Dragon of Rochester
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AFS 2: Strange Flame Strangeness - Part 3 - First Steps
🕑 Added 2025-03-30 17:45:48 +0000 UTCAuthor’s Note:
Okay, the start is a bit slow since I have to set things up but I’ll pick up the pace now... I might have underestimated how many words this April Fools story will be. (T.T) It’s because I realized that I had too many things I wanted to satirize about CN romance web novels.
Part 3
I spent most of the first day using the split mind technique. One part I had focusing on the mech’s data coming from my light brain, and giving instructions to ease the burden of constant use. The other part focused on etching an important enchantment onto an extra part of the mech’s siding that was included in the provided engineering kit in a space button, and slowly infusing it with my spiritual energy.
Meanwhile, Chad and Spring worked together to take down the various gigantic beasts that inhabited the forest. They ranged from massive long eared monsters with tusks that bred like rabbits and needed limited extermination to aggressive cat-looking lizards. We even passed an S-rank iguana thing that was too fast for our shitty standard mechs to catch.
Once a beast was taken out, the base would send out flying robots to collect the spoils. After that, every part of the alien creature would be used, from its meat and blood, which would help feed the population, to its bones, which could improve the armor on mechs and spaceships. Nothing went to waste.
The two were both good enough fighters that they barely took any damage, even from S-rank beasts.
But barely was not none. Between the wear and tear, battery depletion and armor dings, there was still plenty of repair work.
Just before sundown, we stopped for a quick meal. Even though we had nutrient solution, YaoYao volunteered to cook. Spring gladly helped her slice the vegetables and meat she’d foraged throughout the day when we took short breaks.
Her spy bot recorded the whole process, capturing it for the livestream.
As I set up the portable repair stations that were inside the space buttons, I briefly hacked through the firewall, preventing us students from seeing the livestream and checked the comment feed from those watching our channel.
Anon 1: “Is this a mech survival challenge or a cooking show?”
Anon 2: “Hush, I’m taking notes! I’ve never seen someone use these ingredients like this.”
Anon 3: “How good can it possibly be? These are students, not professional chefs.”
Of fucking course. It wouldn’t be a female lead interstellar novel without the main character showing off her mind-blowing cooking skills, for some fucking reason.
Eh, it could be much worse. I could be stuck inside another harem-style Xianxia again. Or I could have gotten stuck in one of those universes with some kind of weird extra-gender bullshit with pheromones that was just an excuse for the leads to get busy. Seriously, I’d dodged a plasma beam there.
In order to reach the mech’s arm, I called down a wire from the shoulder that the physically weak engineers used to reach the higher portions of the mech. After I attached it to my belt, I had it bring me level with the area I needed to work on. Next, I infused my energy into a section of the mech’s armor. It released the lock and lifted to expose an artificial muscle that had loosened more than I’d like after Spring had overused his rifle.
I pulled out the electric muscle tightener gun and shot blasts of electricity into the muscle to force it to constrict. This took care of minor loosening. If the muscle had been any looser, we would have had an issue since we had no access to an industrial sized muscle tightener out on the field.
By the time I finished and put the section of armor back, the brother and sister pair had completed their cooking and called me over to eat.
While I was uninterested in food—especially the purposefully bland food the author world-built to be that way in order to let the main character look more special—I was, of course, going to try it. I would look insane, or stupid to the livestream if I didn’t.
YaoYao had made a simple fried rice dish that smelled surprisingly appetizing. Spring handed me a bowl of it and I scanned it with my divine sense.
Goddamn it. She made a fucking dish of spiritual cuisine and she didn’t even know it. I bet she was the only one who could do this, too. Or at least, the only one who could do it this well. It was so typical for the authors of these stories to make everyone suffer for centuries just to highlight their protagonist’s specialness.
Whatever. At least she didn’t make some fucked up, nonsensical world building choices like making the female to male ratio 1:80. The last thing I needed was to end up in a world where I was pressured to have children. I’d rather let the human race die out.
YaoYao glanced between the three of us. “I know it’s not as fancy as you’re used to, but you’ll need your energy to keep going through the night!”
Chad took a bite. His face remained expressionless, but he practically inhaled the bowl, then stared at the electric SciFi wok as if wanting seconds. YaoYao, who had barely touched her own food, quickly served him some more without being asked.
“Aren’t you going to eat it?” Spring, who had already finished his, asked. “Come on, I worked hard to help make it.”
I took a bite. The taste was the most flavorful fried rice I’d had in both past and present lives, yet it wasn’t overpowering. The juicy meat, sweet vegetables, and translucent rice all blended together to make a heaven sent treat for the mouth. Before I knew it, the bowl was empty, and I felt a sense of loss. Which I immediately squashed down.
Frankly, I was suspicious that this was a test from the original author against my will power as a cultivator. Food for an ascetic like me was unnecessary. I did not need something so mind-bendingly delicious in my life, tempting me away from my inevitable return to grain liberation.
If I kept eating food this good, I knew would definitely cave in, though I imagined it would take me years.
I glanced at the commenters.
Anon 1: “Look at their faces. I don’t think they like it. Especially Lady Victoria. She looks like someone kicked her in the mouth.”
Well, fuck you too, Anon 1.
Anon 4: “Are you joking?! His Highness barely eats anything, let alone asks for seconds. That must taste incredible.”
I read a few more comments, but closed it before handing Spring my empty bowl.
“Was it good?”
What? Did he want praise because he helped? Whatever. I nodded. “It was more acceptable than anything else I’ve eaten here. Don’t let it go to your head.”
He walked away with a smile on his face. Yeah, the young man was absolutely letting it get to his head even though he merely helped the protagonist.
While Spring handled the cleanup, Liu YaoYao and I got to work completing the most necessary fixes and replacing spent batteries.
Just after I inserted the last battery pack into Spring’s rifle, I sent him a glare.
“What?”
“If you keep this up, I’m going to take over for you.”
“Keep what up?”
I gestured to the massive weapon with both hands. “Your rifle is using up too much of our battery supply. Use your damn sword more. Or at least aim better.”
He held up his hands. “Yes, Fairy Lin.”
Chad, who was cleaning his mech’s rifle, coughed. Of course, he still kept that disgustingly blank face that was so popular in Josei novel male leads. “You call Lady Victoria, ‘Fairy Lin’? Since when?”
I rested my hand on my hip. “Hey, if you have a question about me, ask me.”
Spring opened a bag of nutrient solution. “It’s since she became a changed person during the Star Bug attack on our school.”
Chad nodded. “Is this some kind of weird… fantasy role play between you two?”
Did this fucker just accuse me of being chuuni?! Me?
I narrowed my eyes at him. I was mildly tempted to use my spiritual energy to pull the mech’s bendable sword out and slice this fucker in half with it. Why the hell was this type of mean and cold asshole such a popular personality type for male love interests? So what if he was powerful? So what if he was loyal? While loyalty was exceedingly important in a relationship, it meant shit if the person was a motherfucking chore to be around.
I looked at Liu YaoYao who just finished replacing her mech’s last spent battery pack. “Good luck with this asshole. I’m almost positive he’ll make you miserable if you decide to ever date him, let alone marry him.”
Her mouth dropped open. “What? W-we’re not like that. Prince Chad just wants me to be his mech engineer.”
Chad’s face turned red, then pale. Oh! It looked like someone finally managed to crack that expressionless face.
He cleared his throat. “Of course. As this empire’s prince, I can’t date just anyone.”
YaoYao’s eyes flashed with hurt, but then she silently harrumphed and started opening a panel to check the wires and chips. Her spy bot flew close to her hands as she did delicate work.
Spring glared at Chad. “I think it would be best if Fairy Lin and I separate from you to steal the Blue Team’s flag.”
“Fine by me. I can win this challenge with or without you. Actually, I think you both are just getting in my way at this point.”
This fucking Chad!
I shoved the piece with the added enchantment onto the side of the mech and used my spiritual energy to snap it into place. This was the standard method for dealing with armor sections. It made the armor harder and also allowed the engineers to remove it at any time.
Spring walked over to YaoYao and opened his arms. She gave him a brief hug, and they chatted for a bit.
Chad stared at the two and I could feel the beginning of his SSS-rank energy stir. It was pretty obvious that he was jealous, even though Spring was her blood related younger brother. Which, of course, was the exact kind of weird, nonsensical, fucked up bullshit I could expect out of these kinds of barely edited romance web novels.
The prince moved to stand up, but I sent a flick of spiritual energy at his knee, causing him to sit back down with a grunt. He scanned the area while looking confused and pulled out his side arm.
Spring put his hand on YaoYao’s shoulder and squeezed before jumping into the mech I just finished repairing.
“Hey, Prince Chad.”
He looked over at me. “If you fuck up and get Engineer Liu hurt in any way, I’ll punch you so hard you’ll lose a tooth.”
The corner of his lip barely curled up. “Not gonna happen, but if it does, you’re welcome to try.”
“Keep relying on your physique instead of your skills, and we’ll see how fast you fall.”
“Hah! Like you have better skills than me.”
“Oh, I do now that I’m a changed person. I’m not the Lady Victoria who was your childhood friend.”
“I know your skills better than anyone. I doubt they’ve changed much in the past couple months.”
Grinning, I grabbed Steve, who had been hovering next to me, and pointed him at Chad. I then made the shushing gesture before creating a cushion with my divine sense and using it to step mid air as if I was casually climbing steep stairs backward.
I was sure the camera caught Chad’s face as his eyes grew wide for once, while I accomplished the impossible. And he had no proof!
Muahahaha!
Spring pulled a lever and shut the cockpit door with a soft clank and the hiss of air as our cabin pressurized.
“You sure that was a good idea?” Spring asked.
“Ha! He’ll just think I used those mech engineer wires or something.” I began to strap in. “You know that we’re actually heading to the volcano, right?”
“Of course.” He flicked a few switches to prepare us for a long run. “This is the best excuse I could come up with to leave right away.”
“It was good timing, too.”
He turned his head and flashed a smile back at me as if he was saying, ‘I know’. He turned on the mech and pressed an overhead button before beginning his quiet trek toward the mountain in the distance. “Unfortunately, I think it will take us a day or two to get there and back at this pace.”
“Nah. I’m gonna give you a boost. Just try not to ram us into any trees. And make sure you lose Steve first before gunning it.”
“What?”
I used my spiritual energy and activated the enchantment that would lighten the mech and speed it up.
We moved much faster. Spring grinned and adjusted almost immediately, as I knew he would. “I didn’t realize you made an enchantment that could make us fly.”
“Nah, this isn’t flying. I’ll show you that another time after you start to cultivate.”
He gestured behind him. “By the way... While I lost Steve, I think HQ is going to have some issues with our new speed.”
“I got it covered. Just focus on getting us there.”
My light brain pinged, and I opened it to a message from HQ asking where we were. With a bit of work, I began falsifying our telemetry data so that it showed us moving at a normal speed for our mech and in the direction I saw the Blue Team head. Then I sent a report about a glitch in our sensors.
Of course, once Steve reached the place our data said we were and didn’t find us, I was sure they’d let me know that there was still a glitch. But whatever. Part of preparing for this challenge was learning how to disappear so we could do what we needed to without prying eyes.
Author’s Note:
So, I was reading this one CN SciFi Josei story recently about space beastmen. I won’t name it so please don’t ask. Anyway, the world building pissed me off so, so much. I ended up adding the extra cooking part just so I could have Lin bash on authors who make nonsensical world building choices just to show off how special their MC is.
Comments
Raivshard
Every chance you get to bash on idiotic choices by willfully ignorant hacks is a win in my book.
