pulled him outside, to a place under a tree, overlooking the mountain peaks where the sect leader would often come to contemplate the Dao.
“What is this about, Senior Early Rise Swift Brush?”
“Normally I wouldn’t pry, but your attitude has been horrible recently. You’ve been snapping at everyone like they did something wrong. The other clerks are starting to avoid your desk, which is affecting efficiency. Do you really hate being a clerk that much?”
He looked out at the sect and cleared his throat. “I’ll try to adjust my behavior.”
Part of the Dao of Paperwork that I was just discovering was delegating. And part of being the one who delegated meant that I needed to be aware of everyone’s condition. That included how they were mentally as well as physically. We weren’t immortal yet and had plenty of room for improvement.
“Tell me. Were you able to heal your arm?”
He opened his mouth, then closed it. His ears turned red. “The thing is... Yes, my arm is completely healed now.”
“I thought you wanted to return to creating talismans?”
Various emotions ran across his face, but I couldn’t figure out any of them. He finally settled on anger. “Senior. That’s the terrible part. Your constant and stupid lectures won me over. I don’t want to go back to being a talisman master. I love the Dao of Paperwork. Being a clerk is my calling!” He pointed to a spot in front of his face and used Great Martial Aunt Lin’s Create Graph technique to show his improvement over time. “Look at this! I have increased my cultivation more in these past six months than I have in the last five years. And that makes me so angry! I can’t stop thinking about how much time I wasted.”
“Wait. If you like being a clerk, then why do you keep snapping at everyone?”
His face turned bright red. “I don’t like to be interrupted.”
“Oh, that. If that’s the case, I’ll make sure any inquiries go through me. So stop snapping at people.”
He bowed. “Thank you, Senior!”
***
A full year and a half since Great Martial Aunt Lin left for her short two-week vacation, only to be teleported all the way around the world. I saw our poor junior sect leader smile. Much of the stress that had been eating away at him had eased. And that was because we’d finally caught up. And it was all thanks to my genius students who had come into their own and realized the wonderfulness of efficient paperwork.
Of course, there would always be more. The Dao of Paperwork was never-ending.
Thank you for reading! You are absolutely amazing!
I hope you enjoyed this little short story that is exclusive just for you patrons. I didn’t go into depth about the powers and the specifics as I could have because I wanted to focus more on the people and their development. I think it turned out well, though. Writing this short story was very fun and sweet.
Next week I'll post the first part of Story 10. Sadly the first week I was supposed to write story 10, I wasn't able to write much. My husband had to work long awkward hours leaving me to take care of our Little Dragon practically the whole day. It was rough and frustrating since I wanted to spend that week writing as much as I could. But it didn't happen. I'll still try to get as much written as possible by the time I have to post Part 1 but I'm not sure I'll be able to finish story 10 by then.
The other day I ran across the Xianxia I started before I wrote WIAFTTTTA. To test it out I read it to my friend Lei and she was like, ‘Yeah, not interested.’ So, I dropped it.
After reading some of it over I realized that it was too rough but it did have some hilarious moments. It made me realized how far I've come as a writer. And I thought I could use this chance to share some of the funny moments from it that won't be seen outside of that story.
For one, the first chapter was called: Chapter 1 - Let’s go kidnap some children!
It features a woman transmigrating into a story as a rich orphan girl training to enter a kind starter sect that inevitably gets destroyed. And her goal is to save the sect. To do that, she decided to kidnap and male lead and the main villain and bring them to the sect.
One of the first things she says to her new uncle (the guy raising her) is, “Please help me find and kidnap two little kids.” And her uncle just goes along with it. Which was a comment on how often in cultivation stories, people will just get kidnaped and no one says anything.
Here is another joke from that story starting off with the female main character talking about the original novel's main character.
“'He’s an orphan living with his Aunt’s family, so I think he’ll be the easiest to kidnap as long as we bribe them.'
'Bribe them? You are so adorable.'
What did he mean cute? Was he just going to do a fly by and grab him like some kind of lawless eagle?"
You can see that some of the humor in WIAFTTTTA came from this story. q(≧▽≦q)
Comments
SinCinnamon
Well I would be very interested to see how swift brush fights
Lola
I wonder if followers of the Dao of Paperwork can force annoying paperwork on their enemies, stalling their cultivation until they complete them? Or if they can curse people with the dreaded Deadline?
Green0Photon
If I was a cultivator in this universe, my Dao of Programming would be subsumed into the Dao of Paperwork
D
Nice one, great side story :) Also, guess we have a time table then. Sounds like mc will use the teleport of... what was it, world sect competition?
Dragon of Rochester
I have seen it on Royal Road but I have yet to read it. I have been sticking with CN Xianxia lately
Snakee
This was a nice interlude/short story
Sam
AAAAAAAAAAAA IM SO HAPPY!!! This has become one of my all time fave chapters. I'm really glad you decided to write this! Thanks for the short story!!
Dragon of Rochester
Ah. Yeah, I haven’t posted it. It’s a trunk novel. A novel that says in a trunk because it's not good enough to post. 🤣
Pinpenny the great lithian
Oh I misread. For some reason I thought you meant you wrote and posted a bit of it and then scrapped it for WIAFTTTTA
Dragon of Rochester
I was wafling between these names: How to Kidnap New Sect Members Ruining a Story to Save a Sect Cultivating Absurdity
Dragon of Rochester
Well, I had only written three chapters of it but
Pinpenny the great lithian
What's the name of the story you talked about in the author note if you don't mind me asking
Anthony Goh
Loved this chapter. Its hilarious.
