Luke Chmilenko
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Oops, I Was Accidentally Transported To A Fantasy World And Taught Dragons About Capitalism - Chapter 2
🕑 Added 2025-06-10 17:00:12 +0000 UTC“And here’s one cheesy, meaty, bread platter as ordered,” I said upon my return to Joshua and Sandra who had found the aforementioned bench I’d pointed out to them and were peacefully leaning into one another.
“About perfect timing Matt!” Joshua said the moment that I showed them the food. “Sandy, here was a minute or two away from starting to snore.”
“As if you wouldn’t have been right behind me,” the woman countered with a good natured elbow as she snatched up a collection cheese to start with.
“Pff, like anything could keep me from that steak dinner waiting for me,” Joshua stated, his words ruined somewhat by the big yawn that chose that moment to erupt.
“Looks you need a coffee to chase that beer with there, Josh,” I said unable to help but smile at my friend. “I’m sure they’re serving some at the main hall if you’re interested.”
“You know, I might be,” he replied glancing down at his now mostly empty beer. “After four years and two kids this is enough to put me on my back, what do you think Sandy?”
“I think that if you play your cards right tonight, you’ll end up on your back anyway,” she replied with a giggle before very clearly remembering that I was still there. “Oh my, I said that out loud, didn’t I? Um, yes, coffee please.”
Chuckling all good naturedly, the three of us then quickly ate the remainder of our snacks before moving to journey in search of said caffeinated beverage back at the main hall, which fortunately for the all too tipsy pair wasn’t all that far away.
“Two coffees, extra strong,” I announced a short while later as I brought them both a cup as they lounged side by side once again, save this time on a couch just outside the dinner hall where dozens of other guests were all mingling and chatting. “That should get you both right back into it for the night.”
“Oh, if it tastes as good as it smells, I have no doubt,” Joshua said as he took the cup from me.
Yet before he could say anything more to follow up with, his face abruptly took on a vaguely stunned look as his eyes shifted just past me.
In retrospect that should have been my first warning that something was wrong given that Joshua had only ever had eyes for Sandra.
“There you are!” A heavily accented voice announced triumphantly, followed by a soft, almost electric hand touching down on my shoulder. “I have been looking for someone like you everywhere!”
Now as pick up lines went, that wasn’t exactly A grade material, even from a man’s perspective. But when paired with certain, undeniable, natural advantages that the suddenly appearing woman had, such as bountiful tracts of land, long slender legs, and bright red hair, well, anything they said was bound to sound alluring.
Oh, and I did I mention that she was naked?
Well, not naked, naked, but covered in what looked like iridescent electrical tape kind of naked that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. If you have no idea as to what any of that means... well, I’m gonna leave you again to do some research on your own.
There was more, like her shimmering glass wings, deep violet eyes, and so on, but I’m pretty sure that you all get the picture I’m painting here by now. Because of that I’m sure none of you would at all be surprised if I told you that I was completely caught off guard by her presence. So far off guard in fact, that my reply was simply.
“What?”
Smooth I know, but you guys try getting a surprise point blank blast of faetouched dommy mommy magic when don’t even know it exists and see how you do. I’m lucky I didn’t have a heart attack or a stroke on the spot.
Now I’m afraid it’s because of said magic that I don’t really much of what happened before things cleared up again. Looking back I’m pretty sure I heard Joshua say, “Hell yeah man!” followed by Sandra adding something I could swear sounded like “show us the video after” but to this day I’m not actually sure.
Actually no, I’m very sure that is exactly what she said, but I’m lying to myself so that I don’t think about what kind of romantic life my two best friends share.
Anyway, getting back to my abduction — I remember pretty much losing all sense of self as I was led outside, my arm nestled in the crook of the fairy’s grasp. Once outside, I remember us walking through the paths of the arboretum that the event was taking place in, going further and further away from the central park and building. We went so far in fact that I eventually realized we’d gone off the beaten path to a clearing who knows where in the surrounding wood, far away from anyone and everyone who could possibly hear us.
Oh, around then, I also figured out that I was now flat on my back on top of a mostly overgrown stone bench with the fairy straddled right on top of me. To my dismay too, at first at least, I also discovered that my pants were very much still on. Regardless of that though, my mind had cleared enough so that I was able to make sense of what she was saying while grinding herself into me.
“Long have I yearned for the forbidden fruit that this realm has to offer,” she said in her strangely accented voice as her hands raced across my chest with enough force that I felt her nails scratch me almost painfully. “And no longer will I be denied. I will take what I want from the kings of this place, the rules of heaven be damned!”
And then, before I could start forming the thought to ask her exactly what the hell she was going on about, she suddenly lunged forward and bit me on my neck.
No, not in a sexy, oh-yeah-let’s-get-it-on way, but rather in a you-are-a-juicy-steak-and-I-am-hungry-way.
As you can imagine, I took offense to this, especially seeing as it broke her spell on me, snapping me back into perfect clarity.
“Ah! What the hell are you doing?” I shouted as her teeth tore through my skin, my first instinct being to shove her off me. Yet before I could even try, she grabbed hold of my hands and pinned them down with an incredible amount of strength, for more than her size should have ever been capable of. Especially when compared against my brawny physique that I’d spent the last two years building.
“Yes! Yes! Struggle!” She hissed while pulling her mouth free of my neck, leaning back far enough so that I could see her blood covered mouth. “I love it when you mortals struggle, it makes it all the more—Ah! What are you doing?”
Flinching mid-sentence as she was speaking the fairy abruptly let go of my left hand as if she’d been branded, drawing it back towards her chest protectively and then glancing down at it.
“The burn of iron!” She exclaimed angrily, whatever beauty her face might have held a moment earlier instantly turning ugly beyond measure as it contorted itself in a way no human’s ever could. “How dare you—”
It was a sentence she never got a chance to finish as my now freed hand launched itself upwards to slap her, catching the now hideous monster directly across the face. That’s right, I hit her, and I won’t apologize for it. I might be many things, but above all I’m a firm believer in equal rights and equal lefts when someone, anyone, regardless of gender or species bites me without consent.
The slap caught her with enough force that it knocked her completely off of me, the incredible strength she’d pinned me down with vanishing as if it had never been there. Not one to waste opportunity, it was a split second from there before I was back on my feet and ready to run anywhere but here. I probably would have made it too had my opponent been human, but alas she wasn’t. So before I could take so much as two steps, she was there in front of me, her arms spread hide to cut me off.
“You think that you can escape, mortal?” She demanded angrily while glaring back at me, her words echoing strangely in my ear, almost as if there were two voices speaking at the same time. On her face I saw a glowing scar of red as if she’d been burned by a line of fire. Exactly the place where I’d later realize my ring had touched her. “You really think that you can escape after I’ve laid claim to you? Let alone after you’ve dared touch me with iron?”
“What I think, lady is that you’re absolutely batshit crazy!” I exclaimed only half processing what she had said. Already my hand was deep in my pocket pulling out my phone. “And I’m calling both the police and security. If you don’t want this to get—”
“Oh, please, as if your weak mortal enforcers can do anything to save—” the fairy started to say in a derisive tone before abruptly catching herself, a look of pure terror then suddenly crossing her fine, followed by her head snapping to the side as if she heard something. “W-what did... h-how did you? Wait! The iron! You broke my veil!”
Of course none of that made even a lick of sense to me contextually, or at least it didn’t right then when I had one hand clamped down on a freely bleeding neck, a phone in my other hand trying calling the police, and the lingering dregs of lust magic making my pants painfully tight. That was simply just too much for a regular man to take in and process all at once. That’s why when the fairy lunged towards me once again I fumbled my phone and dropped it, leaving me completely exposed for her shove me straight in the chest, her earlier incredible strength returning with enough force to practically take me off my feet.
“If they find no victim, they cannot hold me accountable for anything more than trespassing,” I heard her mutter to myself as I staggered backwards, my heels catching on something hard and causing me to finally lose my balance and land on my rear.
Well, eventually land on it. There just happened to be a long fall before it. One that was also unexpectedly accompanied by a gust super-hot of air all around me. Oh and magma, there was a lot of magma every which way my increasingly panicked eyes looked.
You know, except for the shining silver window hanging in the air six feet above me with the blood covered, iron burned, fairy staring back at me.
“You shouldn’t have resisted,” she said simply, no trace of any emotion on her face as he stared back at me. “I would have given you a much better and then the creature in here will.”
And with those words hanging in the air, she then shut the portal she’d pushed me through, the silver lines coming together in the blink of an eye before winking out of existence. Leaving me all alone on a small rocky island in the middle of the volcanic lava flow with my heart thundering in my chest.
Or perhaps even worst, leaving me not alone on a small rocky island in the middle of a volcanic flow with my heart thundering in my chest.
“Who…who dares step foot in my lair?” A sudden omnipresent voice demanded before I could so much a form a thought, its rasping sibilant tone accompanied by an immense shaking of the ground all around me, one so strong in fact that the lava around me began to roil and bubble.
Given the size of my little island that development understandably unnerved me and overcame my shock just enough to cause me to leap up to my feet. A move that I apparently looked funny in doing, judging by the rasping laughter that I heard erupt from above me. That was enough for me to reflexively look up, instantly spotting the colossal draconic face leering down at me.
And that’s how I met Xylera the Terrible, the Bringer of a Thousand Dooms, the Sorrow of the Waking Land, the Bleakbringer, the Life Ender, the Skybreaker, and the Matriarch of the Shadow Wing Flight.
Or more specifically, for one of you who are likely reading this story long after your bed time when you should in fact be sleeping.
That’s how I met your mother.
