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Tanya's Third Life as a Barbarian Queen, Chapter XXXIII
🕑 Added 2025-05-24 14:07:44 +0000 UTCI will have the chapter as links to download at the bottom of the post. As well as a link to the Google Document page.
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Kontia.
Tanya, Queen of the Tanaoi.
"You will be mine." I stared dumbfounded as the Prince of Sadera took my hand with a smile. I looked at the men he had brought to the parlay. Some had a stoney-faced, impassive expression, others were watching me as if I was a dangerous animal loose from its cage.
Rory Mercury, the Apostle of the so-called god Emroy, looked like she was struggling not to burst out laughing. Honestly, her presence was extremely distracting; why on earth was she dressed up like a frilly gothic lolita?
Regardless of the strange servant of Emroy, I was going to have to 'rip the bandaid off' as the saying went.
"I'm married." I informed the Prince and pulled my hand away from him to rest my elbows onto the table and bring my hands together, fingers interlaced. "Four husbands, as a matter of fact, and that is quite enough for me." It honestly was, they were insatiable. "Prince Zorzal El Caesar, are you honestly telling me that a condition of a cessation of hostilities between the Lepus Bellacose and the Saderan Empire is for me to become your... I assume you intend to make me your concubine." I grit my teeth at the sheer lack of professionalism from the Imperials.
"I will show you what a real ma-" Zorzal began before I brought my fist down upon the table, silencing him for at least a moment.
"My Queen, why are we entertaining this farce? If the Saderans wish to turn this into a spectacle, let us have no part in it." Major Lucia stepped forwards and loomed over the table.
"We have an obligation to our subordinates and to the women who volunteered as hostages to attempt to reach a settlement, Major," I reminded her. She looked at me for a moment before bowing her head.
"I shall trust in you, my Queen," she said while stepping back.
"Yes, do shut up and show some respect." Zorzal needled the woman, who bristled at the challenge.
"I consider it the height of respect for one of my subordinates to offer me council," I countered quickly to soothe the feelings of the women behind me. They would no doubt be incensed at Zorzal's baffling attitude. "What I find disrespectful is for you to enter these negotiations as you have."
"I am offering to save your people and the honour of warming my bed, you should be thanking me. Do you think anyone else would give you this offer?" Zorzal glanced back at his men and they quickly started to grin and nod. Something was very wrong here.
"I don't care if you are the only one who would make me this offer, it is utterly irrelevant. We are at war, Domine Princeps, and I will not have these talks devolve into nonsense!" I carefully schooled my features after my outburst, but it was difficult.
"Nonsense?!" Zorzal's face scrunched up and became red. "Do you understand what I am offering you here?"
"No. I cannot possibly know what you are offering to me because you have come here unprepared. Out of respect for your position I have deigned to listen to what you will offer my people should I surrender, but you have made a mockery of that. You are not able to offer me proper terms for my surrender, so I shall instead present you my terms for your surrender." I signaled for Major Lucia to step forwards and she did so with a bundle of papers, three identical copies of my proposal for an effective cessation of violence between my people and Sadera.
"In my opening proposal for your surrender to me as Queen of the Tanaoi, you, Prince Zorzal El Caesar, Tribune and representative of the Saderan Empire, shall surrender yourself and the men under your command to be treated as prisoners of war under the stipulation of treatment outlined on page six of the treaty of Kontia. The treatment shall include housing, clean water and food being provided to you and your men during the winter months, and a release of most of your men back to Sadera following coordination with Saderan authorities during a prisoner exchange program. During this negotiation we will also discuss the surrender of all Imperial lands currently occupied by Tanaoi-"
"You can't be serious?!" Zorzal jumped to his feet. "You think I would surrender to you?" His tone betrayed incredulity.
"Yes," I replied simply. "The army you command has been operationally encircled and will be defeated. I have the absolute tactical advantage in this situation. The only way out of this for you is to negotiate effectively for peace here and now, for the lives of your men, and your own life if nothing else."
"I have ninety thousand Legionaries at my command, we outnumber your tribe considerably, wench!"
"So you only have one legion? I appreciate your offer of military intelligence, but it merely serves to highlight the futility of your position." I stepped back, my fury had cooled as I plucked the document from the table and flicked my ears forwards. "Now, Sadera will observe Tanaoi dominion over all land from the River Kontia to the south up to the River Pomi to the north as part of the treaty-" As I tried to continue the negotiation, Zorzal grabbed the damaged table in front of him and threw it aside, scattering the contents to the floor and jabbing a finger at me.
"Do you think you can defeat Sadera? That you can defeat me? We are the greatest civilisation that has ever existed! We are the sole hegemon of the world! You think I will abide by your mockery here?!" The man shouted like an enraged animal, fists clenched at his sides as the Imperials tensed.
"Sadera is two thousand miles away. To engage in war so far from your capital requires a logistical train thousands of miles long with resources gathered from the far corners of the continent and men marching for months just to begin to fight. Every grain, every man, every sandal or nail needs to be brought an immense distance to even begin to fight. I have traveled across Sadera, I have walked the streets of your capital and seen the great archologies of Rondal, I have visited the cities upon the glass sea, and I have seen your legenonary encampments and farms. I don't have to fight all of Sadera, I just have to fight what forces march halfway across the world to die here in my homeland." I looked at the men behind Zorzal, some of whom winced as I pointed out the sheer logistical challenge of operating this far from their home. "There is no question as to the outcome of this war; in my position, only a fool would be defeated."
It was not entirely truthful of course, Sadera could overwhelm me if they dedicated enough men and material to the problem I represented, but it was best to make the argument that I was utterly invulnerable for the purpose of securing Zorzal's surrender.
"You say it is impossible to reach the Steppe, but I have done so! I have crushed so many of the tribes! I have fought against so-called 'Headhunting Rabbit' armies many times the size of yours and utterly crushed them! Do you think you can stand against the Legions of Sadera, our Auxilia, the Wyvern Knights!?" Zorzal lectured as I felt my patience with the man growing thin.
"The very same Wyvern Knights I shot out of the sky? The Legion behind you that is starving to death? Why yes, I actually do. I am standing against you right now. It is a requirement for any who take upon themselves the occupation of war that they observe reality as it is, not as they wish it to be." I felt like I was talking to a brick wall by reminding him of his position all the time. To think that he would arrive with just a single legion after all the delays and still believed his victory to be inevitable was incomprehensible.
"You killed one Knight, that is hardly an accomplishment as we have hundreds more." Zorzal said dismissively.
"Two, and it was trivial to accomplish actually. I could do it again and again, your great Wyverns are no threat to me," I assured him. The appearance of absolute confidence would serve me well here. To be honest, I was concerned about the Wyvern Knights. Testing on the corpses had shown roundshot from a four pounder cannon was unable to penetrate their thick hide and scales even at a moderately close range.
While my mana detonation spell would cause the roundshot shrapnel to have enough force to kill the Wyvern, it was unreliable and far too expensive in terms of mana to be cast more than once in a battle. So at the moment I was actually incapable of handling a moderately-sized Wyvern Knight assault. Anything more than two or three Knights would overwhelm me.
I did have a few ideas on how to improve the armour penetration ability of my cannons, but I needed more time to test and deploy such innovations... if they would work at all. I also wanted to expand my armoury. I wanted to begin work on both a prototype one pounder cannon for general deployment in most of my 'Guard' company squads and a twelve pounder to be used by my 'Artillery' companies.
As I mused about my inventory of guns, I felt the frustration that had built up over the course of the meeting with Zorzal, a man who was meant to represent the very best military capabilities of Sadera, dissipate... but then he had to ruin it by opening his mouth again.
"I won't hear more of your lies," Zorzal said at last. "I will give you one last chance. I will ensure no harm comes to your people, I will make you my concubine, and this war will be over!" Zorzal snapped.
Just then Rory let out a gasp as she struggled to draw in breaths with how intense her laughter became.
"What are you laughing at?!" Zorzal shouted at the woman, who was leaning on her halberd as tears of myrrh ran down her cheeks.
"I-It's just, oh, you offered Tyuule the same deal," Rory Mercury said with a snicker.
It was as if the temperature suddenly dropped ten degrees. A stillness fell over the people around us; a deadly silence that was broken only by more of Rory's giggles.
"What do you mean, wench?!"
"Heh, you told her that you would end the war, that her people would be a vassal, and she actually believed you!"I schooled my expression and began to walk towards the upturned table.
"Wh-Who's side are you on? Why are you telling such lies!?" He shouted as Rory grinned at the man.
"Tyuule told me. I was so curious I thought 'why is she letting this happen to her?' So I went and asked her, and can you believe that she thought you were actually a man of your word?" She giggled hard enough to let out a snort before blushing and covering her face "Excuse me."
I knelt down and collected the written treaty of Kontia off the floor, straightened out the documents into a neat bundle, and got to my feet. "I believe," I said with barely controlled rage at what that man had done. "That if we continue these negotiations at the moment, our emotions might get the better of us. In light of the current revelations," I glanced back at my subordinates and saw the murderous expressions on their faces - it was a miracle that none had decided to throw themselves at Zorzal - "I shall insist upon your total surrender." I approached one of Zorzal's men, a tall, armoured Centurion with flares on his uniform I did not recognise.
"She is just a madwo-" Zorzal attempted.
"That is quite enough." I said with a glare at the man. To punctuate my words, I thrust the documents into the armoured chest of the man, making him stagger back slightly as he grasped the papers. "We will reconvene in four hours after you have read and discussed the terms I have presented. Your request that we surrender is denied."
"We are not done here!" Zorzal shouted.
"No," I agreed. "We are not. Be ready to surrender to us in four hours." With that, I turned away from him and made my way back to the defensive line.
"What are you doing?!" came an irritated shout from Zorzal. I glanced back to see a giddy-looking Rory skipping along behind me. "Are you siding with them?"
"Oh I don't think I should tell you this, but," Rory turned about on a heel and cocked her head to the side. "I am not meant to side with either of you actually! Perhaps things might have been different if you had abided by your word with Tyuule but, ehhh, Emroy is not very impressed with you," Rory added with a fake whisper. "Not that the funny bunnies have impressed him either, honestly. But at least they are taking this seriously." A wag of her finger underscored the statement.
"You can't jus-"
"See you!" Rory finished with a cheerful wave.
I sighed and turned away from the raging man, as he began to rant at our backs. I did not have the patience to deal with the idiosyncrasies of the Apostle of Emroy right now, nor would my subordinates tolerate me dismissing her. Nothing about this meeting had gone as planned.
What a disappointment.
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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1y7tEZMc7Y8YPrLarTyCkECjkbkKUJWuHtSBAwgb9lJk/edit?tab=t.0
Comments
Issac Norman
Now we wait for how bad Zorzal is going to be mauled by the funny bunnies.
Hamers
I agree. I like Tanya and the others learning what haplened to Tyuule. That she did negotiate a serrender for vasselship, something tanya would atleast consider herself, but was betrayed, Tyuule atleast did try to save her people and do the right thing when she realized defeat was inevitible. And Tanya immedistely was like 'F this. If you arent trustworthy with anything you offer, surrender or be defeated.'
Tony
While, this do seems to clear Tyuule reputation a bit, she simply fucked it up so bad that I don't think the general population would accept her, she proved to be a failed leader, getting so many of her people killed, and ending as the Fools prince sex toy. Not to mention that she really seems to hate and blame Tanya, someone that most of the Lepus seem to worship.
