SanPenguino
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An Aztec Magical Girl Adventure - Preview
🕑 Added 2025-06-14 22:52:30 +0000 UTCFirst draft of part 1, about Selena meeting Quetzalcoatl. If you'd like, please give it a read and give me your feedback. It's a Word .doc file, you should also be able to open it on Wordpad if you don't have Word. I can upload it as a PDF if needed.
I wrote this in small pieces over two and a half months - I gave it a once over to make sure it flowed together and didn't repeat itself, but if there are places where I didn't catch it let me know.
Notes so far:
I wanted this chapter to introduce us to Selena, and show us that things aren't going exactly great for her, but she dreams big. The narration is third person but follows her point of view, so generally doesn't explain things she doesn't understand, or describe things she's not present for.
Also wanted to introduce some other characters - Lyta, Sunny, Stacey, Raven, and Alyssa (and Quetzalcoatl). I think Sunny is OK. Raven's intro is purposefully vague and disjointed, because all the supernatural things are, we'll meet her more formally in part 2.
I was planning a scene with Stacey (the Mexican cable photoshoot) but this part is already too long. So we just hear about her as a concept and see her photos around, see if you think that's strong enough.
On the other hand, I feel like I may have over-described Lyta; it's a description of her growing up with Selena so I guess can parcel it out with flashbacks or conversations instead. Lyta can't appear in person here because she can explain what's going on and we can't have that yet. See what you think.
We're going to hear about Alyssa for a while before we meet her; she is an actual successful A-list actress so this is fairly realistic.
The prologue with Hernan Cortes and Bernal Diaz at the fall of Tenochtitlan is necessary to the plot.
Spanish punctuation isn't all there, I am aware and will fix it later.
Enjoy,
-D
Comments
San Penguino
I'll do another pass for punctuation and sentence structure (and all things technical), I try to just get everything down on the first go and then cut it up and move it around a little on the first pass, and that's where we are right now. At this point I want to make sure the story and characters are working and everything is flowing OK, doesn't bog down too much anywhere, personal drama vs Aztec Snake Activity balance is fine, etc.
Andy Mayer
Great work so far, though it could use less commas in inappropriate places.
